Say you dropped your sister's favorite item or said something hurtful while having a bad day. You and your sibling may fight a lot and don't know how to fix your relationship. Apologizing can be challenging, but you can show your remorse by expressing a sincere apology and taking steps that reflect your apology and responsibility. Also, think about how to avoid conflict with him in the future so you don't have to apologize to him all the time.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Expressing a Sincere Apology
Step 1. Find a quiet and closed place
Start by finding a quiet place in your home to talk to your sibling in private. You can use a shared room or your sister's room. By apologizing in private in a quiet place, you are showing that you are serious about your apology and want to address the issue without anyone knowing.
- Express your apology sincerely and directly (face to face). Apologies via text or email are dishonest and don't have the same emotional impact as a direct request.
- You also need to choose the most appropriate time for your brother. Don't apologize when he's in a hurry and is about to leave, or when he's having fun with his friends at home. Choose a moment when he is alone and can focus on your apology.
Step 2. Acknowledge and accept your sister's feelings
Begin your apology by admitting that you hurt his feelings and want to soothe his hurt. Don't say "if" or "but" when talking to him. Speak honestly and admit that your brother did feel offended or upset.
For example, you could say, "I understand how hurtful you feel when I read your diary without permission," or "I know I offended you when I said hurtful things in front of your friends."
Step 3. Take responsibility for your actions
You have to be willing to admit your actions and your mistakes. By being responsible, you show that you are aware of your bad attitude and want to improve your attitude towards your brother.
- Don't talk about your brother's behavior and don't blame him or make him feel inferior. You should apologize for your actions, not make him guilty for his actions. Blaming him will only make him more upset.
- You can say something like, "I know I behaved badly when I read your diary" or "I know what I said to you was hurtful and unfair." You can also say, "I'm really mad at you, but I shouldn't yell at you."
Step 4. Use the word “I” in your apology
Make sure you admit your mistake by saying "I" in your apology. In this way, you can show that you stand by what you say and are willing to admit your mistakes or bad attitude to him.
- You need to say "sorry" once to your sister sincerely and with feelings. Don't say "sorry" several times because your words will sound empty after saying it once. Maintain eye contact with him when apologizing. This way, you can show that you are serious and sincerely apologizing to him.
- For example, you could say, "I'm sorry for what I did to you" or "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings and being unfair."
Step 5. Give him time to accept your apology
Don't expect your brother to forgive you right away. He may accept your apology, but still be upset, or not respond to your apology at all. He needs time to process his anger and will accept your apology when ready.
- Keep in mind that your brother has no obligation to accept your apology right away (or accept it at all). You should respect his decision and give him time to forgive you.
- If your brother responds to your apology with feedback or comments about your behavior, listen to what he has to say without judging him. Show a willingness to listen to what he has to say and use his feedback to improve your attitude towards him in the future. Don't retaliate or get annoyed if he responds to you with comments or feedback.
Method 2 of 3: Showing Regret
Step 1. Write an apology letter
Sometimes it's hard to apologize in person, especially if you've really hurt or offended your sibling. Also, apologizing to your sibling can be "scary" because you may view them as role models. If you're afraid to apologize to your brother in person, try writing an apology letter and giving it to him to read when he has free time.
- You can start your letter with a greeting like "Hi, Sis!", then write your apology. First, accept and acknowledge your brother's feelings, then show responsibility for your actions.
- You can end the letter with something like "I'm sorry for what I did" and explain that you understand that he needs time to accept your apology. You can also talk to him in person when he's less angry, then end the letter with "I love you" to show that you still care about him.
Step 2. Write an apology poem
Another way you can show your remorse for your behavior to your sibling is to write an apology poem. This can be a good choice if you feel more comfortable expressing your feelings in a more creative way and don't want to use a letter in a more formal format.
- You can name your poem "Apology for My Brother". Use free-line forms when writing poetry to explain your sister's feelings and acknowledge your abusive behavior.
- You can end the poem with a simple line like "I'm sorry for my mistake". After that, sign and add the date to the poem, then give the poem to your sister so she can read it privately.
Step 3. Give an apology gift
You can also defuse his anger by giving him a special gift as an apology. Think of a unique gift that shows that you are sorry for how you treated him and want to improve the relationship or pay for your actions.
- For example, if you steal your sister's diary, you can give her a new one with a better lock and lock system. If you damage your sister's favorite item, you can find a similar item and give it as a gift.
- You can also complete your gift with a sincere apology. Say your sorry, then give him a gift to win his heart. You have a better chance of getting forgiveness from him if you complete your gift with an apology.
Method 3 of 3: Avoiding Future Conflicts
Step 1. Learn anger management techniques
If you start to feel angry, it's a good idea to calm down before talking to your brother. If one day you're having trouble with him, try to calm yourself down for 15 minutes before talking to him. Some techniques to try include:
- Deep breathing.
- Meditation.
- Progressive muscle relaxation.
Step 2. Focus on the positive aspects of your brother
Usually, siblings fight with each other over trivial and serious matters. Maybe you often fight with your brother, even after growing up. You can avoid conflict by taking the time to focus on the positive aspects of it. Often, it is easier for a person to ignore the positive aspects and focus only on the negative.
- For example, maybe your sister is complaining and nagging about your life choices. Try to focus your mind on the positive aspects of his attitude. For example, he may nag because he is worried about your choices and cares about your condition.
- You also need to remember that even if he nags you, he provides his presence to support you when you experience failure or a bad moment. The positive aspects may outweigh the negative aspects, especially those related to the way he treats you.
Step 3. Consider the point of view
Try to see the situation from his point of view and don't immediately get defensive. Maybe your perspective on a situation differs from his, and this triggers conflict. It could be that your approach to a problem seems wrong from his point of view. Show a willingness to consider and respect their point of view, even when you don't really agree with it.
For example, you may feel that your sister was often the golden child as a child and that she is getting better treatment than your current parents. You can see your childhood from his point of view and realize how much pressure and expectations he had to carry as he grew up. This way, you can show greater empathy when you see the situation from his point of view
Step 4. Try to do good things for him
Try to do at least one good thing for him. You can do small things, like put toothpaste on his toothbrush in the morning or ask him how he's doing at school. Small kindnesses like these make him see you as a good little brother, and help build a greater sense of caring and giving in your relationship with him. The two of you won't get into arguments or fight easily if you treat each other with respect and care.
