The more acceptance of the LGBTQ community in society, the more people feel comfortable admitting their sexual orientation. However, there are still many people who do not know how to respond to friends who state their sexual orientation to them. If you don't know how to respond to your friend, remember that your friend doesn't change. The information is only additional information to you. Accept your friend's sexual orientation by reacting appropriately, empathizing with them, and finding ways to strengthen the friendship.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Reacting on Hearing the News
Step 1. Remain calm and don't overreact, even if you are surprised or disappointed
It is normal to take time to receive the shocking news. Take a deep breath, then remember how you feel about your friend before he admits his sexual orientation. Your friend is still the same person, and there's no reason for you to walk away from him now.
- To calm down, close your eyes, and silently count to 10. Take a deep breath through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. You may ask the friend for time after he has told you; just say that you want to hear some music or go for a walk.
- Sometimes, the confession will actually relieve you. Sexual orientation is a sensitive topic, and both of you may feel hesitant to talk about it.
Step 2. Say that you still care about the friend
Your friend may feel anxious and insecure so make sure you tell her that your friendship is still valuable. If you know that he likes physical contact, give him a hug to express acceptance and affection.
To reassure your friend, you might say "I'm glad you told me about this, and our friendship won't change. I'll still care about you."
Step 3. Thank your friend for trusting you
Admitting your sexual orientation can be scary, especially if someone is just getting comfortable with their sexual orientation. Say that you are happy that he has trusted you.
Say things like "Wow, it's hard to admit this. Thank you for trusting me and telling me about this. Your honesty and courage are great."
Step 4. Avoid belittling your friend's sexual orientation
Your friend may be convinced of their sexual orientation before they tell anyone else, and they probably won't just change their mind. Questioning your friend's sexual orientation may actually cause hurt. They may assume that you do not take their statements seriously.
Avoid questions like "Are you sure?" or "This is just a normal phase"
Step 5. Extend the conversation if your friend needs it
Good conversation can help you and your friend process your feelings and actions. Listen to your friend, and try to understand his point of view. Don't hesitate to ask questions if you don't understand what the friend is saying, but respect your friend's boundaries if they don't feel comfortable discussing things.
You may want to ask things like "How long have you been in love with the same sex?", or "What can I do to help you? I'll try to do that."
Step 6. Don't change the topic of conversation to yourself
Focus on the friend's feelings and needs. You may be in shock right now, but your friend's feelings are certainly more turbulent. Remember that you still have time to think about and work through your feelings.
- It's okay to say how you feel, especially if your friend asks you to share. However, don't make your feelings the main topic of conversation.
- For example, if you're feeling confused, say "I might need a while to get used to it, but you're still my friend. What do you need from me right now?"
Method 2 of 3: Empathize with Friends
Step 1. Put yourself in the friend's shoes
If you are heterosexual, imagine living in a world that labels heterosexuals negatively. Think about how it affects your life, and how you would like to be treated. Then, find out what your friend is dealing with on a daily basis, and think about how you can change his life by being a good friend.
Even though LGBTQ people are now more socially accepted, they still face problems such as discrimination in the workplace, difficulty finding a home, mental health problems, violence, and bad labels from family and friends. In addition, some LGBTQ people are also rejected from their families. Knowing the problem can help you support the friend
Step 2. Know things related to LGBTQ life
Understanding the history of the LGBTQ community and the problems they face can help you understand and accept your friend's condition. Talking to your friends is a great start to understanding LGBTQ life. Alternatively, you can also find various resources on the internet.
- One good resource is the GLBT Historical Society website at
- You can also access the PFLAG website at
Step 3. Ask questions
If you don't understand something, don't hesitate to ask. Talking to a friend will help you understand what needs to be clarified. However, remember that your friend is only an individual, and does not represent the opinions of all LGBTQ people.
- If you ask a question and your friend doesn't know the answer, try to find the answer together.
- Make an effort to learn things about LGBTQ yourself. Your friends will certainly appreciate your efforts.
Step 4. Pay attention to how you feel about the friend's sexual orientation
If you feel uncomfortable or bothered by a friend's sexual orientation, think about why you feel that way. Do your beliefs and actions make you think negatively of LGBTQ people? If so, find a way to work around this.
- For example, you can talk to other people about your feelings, or seek more information about your problem.
- Remember that your feelings and beliefs are your responsibility, not the friend's.
- Try not to feel angry with yourself. Your ignorance is natural, as long as you are willing to learn. Accept your friends for who they are, and work on dealing with your feelings.
Method 3 of 3: Caring for Friends
Step 1. Accept that you cannot change the friend's sexual orientation
He had become convinced of his sexual orientation, and questioning his friend's life decisions was of course no longer relevant. If you want to be a good friend, believe everything he says. Treat your friend's sexual orientation as a simple fact, like your height, and avoid using words that suggest that sexual orientation is a lifestyle.
Step 2. Avoid focusing on your friend's sexual orientation
You don't need to ignore or forget about your friend's sexual orientation, but you don't have to make a big deal out of it either. Treat your friend the same as before, and do the same things as before he revealed his sexual orientation.
Remember that just like you, your friends can't be defined by their sexual orientation or life
Step 3. Support your friends
When he needs a friend or emotional support, be there. Bring him along when you're planning something, and offer to help when he wants to admit his sexual orientation to someone else. If someone oppresses him, fight the bully.
If your friend is already dating someone, meet the boyfriend to show that you care about his friend's life
Step 4. Trust that your friend will appreciate the friendship that has been established
When your friend admits his sexual orientation, you may be tempted to think he has a crush on you. Try to ignore these thoughts. After all, you do not "assess" just anyone of the opposite sex, right? Therefore, trust that your friend admits to his sexual orientation not because he has a crush on you.
- Sometimes, your friend may like you. If this happens, don't exaggerate. Just say that you are not interested in him. If he is a good friend, he will respect your feelings.
- Don't experiment with sex with your friend even if you're curious. Your friend may feel used, especially if you're not serious. While experimenting, you run the risk of losing friendships.
Step 5. Take care of your friend's confidence
Do not share your friend's sexual orientation with others. Ask anyone he has told, and make sure you reassure the friend that you will not share his sexual orientation.
