It's very difficult to always make everyone happy. No matter what you do and no matter how hard you try, there will be some people who don't like you. Sometimes, there are steps you can take to make people like you more, but there are times when you can't do anything but face them. You can learn to accept that you're not liked as a normal part of everyone's life, and take steps to improve yourself and become more confident so you don't mind being disliked.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Keeping a Positive Attitude
Step 1. Recognize that your feelings are normal
If disliking or being rejected makes you sick, rest easy because you're not being overly sensitive or making things up; it hurts not to be liked, even if you really don't like people who hate you!
It's natural to feel angry, anxious, jealous, or sad if you experience social rejection. Feelings of rejection can cause physical symptoms such as an inability to sleep and a decreased immune response that can lead to illness
Step 2. Look at it from the other side
Of course, some people don't like you, but there are still people who don't. Knowing which opinions matter to you and learning to ignore others is a lifelong challenge for some to conquer.
- Ask yourself: Who are the people who don't like you? Is it just one person, several people, or a group? Did you do something that made you deserve to be disliked? Could there be a misunderstanding or rumor that caused other people to dislike you?
- Once you figure out who doesn't like you and why, you can ask yourself "Do their opinions matter?" If that person is not an important part of your life, realize that everyone has someone who hates them, and that this person's opinion is not worth thinking about. He is not an important figure in your life or a factor in your happiness.
Step 3. Look for acceptance in others
If someone doesn't like you, one way to deal with it is to feel confident that you have support that accepts and loves you. Having some people who don't like you won't be a big deal.
- In fact, the brain produces opioids in response to positive social interactions, so having a few friends you can rely on can help fend off the pain of social rejection by people who hate you.
- If making friends is really hard for you, read this helpful wikiHow article for tips on meeting and making new friends.
Step 4. Don't be angry
It's perfectly normal to feel angry when you're disliked for no particular reason or for reasons you can't control, but getting angry isn't going to make things any better, it just makes things worse.
- Aggressive people are often seen as a threat more likely to cause social rejection.
- Try to divert your feelings of anger by breathing deeply, focusing on your surroundings, and channeling your energy into other activities such as yoga, running, or weight training.
Step 5. Maintain your integrity
If someone hates you, don't let them influence and change your personality. Maintain your integrity by responding respectfully, honestly, and patiently.
- Having love for others is the key. Remember that there are a million reasons why someone might not like you and it's none of your business! Perhaps you remind the person of someone who has hurt them in the past.
- In fact, social scientists have found that some people do have a tendency to be “haters.” If the person who doesn't like you appears to be negative towards others, he or she may have the type of personality that values negativity.
Step 6. Seek help if you don't feel better
It's natural to feel sad or hurt when someone hates or rejects you, but sometimes those feelings just get worse instead of getting better over time. Some people who experience rejection will become depressed or even suicidal.
- It's important to have someone you can trust to turn to for help if you're starting to feel uncomfortable or discouraged about not being liked. Talk to close friends, family, religious leaders, or a counselor if you need help.
- For those who live in the United States, you can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255 at any time. You don't have to feel suicidal to talk to a counselor; they will help anyone going through a crisis. If you live in Indonesia, please contact the authorities in your area.
Part 2 of 3: Improving Yourself
Step 1. Build self-confidence
The best fight against someone who hates you is liking yourself. When you feel confident, your confidence will radiate and others will see it. Confidence comes from knowing that you are good enough (self-esteem) and that you are capable (self-efficacy).
- Take an inventory to identify things that make you confident and things that make you feel inferior or insecure. You can start by making a list of things you're good at and things you're having trouble with. Consider all kinds of things, like making other people laugh, cooking, keeping a schedule, keeping promises, dancing, and so on. You can categorize them into groups such as “social”, “emotional”, “physical”, “cognitive”, or anything else that is important to you.
- Focus on correcting negative thoughts and “self talk” (things you say to yourself in your mind), especially on areas you don't think you're good at. When you doubt your abilities or think negatively, change those thoughts. Instead of thinking, "I can't do math," think about how good you are at paying attention to detail and solving problems, and say, "I can answer this math problem!"
Step 2. Identify the main reasons why you are not liked
The term “disliked” is not very specific. If you think of someone or something that you “dislike”, you may actually feel doubt, disgust, disbelief, fear, pain, hate, jealousy, or any number of combinations of these or other negative emotions.
- If your goal is to reduce the negative feelings someone has towards you, you should identify the reasons why you don't like them. Then, you can work on improving that area for that person. For example, if someone hates you because your tongue is too sharp, try to be more gentle around that person. Or, if someone doesn't like you because you keep breaking promises, try to be more consistent and keep your promises.
- Emphasizing why you're not liked also reveals a simple truth: Often times, people don't like you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. This is unfair, but very reasonable. A person may hate you because you remind him of someone because he is just a negative person, or because he envy you-and many other reasons! Sometimes realizing that someone's reasons for hating you are superficial, absurd, or irrelevant to you can help you accept that you're not liked.
Step 3. Ask someone you trust
If other people don't like you at school, work, place of worship, home, or other places, and you can't figure out why on your own, consider asking someone you trust to find out why.
- Someone who likes you but is always honest with you is the best! Let him know that you are trying to understand why other people hate you and that you need advice from someone who knows you well.
- Your trusted friend can help identify the reasons (or lack thereof) why other people hate you, then help you focus on your own acceptance of the situation.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Hate
Step 1. Decide when the time is right to confront someone
If someone hates you, there are times when you can just ignore them and move on. Sometimes, however, someone's negative feelings toward you can affect your grades, performance, or ability to meet and get along with other people. In this situation, now is a good time to confront the person who doesn't like you:
- If the person discriminates against you or treats you unfairly and is in a position of power over you (such as a teacher, boss, or parent), you can determine that it's time to talk to the person or take legal action.
- If the person is spreading rumors, ruining your reputation, or making your life more difficult, you may want to talk to them and see if there is a way to convince them to stop.
- If someone is sabotaging your relationship, you may have to deal with him and the person he or she is bullying. For example, if you have an in-law who doesn't like you, he or she may cause other people to do the same, maybe even your own spouse.
- If the person is hurting you in any way, including physically, sexually, emotionally, or psychologically, it's time to seek help. It is natural for a person to dislike another person, but it is not natural to turn his hatred into violence.
Step 2. Ask the person directly
It may feel awkward, but sometimes the only way to find out what's going on or find out why someone has a problem with you is to have an outspoken conversation with them. If you can't figure out why you're not liked and you've already sought the help of a friend, consider confronting the person head-on.
- Try to frame the discussion using the phrase “I”. The phrase “I” focuses on how someone else is feeling instead of assuming that you know the other person's feelings. Using the phrase "I" helps keep people who hate you from getting defensive. This means, instead of saying "Why don't you like me?" focus on how you feel and say, “I feel like there's tension between us. Did I do something wrong or is there anything I can help you with?”
- Listen to what the person has to say, and try to understand the matter from his point of view. Try not to get defensive. Think about whether there is any truth to his claims and why he feels that way. Then, think about whether you should try to improve yourself or change your behavior towards him, or if his reasons are unreasonable and not worth doing.
Step 3. Apologize and fix the problem
If you think you've done something that hurt or offended someone and that's why that person doesn't like you, it's a good idea to fix the problem. There are three components of an effective and sincere apology:
- Say that you regret what happened. You may have to say, "I'm sorry" clearly. Make sure you don't say, "I'm sorry that you offended," or "I'm sorry if you feel that way," or anything else that sounds like blaming the person for misinterpreting your intentions. Be humble and admit that you have hurt someone.
- Offer to fix the problem. Psychologists refer to this as a “compensation offer”, and sometimes it does lead to the need for compensation (for example, if you destroy someone's car, you have to repair or replace it!). In other situations, however, compensation means changing behavior in the future, spending time together, doing more work in the office or around the house, or some other way to make up for your mistakes and improve your behavior in the relationship.
- Let the person know that you know what you did was wrong. In addition to an apology, you should say that you violated social norms or expectations. For example, you could say, "I know I'm a husband and I shouldn't do that", or "I know I'm not a good friend when I do that."
- Remember that apologizing is like helping yourself to make amends. If you're guilty, apologizing can help you see the other side and can lower your stress and anxiety levels. Remember that apologizing is only useful if you are guilty and are truly sorry.
Step 4. Ask someone in authority for help
If you are innocent and the person is making your life difficult or treating you unfairly, you may need to talk to someone who has authority and can help. That person can be your supervisor, teacher, parent, or principal.
In some cases, such as discrimination in the office that makes your boss dislike you, you may want to consider hiring a lawyer. While it's not illegal for a boss to hate you, it can be illegal if it's not because of your personality but because you're a protected minority (for example, you're a woman, gay, or of a certain race), or if you he treats you unfairly just because he doesn't like you
Step 5. Learn to let go
In the end, if you've done everything you can and still don't like it, you have to allow yourself to let it go. Finally, you have to choose to stop people who hate you from influencing your personality or making you sad. It's okay if you don't like it.
