There are many ways that things can go wrong with a person: it could be that they are motivated to think something is not true, they have incorrect or outdated information, or they may be slightly right but not entirely correct. Whatever the reason, the art of telling someone he or she is wrong requires convincing that person with reason, logic, and facts in a way that makes the person realize that he or she is wrong, rather than aggressively denying it. We can feel uncomfortable telling someone they are wrong, but sometimes we have to. Here's how to deal with this situation in the most convincing and gentle way possible.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Deciding to Open Your Mouth
Step 1. Look at the pros and cons
Ask yourself what you will get if you tell this person wrong. If it's not much, it's probably best not to mention it at all and save your energy for the fights that really matter.
- For example, if you and your partner take turns doing the dishes and he says he did it last night and you know he was wrong, there may be no point in arguing over petty things. However, if this has happened repeatedly, it's a good idea to discuss it.
- Another fairly trivial example is when your partner says something happened four days ago when you know it happened two days ago. If this isn't going to drastically change the future, it's best not to talk about it.
- If this is a very emotional issue and you're having a hard time weighing the pros and cons, make a list with pen and paper.
Step 2. Find out when the time is right
No one likes to lose face in public, so if you're going to tell him he was wrong, take him somewhere quiet and private. This means that sometimes you have to wait until the right moment and it's unwise to always confront them head-on when they happen.
- If you wait to discuss the matter when you are alone, make sure you present it in a neutral manner so that the conversation goes in a good direction.
- For example, instead of saying something like, "Hey, do you remember what you said earlier? I have something to say about that" or "Do you remember that silly thing you said earlier? Why is that?" try to use more neutral language like "Hey, remember what we didn't agree on earlier? Can we talk for a minute?"
Step 3. Try to stay calm
While there's a lot you can gain or you can be happy to tell him that he's wrong, be sure to do it calmly. Don't get him defensive or upset, unless that's your goal, as this could actually take you away from the outcome you want, which is to get him to see your point of view on the matter.
Step 4. Prepare yourself
Before you open your mouth and say he's wrong, make sure you've thought the matter through and know for sure that you're right.
Think about what he could say in response to you and defend himself, and make a list of your responses to those responses so you have a better chance of convincing him that he's wrong, if he refuses to believe you
Step 5. Try to keep an open mind
Just think about how much you believe you are right, and know that it's possible that he also feels this much confidence in himself.
- Remember that even if you think you're right and he's wrong, there's a good chance that you're actually wrong.
- As you consider whether or not you should open your mouth, bear in mind that you may be wrong and prepare yourself to listen carefully to the argument.
Step 6. Try to think through his perspective
Think about why he thinks he's right. Doing so can help you feel more confident that he's wrong, realize that he's right, or better understand the specific issues that need to be brought up to him to let him know why he's wrong.
Step 7. Know who you are talking to
The reality is that there is no one-size-fits-all way of telling everyone that they are wrong because everyone has a different personality which makes some of them easier to deal with than others.
- Sometimes the best way is to convey it in a friendly manner but still the person's ego will rebel even if you do it that way. Sometimes all it takes to deal with people like this is assertiveness and not giving up.
- For example, if he's stubborn, you won't be able to make him understand by being passive and friendly. In a case like this, you may need to be more assertive and more assertive. If on the other hand he is sensitive to criticism, his assertiveness and assertiveness actually makes him withdraw.
Part 2 of 2: Telling Him
Step 1. Convey the behavior, not the character
Don't associate his mistakes with intelligence or other aspects of his personality. He might even get defensive. If you don't associate these actions or thoughts (which make him wrong) with his personality, he will also be able to see his faults more easily because his identity and beliefs are not mentioned.
For example, instead of saying something judgmental about your personality like "You clearly didn't pay attention or something went wrong with your memory because I was the last one to wash the dishes," try saying something that focuses more on this specific mistake, such as "I'm sure You were wrong about who was the last to wash the dishes."
Step 2. Show me how to be right
People will be more likely to believe he or she is wrong if you offer the correct alternative. If you point out that he's wrong but stop there without saying anything else, he may be insisting that he's right.
Try to speak with authority but don't be arrogant. Again, the point is not to get him defensive
Step 3. Don't press him
Don't be aggressive and let him know gently by saying something like "I think you're wrong" instead of "Obviously you're wrong." The second sentence is more abrasive and is more likely to cause him to respond aggressively such as refusing to take your statement seriously.
Step 4. Hold the emotion
The more angry or upset you are, the more power you have. Try to stay calm and if he doesn't want to accept the facts, maybe you should stop talking about them. Often fighting to prove someone wrong is just a waste of time. Try to be comfortable with the fact that you're the only one who knows you're right and that in some cases, other people's opinions don't matter.
Step 5. Try the sandwich technique
Try layering his point of fault between two of his positive qualities, or interweaving it with some of his other true opinions. With this technique, he may be able to ignore your attempts to correct his error in a negative way.
- For example, your roommate is wrong when he says he was the last to wash the dishes and often you have already discussed it. Maybe you could say something like "If you wash the dishes, it's clean. But I think you were wrong about who did the dishes last. I remember yesterday when you played that nice song on your guitar. Do you remember?"
- Make sure you're getting the point across in this conversation, which is to make him realize he was wrong about something. Don't spend too much time discussing the things he does well because he might lose focus and not get the point you want to convey and the sandwich technique you use will be wasted.
- However, don't come across as condescending either. This sandwich technique is quite confusing but you won't come across as condescending if you use the good points sincerely.
Tips
- Read the art of arguing.
- Be aware that the other party may be as sure as you are that he or she is right.
- Learn to be persuasive and persistent without being aggressive.
- Be careful not to corner the wrong person because he or she may not even want to listen to you or accept your point of view.
