Living life as a teenager is not easy. Pressure comes and goes relentlessly, whether from school, family, workplace, peers, hormones, and so on. As a result, adolescence can be one of the most difficult phases in life: you may feel pressured by your parents' attitudes, feel you have no choice in life, have difficult relationships with friends or partners, and feel uncertain about the future (e.g. decide whether to continue their education to college or not). Fortunately, there are several ways you can apply to manage all the complexities of adolescence, including your emotional instability.
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Method 1 of 5: Calming Yourself
Step 1. Work out hard
One way to deal with anger is to vent it to things that are positive and beneficial to you. Get rid of all negative energy by running a marathon or lifting weights at the gym. Exercising hard can really help to defuse anger and manage its triggers.
Listen to fast-paced music; Fast tempo music can get you pumping again whenever you feel tired
Step 2. Tell your condition to a friend or partner
In many cases, even the simple act of telling a story can defuse your anger, even if no solution is found afterwards.
You may find that your best friend or partner is also experiencing the same problem. Trust me, knowing that you are not alone can really help improve your mood
Step 3. Take a deep breath
Whenever you feel angry, calm yourself down by taking deep breaths. This will help your body release any trapped tension.
- Inhale deeply for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, then exhale for a count of four.
- Make sure you breathe with your diaphragm, not your chest. When you breathe using your diaphragm, you will feel your stomach expand (like it's filled with air).
- Repeat this process until you feel calmer.
Step 4. Take a walk outside
If you can escape for a moment from a situation that makes you angry, don't hesitate to do so. This can help calm you down more quickly. Taking a walk outside while breathing fresh air is a very powerful “medicine” to calm yourself down.
- If you feel very angry when you're in class but aren't allowed to leave, try asking your teacher for permission to go to the toilet. If it's still not allowed, explain calmly that there's a situation that makes you very angry, and you'd appreciate it if he would allow you to cool off for a while outside of class.
- If you really can't get out of the situation, try imagining yourself getting out of the situation. Imagine you are on vacation to your favorite place. As much as possible, imagine all the sights, sounds, and smells that exist in that place; clear your imagination.
Step 5. Think of something funny and fun
While this advice is easier said than applied, laughter has proven to be very effective in changing a person's emotional state. Imagine ridiculous situations that can make you laugh and laugh until your anger subsides.
Step 6. Count to ten
If you feel like getting angry, always remember that you don't have to react right away. Count to ten and see if you still feel angry afterward. Tell yourself that if after the count of ten your anger has not gone away, you will let it show itself. Counting to ten can help suppress your emotions for a while.
You may feel stupid when you do it, but counting to ten can distract and calm your mind for a long period of time
Step 7. Learn to understand the other person's perspective
If someone upsets you, try to consider things from their perspective as much as possible. Ask yourself did he do it on purpose? Did the situation force him to do so? Or does he have a particular reason for doing it? So have you ever made a similar mistake? Anger is prone to arise if you fail or have trouble understanding the other person's perspective; mainly because humans tend to ignore the influence of situations on other people's behavior (which is also called fundamental attribution error).
If you're willing to understand his perspective, you'll likely realize that other people can make mistakes too (just as you can). Chances are you will also notice that the mistake was done accidentally or with some bad intention. Understanding it can ease your anger
Step 8. Replace the thoughts that trigger your anger with more productive thoughts
Cognitive restructuring techniques can help you replace outdated and useless thoughts with more positive ones and can help you function better throughout the day. Anger can turn your mind upside down and make you overestimate things. Be careful, your anger can get even more out of control because of it.
- For example, you must be annoyed if your motorcycle tire goes flat on the way to school. Uncontrolled anger can stem from thoughts like, “This damn motorcycle tire is flat again! Totally ruined the day! Everything that happens at school will be just as annoying and ruin my day even more!”
- Reject and change those negative thoughts! There are no "always" and "never" in life; everything is going on full of uncertainty. Today your tire is flat. You can't control the incident because there could be sharp gravel or broken glass that can make your motorcycle tire go flat. Today is flat, doesn't mean tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and so on will always be flat, right?
- Use your reason before your body reacts out of control. Before your mind is taken over by anger, calm yourself down.
- Reject your negative thoughts by asking, “How could a whole day be messed up just because my motorcycle tire went flat?”, “Despite my discomfort this morning, is there anything interesting that might happen for the rest of the day?”, “Last time I experienced something terrible. bad, will I be able to forget it sooner or later and go back to living?"
Step 9. Try to find the best solution
Thus, you have done whatever you can to resolve the issue. Find out how you feel about the situation. Once you know that, express your feelings in a productive way.
- Maybe you just need to accept the fact that right now, your problem has no solution. You may not be able to control the problem, but you can definitely control how you react to it.
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Maybe you feel angry with your parents because they won't let you go to the concert. It's natural to feel angry. But it would be more productive if you wanted to calmly convey your anger to your parents, and invite them to find a solution together. Try saying this to yourself:
- "Looks like I need to be alone for a while. I will go to my room, play my favorite song, and take deep breaths to calm myself.”
- “I want to be treated like an adult by my parents. I'm not an adult, but I feel like I can make the best decisions for myself. Now I need to calm down and clear my head first, especially because right now my body is showing a stress reaction and my brain is not thinking clearly.”
- “Taking a deep breath, I will think of the best way to share my frustration with my parents. I'll ask why they banned me. I will also quietly convey why I want to leave.”
- “If they still forbid me to go, I will ask them to compromise. I'll ask if one of them would drop me off and pick me up. Even if they still forbid after that, at least they can see that I am able to handle their prohibition maturely. Maybe it can help me get permission in the future."
Method 2 of 5: Showing Reactions in Various Social Situations
Step 1. Learn to read other people's expressions
Sometimes, anger and frustration arise because you misinterpret other people's expressions and feelings. Having a better understanding of other people's feelings can help you choose the most appropriate reaction in each situation.
Try looking at pictures of different faces and see if you can "read" the emotions of each face (for example, you could read a magazine or look at a photo album). Enter the keyword “reading emotions” on internet pages to find examples of faces that can be used as “learning materials”. For example, the DNA Learning Center provides various materials for those of you who are interested in learning how to read facial expressions
Step 2. Recheck your perception of the other person's words or actions
Sometimes, when you feel someone is angry with you, you will be compelled to turn angry at them. Before the misunderstanding grows, make sure your perception is correct and understand what he really feels.
Try asking, "Did I say something wrong?" or “Are we okay?”. This kind of response provides an opportunity for both parties to check each other's feelings before arguing with each other
Step 3. Avoid responding with physical aggression
When you feel angry, you will usually feel compelled to immediately hit, push, or kick another person. When dealing with a bully, you will usually be compelled to give him what he wants. On the other hand, if you bully other people, you will usually be motivated to respond in ways that hurt them.
If you feel like hitting something, don't hit someone else. Just hit an object that you can find easily, such as a pillow or bolster
Step 4. Avoid expressing anger in a passive way
In a passive expression of anger, you are not dealing directly with the person who hurt you. Instead, you choose to vent your frustration "from behind", such as talking bad things about the person to your friends or insulting them without their knowledge.
Step 5. Also avoid expressing anger in an aggressive way
Aggressive expressions of anger, such as yelling at other people, are the most problematic forms of expression; mainly because a person's lack of anger control can lead to violence or other negative consequences. Persistent, uncontrollable anger can really mess up your daily life.
Step 6. Express your anger firmly
Affirming anger using assertive communication is a great way to express yourself, especially since being assertive can help cultivate mutual respect for one another. Anger deserves to be expressed, as long as it is polite, non-judgmental, and respectful of others. Assertive communication is basically the ability to clearly communicate what is needed and wanted. Assertive communication also emphasizes that the needs of communicators and communicants are important to be heard. To be able to communicate assertively, learn to present facts without making accusations. The following is an example of assertive communication:
“I felt angry and hurt when you laughed at my presentation, as if you were belittling my project. I don't know what's going on, but you don't seem to pay attention or take my presentation seriously. Can we talk about it? I'm afraid I've misunderstood."
Step 7. Respect others
If you want to be appreciated, respect others first. By doing so, you will provoke others to cooperate and provide similar feedback. In each of your communication efforts, you should ask for more, not demand. Don't forget to say sorry and thank you; it shows that you treat others with courtesy and respect.
- “If you have time, could you…”
- “It would be very helpful if you wanted… Thank you, I appreciate your help!”
Step 8. Share your feelings
After finding out how you really feel, share your true feelings. Focus on how you feel, avoid blaming or judging others.
For example, you could say: "I feel like you don't care about my feelings because you're busy reading while I'm talking."
Step 9. Communicate clearly and specifically
Make sure you convey the essence of the problem clearly. For example, if your coworker likes to make loud calls that make it difficult for you to work, try saying something like this:
“Could you please lower your voice a little? I have a hard time concentrating if you talk too loudly. Thank you, I would really appreciate it if you would do it.” By saying this, you have conveyed your complaint directly to the person concerned. In addition, you have clearly explained your needs and told him why the action is bothering you
Step 10. Write down your anger in a diary
As you continue to engage in various social interactions, take note of the causes of your anger. Writing down your anger in a diary can also help you find certain patterns; and recognizing these patterns can help you develop the right management strategy.
- Keeping track of your anger on a regular basis can help you identify triggers. Once you've identified the trigger, try to avoid it, or do something to defuse your anger in an unavoidable situation.
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When writing down your anger in a diary, try to observe the following:
- What triggers your anger?
- What thoughts come to mind when you are angry?
Step 11. Assess the situation that triggers your anger
A trigger is something that triggers anger in you. After writing down when and why you got angry, try to figure out the pattern. Some common triggers of anger are:
- Feeling unable to control the actions of others.
- Feeling let down by other people (especially because they weren't able to live up to your expectations).
- Feeling unable to control daily events.
- Feeling that someone is trying to manipulate you.
- Feeling angry with yourself for doing something wrong.
Method 3 of 5: Asking for Help
Step 1. Share your condition with trusted adults
Anger and emotional instability can make a person feel extremely tired. The situation is made even more difficult if you don't know what to do about it. Share your condition with a trusted adult; they can help you understand your feelings and thoughts. You can tell your parents, adult relatives, teachers, counselors, or other adults. You can also discuss the condition with your doctor. They will usually share their experiences with how they manage their anger, then provide a specific perspective on your condition.
Step 2. See a psychologist or expert counselor
Therapy is a powerful way to manage anger and express it in a more positive way. Some people see a psychologist or counselor if they want to learn new skills that can improve their quality of life. Meanwhile, there are also those who see a psychologist or counselor because they feel the need to discuss their life's difficulties.
- Most likely, your psychologist will use relaxation techniques to help you calm down when anger strikes. They will also help you manage the thoughts or situations that trigger your anger, and change the way you view the situation.
- You can see the psychologist alone or ask to be accompanied by a close relative. Think about the situation in which you are most comfortable. Don't forget to share your desire for therapy with a parent or other trusted adult.
- An expert psychologist or counselor will also help you manage your emotions and practice your assertive communication skills.
- Some psychologists are even specifically tasked with exploring your background and life history. They have a role to play in knowing the various past traumas that you have experienced, such as violence or neglect as a child, as well as having difficulty forgetting tragic events in the past. Such psychologists can be very helpful in managing anger caused by past trauma.
Step 3. Take an anger management class or program
Programs devoted to managing anger have been shown to have high success rates. These programs can help you understand anger, provide short-term strategies for managing anger, and help you develop the ability to manage anger.
Some anger management programs are aimed specifically at children, teens, and families. Search the internet for similar programs in your area
Step 4. Ask your doctor if you need to take certain medications
Anger often takes part in several health disorders, such as bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. Therapy with drugs is of course tailored to the conditions behind your anger. If your emotions are getting more and more unstable by the day, taking the right medication might help.
- If your anger is caused by depression, try taking an antidepressant, which can help treat symptoms of depression as well as reduce anger. Psychotropic drugs that fall into the class of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Lexapro or Zoloft are often used to treat patients with anxiety disorders. These medications can help reduce the irritability that usually accompanies your excessive anxiety.
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Remember, every drug has side effects. For example, lithium, which is often used to treat bipolar disorder, has a high risk of causing kidney complications. Make sure you understand the side effects of each drug before taking it. Discuss with your doctor if necessary.
Although the possibility is very small, taking SSRI drugs can trigger the emergence of suicidal ideation in teenagers, especially in the first four weeks. SSRIs are commonly used to treat depression and anxiety disorders
Method 4 of 5: Understanding the Negative Effects of Anger
Step 1. Understand how anger negatively impacts your social interactions with other people
If you feel you need motivation to manage your anger, first understand its negative impact on your life. Anger that prompts you to hurt or act aggressively toward others is a big problem. If you always respond to anything or anyone with anger, how can you enjoy life?
Anger can mess with your performance at work, your relationship with your partner, and your social life. You can even go to jail if you vent your anger by attacking other people
Step 2. Realize how anger can affect your health
Getting angry too often can have a negative impact on your physical health. Some of the negative impacts:
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Physical health problems: Back pain, headaches, insomnia, high blood pressure, digestive system disorders, or skin diseases.
Holding on to anger and hatred also puts a person at a higher risk of developing heart disease. In fact, the risk is rated higher than smoking and obesity
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Mental health disorders: Anger can lead to a variety of mental health problems, such as depression, anorexia or bulimia, alcohol or drug abuse, self-harm, low self-esteem, and rapid mood swings (now really happy, a few seconds later really sad). Your anger may not be a trigger, but it contributes significantly to these problems.
Having irritability, which belongs to the anger spectrum, is one of the symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). The direct relationship between anger and GAD is not completely clear. But some experts think that people with GAD tend to respond passively to their anger (for example, feeling angry but not showing it)
- Immune system disorders: When a person is angry, their body's response to the anger can deactivate their immune system. Therefore, someone who is irritable will be more susceptible to diseases such as flu.
Step 3. Observe if you vent your anger by bullying others
Remember, doing these actions can have a long-term negative impact on the emotional state of your victim. One day, you too will look back and regret that unwise act. To avoid this possibility, take your anger out on other things, like hitting your pillow or running around the compound. Some of the common types of bullying are:
- Verbal bullying: teasing, insulting, mocking, making rude comments.
- Social bullying: ignoring someone, spreading untrue rumors, humiliating others in public.
- Physical bullying: hitting, punching, spitting, tripping, taking or damaging other people's property.
Method 5 of 5: Using Long-Term Strategies to Defuse Anger
Step 1. Try meditating
Meditation has been shown to be effective in controlling one's emotions. In addition, research shows that meditation has a long-term positive effect on the amygdala, the part of the brain that is the center of emotions and is responsible for detecting a person's fear and stress.
- If possible, go to the bathroom, emergency stairs, or anywhere else that is quiet, quiet, and makes you more comfortable.
- Breathe in for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, then exhale for a count of four. Make sure you breathe through your diaphragm, not your chest cavity. When you breathe using your diaphragm, you will feel your stomach expand (like it's filled with air). Continue this process until you feel calmer.
- Combine breathing with visualization. One easy way to do this: while breathing, close your eyes and imagine a golden white light that can calm you down and make you feel happy. Imagine this white light breaking through your lungs and starting to spread throughout your body. When you exhale, imagine that you are emitting a dirty, misty glow. This dirty, misty glow represents your anger and frustration.
- If you find it difficult to meditate, don't worry. Meditation combines deep breathing, visualization, and mental processing. If you find it difficult or uncomfortable if you have to sit for too long and meditate, just do some deep breathing. This method is also able to trigger the body to react similarly to meditation.
Step 2. Try progressive muscle relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation is the process of tensing muscle groups throughout the body which can make the body more relaxed afterwards. Hopefully, your body can release the trapped tension after doing this relaxation. Use this method to relax your body:
- Start by taking a deep breath: inhale after a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, then exhale for a count of four.
- Start tensing your muscles from head to toe. First, tense the muscles of the face, mouth, and neck.
- Hold for twenty seconds, then relax the tensed muscles again.
- Do the same process on the muscles of the shoulders, arms, hands, stomach, feet, soles of the feet, and toes.
- After the whole process is done, move your toes and feel the impact on your whole body.
- Take a few more deep breaths, then enjoy the feeling that follows.
Step 3. Eat well and regularly
As much as possible, avoid processed and fried foods. Also avoid refined sugar and other unhealthy foods. Instead, eat more vegetables and fruit so that your body gets enough vitamins and nutrients.
Drink lots of water so you don't get dehydrated
Step 4. Get enough and regular sleep
The average teenager needs 8-9 hours of sleep every night. Homework and busy schedules often force you to stay up late and wake up feeling less energetic in the morning. A person who lacks quality sleep will have difficulty controlling his emotions in the morning. A study shows that just a few days of quality sleep can significantly reduce a person's negative feelings and anger. Get quality sleep every night so that your emotions are more stable.
Turn off computers, laptops, cell phones, and other electronic devices 15-30 minutes before going to bed at night. These electronic devices can activate cognitive function in the brain and keep you awake
Step 5. Exercise regularly
Exercise is a great way to release anger, stress, and other negative feelings. Research shows that exercise can help control emotions and moods in both adults and children. Whenever you feel angry, exercise. You can also exercise regularly to prevent the development of aggressive behavior. Do your favorite sport several times a week.
Step 6. Hone your creativity
Expressing your feelings on a piece of paper or on a canvas can help you identify your thoughts. Write down your thoughts and feelings in a diary or just paint them on a canvas. You can also draw comic strips or create something out of scrap materials. Hone your creativity!
