Feeling happy with yourself or having a positive identity includes feeling satisfied with yourself personally, professionally, and socially. Most people around the world, whoever it is, sometimes feel negative about their identity. This negativity can be due to a lack of personal, work, or social fulfillment. To regain a positive identity, you can: accept your uniqueness, love yourself, pursue your goals (personal, professional, and social), and improve social relationships.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Accept Yourself
Step 1. Accept diversity
Accepting yourself is an important step towards having a positive identity. You must always remember that every human being in this world is different, and no one in nature and personality is the same. If you value diversity in this world, you will begin to appreciate and accept yourself more.
List all the different aspects you value in the world. For example: religion, culture, environment, skin color, talent, personality. These are all variables that make up a human being, including yourself. Everything is interesting and unique
Step 2. Accept your uniqueness
There are no "normal" humans, and there are no "normal" boundaries for humans.
- Accept your differences with a positive attitude. For example, "Sure, I have big feet, but that's what makes me unique."
- View shortcomings or mistakes as opportunities to learn or to improve.
- Don't think of your irreversible differences (skin color, height, etc.) as flaws. Think of them as unique qualities that make up who you are. A sense of inferiority or deprivation can also be viewed as a special and individual quality. If it weren't for all of that, we would just be general clones with no special characteristics.
Step 3. Don't compare yourself to others
Nothing is perfect. The saying goes, “the grass is always greener on the other side,” and if you're always focused on the idea that there will always be someone out there who has more money than you, or is prettier than you, you'll have a hard time being satisfied.
- Maybe other people look perfect, but actually they have their own problems.
- If you start comparing yourself to other people, stop and change your mind. Think of your unique characteristics that are also attractive. Instill in yourself that having such characteristics is also good.
- Understand that most people will not judge you. Most people won't know how badly you did on a math test yesterday, or how much you've gained in the last month.
Step 4. Forgive yourself
People who are self-accepting will be able to forgive past mistakes and won't let the events affect them. History or mistakes don't define who you are. What you do today and who you are at this moment, that defines who you really are.
- Consciously admit mistakes or regrets. Meditate on each one, accept it, and forgive yourself. Say or think, “I did something wrong. I forgive myself. This mistake doesn't make me a bad person. I choose not to repeat this mistake again.”
- Identify positive things you have done or accomplished in the past. Some examples include: graduating from school, passing an exam, being able to maintain good relationships, achieving a goal, or you've helped someone else. These positive events may outweigh your faults, and they can help you focus on the positive aspects of the past.
Method 2 of 3: Loving Yourself As You Are
Step 1. Define your personal values
These personal values can have a huge impact on your beliefs, goals, and identity because they are what matter in your life. These values can include family, education, kindness, etc. By setting personal values, you can understand yourself and know what is most important to you.
- Make a list of the times you felt happiest. What are you doing? Who is with you?
- After that, make a list of times you feel most proud. What's the trigger? Do other people feel that way too? Anyone who joins feel proud
- Make a list of times when you feel most satisfied. Do you feel the experience gave your life meaning? Why? How? Are there specific needs or wants being met? Which one?
- Take a look at your list and try to identify what value the experience represents. Examples include: growth, service, faith, determination, passion, love, loyalty, honor, intellectual status, sincerity, etc. You can use the following list as a help: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm or browse the internet for examples of personal values.
- Finally, take a look at the values you have identified and try to determine which three of them are most important to you.
Step 2. Define identity
You have to know who you are first in order to love yourself. Athletes who train to love themselves tend to have more positive emotions about themselves and have better behavior. Part of loving yourself is getting to know who you really are or creating a personal identity. These pieces of identity make up who you are.
Make a list of all the important components of your identity. Some identities include: you are an athlete, mother, child, grandchild, passionate person, dancer, or writer. These are all important identities that you can try to love and respect
Step 3. Think positively about yourself
Your mindset will influence how you feel and behave. By positively assessing your identity, you will feel happier overall.
- Take time to think about your strengths (everyone has strengths) and you will be happier and more confident.
- See the bright side of things.
- Think positive things. Using imagination can help with self-confidence. Imagine yourself confident and truly happy with yourself. How does it feel? What happened? How did it happen?
Step 4. Cultivate positive things
Positive reinforcement or instilling positive things in yourself will help increase self-confidence and reduce negative emotions such as anxiety.
If you're feeling bad, say something positive like, "It's okay if I don't do well on the exam. Not that I'm a stupid student. I know I'm a smart student. I just need to learn so that next time I can be better and things will be better.” The key is not to let small mistakes become part of your overall identity. Don't assume that your mistakes make you a bad person
Step 5. Respect yourself
Self-respect means treating yourself well and not letting others treat you badly.
- Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Poor health will lead to minimal well-being.
- Set boundaries with other people. For example, don't joke with other people about things that will actually affect your self-esteem. If you're very sensitive about your weight, avoid joking about it with your friends, as this will make them think that you can accept jokes like that too.
Step 6. Build character
Having noble qualities such as: wise, courageous, humane, fair, modest, and superior, can help you form a positive identity.
If you want to focus more on helping others, you can donate money or time (volunteering) to a charity of your choice. This will make you feel like giving back to society and the world as a whole
Step 7. Set positive, achievable goals
Focus on improving what you can change. Having a goal and working hard to achieve it will increase your happiness. That way, you will be heading towards the ideal person.
- Find a job. Not having a job is closely related to a lack of welfare.
- Give up everything you can't change. There are things you can improve (like finding a job, losing weight, etc.), but there are also things you can't change. Things like height, ethnicity, and family are hard to change in a healthy and natural way. Therefore, accept everything as it is and try to embrace it.
Step 8. Do activities to express yourself
Activities like this will increase basic motivation and overall happiness. You have to be internally motivated because that means you can motivate yourself without depending on external rewards (praise from others or financial gain) to achieve your goals.
- Such expressive activities involve activities that can make you feel alive, whole, engaged, that it is your purpose in life, that it fits your personality, and that you feel like you are who you are.
- Set goals. What do you want to be remembered for? As a parent or a good friend and like to help others?
- Be persistent. Do not ever give up. Don't let go of an opportunity just because you're afraid to make a mistake.
Method 3 of 3: Improving Social Relations
Step 1. Be more social
Lack of social relations can lead to a lack of well-being. Don't focus too much on yourself. Try to pay more attention to others.
- Balance personal and social identity. You can do this by being honest and not pretending. Be yourself and don't pretend to be someone else.
- Celebrate your success with others. This way, you can share your happiness. Celebrate successes such as: a good job, a promotion, getting a good test score, having a new house, getting engaged, getting married, etc.
Step 2. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people
Support is an important component of being happy with yourself. We need people around to help us move forward and believe in us.
If you're around negative people who make you mentally down or treat yourself badly, you have to decide if that kind of relationship is worth continuing?
Step 3. Seek help from friends
Good friends will help you reach your goals, whatever they may be. A good friend will tell you which one is right, and you can work together to make you feel better.
- Talk to friends about things that make you unhappy.
- If you're having a hard time talking about it, ask them if they've ever felt low or unhappy with themselves, and you'll be surprised.
Step 4. Inspire and help others
Be someone who can inspire others, for example with virtuous traits that can add to your positive identity. If you give positive value and happiness to others, you can also be positive.
When you feel like being complimented, turn it off. But when you see how pretty someone's hair was that day or how well-dressed she was, let her know. Compliments like that will make them feel good about themselves and make you happier too
Step 5. Find a counselor
If you're unhappy with yourself and can't seem to get over it, seek professional help. Psychologists and therapists can help you set specific goals. They have a variety of psychological interventions that can help you love yourself and be happy.
- Ask trusted people about their referral therapist.
- If they don't know it, look up a list of therapists, therapy providers, or mental health centers online or in your nearest location.
