Worrying that your wife is cheating on you can be very disturbing, so you want to find out the truth as soon as possible. Sometimes it's hard to recognize the signs of cheating, especially if you're jealous. If you are concerned about the fate of your marriage, observe your wife's behavior and appearance for any suspicious changes. Pay attention to his activities outside the home, his behavior at home, and changes in his appearance.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Recognizing Changes in His Activities Outside the Home
Step 1. See if he goes without you more often now
It's healthy to enjoy some alone time without a partner once in a while, but it's worth worrying about if your wife seems to prefer going without you, especially if she prefers activities with other people over dating you. Notice if he starts going out alone or with friends a few times a week. There's a chance that he met someone else.
- Both wife and husband are perfectly allowed to enjoy time without the other, it is normal and healthy. Don't assume that your wife's desire to go out with her girlfriends or hang out after work is a sign that she has an affair.
- If your wife uses social media a lot, check her profile the night she goes out. If he posted a photo of his show that night, maybe he was being honest.
Step 2. Notice if he is unreachable for some time
If he suddenly doesn't answer the phone and responds to your messages, you may be suspicious. Notice if you don't get a reply a few times a week, and watch around what time it happens. When he's giving reasons, ask him a few questions to check if the story has changed and consider whether his reasons make sense.
For example, usually your wife texts back when she's at work, but not lately. Talk about what happened. Maybe he's busy working on a big project, but there's also a chance he's with someone else or prioritizing someone else's message
Step 3. Observe changes in the story or details that don't match
Get used to talking about the day. Listen to what he has to say and pay attention to any inconsistencies or details that don't make sense. If something goes wrong, ask to see if the story changes.
- For example, he said he had lunch with a female co-worker today, but then complained that the same co-worker was out all week. This is something to watch out for. Likewise, if he said he was late because he had to stop by the laundry, but didn't bring any clothes home, he could be lying.
- As a bonus, talking about daily activities with your wife is great for relationships.
Step 4. Listen carefully if he starts talking about a new friend
There is a natural urge in anyone to talk about a new relationship. If your wife is having an affair, she may often talk about her affair even though she tries to keep the relationship a secret. Notice if he talks a lot about new people, whether male or female. It could be a sign that their relationship is more than just friends.
- For example, your wife suddenly often starts telling stories about her new co-worker named Mario. It's possible he has a special relationship or is interested in this Mario.
- Before concluding, think about how your wife usually talks about her friends. Maybe he's just excited about making new friends.
Tip:
Try scheduling an outing together so you can get to know this person. Maybe it turns out that their relationship is normal. On the other hand, if your wife rejects the plan or becomes defensive, it's a sign that something is up.
Step 5. Pay attention to how often he works or travels on business
Long and frequent business trips are normal, but your wife could use work to cover up the affair. Observe unreasonable changes in his work schedule, and talk about what he's working on. Also, pay attention to whether his hours are getting longer without an increase in salary, or whether he has new responsibilities that don't fit his position.
- For example, your wife's normal working hours are 40 hours from Monday to Friday, but suddenly she has to work late or work on weekends. Ask about his current project to check if the extra hours make sense, and check the accounts to see if the overtime is being paid.
- Remember that your wife may be pursuing a career. If he just got a promotion or hopes to be promoted, he may be working hard and needing to work overtime. Don't assume he's lying.
Step 6. Check how much money he spends when he goes out
If he cheats on you, the expenses may be more or less than normal. He may spend more money on special clothes or underwear, hotel rooms, or food and drink. However, the expenses may be reduced if the mistress pays for their date. Check accounts and credit card bills to see if there's anything unusual about the spending.
- For example, you might see more shopping bills, hotel rooms, or large cash withdrawals.
- Likewise, if he claims to be out with his friends every Saturday night, but isn't spending any money at all, it's possible he's dating.
Method 2 of 3: Noticing Changes at Home
Step 1. Notice if he starts complaining about you or your relationship
He may start pointing out your flaws or revealing problems he feels in the relationship. The reason may be that he is unhappy, or it could be that he is trying to find excuses to justify his affair. Either way, you should pay attention and talk about the matter. Ask what's bothering him, and discuss ways to improve the relationship.
For example, he might say, “I'm sick, tired, I just come home like a broken ship”, “You never listen to me”, or “We never have fun together anymore”. Respond with questions like, “How can we keep this house clean?”, “How can you tell if I'm listening?”, or “How about we go out on a date tonight?” This way, you can respond to the problem in hopes of improving the relationship
Warning:
If none of your efforts make him happy, it's a sign that he's just finding fault with you to justify his affair.
Step 2. Observe the change in his sex drive
He may want more sex, less sex, or a different kind of sex game. Think about whether he's asking you out more often, but doesn't seem to be enjoying your company that much. Similarly, notice if his passion suddenly wears off and he starts to reject you. Also, watch for sudden interest in role playing or other sex games.
- Your wife may want sex more if she feels guilty about having an affair, or is in an emotional affair that makes her want sexual gratification.
- He may not want to make love if his new lover has met his needs.
- He may want a different sex game if he wants to pretend he has a new girlfriend.
Warning:
Remember that these changes may have honest explanations. For example, your wife may want to have sex more often if she is well rested or is happy, or less sex if she is very busy or insecure. Similarly, he may want to spice up the relationship with sex games. So don't assume.
Step 3. Notice if the emotional intimacy between the two of you has diminished
He may no longer share details of his life with you, which is a sign that something is wrong. If he doesn't come to you to talk about daily activities, problems, emotions, or anything else that interests him, there's a good chance he's telling someone else about it. Talk to him to find out what happened.
For example, he seems to be closing himself off from you. Tell him, "I noticed you're getting quiet now. Let's talk about how you've been feeling lately."
Step 4. Watch out if your wife suddenly wants more privacy
If she cheated on him, he had to keep it a secret. The trick, he keeps cell phones, bags, computers, and bills away from you. If he suddenly hides things from you or gets defensive when you ask questions, he could be hiding an affair.
For example, you notice that all of his electronic devices have new passwords. Additionally, he or she begins to hide credit card or phone bills, and may have a new, undisclosed credit card
Step 5. Notice if he gets busier with his phone
He could be calling or texting a new partner. Notice if he seems to be texting a certain person more often, especially if he doesn't want to tell who it is. Also observe if he usually stays away when he gets a call.
- Watch how he reacts to incoming calls or messages. For example, if he smiles widely or is overjoyed, it may be that the person on the other end is his mistress.
- If both of your phones are on a family plan, check the bill to see if anything is out of place. For example, he calls or texts the same person every day.
Method 3 of 3: Observing His Appearance
Step 1. See if he's exercising more often
While it may be that he wants to be healthier for personal reasons, there is also the possibility that he is exercising for the sake of a new lover. Observe the big changes in her appearance, as well as the long hours at the gym. It could be a sign that he is having an affair.
Don't assume that your wife is cheating on you just because she works out a lot. Maybe he just wants to feel and look better, or he just wants to impress you
Tip:
Ask him if he'd like to work out together. If the reason is health, he will definitely like your support.
Step 2. See if she has any new clothes
While it's possible that she just wants to please herself, your wife might buy new clothes to impress her boyfriend, especially if he's buying sexy clothes you've never seen before. See if he brought a new shirt home or you see a purchase statement in the bank statement or credit card bill. If there's anything you're worried about, talk to him about wanting to buy this new shirt.
- Say, “I noticed you bought a lot of new clothes lately. Any special reasons?” Then, listen to the answer.
- Remember, maybe she just wants new clothes because she likes a new trend or she has lost or gained weight. Don't assume he's having an affair.
Step 3. Observe if she has a new haircut or if she starts to dress up a lot
It's a woman's way of improving her appearance, sometimes driven by a desire to impress a new lover. However, she may change her make-up and hairstyle for her own sake. Notice if she dresses up in a special way when she's out without you.
It's a good idea to consider what is going on in your wife's life. If his appearance had been modest for the past few years due to busy taking care of the children, but now that he had more free time, it was possible that he paid more attention to his appearance because it made him happy
Step 4. Notice if the body smells like cologne, not the usual scent
Her body smelled cologne because maybe she had spent time with a new lover. If you notice a change in your wife's scent, ask. If he doesn't have a plausible explanation, it might just be a sign he's having an affair.
Don't assume that one incident with someone else's scent is a sign that he's having an affair. For example, maybe a coworker is using too much cologne
Tips
- Remember that your wife may be behaving this way as part of her desire to improve, not because she is having an affair. Don't assume the worst as that can create friction between the two of you.
- If you think he's having an affair, it's best to talk about it.
