Just realized that you are actually homosexual, and even worse, have fallen for one of your male friends? Most likely, you will feel burdened by the situation, right? On the one hand, you want to express romantic feelings while acknowledging your sexual orientation honestly with the person. On the other hand, you know that admitting both at the same time can overwhelm your friend! Therefore, do everything gradually. First of all, acknowledge your sexual orientation to him. Then, consider whether or not you need to confess romantic feelings to your friend. In the end, make the most appropriate decision. If you feel the need to express romantic feelings to him, don't hesitate to do so. Remember, all of these stages are long-term processes that require your patience!
Step
Part 1 of 3: Admitting Sexual Orientation
Step 1. Learn to understand and accept yourself as you are
Don't hesitate to explore your identity and always remember that before admitting your sexual orientation to anyone, including your crush, the first step is to learn to accept and be comfortable with the feelings that arise. Today, social pressures and expectations are highly dependent on sexual orientation and gender identity. As a result, the process is not always easy to do. That is why, you must learn to be comfortable with that identity first, so that you can feel stronger and confident when you have to admit that orientation to others.
Step 2. Choose the right time and place to confess your sexual orientation
Think of the way you think is appropriate. However, always remember that there is no “correct” way to admit sexual orientation! In other words, just choose the way that feels most comfortable for you. For example, you can make a confession in a serious situation that makes it sound "special," or simply slip the confession into a casual chat. Some things you need to consider:
- Think about whether the confession should be made in private or when the two of you are out with other friends.
- Think of a location that you think is appropriate. Instead, choose a location or activity background that you both enjoy. For example, confess when the two of you are drinking coffee, playing tennis, or eating pizza together.
- Give him time to ask questions and provide feedback. Therefore, choose a setting that allows him to focus on your words! For example, don't confess during class breaks or when she has to rush to an event.
Step 3. Reveal your sexual orientation to him
Before expressing romantic feelings, of course, your friend must first know your sexual orientation. Therefore, make the confession first! After that, give him time to process the information for a few weeks.
- Instead, make your confession immediately by saying, "Matt, I'm gay," or "Uh, you need to know I'm gay." Try not to appear too nervous and find the "perfect" time to make the confession.
- Try your best to speak clearly, no matter how nervous you are feeling at the time. Trust me, you will feel even more stressed if you have to repeat the confession!
Step 4. Watch the reaction
To determine the next step, which is to express romantic feelings to him, try to observe his reaction. Does he look happy, scared, or somewhere in between after hearing your confession?
- Chances are, he wants to discuss the confession further or just say, "Okay, okay," and then change the subject.
- Answer the questions he asks. Chances are, he'll ask how long you've known him, who you've told him, how you feel, or what he can do to help him. Answer all questions honestly and openly!
- Alternatively, your friend may have had suspicions for a long time. If that's the case, chances are he won't be surprised after hearing your confession.
Step 5. Think of ways to deal with negative reactions
Your friend may or may not respond positively to your confession. Therefore, prepare yourself to respond to unwanted reactions.
- If your friend looks angry or upset after hearing the confession, try saying, “I'm sorry if my confession upset you. I still hope that you will support me, anyway, because this is what I am.” Then, give him a chance to process the confession.
- Chances are, your friend just needed time to receive the information. Remember, you also need a long time to accept yourself as you are, right? Therefore, give the same patience to your friends.
- If he doesn't react in a supportive way and continues to behave this way, it's best to stop being friends with him. While it can be painful, especially if you also harbor romantic feelings for them, understand that no one has the right to be stuck in a relationship with someone who can't accept them for who they are.
Step 6. Pause for a moment
Fear, isolation, and shame are some examples of common feelings at this stage. In addition, you may also feel free, brave, and happy, especially if your friend's reactions are very supportive and enthusiastic. Since there are various emotions that need to be processed and digested by all parties, pause and delay your confession until the digesting phase is over.
Take a few weeks to digest your next move, and allow your friend to digest the confession and show an honest reaction
Step 7. Consider admitting your sexual orientation to someone else
If you haven't already, there's nothing wrong with admitting your sexual orientation to someone other than your friend. For example, select a few people you know and you know can take the news positively. Then, prepare yourself to remain optimistic and keep in mind that regardless of their reaction, you are still a person of value and worth. In addition, make sure you move at the desired tempo and always put your own interests above all else.
Part 2 of 3: Measuring His Reaction
Step 1. Talk to someone
Share your situation with a third person to identify your feelings, and the steps you should take to deal with them. Trust me, the help of a trusted third party can help clarify what action you should take!
- Ask for the perspective of a trusted third person, and ask their views if they were in the same position as you. For example, you might ask, "If you were gay and liked someone who happened to be your friend, what would you do?"
- If the two of you have a mutual friend, chances are that that person will be able to share his or her views on possible reactions. Of course, you have to choose a trusted mutual friend, especially since this situation is so personal that it's best not to spread it until it reaches the ears of your crush, right?
- For example, you might say, “I think I like Tom. I really want to admit that because we're really good friends, right, and we seem like a perfect couple. You think this idea is good, don't you? You've known him as long as I have. So, I wanted to hear your opinion.”
Step 2. Observe your relationship situation
After admitting your sexual orientation to him, try to observe his behavior when he is around you. Remember, his behavior isn't necessarily a genuine representation of his feelings, especially if your confession really surprised him. Therefore, be patient to wait for a few weeks or several months before moving on to the next stage.
Observe his body language when he is around you. if he's constantly leaning toward you, smiling, or even flirting, chances are your feelings aren't one-sided. However, if he seems reluctant to make eye contact or stays away from you, he's most likely still trying to digest your confession about your sexual orientation. If that's the case, be patient until he seems more comfortable with you, or resist the urge to confess your feelings to him
Step 3. Consider his sexual orientation
If you really believe that your friend is heterosexual or has another orientation that doesn't match yours, don't risk ruining the friendship by confessing your feelings.
If you're not sure about their sexual orientation, or if you feel their sexual orientation is fluid enough, there's nothing to stop you from confessing your feelings to him
Step 4. Make a decision to state, or not to express, your feelings
Admitting your love for someone can change the nature of your relationship with that person. Therefore, do not ignore negative risks, such as the end of your friendship. However, don't ignore the positive possibility, that your feelings will be reciprocated by him.
Consider the relationship that exists between the two of you. Does your friend seem to still want to be friends after hearing the confession? Will the relationship between the two of you still be fine after the confession? Are you ready for a romantic relationship with him, even though the possibility of breaking up looms?
Step 5. Think of different scenarios
Think of a few examples of situations that might end the conversation, and imagine how you would choose to approach all of them. Also think about how you would feel if you decided to keep those feelings under wraps.
- Your friend may respond warmly to a confession about your sexual orientation, but may not be interested in a romantic relationship with you. Do you feel like you can still be friends with him, even if he doesn't like you?
- Imagine the worst-case scenario, and think about whether the admission is worth the negative risk you may have to face later. For example, your friendship may be broken, or your friend may gossip about your confession to others.
- Think about how you would feel if you kept holding on to those feelings. Do these feelings seem to go away with time or do your life situations change?
Step 6. Imagine the worst possible scenario, and think about whether the confession is worth the risk
Chances are, you'll do it anyway because you want to be honest and open with your loved ones.
On the other hand, you may be discouraged because you feel that romantic feelings will not be reciprocated
Part 3 of 3: Expressing Feelings
Step 1. Decide on an appropriate way to express your feelings
First of all, make sure the process is done in a private space. Then, make sure you also choose a time and place that allows the conversation to be private.
- If possible, have a live conversation so you can more easily observe his reaction.
- Don't express your feelings when you're drunk! Although things will feel easier, in fact these actions will not be taken seriously by your friends.
- If you want, you can write down your feelings in a letter if you find it difficult to express them in person.
Step 2. Tell him the meaning of your friendship
Emphasize how important it is in your life. Help him understand the roots of your feelings!
You might say, “We've been friends for a very long time. You mean a lot to me as a friend, and I really thank you for your support when I confessed to being gay. The time we spent together was really fun, and I really enjoyed our time together.”
Step 3. Share your feelings
Let your friend know that you like him, or are in love with him. Acknowledge any awkwardness and discomfort that might color the confession.
- For example, “I fell in love with you. It's weird, really, but I feel like I have to honestly tell you how I feel."
- Let them know that you've been considering this confession for a long time, especially since you're worried that your friendship will be ruined afterward. For example, you might say, “I've been meaning to say this for a long time, before you even knew I was gay. But, I chose to wait because I don't want to surprise you many times at the same time. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I'm sorry if I feel I have to be honest."
- Express how you feel when you have to make the confession. For example, you might say, "Actually I was afraid to say this, mainly because I was worried that you wouldn't feel the same way and our friendship would be ruined afterward."
Step 4. Be patient in waiting for his response
Chances are, your friend doesn't know what to say at that moment. If that's the case, emphasize that he doesn't have to rush into a response and can think of his answer first.
- You might say, “I know this confession must be confusing for you. It's okay, if you can't answer now and need some time to think. Call me when you know what to say, okay?”
- Remember, your friend may never respond to the confession directly. Chances are, he doesn't share the same interest, is confused, or just uncomfortable with your confession. If that's the case, try letting it go and moving on without it. After all, you have spoken your heart out. In other words, the ball of conversation is now at your friend's feet!
Step 5. Make peace with the situation
Be proud that you have the courage to express your feelings to loved ones! Remember, expressing your heart is not as easy as turning your palm, especially because at that moment you have to weaken yourself when sharing the secrets of your deepest heart with others. In addition, it also takes enormous courage to do so. That's why, you really should be proud!
- Try to keep your distance from your friend if the confession doesn't end in a positive way. accept the fact that that is exactly what he needs to do now.
- Your friendship may or may not be negatively affected. If your friend doesn't want to turn a friendship into a romantic one, it's likely to be a while before things can get back to "normal" between the two of you.
- If your romantic attraction isn't reciprocated, rest assured that sooner or later, you'll be able to move on without it. Most importantly, those feelings have been released, and you now have complete freedom to pursue other opportunities! In fact, the heartache that appears may not be as big as you imagine, you know!
