Trust that has been broken is difficult to rebuild. Once you break someone's trust, you need a lot of patience and determination to restore it. With persistence, you can make up for the disappointment he felt and restore the relationship to a better place than before. Don't just try to restore trust so that the relationship returns to normal, but find new ways to open up and solve problems to become a better person.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Apologizing
Step 1. Show that you mean it
Apologize sincerely and regretfully. Do anything. Don't try to justify your actions or make excuses. Don't say "but" or "if only" when apologizing and know that any attempt to make him look wrong will only hurt you. You can't blame yourself and have to take responsibility for yourself.
- Don't display artificial emotions, but if you seem too relaxed or indifferent, your apology may not be taken seriously.
- If you want to cry, don't hold it in. Please cry. Tears show sincerity and guilt.
- In some cases, you have to say clearly, "I know I was wrong." Tell how deep you regret after making the mistake.
- Like words, whether or not an apology is accepted is also largely determined by attitude. This is difficult because people usually maintain a positive self-image. Research shows that it's easier to stay humble if you think about some of the things you like about yourself beforehand in preparation.
Step 2. Try to set aside time for yourself
Time will give you space to understand what's going on and express your feelings better. Apologies delivered in the heat of the moment can sometimes seem insincere, more like a way of avoiding trouble without actually addressing the root cause.
Step 3. Express your apology in writing
Write a letter or email expressing your deep regret. In general, it's better to apologize in person. However, if the person you're hurting avoids or you're not sure you can express your feelings appropriately when meeting in person, you can say so in writing.
- When writing an apology, take advantage of the flexibility you have and rethink the message you want to convey. After that, save and read again a few days later. With distance, you can express yourself better.
- Don't apologize via text and avoid email if possible. Try writing a letter, and consider sending it with flowers.
- If your relationship with the person is professional, make sure you write the letter in a professional tone as well. Open with a professional greeting such as, “Dear. Mr. Bagaskara”, and end with “Sincerely/(Your Name)”.
- If he is a good friend, you may want to use less formal language. Consider replacing “Sincerely” with “Greetings”. Instead of starting with "Dear", use his usual nickname, and no frills in front of his name.
Step 4. Offer a specific apology
When apologizing, provide details. For example, "I'm sorry for being mean to you" does not state what exactly you did wrong. On the other hand, you understand what you've done when you say, “I'm sorry I didn't come as I promised. I am very selfish and inattentive.”
It is important for you to accept mistakes. You have to recognize and accept your mistakes before you can move forward. Understand that you are at fault. And you have to keep that in mind in all your actions
Step 5. Be honest, but not brutal honesty
You have to show that you are committed to a relationship based on trust. However, telling him the details would only make him sicker. The goal here is to move forward, not sink into the past.
For example, if you are cheating on your partner, you should tell him or her. However, you don't need to tell everything that happened in the affair, because your partner will only repeat the events in his head. Tell him frankly that you've broken his trust, but don't make it clear
Step 6. Discuss your problem
By not putting the blame on someone else, explain what prompted you to make that mistake. Does it have something to do with your stubborn personality? Seriously think about why you're doing it. This can be used as an opportunity to get support so you can get better.
- If you explain too early, you will come across as making excuses. Wait for him to share his feelings and after you have sincerely apologized. It's even better if you wait until he asks you to explain.
- For example, if you don't meet a friend as promised, don't say you don't want to come because “you piss me off because you always talk about your boyfriend.” Instead, highlight your feelings. Say, "I feel ignored every time you talk about your boyfriend because I feel like you don't care what I say."
- "My statement" is the best way to express hurt feelings without hurting the other person. The formula is “I feel (your feelings) when you (his attitude is bothering you) because of (why you are bothered).
Step 7. Resist the urge to force forgiveness
Trust, once broken once, is hard to give again. Painful things are usually remembered longer than happy things. Be prepared to give her as much time as she needs.
- Let him know that he can express whatever he's feeling and you'll listen.
- Remember that trust is very important. Research shows that relationships based on trust can improve psychological health. Trust reduces anxiety and builds strength to face problems. As a result, people who are in relationships based on trust can cope better with stress.
Part 2 of 3: Restoring Trust with Action
Step 1. Make realistic promises
You and your partner must promise to take certain steps to make the relationship better. The promise should be clear enough so that there is no confusion. The promise you make should be something you can fulfill and relate directly to what you have done.
For example, you go out with friends, drink a lot, and commit some kind of offence. Don't just say that you won't make the same mistakes. However, you also can't promise to never see your friends again. Better consider setting a time to go home and drinking limits that must be adhered to in the future
Step 2. Keep your promise
It's important that you don't break promises when rebuilding trust. Breaking a promise at this point is usually worse than the first mistake. You have convinced him that you have changed and are trying to be better. If you break his trust again now, he probably won't believe you can change for the better.
Step 3. Be patient
Sorry is a slow process and you have to be patient and consistent. Your patience and persistence are determined by how important the relationship is to you. Nothing is more important in a relationship than trust.
Sometimes you may feel as though there is no progress or you are starting to be led in the wrong direction. Usually, these are just tests. If you want to succeed, be patient
Step 4. Remove your privacy
At this point he can no longer trust you and you have to show that you haven't done anything wrong anymore. Grant access to your email and Facebook accounts. Show your phone call history. Prove that you have nothing to hide.
Sometimes you don't need to do this, but it would be great if you broke trust by meeting other people in secret. This step is even more important if you've ever been in touch with other people online
Step 5. Buy gifts
You have to do more than promised. Going beyond promises will show that you're not only sticking to the deal, but that you genuinely want to do whatever it takes to get his feelings back on track. You can show with little care. Bring coffee or buy a gift. All of this has a big impact on proving that you are truly sorry and want to make amends.
Do it within reasonable limits. You don't need to give him full access to your savings in the bank
Step 6. Do domestic chores for her
If your wrongdoing is very serious, he may be so lost that he can't even take care of himself. Take this opportunity to show you are serious about improving things. Clean up the remnants of his work or cook something for him to eat. Make sure he doesn't have to worry about anything until he recovers emotionally.
Step 7. Spend some time alone
The biggest obstacle that often hinders closeness in modern relationships is busyness. There are so many things to do that we don't have enough time for our loved ones. Take time to enjoy being together, just the two of you.
Part 3 of 3: Moving On After Apologizing
Step 1. Give him space and time
Sometimes he just needs space to see that you've realized your mistake and changed your behavior so that it doesn't happen again. He needs time to see that you have changed for the better.
You may have to wait two weeks to several months, depending on the severity of the error you made
Step 2. Forgive yourself
We all make mistakes. Once you've apologized and changed your behavior, you'll need to start working your way through guilt for past actions. Take a lesson from it and accept that now you are better than ever.
In the end we must also try to have realistic trust based on the realization that other people are also imperfect and have their own faults
Step 3. Respect him, but don't forget to respect yourself
Do not accept physical violence or financial loss as part of the ransom you have to pay. You should be prepared to accept anger when you make a mistake, but don't let him strip you of your security.
Step 4. Accept that broken trust may be irreparable
Unfortunately, it is possible that a broken trust cannot be repaired even if you have spent a long time trying to redeem it. In such a case, the best course of action for both of you is simply to step forward and let go of the burden behind you.
Maybe you should give up if after six months there are no signs of improvement. If he's being physically abusive, you should prioritize your safety and forget about him
Step 5. Ask for support from others
Ending a relationship is difficult. For that, you need help. Look for professionals such as therapists, religious leaders, and counselors. Talk to your friends and try to meet new people.
Don't jump into a new relationship right away. Make sure you're fully recovered and comfortable with yourself, otherwise you're likely to be on the edge of another failed relationship and slowing down the recovery process
Step 6. Forgive yourself and him
Anger inside will make the problem worse. Focus on the good, not the bad. Remember that this is an opportunity for both parties to develop together.
