Life is full of obstacles and problems often make you tired. While we can't control what happens in everyday life, we can control how we react to it. You can be a positive person! By doing self-reflection and changing yourself, you can learn to respond positively and improve your outlook on life.
Part 1 of 3: Changing Your View of Yourself
Step 1. Identify your negative thoughts
Maybe subconsciously, you have been sabotaging yourself by thinking negatively. Begin to become aware of negative thoughts and how they affect your life. Negative thoughts usually fall into the following categories:
- Filter: ignore the positive aspects and pay attention to the negative aspects.
- Polarization: always judging the good and the bad without looking at the other possibilities between the two.
- Exaggerating the problem: imagining the worst-case scenario.
Step 2. Focus on positive thoughts
You can change your mindset with a little practice. Start by applying one easy rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say about your friend. Be nice to yourself. Encourage yourself as you would a good friend.
Step 3. Get into the habit of being optimistic
The view that "there are people who are able to think positively on their own and others are negative because of their inherent nature" is wrong. In fact, you need to practice to be optimistic. Get in the habit of seeing the good side of everything. Instead of thinking, "I've never done this activity," say to yourself, "This is an opportunity to learn new things."
Step 4. Work on eliminating “self-criticism”
Our inner voices sometimes criticize or doubt ourselves. This voice tells us that we are not good enough, less talented, or unlovable. These thoughts are meant to protect you from failure or heartache, but in reality, they do nothing but stand in your way. When you start criticizing yourself, ask the following questions:
- Is this thought true?
- Could this thought turn out to be untrue? Can I admit that this thought may not be true?
- Can I imagine the possibility that I'm good enough, talented enough, and lovable enough?
Step 5. Don't live in the past
If guilt, suffering, or disappointment because of past events makes you feel hopeless, try to let go of those emotions.
- Make a decision to let go of what has happened. Write and/or say aloud what you wrote.
- Express your suffering and decide to take responsibility for your experience. If you want to say something to someone, say it, even if you just want to say, "I'm sorry."
- Forgive yourself and others. Remember that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and deserves a chance to correct them (including you).
Part 2 of 3: Changing Views
Step 1. Stop being a perfectionist
This life is not perfect. Demanding perfection means that you will always fail. To overcome perfectionism, start by adjusting your standards. Do you set a higher standard for yourself than you have for others? What would you want from someone else if they were in your position? If you're happy with how someone is getting things done, give yourself positive acknowledgments as well.
Step 2. Do something uncomfortable
Choose activities that are not your expertise, such as rock climbing, playing ping pong, or painting. Give yourself the opportunity to do these activities with bad results. Find pleasure in activities that are not your skills or talents to open up new opportunities, free you from perfectionism, and improve your outlook on life.
Step 3. Calm down and learn to pay attention
Give yourself time to breathe. Do not push yourself. Focus on what you are going through, not what other people think. Enjoy the food you are eating. Look at the view outside through the window. When we want to live life in the moment, we will experience more beautiful moments.
Step 4. Stop making rules
Maybe your life is largely governed by what "should" and "should" be. This rule can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, or judgment. If you apply this rule to yourself, you close yourself off from pleasant things. If applied to others, you will become a bully or a loser. Just forget the rules that don't work for you.
Step 5. Give yourself a chance to laugh and have fun
In order to solve every problem, don't take anything too seriously. Humor makes happy moments feel better or makes you stronger to endure stressful sadness.
- Tell a joke.
- Get busy.
- Find funny things in everyday life.
Step 6. Focus on the good things in your life
Most of the time, we go through life looking for the things we already have. We chase dreams or prestige, when all we need is comfort and acceptance. Instead of dwelling on what you want, take time to appreciate what you already have. Think about good health, recent successes, or the fact that you were still given a chance to live this morning.
Part 3 of 3: Forge Better Quality Relationships
Step 1. Connect with positive people
Make sure there are only positive, supportive, and reliable people in your life. Stay away from people who gossip, complain, or create conflict. Look for positive socializing opportunities in the community, such as joining a yoga class or nature group.
Step 2. Don't jump to conclusions too quickly
The belief that you know what's going to happen stops you from observing what's really going on. As a result, you act only on your own thoughts, not on actual facts. The belief that you know what other people think makes you stop listening to them. This causes a lot of suffering and undue fighting. Instead of judging right away, try to listen actively and make observations.
Step 3. Don't avoid your feelings
Often times, we take actions that make our feelings immune to avoid grief. However, sadness can make us feel more alive. In fact, sadness has a deep healing effect that makes us more able to feel happiness. Pay attention to the negative feelings that arise and then learn to accept these feelings through writing or talking to someone.
Step 4. Mind your own business
There is a Polish proverb that says, “Not my monkey, not my circus”. This proverb reminds us not to get involved in other people's problems. Problems and conflicts can really spoil your mood.
- Don't get involved in other people's conflicts.
- Avoid gossip! Don't talk bad about other people behind their backs.
- Don't let other people get into a fight or pressure you into taking sides.
Step 5. Be nice to others
Respect others and have fun positive interactions. In addition to making you feel better, this method helps you attract positive people. Scientists have proven that when we try to be positive (even when we're not feeling happy), we immediately feel happy.
- Keep your body healthy. A healthy body helps you deal with stress well so you have a healthy mind!
- Get involved in the community, for example in church, yoga groups, or with tailors. Look for opportunities at school or in your immediate environment where you can make friends with many people.
- If you are prone to depression, consult a counselor or doctor for appropriate therapy.
- Suicide is not the solution.
- Don't fight with people who are mean to you. Stay away from them or face them calmly and act mature.
- If you're experiencing so much stress that it's hard to control, call someone who can help, such as a church counselor or support group.
- If you are experiencing domestic violence or sexual assault, get help right away! You have the right to speak and no one can be violent.