Sometimes it can be hard to convince your parents to let you do something, let alone something they don't like. While you may understand why they disagree, sometimes it feels like you deserve more freedom and trust from your parents. Prepare your argument, and hopefully you will get the freedom you desire!
Step
Part 1 of 3: Get Ready to Negotiate
Step 1. Find more information about the thing you want
Make sure you really understand what you want, so you can answer questions from your parents. You can try writing a short list that can help you remember the details. Explaining these things is very important to help you get what you want. Also, if you are willing and able, consider paying a portion of the price of the item you want.
- If you want to have a dog, find out how difficult it is to take care of one and how much it will cost. In addition to the equipment needed to raise a dog, find out about the "advantages" of owning a dog and why having a dog can be a good idea for you and your family.
- Ignoring the "lack" of the thing you want isn't going to help you, because chances are your parents will have a problem with this, and without time to prepare an argument, this shortcoming will cost you a lot. To avoid this, make sure you've researched the flaws of what you want, so that you have time to work on them.
Step 2. Make sure that you have a trusted source
Your parents will be more considerate of what you want if they have basic information about what you want. The more they get to know it, the more likely they are to say “yes” because it no longer seems “scary” or “risky” to them. In addition, you can also quote from the sources you used to find information about the thing you want, so your parents can go directly to the site to find out more.
- For example, if you want to stay at your friend's house, make sure your parents have your friend's phone number, know your friend's parents, and know the address.
- If you want to get your body pierced or tattooed, look up websites for both of these, or look up the phone numbers for some places to get your tattoos or piercings done. If the friend you're staying with also knows some places to get tattoos, this will help you too.
Step 3. Write a list of your main arguments
If you're having a fight with your parents, it's easy to forget important points that you really wanted to say. Write down three or four main things you would say to convince your parents. Repeat several times during the discussion, stressing the points, and making sure that the main points are thoroughly discussed before you have to make unimportant arguments like, "But I want to!"
If you want a pet, it's easy for you to find points that support your desire. For example, say that pets can be an opportunity to strengthen your family ties, people who take care of animals usually live longer, playing with animals can be a sport, and caring for animals teaches you about responsibility. What's the harm?
Step 4. Be prepared for questions like, “Is your room clean?
“To consider whether you deserve what you want, or sometimes just so they can avoid an argument, parents usually ask if their children have done their job before. Get ready for this by cleaning your room, bathroom, living room, etc., as well as doing your homework, eating vegetables-whatever your parents usually demand. Not only will this act to avoid accusations from your parents, but it can also make you appear responsible.
Doing this for a few days or weeks in advance is a good idea. Otherwise, when they ask if your room is clean and you say yes, they can just as easily reply with, "That's a hell of a lot." So, you may need to do this for quite a while to get them convinced
Part 2 of 3: Convincing Your Parents
Step 1. Choose the right time to talk about it
Choose a time when your parents seem relaxed and don't mind chatting. Don't ask for anything when your parents seem stressed or tired, as they can easily get irritated. Usually, family dinner time is a safe choice.
- However, if your parents seem stressed, this might actually be a good time to ask for a pet. You could say that people who have pets tend to be less stressed, have lower blood pressure, and are less prone to depression.
- If you haven't finished something they asked you to, such as housework or homework, this isn't a good time to ask for something either. This is another reason for them to turn you down, so make sure that you've completed your assignment.
Step 2. Speak calmly
If you whine or get angry, your parents will think you're not old enough to get what you want. They will either finish the conversation until you calm down, or say that the way you talk shows that you are not ready. You definitely want to avoid both of these, right?
Even if you don't end up getting what you get, being mature during the discussion can work in your favor. Your parents will think, "Maybe our kids are all grown up now." You want them to consider your request further, so that the next time you ask them, they may be more open
Step 3. Tell them about the benefits they can get themselves
Often parents refuse simply because what you are asking is bothering them, either because it costs them money or time, or both. Since you are most likely asking them to do something for you, emphasize how this can also benefit them. Both parties will benefit, so why not?
- If you ask for a cell phone, make it clear that they will be able to use your cell phone to contact you. If you want, you can even discuss what penalties you will receive if you don't answer their calls; maybe your phone will be confiscated?
- If you ask for an extended curfew, emphasize that this means they will have more time to themselves. You could also say that the extra curfew only applies if someone else is driving you home, so your parents don't have to bother picking you up at night.
Step 4. Give them time to think about your request
Don't force them to answer right away. Tell them that you will be asking them for answers again in the hours or days after that, as well as answering any questions or concerns that are on their mind. Give the impression that you are willing to discuss with adults and deal with any problems that may arise. If you put it that way, you're sure to impress them on how good your argument is.
We recommend that you take a special time to discuss. That way, they can't help but say, "Oh, we haven't talked about it yet," and you won't have to bother trying to talk about it another time. Just say a specific time, like next week at dinner, just to be sure
Step 5. Compromise
Discuss an agreement that makes both parties happy. For example, offer to pay for some of your cell phone credit or do more house cleaning instead. Make sure that they also benefit. After all, in the end they will also help work on some of it, whatever the deal.
- For example, if you want a dog, discuss a compromise about who will take him for walks, feed him, open his crate, etc., as well as who will pay for him and the fees for the vet. The responsibility doesn't end when the dog (or cell phone) is bought, and this is usually a parental concern.
- Put forward the terms that will apply if you don't live up to your agreement. For example, if you forget to open Fluffy's cage several times, you won't be able to go out on Friday nights, or your pocket money will be reduced. This will show that you are serious and willing to make your own sacrifices.
Step 6. Write down your reasons
If you can write an essay about what you want, this will be very helpful. An essay like this is called a persuasive essay. The structure is like this:
- Principal sentence. Connecting sentence. Main idea (or thesis statement).
- First principal sentence. Specific evidence: evidence of why you want this. Explanation of your evidence: what did the examples mean to your parents? Connecting sentence.
- Second main sentence. Second specific evidence. Explanation of evidence. Connecting sentence.
- This main sentence explains the other side of the thing you are discussing. The specific evidence here suggests that your main sentence is wrong. Explanation of evidence. Connecting sentence.
- The fourth main sentence can explain the other side again, or it can be omitted. Fourth specific evidence. Explanation of evidence. Connecting sentence.
- Introduction to conclusions. Closing on your main idea. Closing sentences that both repeat and emphasize your main idea.
- If you write this correctly, your chances of getting what you want will be greater.
Part 3 of 3: Responding to Rejection
Step 1. Ask why they said no
You can always ask them the reasons why they won't let you do what you want. Sometimes they will give reasons that make sense, or sometimes their reasons don't make sense. As long as you ask maturely, most parents will be willing to explain their reasons to you. Ask what their concerns are and try to address them. If you have a compelling argument, they may change their mind.
If you can figure out why they're refusing, you'll be able to figure out how to get rid of that factor or explain it in a way that will get them to agree. For example, if you are not allowed to have a cell phone because they think you are not mature enough, then show them how mature you are. Identifying their reasons will make it easier for you to get to the heart of the problem
Step 2. Be more mature and responsible
Parents can use your behavior history as a consideration. Try to start getting good grades (if you haven't already), help tidy up the house without being asked, and don't get into trouble. Make sure they know that you are responsible enough to get or do what you want.
As mentioned earlier, sometimes it will take you some time. Doing well for a few days may not be very convincing, but if you can do it for a few weeks, it's definitely better. If you remain patient and diligent, they may see this as proof that you are ready for this new responsibility
Step 3. Be nice to them even if they refuse
Don't be overtly upset. Just be nice and normal. They may look like they don't care, but it actually makes them happy, and in the long run, it can help you.
Apart from this, this kind attitude can also make them feel a little guilty, which is certainly not a bad thing in this situation. The better your attitude, the less bad they will feel for rejecting you, which may prompt them to change their mind
Step 4. Write a letter
Sometimes, parents respond better if the argument is written down. Write a persuasive and convincing letter explaining to your parents why you deserve what you want. It will look professional, and your parents will be amazed at how you react to it.
Make sure that the letter is neatly handwritten. They will see the hard work you put into making it, and how much this means to you. It's also a good idea to show what kind of hard work you're willing to do next. If you're so serious about writing letters, maybe you'll take Fluffy very seriously in the future, too
Step 5. Change your strategy
If one way to persuade doesn't work, use another argument. Do not use the same material over and over again. Show that you have many reasons why you should get what you want.
For example, suppose you want a cell phone, and you start with the argument that it can give you a sense of security; if you are in trouble, you can contact your parents directly. This argument didn't work, so now you need to find another argument. You can talk about how you need your phone to make friends at school, get a job, or even about current discounts. What do you think could work?
Step 6. Leave it alone
Sometimes all you need is to let the decision be that way for a while. Just say, "Okay, thanks for discussing it with me." You can try again next time. Continue to show that you are responsible and your parents may change their mind. After all, you will grow up every day.
You can discuss it again at a later time, but don't rush. If your parents say you two will talk about it again after Christmas, for example, wait until about a week after Christmas. Respect their wishes, and they will be more motivated to honor (and grant) yours
Step 7. Lower your expectations
If you want a dog and they say no because it's too big and expensive, don't worry. If they won't let you buy a German Shepherd, ask for a goldfish, or hamster, which is something small and easy to care for. Who knows you might even like the fish.
Tips
- Remember that parents want their children to be safe, and all parents have their own values and views on the things you want to do.
- Do things your parents don't expect from you. This will make them think that you deserve to be rewarded for doing something great. For example: “Since you've been getting good grades lately, here's extra pocket money.” "Mom, I don't need the money, but can I go see a movie with friends next Friday?"
- Give them time to think about it. Don't keep asking, "How, what have you thought?"
- If what you want is an activity that can involve the whole family, invite them too. Parents like to be involved and spend time with you.
- Don't ask every day, ask only when your parents are in a good mood. If your parents want to see what you want to do, show it. For example, if you want a dog and your friend has one, try asking your friend if you can walk the dog.
- Don't throw a tantrum, but you can sound disappointed, but then come back looking happy to show your maturity. If you act happy right away, they'll be more likely to reject you because they think you don't really care.
- If what you want is really important, do it first without asking for permission, then apologize later. This is only for emergency situations, such as taking a walk with a friend before your friend moves abroad.
- If your parents say: “Who is going to walk the dog? You? Fine, then you should take her out for walks every morning and night. Even if you have to go to school.”
Don't say something like: “Um… Maybe not in the morning…” They'll reply: “See, you haven't been responsible enough.”
- Don't beg too much, or don't beg at all, as this will encourage them to say no.
- Speak calmly and firmly.
- After you ask your parents, you must be patient in waiting for an answer.
Warning
- If they say no, don't do it in secret. Sooner or later they will find out, and they will not trust you anymore.
- Don't fight; This will only reduce your chances of getting what you want. Just act like an adult, so your parents don't think you're spoiled or something.
- DON'T CONTINUE TO DISTURB THEM! If you keep asking your parents about it, they may end up getting upset and punishing you.
- Do not exaggerate. Parents won't believe you if you offer to paint the house.
- If they refuse, don't complain! Just ask why, and try to politely explain why their views are wrong. For example, if you want a pet and they think they will have to take care of it later, show them how much you want them and how you will care for them!
- Don't assume that you will get what you want or that you can tire your parents out and give up. You will gain greater trust if you respect them.
