Apologizing after making a mistake is not as simple as saying a word or two. Apologizing is a way to show that you admit you made a mistake and have learned from it. To apologize from someone, you have to think about your actions and how they affected the person you hurt. Then, you must approach the person sincerely and accept the rejection. Apologizing isn't easy, but you can learn how to do it by following a few simple steps. Please keep reading to learn how to apologize.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Preparing an Apology
Step 1. Think about what you have done to make other people angry
Before making an apology, you need to know what behavior the person disliked. It's important to know the specific actions that make people angry at you. If you're not sure, you should ask:
- Example scenario 1: Embarrassing my friend by making a scene at his party
- Example scenario 2: Yell at your partner and be rude and angry all day long
Step 2. Understand why you are doing this
In addition to understanding what you did that made other people angry, you must also understand why you did it. While you shouldn't use intent as an excuse, an excuse can be used to structure an apology and help hold you accountable.
- Example scenario 1: I make a fuss at a party because I feel ignored and want attention.
- Example scenario 2: I treat my partner like that for not getting enough sleep last night and thinking about a lot of things.
Step 3. Be empathetic to the person you hurt
You must develop empathy for the person you are apologizing to. Having empathy means understanding why your actions hurt him, because you put yourself in his shoes and imagine the pain he feels. Without empathy, your apology will sound empty and insincere. Before apologizing, take a moment to develop empathy. Imagine if the same thing happened to you. How do you feel? What would you do?
- Example scenario 1: If my friend makes a fuss at the party I'm hosting, I'll feel angry and betrayed
- Example scenario 2: If my partner yells at me for no reason and treats me badly all day, I will feel hurt and confused.
Step 4. Remember, even if you make mistakes, it doesn't mean you are bad
Apologizing is sometimes difficult because you have to admit that you did something wrong. However, remember that by apologizing, you are not admitting that you are a bad person. One study found that affirming your good qualities (in person, before apologizing) can make apologizing easier.
Take a few moments to be alone before apologizing, look in the mirror, and say three things you like about yourself
Step 5. Write your apology
If you have a lot to say to the person you hurt, you may want to write an apology before saying it. That will make it easier for you to get out what you have to say. You can also take the note with you as a reminder when apologizing.
- By taking the time to write an apology, you are showing that you have thought carefully about your mistake. As a result, your apology will be perceived as more sincere.
- It's best if you apologize in private. However, if you can't reach him by phone or in person, you can still send him an email or an apology letter.
Method 2 of 3: Apologizing
Step 1. Say sorry to the person you hurt
The first thing you should do when apologizing to someone is to express regret for your actions. In other words, you have to make it clear that you regret what you did. This can be done easily if you start by saying, "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry."
Reinforce your regret by saying exactly what you are sorry for. For example, “I'm sorry I made such a fuss at your party”, or “I'm sorry for yelling at you and being rude to you yesterday.”
Step 2. Explain why you made the mistake, but don't argue
State the motivation behind your actions, but be careful not to use that motivation as an excuse. Just tell me what caused it. Don't beat around the bush and show that you're not trying to use it as an excuse for your actions.
For example, “I made a fuss because I felt like no one cared and I wanted to get more attention, but that's no reason to act like yesterday” or “I acted like that because I didn't get enough sleep last night and I had a lot on my mind, but it's not your fault and I was wrong for taking it out on you.”
Step 3. Show empathy
In addition to making sure he knows that you accept responsibility for the wrong he has done, you also have to show that you understand how he feels. Say that you can imagine or know how he feels.
For example, “I know by making a fuss at your party, I have embarrassed you in front of your coworkers”, or “I may have made you feel unappreciated for being rude”
Step 4. Try to fix everything
After regretting what you did and admitting your mistakes, you have to make things right. In other words, say what you will do in the future to avoid a similar situation. This can be done by making plans for future scenarios or by saying that you will respond differently.
For example, "Next time, I'll talk to someone about how I feel instead of acting attention-seeking," or "If I'm not in a good mood later, I'll reflect on myself and not direct my anger at you."
Step 5. Show that you have changed
You need to show that you have put in the time and effort to apologize and are trying to avoid similar situations in the future. If you devote time to correcting a mistake you have made, say that you have corrected it. It shows a willingness to admit that you were wrong, as well as a genuine desire to correct the mistake.
Example: “I have changed since that incident. I try to release my anger in a productive way. I go to the gym and do kickboxing. I even talked to a therapist to deal with my anger problem.”
Step 6. Ask him to forgive you
After saying sorry, you can ask him to forgive you. This is probably the hardest part because there's always a chance that he won't forgive you. In fact, you should show understanding by giving him the choice. However, remember that you can try again if he isn't ready to forgive you and try not to get discouraged.
Example: “I love you and really value this friendship. Will you forgive me?”
Step 7. Try to lighten the mood
Make up for the mistake by doing something nice for the person you hurt. Come with a bunch of flowers or an apology card. Show that your actions are not just to express guilt, but to make him feel good. But you shouldn't rely on flowers or other gifts in exchange for a sincere apology.
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Disappointment
Step 1. Don't expect much, but pray for the best
If you expect to be forgiven and you're not, you're bound to be very disappointed. If you don't expect much and are then forgiven, you will feel much happier. Prepare yourself for the worst but pray for the best.
Step 2. Show understanding
If he doesn't forgive you, show empathy. For example, say It's okay, I'm not sure if I can forgive myself either. I just wish time would bring us closer again. I really appreciate this friendship.”
Don't be angry if he doesn't forgive you. Sorry is a privilege, not a right. Remember that you are more likely to be forgiven if you are pleasant and understanding afterward
Step 3. Be patient
Minor mistakes can be forgiven easily, but some wounds take time to heal. Don't expect to be forgiven easily if what you did really hurt. Even if your apology is rejected, keep trying.
Apologizing in person is usually the best method, but if that's not possible, contact him through another means of communication. You can text or email, but don't give up
Tips
- Remember, actions mean more than words. Support your apology with action as soon as possible.
- It's best if you practice apologizing first. Most of us can't say sorry naturally and so it takes practice.
- If he's very angry and you feel like you can't handle the situation, wait for better times.
- Think about how he would feel and what you would do if you were him. Do this before apologizing. When you know how he feels, you'll better understand why he should apologize.
- Write your apology, so in time you won't be at a loss for words. Writing an apology also gives you a feeling of being prepared and in control.
Warning
- Don't make excuses for your actions. It will give the impression that you don't really regret what you did.
- Don't blame yourself when you apologize. If you say something offensive to his ego, he will reject part of your apology. Remember that you can talk about the matter at a later time if you plan to continue the relationship.
- Don't exaggerate feelings of regret. It will give the impression of pretending. Express your regrets honestly and sincerely, but don't be too dramatic.
