No matter how strong a relationship is, it has problems and is tinged with fights. Studies in gender communication have observed that there is often undue tension in an apology even when the man admits he was wrong. In most cases, an apology is and should be considered a positive way to open dialogue after an argument. Apologies show a willingness to open up to one another. Even if you have to bite your tongue at times, a sincere, well-delivered apology can be the difference between ongoing hurt or a stronger relationship.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Prepare Psychologically
Step 1. Know that apologizing is a way to solve problems
Whatever the reason, remember that your goal is to make up with your partner and improve the relationship. In essence, an apology is an emotional acquiescence that can be rewarded with happiness if it's delivered nicely and sincerely.
Studies have consistently found that men have a much harder time apologizing than women. If you're one of them, think of apologizing as a practical (at least initially) maneuver to get past the first hurdle
Step 2. Take a minute to relax
If you have to apologize to a woman, you may also experience some pain. If you're not feeling well, prioritize what's more important and get your feelings back on track. This could mean minutes, hours, or days, depending on how bad the situation is.
However, don't delay too long. Being silent for too long can be interpreted as not wanting to apologize, that you don't regret it, and that you don't want to be with him anymore. Again, the interpretation of “too long” depends on how bad the situation is and the strength of the relationship itself
Step 3. Understand why he is angry
An insincere apology or without knowing the reason will make the situation worse than if you stayed silent. If you rush to apologize, a woman can detect that you are not being sincere. Before apologizing, think and reflect. Why is he angry? Are there other factors that might be influencing his mood? How serious is the problem?
- Put yourself in his position for a while. You should consider his feelings, and imagine how he will interpret your actions. If you're apologizing for something that happened, try replaying the incident in your head. From there, you'll definitely better understand why he's angry, regardless of whose fault it is.
- Remember that empathy is not the same as admitting fault. Even if you don't feel guilty, a healthy relationship is characterized by a willingness to accept how your partner feels. At first you may feel that the reason for his anger is unfair or irrational, but it's important to acknowledge that he is hurt.
Step 4. Apologize sincerely
If the problem is severe enough, he or she will analyze your apology for signs of faking it. The best way to make sure he accepts your apology is to mean it. If you're apologizing by gritting your teeth, it's best to hold back and reflect on it, or just apologize without thinking anything of it.
Maybe you are angry too, just like him. Anger will make it difficult for you to open up. If that's the case, give yourself time to relax and breathe
Method 2 of 3: Apologizing Verbally
Step 1. Wait for the right moment
Part of the art of apologizing has to do with timing. You don't want anyone to apologize while you're watching a movie or busy studying for tomorrow's exam. Instead, be patient (within acceptable limits) and wait for an opportunity when he is free and relaxed enough.
Again, don't wait too long. If you wait too long, he'll think you really don't want to apologize
Step 2. Approach him seriously
The way you approach it will have a big impact on whether or not your apology will be accepted. Approach him slowly and calmly. Don't let your mind be distracted by other things, your focus is on apologizing. Make sure you look him in the eye. Don't smile too much or act nonchalant. With body language, convey that you know the situation is serious.
- This step is certainly easier if you're apologizing via text message or on the phone, but remember that apologies are more effective and convincing when delivered in person.
- If the situation doesn't allow for an unplanned meeting, ask him to meet somewhere. Invite him to meet in simple, straightforward language, but give him reason to believe that you want to apologize. If at that time he was still very angry, give him a moment. After that, he may have calmed down and can give you a chance to admit your mistakes.
Step 3. Tell the story from your side
Before saying anything, start with a statement of regret. If you explain your reasons without expressing any remorse, he may be provoked into an argument. As soon as you meet, immediately say that you are sorry. Explanation can wait until this basic point is made. It may seem easy on paper, but when there are turbulent emotions on both sides, it can sometimes be difficult to get the planned words out. Don't get emotional. If necessary, remind yourself that this is the first step to repairing the relationship.
Don't apologize too much. In fact, it's best to express regret in the simplest language possible. You don't need poetry or much deliberation, just say, "I'm sorry." The more complex your language, the more likely it is that your apology will be misinterpreted
Step 4. Show empathy
The words "I'm sorry" can change things, but will not be enough for more serious problems. After admitting your mistake, tell him why you are sorry and that you understand his feelings. If the conversation ends up getting more balanced and there's an acknowledgment that it wasn't just one person's fault, maybe you can take the opportunity to share your own feelings as part of the healing process, but first make sure that he accepts your apology.
For example, say, “I'm sorry. I was very selfish at that time, after seeing how sick you were, I realized that my attitude was very bad. I know I can't change what happened, but I want you to know that I'm sorry, and I won't do it again."
Step 5. Give him a chance to respond
Minor mistakes may not need to be exaggerated, but apologies for serious problems might invite a response. After you express regret, it's your turn to express your feelings. Look into her eyes, stay calm, and digest everything she says. Even if you're angry at his words, try to empathize. He's probably still angry, and that anger affects his reaction so it's not very pleasant.
Step 6. Hug him
Verbal apologies should be accompanied by some kind of physical assertion. Regardless of the level of closeness of the relationship, hugs are almost always welcome. The hug at the end of the apology is a physical sign of how you feel, and his willingness to accept the hug is also a sign that the problem is over.
Step 7. Take steps to prevent the same incident from happening again
Apologies are meaningless if they don't reach the heart. If you apologize for a mistake, try not to repeat it. There are two benefits to fixing a mistake, first it reduces the chances of the same thing happening again, and second, he believes that you are sorry. If you are used to repeating mistakes after apologizing, it will be difficult to convince your partner to accept your apology.
For example, if you are always late, set the alarm 10 minutes earlier than usual. This way, you can prepare faster and reduce the risk of being late. If your partner knows that you've taken precautions, he or she will be sure that you're sincere
Method 3 of 3: Apologizing Nonverbally
Step 1. Write a letter
A written apology is the best nonverbal method. The length and tone of the message is determined by the seriousness of the problem and its cause. For example, forgetting a birthday is much different from violence or infidelity. However, what is important is that you write from the heart. Forget about writing formal letters, just share your feelings, and express regret in the first two sentences.
- Inserting a heart symbol under a letter indicates warmth and appropriate gesture in a romantic relationship.
- Handwriting is very important in this case. An apology letter is meaningless if it is not accompanied by a personal touch and sensitivity. Computers can sometimes disguise emotions. However, if the problem is minor, you can send an instant message or a short email.
Step 2. Make amends through positive action
If you hurt your partner's feelings, do something that pleases them as a way of making amends. The method you choose depends on the level of the relationship. If there's something he's interested in, take it as an opportunity to make things right. If you don't have any ideas, there are some women who like to have their back massaged or have their favorite food cooked. You don't need to overdo anything, simple gestures are more than enough.
Step 3. Donate money in his name
Donating money on behalf of your spouse is a formal way of apologizing. While this may be a personal step or less serious, an apology will have a bigger impact if money is involved. Of course, giving money to your partner seems like a bribe, so a better option is to donate on their behalf as a way of showing good intentions without being sneaky.
No matter how small the amount, donations must be accompanied by a specific stated reason. Explain that you are donating the money as a contribution to making a better world, which comes from your regrets so that at least the fight isn't just a pointless matter
Tips
- In essence, the most important thing in an apology are three simple words: "I'm sorry." Usually, you don't need a complement as long as the words are sincere.
- Although this article is divided into verbal and nonverbal categories, usually the most touching way is a combination of the two. In a romantic relationship, words will not be strong if not accompanied by action, and vice versa.
- If you're having an affair, an apology won't be accepted easily. So make sure everything is perfect exactly the way he wants it to be before you sincerely apologize. Put yourself in his shoes, and feel the pain you are inflicting on his heart.
