One of the toughest challenges a relationship can face is rebuilding trust after being betrayed. When we trust someone, we're not afraid to be silly or quirky, and we're not afraid to openly share what we want or what scares us. At its peak, trust gives way for us to give and receive love. When a trust is broken, we will feel awkward and indecisive for fear of being embarrassed again. However, when a relationship is truly valuable and when your love deepens, trust can be rebuilt and relationships that endure because of disharmony usually grow stronger and become more valuable as an experience.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Help Yourself First
Step 1. Take some time away from other people, if you haven't already
You need to recover for the better, in order to want to regain the trust of others. It is very possible for this person to hurt you. You will want to be able to grow out of situations like this through the process, so to do so you should take some time for yourself.
- Your emotions can influence your judgment at the height of tension. That means it will be difficult to think clearly and you may end up saying things that don't help to improve the situation at hand. How you feel is “very” important, and it's a big part of regaining trust, but it's also not very productive if you stay away a bit.
- It would be hard not to think about what happened, but give it a try. At least for a little while. Do something really interesting that you're totally hooked on at the time – go to a lakeside inn with your friends, go mountain climbing, or chat with new people. For the time being, forget what happened.
Step 2. Don't make yourself a victim
You are a victim of circumstances, but don't really become a victim of them. Do you see the difference? The victim of the situation understands that the betrayal of trust is one incident, besides that the victim actually feels that all relationships, both good and bad, are currently being affected. The victim of the situation wants to overcome this incident, besides that the victim really wants to drown in the pain caused by other people. Remaining a victim will be a major obstacle to regaining the trust of others. Remaining a victim will be a major obstacle to regaining trust in someone.
Step 3. Remind yourself that not everything is lost
Especially after being betrayed in a relationship, it's easy to feel like the world is being turned upside down and you're in free fall, take your mind off what you think you know. Feelings like this are very discouraging. But this is not the reality. There is still a lot of light in your life that you can see if you know which way to look. Reminding yourself of this simple concept can go a long way in rebuilding trust.
- Look at the simplest things you still have. Your friends, your family, and your health are the three most important parts you still have, even if you feel that the person who betrayed you is related to them. Thank you for having all of this.
- Try to see things from the positive side. It might seem silly to see that betrayal still has a positive side, but it certainly is. You've learned as much about other people as you know yourself, that's the big part. You will use this lesson to ensure that something like this will not happen again if you want to resume your relationship.
Step 4. Don't rush things without thinking
When someone we care deeply about betrays us and abuses our trust, one of the deepest actions we will take is to try to punish them for hurting us. When our male partner cheats on us, we go and break away with other men who are close to us; what if our friends lie to us, we will lie to them too. Try not to do anything unreasonable without thinking about it first. Here's how you can get through it:
Ask yourself: are you doing all this for yourself or to hurt someone else? If you're doing this all for yourself, then keep going – achieve it. But if you're doing it to hurt someone who has hurt you, let go of the desire to get back at it. The next time you're trying to get your relationship back together, these kinds of actions will cement your path to getting things right again
Step 5. Be social
Get back to socializing after spending some time on your own. There's no such thing as social contacts to help remind you that the world goes on. While no one is pushing you to move on with your life, seeing things from different perspectives is a brilliant idea. Multiple points of view can help. Friends, co-workers, even strangers can help you get there.
Listen to your friends, but accept whatever they say openly but don't take it personally. They sometimes don't always understand what's going on, and they subconsciously want to cheer you up. (part of what they're supposed to be doing.) It's best not to take it for granted and assume it's as if they know what's going on, or that they know what's best for “your” relationship
Part 2 of 3: Taking What's Left
Step 1. Start by reviewing your relationship
It's sad to see a relationship discontinue, be it love or friendship, and sometimes betrayal opens our eyes to see and realize that there are many other people out there. Looking at the entirety of a relationship can help you decide whether you “want” to regain trust or move on.
- What was a relationship like before anything happened? Do you have fun and laugh a lot? Or do you feel that this is like a repetitive job that you do most of the time.
- Do you feel heard? Are your words as important as theirs? Are the lines of communication free and open, or closed and restricted?
- Do you feel that you can depend on this person?
- Is the relationship going in a balanced way, or is it one-sided and not going the way you want it to?
- Was betrayal out of the ordinary or, on second thought, did you ever think that this would happen? Has this person had the experience of breaking the trust of a friend or lover?
Step 2. Find out why you are in a relationship
This is another important exercise in the process of getting to know yourself, which you should try to complete before you decide to allow yourself to trust the person who has betrayed you. In the end you are looking for the truth in the wrong place, you should avoid that person and look for someone else. It's hard to say, but it's a powerful drug.
- Are you in a relationship because you need someone to fill your life? This may be a problem. It's impossible to ask someone to fill your life. Only you can do it yourself. If you're in a relationship because you want to feel "everything", it's a good idea to take a break from dating
- Are you asking people to hurt you? Do you always date the same type of people, people who end up hurting you over and over again and making for a dramatic scene? You may subconsciously ask to feel pain because you don't think you deserve better. Boost your self-esteem and don't stay with people who are obviously going to hurt you.
Step 3. Classify your relationship
Of course, classifying someone sounds callous, but it's an effective and honest way to judge whether this person is exactly what you need. Because after all that, we deserve a five-star relationship, so make sure what you get.
- Identify the three to five most valuable values in a relationship. Laughter and emotional support are the greatest needs for some people. For others, the intellectual drive is paramount.
- Through the classification system, determine whether this person fits your needs and matches your desired values. For example, if this person shares values with you and is doing a great job of meeting your needs, it's a good idea to give them a second chance if they cheat. On the other hand, if this person doesn't truly share your values and is an overall good person, betrayal means you have to move on.
Step 4. Test the betrayal yourself
Basically not everyone deserves your trust. But sometimes, a mistake occurs because it hurts and reminds us of a previous wound. a betrayal calculated or created out of malicious intent and of course it is clear that this person is not someone you can trust. But unintentional and unintentional mistakes deserve forgiveness. Think about the following steps:
- Does lying count, such as cheating spouse, malicious gossip or sabotage by coworkers?
- Was it intentional, like hitting a car or spreading a secret?
- Did it happen only once, or did it happen over and over again?
- Consider the circumstances: did your friend or your loved one participate in your difficult time and play the role they should be in such a situation?
Step 5. Measure the severity of a betrayal
Is it light, medium or heavy? The severity of a betrayal is a good sign to gauge the level of pain that other people have given you.br>
- Divulging secrets, 'white' lies (lies that are told to protect your feelings, as opposed to lies to deceive you) and complimenting your romantic partner in a way that may seem flirtatious are all part of light betrayal. This event may be unintentional and only happens once. In general, if you show your concern, it will lead to a direct and sincere apology, and a promise to be more sensitive to your feelings going forward.
- Gossiping about you, often borrowing your money but not always returning it and not appreciating it, is part of moderate betrayal. This habit reflects a lack of consideration and reflects selfishness. It's hard to deal with someone who seems indifferent to your feelings, sometimes people don't even notice. This kind of behavior can be solved by talking about it.
- Stealing large sums of money, infidelity, spreading bad rumors or lies, and sabotaging you at work or in any other business are all part of grave betrayal. The perpetrator is aware of the consequences that will occur from his actions, but still does it. In a case like this, you need to seek professional guidance to save your relationship, if possible you can forgive him
Part 3 of 3: Slowly Rebuilding Trust
Step 1. Focus on the positives in the relationship
Once you've decided to forgive and move on, the best way to let go of resentment, anger and suspicion is to remember the amazing things that person brought into your life. There may be reasons and hopefully many reasons why you stay in the relationship. Think back to the original reason why you let this person into your life.
Step 2. Try to put yourself in their shoes
It's hard to do, and it's not necessarily what you think it is, but it will help you save your relationship, which is what you want to do. Try to imagine what prompted someone to betray you either directly or indirectly. Try to think about how the person felt at that moment. You shouldn't make decisions out of pity for someone, but showing empathy is something that is very valuable and very meaningful to other people.
Step 3. Talk about an incident
Be clear about how you feel, and give the other person a chance to talk. At the same time you will find that asking deep questions can make the wound worse. This can make the healing process even harder.
- Discuss what happened. Explain how you were at the time of the incident and why you felt hurt. Avoid accusations. Give others a chance to explain their point of view.
- Set your expectations and ask what is expected of you. This will help clarify the cause of the current problem, as well as avoid disputes in the future.
- Don't expect to be able to talk about an incident in just one discussion. Make it clear to your friends or partner. It will take time to recover, the person should be ready to discuss this at any time. If they're not ready, it's a sign that they may not care as much as you do about mending the relationship.
Step 4. Reduce the incidence
Often the behavior that hurts more can be done by others than yourself. People pass it on to their friends, family, or colleagues rather than dealing with it alone. If an incident weighs on someone else and makes them uncomfortable, help them to overcome their predicament. This incident can help you to view the incident with compassion and help you to be able to forgive. The following are some examples of hurtful behavior that is not self-defeating:
- Someone makes cynical comments about your appearance because they feel unattractive.
- A partner seduces you because they feel liked, not because they are unloved or unlovable.
- A friend is too eager to compete because he can't.
- You sabotaged your colleague because he was afraid his work wasn't good enough.
Step 5. Keep trying to think positively about everything
If you doubt that your relationship isn't going well, but still want to try, you're like someone who has given up at this point. If you decide to try another way, trust me it will work, not because you want it to, but because someone else deserves it.
Don't be constantly in fear that betrayal will happen again. Try to get back to normal. If you realize that you continue to be in the shadow of past betrayals, this indicates that you must immediately get out of the shadow, both for the benefit of yourself and that person
Step 6. Admit that we all make mistakes and think about how many times you have been forgiven
Forgiveness tends to give you the opportunity to be kinder and more responsible. Forgiving others can make way for others to be forgiven as well.
Tips
- Be independent, remember that even if your friends or loved ones hurt you again, you can still take care of yourself and your own opinion matters the most.
- If your trust has been broken, and you choose to stay with him, you should cooperate, not just give 100% while he is giving nothing at all. You have to work together to get things back, and he has to show that it's worth keeping and you won't regret working so hard to keep you together.
- Show that your trust has returned, by sharing something as important as your hopes, dilemmas or responsibilities.
- Show your forgiveness, make time to spend with your friends or loved ones.
Warning
- Holding grudges can damage your relationship and make it difficult to form new bonds.
- Your relationship may never be the same. It may be better than before, but it may also be that your efforts to forgive are not being appreciated.
- Holding hatred increases stress; High levels of stress are linked to heart disease, stroke and cancer.
