Being humiliated is a generally bad experience that some people have. Repeatedly humiliated or experiencing various difficulties requires great strength and love for oneself. Fortunately, learning to love yourself can help maintain your happiness and make you more able to endure being humiliated by life and by others. Follow these steps to treat yourself with compassion, no matter what situation you're in.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Dealing with Emotional Downturns from Humiliation
Step 1. Respond with "grace"
Learning to be assertive and graceful in pointing out destructive patterns of insults from others in a loving and productive way is a very important step in overcoming disappointment. Sharpen your strengths by standing up for yourself and changing situations to prevent yourself from being insulted again in the future.
- Being assertive is different from being aggressive. Try to speak clearly and maintain eye contact while remaining a receptive listener.
- Communicating assertively can increase self-confidence, earn the respect of others, improve decision-making abilities, and encourage conflict resolution.
Step 2. Accept reality
Often times, people hold on too tightly to too many differences to share the same point of view. You'll meet a lot of people you don't feel very comfortable with, while other people will feel the same way about you. The key is to see that even though we can't be friends with everyone, it doesn't mean that you or the other person are bad or bad personalities. Incompatibility is a part of life and we can learn to respond to it gracefully or defensively and with tough resistance. If someone disappoints you, it's because of him or her, not your fault. Here are some of the main reasons why people insult you:
- They feel threatened by your competence, attractiveness, or other things that are your strengths, so they try to match your "quality level" with theirs.
- They have a special interest in your motivation, ability level, performance, or contribution.
- They feel you are lacking or not doing your part in the team.
- They have big/important needs that are not being met and are dissatisfied with them.
- They have a controlling personality and feel they have to be in control.
- They feel they are entitled to special treatment or status and feel that they are not sufficient or have not received it.
- They want to make you look bad in order to elevate themselves or steal the attention of others who are above you and them.
- They feel insecure and try too hard to compensate for this feeling.
- They feel you are making themselves look bad in front of other people.
Step 3. Gather your choices
When we feel hurt or insulted, it's easy to take the victim's position and assume that we can't do anything to change those negative feelings. See that there are always options for improving your situation, and try to think about your response options and your approach moving forward.
- For example, if a schoolmate constantly puts you down, remember that you can always choose to ignore him or her altogether. If you don't think this is the best way to solve the problem, think about who you can get involved with to help you meet your needs wherever possible.
- In the midst of a general situation, such as a meeting, you may need to question the value of your decision or work yourself and clear up any misunderstandings.
- If you're dealing with family or friends, it's a good idea to let the person know that you sincerely want to understand their point of view, but that you don't always agree with them. Depending on the situation, you can also calm yourself down with the final conclusion, "Let's agree to disagree."
- If you are dealing with an aggressive child or teenager, you should acknowledge that the child/teen's feelings are real, but that he needs to express it in a better or appropriate way.
Step 4. Learn to re-understand your current situation
If you have recently been humiliated, you may feel embarrassed, angry, or unfairly treated. There's no need to deny this kind of feeling, but you need to see that it can be used as a way out and you don't have to drown in it. Think of being humiliated as a learning experience that gives you the opportunity to practice being more resilient in the face of anything.
- After all, life is full of situations that we can't choose, and it's how we respond to those situations that will make the difference, whether we sink into sadness or are excited to learn as much as we can from the pain we need to let go.
- Understand your experience from your own point of view. Ask yourself based on your personal values: What are some good things that have happened? What bad things have happened? What can I do better in the future?
- Try practicing self-awareness in the current situation. It is beneficial to rid yourself of hurt emotions and take the time to understand the insulter through his or her insults.
Step 5. Test your thinking to find the pitfalls of negative thought patterns
It's easier to realistically look at the events that have happened to us and what we can do afterwards if we let go of the thoughts that are running through our heads and make us over-evaluate the real situation. Here are some examples of ways of thinking that make it difficult for us to see our real situation:
- "Forecasting", i.e. assuming that things will get worse with no real predictive basis at all.
- "Black-and-white", i.e. just seeing things based on two extreme sides of judgment. In the "black-and-white" mindset, everything is either really good or really bad (despite the fact that things are actually too complex to be judged that way).
- "Reading people's minds", i.e. thinking knows what other people are thinking (which is usually the worst thing about yourself!). In fact, we will never know what other people think.
- "Stamping," i.e. labeling people, behaviors, or situations as "stupid" or "ugly," when those people, behaviors, and situations are too complex to be summed up with just that one designation. This kind of stamp is usually negative and makes us forget about other aspects that also play a role.
Step 6. Find the wisdom of the insult you received
It's easy to ask yourself, "Why did I have to go through this?" in a difficult situation. However, getting stuck in a "why me" mindset will make it difficult for us to discover the valuable lessons that usually lie in adversity. Find wisdom and lessons by changing "why me" to "what I understand about the reasons and ways people insult others" or "what can I do to help stop the humiliation I've experienced".
The most resilient people find constructive wisdom from their suffering, and have a way of understanding life's messages through their suffering. This means, every situation has its own wisdom even though it is not good
Step 7. Just laugh at the insults
In many situations, the insults you receive have only a very weak connection to who you are and the truth. If so, the insult isn't valuable enough for you to dwell on or think about, either about the events of the insult or about what you think you should change to avoid being insulted.
- Think how ridiculous it would be to judge yourself based on that one event. Wouldn't it make sense for one insult or one person's opinion to be your consideration of who you are?
- Try to laugh at this fact: that you are actually far more complex than a single insult can conclude.
Step 8. Move your focus to something else you can control
There are so many things we have no control over, including other people's decisions. Therefore, getting back up can be an easier thing to do by rediscovering your ability to make a positive impact on the environment around you. Focus your efforts on the things you can control, such as an art project or a new, more challenging school or work assignment. Watch yourself concentrate on something (and achieve great results!) to remember that you are capable of making a good contribution to the world around you.
Step 9. Seek social support
Friends, family, and other supportive relationships in your life are critical to your ability to bounce back. Make sure that you have certain people in your life who are willing to listen to you talk freely about your bitter experiences without judging you.
Keep this support system close to you, even if you don't physically live close to these people. When you feel despised and humiliated by your world, think of these people. What have they said about your personality traits? How do you feel when you are around them? Furthermore, you can become a person who shows true personality qualities even when you are not around them
Step 10. Know when you need outside help
If you are constantly insulted by the same person or group of people, you may be dealing with bullying. Bullying is a serious act of humiliation, and it is important that you turn to a teacher, parent, or counselor who can help you deal with the problem. The following are signs that you are being bullied and need to seek help:
- The insults involve actions such as threats, spreading gossip, physical or verbal attacks, and willful exclusion.
- The person bullying you has power over you, for example because they are physically stronger, more popular in the environment, or have access to your personal information that they can use to harm or humiliate you.
- This behavior occurs more than once and is potentially repeated.
Part 2 of 2: Learn to Love Yourself More
Step 1. Get rid of your shyness
If you're trying to love yourself more, shame is one of your worst enemies, because it always says that being who you are is basically wrong or bad. Since shame usually points to a part of yourself that you're trying to hide, writing about your deepest feelings (including even those that make you feel ashamed or disgusted) can help you understand that there's nothing wrong with what's in your heart. As you write in your diary, also write down the difficulties and pains you experienced during the day, including the things that made you judge yourself.
- For each painful event, practice re-understanding the experience through a compassionate lens. Think about what you can learn from what happened and be generous about what you did, even though you know you have many other response options.
- Try keeping a diary every day for two weeks, to learn to be comfortable with your perspective. You will be surprised when you reread your writing. Just look, it must be clear that the person who wrote it was such a passionate and sensitive person!
Step 2. Try to accept yourself
In a world so focused on progress and improvement, it's easy to forget about the importance of accepting the things we can't change about ourselves. You have unique talents and weaknesses that make up who you are. Self-acceptance and a sense of self, without the forced effort of suppressing and discarding it, can help you strive to become better at your uniqueness. All of this will also help you discover who you are and your true abilities, not just your "ideal" self.
- Acceptance has been shown to contribute directly to the ability to love ourselves by reducing shame that we are not good enough or that we would be preferred by others if we felt and acted differently.
- One of the things that everyone has to accept is that the past cannot be changed or changed. Therefore, focus on the future. What you can control is how you learn and respond to your current situation.
Step 3. Develop your personal values
Strong personal values will fill our lives with various meanings that are important to us personally. This is because recognizing personal values will allow us to understand what is going on around us. Personal values will also be a firm grip when you face insults in the midst of the big picture, and make you realize that this fallout is an insignificant negative point that deserves to be ignored.
For example, your values in life prioritize awards over achievements and you go to a restaurant with friends to celebrate a job promotion. If you're being sneered at by the guests at the next table for wearing a shiny party hat, ignore it. You are acting on your personal values, not on other people's standards of the "proper" way of celebrating
Step 4. Take responsibility for your own well-being and overall well-being
Are you aware of and keep track of all the habits that contribute to your overall lifestyle? Pay attention to the things that are very important but easy to overlook, and take care of yourself the same way you would take care of the people you care about (because you really do love yourself!).
- Are you adopting a healthy diet? Ask yourself if you can consistently provide yourself with nutrient-rich foods that your body needs.
- Are you getting enough sleep? Do you often feel tired throughout the day due to lack of sleep or irregular sleep?
- Do you exercise? Doing moderate-intensity cardiovascular exercise for 30 minutes every day will improve mood, overall functioning, and reduce the risk of chronic disease.
Step 5. Focus on your interests
Take time for yourself to learn what you are passionate about or pursue hobbies and interests that you have. Find your personal passion or talent, and set aside a certain amount of time each week to do what you really love. Perhaps, this is writing short stories, or cooking your childhood food. Reconnecting with a favorite activity will make your world more comfortable and your deeper needs more fulfilled. Otherwise, all this tends to be forgotten with the weight of pressure from work, school, and other obligations.
Step 6. Learn to relax
In this fast-paced world, relaxation is difficult. However, this difficulty actually makes relaxation even more important. When you specifically take relaxation steps, you are actually giving yourself a beautiful gift while reaffirming to yourself that you deserve this relaxing time. Here are some techniques you can learn to put in place an effective relaxation routine whenever you need it:
- meditate
- Yoga
- Deep breathing
- Progressive muscle relaxation.
