Without assuming too much or following common sense, it's safe to say that many wives don't feel as loved as they want them to be. Maybe these wives lack love, but it could also be that their partners don't really understand how to express love. If you want to make your wife feel loved, display attitudes and actions that show that you know, love, prioritize, and are willing to do whatever it takes to make her feel beautiful, valued, and heard.
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Method 1 of 3: Loving Her by Knowing Her (and Yourself)
Step 1. Listen to the advice given but rely on your instincts
There are thousands of websites that offer advice on how to make this special woman in your life feel beautiful, valued, and loved. Remember that you are not trying to make just any woman feel loved, but are trying to please the unique woman in this world, your wife.
- Some women want to be flooded with gifts, while others are more than happy to see you save money by shopping smartly. Some women like to be treated like princesses, while others like to be treated equally. Use the advice in this article as a guide, don't swallow it whole.
- Please also note that this article is likely to be read by husbands who want to make their wives feel more loved. Therefore, some generalizations regarding roles in marriage and gender issues will be discussed in the steps of this article. However, it is best if you apply the advice in accordance with the circumstances of your marriage.
Step 2. Show him that you are the one who knows him best
You may have come across a lot of suggestions that mention bringing her a bouquet of flowers, but you know that she actually prefers to be brought her a delicious cheesecake. As his partner, you (hopefully) know him better than anyone else, and one of the best ways to make him feel loved is to prove this point.
- Dr. John Gottman, a well-known figure in this field, once discussed "enhancing your love map". Basically, this means getting to know each other's world (life history, current anxieties, hopes and dreams, and so on) and using this knowledge to strengthen the bonds of your relationship. If your map of your wife's world is a little lacking in detail, try to be more open and more interested in listening and learning about her. You can get helpful suggestions from other sections of this article on how to do that.
- Try to remember what activities and experiences made your wife very happy. If necessary, record them all. If he likes fun experiences, make this a priority. If he's happy just sitting on the couch and spending time with you at night, keep that in mind and go for it.
- Perhaps you know your wife better than she knows herself in some ways. So, don't always obey his words or orders to make him feel loved. Try to listen, observe, learn, observe your life story together, and do what you know will make him feel loved.
Step 3. Speak the language
The concept of "five love languages") is well known when it comes to love problems and their solutions. Often times, it seems that the problem is not that you (the partner) are not trying to show love, but your attitude when expressing it (your "language".) which is translated differently by your wife.
- According to this concept, the five love languages are: words of affirmation; the act of serving; receive gifts; share quality time; and physical touch. The theory is that in essence each party receives love through one of these five languages. For example, a wife who "speaks" in the language of quality time feels more loved by having a picnic in the park than you cleaning her car (the act of serving) or buying her flowers (receiving a gift).
- Therefore, you should pay attention to the unique stories, experiences, and bonds with your wife. Think about what kind of expression of love she likes the most, and focus on your wife's love language. Even if you don't really believe that we all fit into one of the five "love languages" categories, it can help you to carefully analyze what kinds of expressions of love are most effective for your wife.
Method 2 of 3: Doing the Act of Loving
Step 1. Do small things
Big things like surprising her with a trip to Paris, giving her the kitchen of her dreams, buying her a diamond necklace do indeed have a big enough impact in showing love. You could say these big things are like a shot of "love adrenaline." For everyday life, small things that are done to show love and appreciation to your wife can provide stable energy to maintain the love between you for a long time.
- Can you make her feel loved by taking out the trash without being asked, volunteering to take the kids to soccer practice, or washing the dishes before she has a chance to touch them? You'd be surprised how small things like this can have such a big impact on your relationship.
- Show that you think about it. Leave a sweet message in the morning. Send him a word of encouragement before he gives an important presentation at the office. Don't just remember her birthday, but try to remember her mother's birthday too. You can make her feel truly loved by letting her know that the person she loves is thinking of her.
Step 2. Surprise him
That's right, he meant a trip to Paris and a diamond necklace to make her feel loved. However, this surprise does not need to be big, even a small surprise can make him feel happy and loved.
- Take him spontaneously for a romantic dinner at a restaurant. Make reservations at a good restaurant, buy tickets to a sweet show, and ask her out. Put earrings that match his taste on his pillow. Once in a while do something that makes him lulled.
- If your wife is the type of person who likes "quality time," try to make time for her. Once in a while try to get home from work early to be with him. Then take him for a walk, make dinner together, or do any other activity that comes to mind. It's true that there are tons of errands at work and at home that you should be doing, but try to "relax" a little so that you can spend some quality time with your wife.
Step 3. Make her feel beautiful
All women (and men, of course) love to feel attractive in the presence of the people they love. Never assume your wife knows that you find her as beautiful as when you married her. Tell him directly and do it often.
- Don't get caught looking at other women because it can send a bad message to your wife. Try to get caught often admiring him. Let him feel your eyes are busy staring at him when he's trying on new clothes, or when he's wet with sweat. If the timing is right (perhaps not in public either) and you know your wife will appreciate it, try to be bold and whistle or tease her.
- Never compare her negatively to other women's looks, or to her own old photos. He knew that over time, some parts of his body had changed. Let her know that in your eyes, she always looks beautiful.
Step 4. Make him feel prioritized through your actions
Maybe in some areas, the concept of "women and children first" is outdated. However, prioritizing the wife's needs is not an outdated concept. Try your best to lighten the load. No one said love is easy, love requires effort and sacrifice.
- There are some women who like "old man gentleman" attitudes such as holding the door when he enters or pulling a chair to invite him to sit. But there are also some who are not impressed by this attitude. What is clear, a person's attitude shows concern, respect, and affection. It depends on how you show your efforts. Don't pick up his groceries or refuel his car (if you're outside Indonesia) because you don't think he can do it. Do these things to make the day go by more easily. Do this with a smile, not with a sigh that comes out of your mouth.
- Especially if your wife's "love language" is "serving," try to prioritize her needs and comforts as this can be effective for your relationship. Maybe your wife will admire you too and find it easier to feel loved by someone you admire.
Method 3 of 3: Creating a Loving Environment
Step 1. Listen to him, and try to really listen
Not all women are the same, but it's probably safe for you to assume that your wife will sometimes want to sit down and let out all the complaints, stories, gossip, thoughts, questions, and wants you to listen to her.
- Dr. John Gottman advises couples to "face each other," and this is a good first step towards truly listening. Try to look at your wife when she wants to talk. Maintain eye contact. Turn off the television. Keep your cell phone away. Try to talk less and listen more, unless your wife is waiting for a response from you. It's always nice to know that someone is genuinely interested in what we have to say, even if what we want to say may be very mundane or ridiculous.
- Try to listen without trying to make things right. Sometimes your wife, just like anyone else, just wants to be heard. For example, he wants to get out loud and find a solution to a problem with his co-workers and needs someone to support him. Not that he wants you to call his office to "set things up." Being considerate is often the best way to be supportive, which is critical to solving problems that come from inside and outside the marriage.
Step 2. Try to be strong enough to appear fragile and willing to be helped
Many women with "maternal instincts" want to help their introverted husband if he wants to open up. This may not be what you are experiencing, but there is a possibility that your marriage will be like this. If so, try not to hold yourself back and be willing to open up so that your wife can come into your life that makes her feel loved by you.
- If he wants to take care of you when you're sick, let him do it (without taking advantage of it). If he wants to know how you felt when your mother just died, open up and tell him how you feel. Let him be your strength, just as you are his strength. Don't be afraid to cry because actually crying is a sign of strength, not weakness.
- Try to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Your wife didn't marry you because you were perfect. He didn't always want a knight in shiny armor. Sometimes he wants you to take off the armor. Show the real you and believe that this can make him feel loved.
Step 3. Be an example to your children
If you have children, chances are he will be the center of your wife's life. Without dwelling on the fickle concept of the "perfect parent," being affectionate, caring, and involved in the children's lives is one of the best ways to show love to your partner.
- Look at the kids as extensions of your wife, because that's pretty much how it is. In fact, children are actually an extension of the two of you, which binds you together. Make the children feel loved, and your wife will feel it too. Try to act like a good father.
- Show the children how much you value their mother so they will appreciate her too. Praise your wife in front of the children. Treat him with respect. Tell her she's beautiful and gift your wife in front of the kids, or ask them to help you do it.
Step 4. Say "I love you" sincerely
These three words can make anyone feel loved. If your wife's primary love language is "words of affirmation," these words become even more important.
- Saying "I love you" before leaving for work is usually appreciated by your wife. However, don't forget to stop and look him in the eye as you do so.
- Say these three words when you are happy, sad, frustrated, when things are good and when things are not good. Let him know that your love for him is one of the few constants in his life.
Tips
- Try to be honest.
- Kiss him even though he's not expecting it.
- Don't expect your love expression to always be reciprocated by him. Give this love unconditionally.
