Have good in-laws? Safe! However, if that's not the case, or if you're even harboring a certain fear of them, it's time to improve your impression of each other and win their favor. Winning the hearts of in-laws, or prospective in-laws, is not easy. However, always remember that a person's behavior actually defines his character, and your behavior and character in the eyes of your in-laws will be the first foundation on which to build your relationship with them in the future. That's why, make sure you're always polite to them, and do your best to show them your interest and appreciation.
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Method 1 of 2: Creating a Good First Impression
Step 1. Dress neatly and modestly
In fact, physical appearance is a major factor in determining your first impression in the eyes of others. Therefore, choose clothes that are attractive but not too flashy. Also wear comfortable clothes because of course, you don't want to be soaked in sweat when you meet your future in-laws, right? At the same time, don't wear a party dress or suit when everyone else in attendance is just wearing a casual dress or polo shirt!
- Make sure you're wearing clean, decent clothes that aren't too revealing or potentially offensive to others.
- To attend an event that is casual or semi-casual, you can wear a shirt combined with khakis or a semi-casual skirt that is not too flashy. If the weather is very cold, there is no harm in wearing a neat sweater. Want to wear jeans? Please do so, as long as your pants are neat, clean, and not torn.
Step 2. Bring a simple gift when visiting the prospective in-laws' house
If your future in-laws invite you to visit their home, try bringing some food, drink, or a simple gift to show your politeness. After arriving there, immediately give it to them as a thank you for being invited to visit.
- Bring a simple but meaningful gift, such as a bottle of chocolate or a bouquet of flowers.
- Do not forget to ask the expectations of the prospective in-laws to the partner. In some cultures, it is forbidden to bring gifts when visiting.
- Before bringing fermented red wine or other alcoholic beverages to your future in-laws' house, don't forget to ask your partner about their preferences. If it turns out that they do not consume alcohol or even forbid the act, of course alcohol is not the right gift, right?
Step 3. Show your interest in your future in-laws' life from the start of the conversation
Work with your partner to find out what the future in-laws are interested in, and make sure you mention those things when you finally meet them. For example, you can ask them questions about their hobbies, home, or family history. Believe me, showing interest and caring can help launch your relationship with your in-laws in the future!
- If you and they share a common interest, try to bring it up to build a more intimate relationship: "Sam says Om likes diving, doesn't he? I like you too, Om!"
- A simple question, “Who is the person in this photo, Uncle/Aunt?” It can also show your interest in the things in their life.
Step 4. Compliment them and the things they have
Try making compliments like, “What a great uncle/Auntie's house!” or “Wow, Om's sweater is great! Where did you buy it, uncle?” Such compliments are another way to show your in-laws interest, as well as your desire to have a positive relationship with them. In addition, doing so will increase your assessment in their eyes, you know!
Even if your style and theirs are different, try to find an object you can compliment! For example, give a general compliment that usually works, such as “Wow, that's a great painting! Where did you buy it, Uncle/Auntie?"
Step 5. Have a private chat with your future in-laws
If you and them meet at an event that involves a large family or a large number of other people, try to find an opportunity to have a private chat with them. No need to have too heavy a chat! Most importantly, just show them that you feel comfortable around them. On that occasion, thank them for being willing to invite you, and let them know that you'd like to spend time with them again at another time.
- Try saying, “Thank you for inviting me here, Uncle/Auntie. Our activity was so much fun! Next week want to go together again? To try a Vietnamese restaurant that just opened, maybe?"
- Invite them to have small talk, such as commenting on the clothes they are wearing, discussing the weather or sports news, and asking their plans for the weekend.
- Small talk like that is also effective in strengthening your relationship with them, you know!
Step 6. Show politeness in public places
Basically, prospective in-laws will always judge how you treat them, treat your partner, and treat others. Therefore, always show your respect and courtesy! For example, if you and they are eating together at a restaurant, never criticize the food served, treat the waiters badly, etc.
Step 7. Taste the food they serve, even if the menu doesn't suit your taste
If your future in-laws invite you over to their house to taste their food, don't hesitate to eat it shamelessly to show your appreciation for their invitation. Even though the food served is rarely eaten by you, still taste it a little. If you find that you don't like the taste, say thank you immediately and let them know that you are full.
- If you really can't taste the food served for religious, health, ethical, or other serious reasons, don't hesitate to politely talk to your future in-laws.
- Praise the food served to create a good impression in the eyes of the prospective in-laws.
Step 8. Show how happy you are to finally meet them
Before leaving, don't forget to express how happy you are at spending time with them, and express your hope of seeing them again in the future.
Method 2 of 2: Building a Strong Relationship with In-laws
Step 1. Appreciate your partner
All parents want their children to be treated well by their partners. Therefore, show them that you are able to respect your partner and treat them well. Show them that your relationship is very close and harmonious!
Don't fight with your partner in front of your in-laws! Do not whine or belittle your partner in front of them. If there's a domestic issue that you both need to work on, don't bring it up in front of other people
Step 2. Ask for their advice
All parents-in-law want to take part in the lives of their children and in-laws. Grant that desire by trying to involve them in the decision-making process for you and your partner. For example, you can contact them to ask for their opinion or invite them to have a private chat when you are with your extended family.
- Try asking them for advice on important matters, such as, "Would you like to accompany us to find a house?"
- Or, you might even ask them for advice on less important things, like, "What do you think I should wear to the party?" or "Do you understand the engine oil change indicator on the motorbike, don't you?"
Step 3. Invite them to interact regularly
Always try to include your in-laws in your life. For example, you can contact them just to ask how they are doing. While it may sound simple, they will definitely appreciate it and can significantly increase your value in their eyes.
- Don't just initiate conversations at appropriate moments, such as on big days or family events. Once in a while, contact them by phone or text message for no specific reason, and they will surely appreciate it more.
- For example, call your in-laws over the phone just to say, “Hello Mom, how are you? I've been pretty busy this week. Mother must be too, huh?"
Step 4. Cook their favorite food
When visiting your in-laws, try bringing a plate of their favorite food, or even cooking it yourself at their home. They will definitely appreciate this behavior, you know, especially if you are willing to take the time to learn about the things they enjoy. Even if it's not perfect, your good intentions are enough to make them happy!
- If you don't know their favorite food, try asking your partner.
- Or, you can also dig up information about their favorite foods. For example, you could ask, "What do you like to eat, Dad?" or "What's your favorite dessert, Dad?"
Step 5. Give meaningful gifts to in-laws
At important moments, such as holidays or birthdays, don't hesitate to show your in-laws care by giving them a gift they like. They would definitely be flattered by it!
For example, if your in-laws like to collect farm-style items, try giving a simple gift of a set of salt and pepper containers with a picture of a rooster, which, to your in-laws, will feel much more meaningful than a shopping voucher
Step 6. Invite your in-laws to spend time with you
Some couples like to take their parents for a walk, and in fact, it's a very powerful method to get closer to each other, you know! No need to do activities that are too serious and/or planned, really. In fact, simply taking them shopping or watching sports together is already a very meaningful activity for your in-laws.
