If you are reading this page, you must have doubts in your relationship. Questioning a lot of questions and finding out who you are is great for any relationship, but how do you know that your discomfort is telling you that it's time to end your relationship with him? Ending a relationship is never easy, even if you know it's the right thing to do. First, you have to make sure that it is the right choice by looking at whether the following signs happen to you or not. See step 1 below to get started.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Realizing Your Feelings
Step 1. Think of something that makes you hesitant to accept your partner
Do you want him to change for you? If so, consider also that it would be fairer if your partner also wants you to change for their sake. Another thing you can try is to fully accept the things you want to change about him. Say it out loud: "I accept that he's really lazy." Then ask yourself: Do the good things about your relationship outweigh the downsides? If so, try to accept and deal with your partner for who they are, rather than trying to make him change.
- If this is something big or bothersome that you can't let go of and he doesn't want to change, then maybe it's time to end your relationship.
- Maybe you and your partner come from different religious backgrounds. If your partner refuses to convert and so do you, for which religion is very important to you, then this may be a sign of separation.
Step 2. Think about your own problems
Maybe the reason you want to end the relationship is because you don't want to face problems that arise from yourself, such as insecurity or fear of abandonment, although those reasons will certainly appear in every relationship. For example, you've been cheated on before, and you want to end the relationship before you get too close and feel hurt again. That's not a good reason to end the relationship. You have to face your fear, and not run from it.
If you think that your problem is the cause, discuss this with your partner and try to find a way to work through the problem together
Step 3. Find out if the reason you are in a relationship with him is because you are afraid of hurting your partner's feelings
If you're the type of person who's used to helping other people, maybe deep down you don't want this relationship, but are too afraid to tell him. You have to realize, that you are not helping him at all by pitying him. You don't have to be someone who always has to make other people feel good.
- If you realize that your relationship has no future, then ending it as soon as possible is the best thing you can do for him, as you will give him a chance to recover from the pain and find a more suitable relationship in the future.
- While it's ideal to end a relationship on a quiet time, don't hold yourself back just because it's a birthday, wedding, Valentine's Day, Christmas with the family, or a million other reasons that would make it an "uncomfortable" situation to end the relationship. This will continue without a proper time to end the relationship (though some are, of course, better than others).
Step 4. Find out if the reason you are in a relationship with him is because you are afraid to be alone
Are you afraid of being single? Another reason people sometimes hesitate to end a relationship is because they don't want to be alone. But being with someone as a place to hang out is not only unfair to them, but to yourself as well, because you'll stop growing as an individual and won't find the right person for you. Read articles on how to enjoy being single and stay optimistic so you can stay excited about life.
Step 5. Be willing to accept the fact that you may not be interested in him anymore
Or maybe he's not interested in you at all. No one knows why we like or love other people. Sometimes, we just don't get along. Or sometimes, one person has deep feelings, while another doesn't. This happens. And it hurts, but it's nobody's fault. Compassion and love cannot be forced. You may have been crazy in love at some point, but how long has it been? The sooner you accept your true feelings, the sooner you can do something about it.
Step 6. Meditation
Spend some time sitting alone with your eyes closed, focusing on your breath. While this may not be as enlightening as you should be with your relationship, it will help you focus and be closer to your thoughts. You may be so busy panicking that you don't realize you haven't had time to sit down and listen to what your mind and body are saying.
Step 7. Find out if you feel embarrassed taking your partner for a walk
This is an important thing. If your coworker or group of friends is having a good day, do you enjoy bringing your partner because you know how great he is, or are you looking for an excuse not to bring him along because you hate bringing him into social situations?
Sure, some people are more shy than others and some situations would be more fun without your partner, but usually, you're proud of your partner and love to show it off. If you don't like how other people look at you when you see them with you, then how can you be happy in your relationship?
Part 2 of 4: Think About Your Partner
Step 1. Realize that you are manipulating or controlling the relationship
This type of relationship is not healthy. For a relationship to last, a manipulative partner must change his behavior. If he doesn't want to or can't, it's best to end the relationship as soon as possible. If you feel like your partner is in control of everything you do and threatens you if you do anything yourself, then you are in big trouble.
If you are being manipulated or controlled, then this is one of those rare cases where you may not want to end your relationship face-to-face; If you're afraid of the harsh reaction that might occur when ending a relationship, do so from a distance and ask a friend to help do it
Step 2. Find out if your partner values you or not
If your partner really cares about you, then he or she will not belittle or criticize you for no reason. If he gives you constructive feedback to help you become a better person, that's something else. But if the intention is bad, it is a dangerous thing. For example, if you drop and break something and your partner says something like, "You're such an idiot, why don't you take a look at what you did once in your life?" then maybe it's a sign to leave him and move on to someone who will love you better.
Disrespecting your partner's behavior may be shown in more subtle ways. Maybe he's laughing at your appearance, insulting your job, or pointing out something you're not good at. That is a form of disrespect
Step 3. Find out if your partner often abuses you or not
Arguing once in a while is okay, and fighting can be healthy for your relationship sometimes, if you then discuss your frustrations amicably. However, if your partner is yelling at you a lot, disagreeing with you, calling your name, and sometimes being mean to you for no reason, then it's time to walk away.
Step 4. Find out if your partner is ashamed of your relationship or not
This is a "giant" red flag. If your partner is embarrassed to take you for a walk or that says you're dating, then you're in big trouble. There are several good reasons for a person to hide their relationship, unless they are too young to date or have good reasons to hide their relationship from intrusive parents. However, if he wants to hide the relationship from his friends or acquaintances, refuses to hold your hand or date in public, then maybe it's time to end the relationship. You want to be with someone who is proud, not ashamed, of who you are, because you deserve it.
Step 5. Find out if you or he always wants to be close
If you're hugging, but you're the one who has to start it often or heat up the situation, you may be in trouble. Especially if it's a 'hello' or 'goodbye' kiss and you're the one who has to ask him to kiss you, there could be a problem in your relationship. Don't be afraid to say it; Maybe your partner has closeness issues or doesn't want to touch you because you're cheating on him. Whatever the problem, you have to solve it, because the status quo is not the solution.
Step 6. Find out if he's forcing you to do something you're not comfortable with or not
If he makes you drink when you don't want to, or does reckless things like driving fast, harassing strangers, or freaking yourself out, then it's time to end the relationship. He doesn't respect your wants and needs and you can find someone else who really cares about you.
It may take you a minute to realize that you're doing something you're not comfortable with, just because you're just trying to go with the flow
Part 3 of 4: Think About Relationships
Step 1. Find out if your friends warned you about the person you are dating or not
While you shouldn't end your relationship just because your friends think you can get better, you should consider your relationship if friends, family, and people you may not know tell you to end your relationship immediately. If they have a concrete reason, like he doesn't really like you or treats you like a doll, then that's a clearer sign or fact to end the relationship.
Of course, other people may not understand your relationship and you can't base the quality of your relationship just because the other person likes the fact that you are together or not. But if everyone's telling you to break up, you should at least consider that they might have good reason to warn you
Step 2. Find out if everything is going too fast or not
Your relationship should grow on its own and you should spend time understanding each other. If you just met your partner two months ago and are already talking about living together or getting married, then both of you may be obsessed with the idea of commitment but nothing else. If you're in a relationship without spending time understanding him, then you need to slow down or stop.
Step 3. Find out if there is talk about the future or not
All right, so you're fifteen, it's okay not to talk about marriage, moving, career, wanting to have kids, and so on. But if you're twenty-five or thirty-five and have been dating for a few years, then talk about the future will come slowly and naturally. If you've been together for a long time and neither of you have mentioned any future plans for more than a month, then chances are you both don't see your partner as a long-term partner. If this is the case, you should think about whether this relationship is worth fighting for or not.
Step 4. Find out if your relationship is having serious problems or not
While many signs of not being serious also indicate the need to end the relationship, there are signs that are always telling you to end your relationship or changing your tone seriously. If these signs happen to you, then it's time to break up:
- You experience physical and/or psychological abuse, financial exploitation, sexual harassment or abuse from your partner beyond the limits of your health and safety.
- Your partner is constantly pressuring you to do something you don't like, such as being a part of criminal activity. Harsh ultimatums and threatening words that pressure you are signs of a dangerous relationship. Don't fall for the words "If you really loved me, you would do this…".
- Endless strife or despair has taken a lot from you – communication, finances, and emotional support.
- Jealousy is a major problem. A relationship becomes unhealthy if your partner tries to limit who you can travel with, when, and for how long. Your partner doesn't control your social life; you set it up.
- Your partner is involved in alcohol use or drug abuse/addiction to the point where he can't get rid of them, and your life, or the lives of your children suffer from it.
- You're so involved in alcohol use or drug addiction that you can't get rid of them. You're not benefiting anyone by staying in the relationship.
- Your relationship is based on an artificial foundation that you no longer do, such as partying, shared hobbies, or loveless sex, and you're ready to get past all of this.
Step 5. Find out if your relationship is on and off or not
A partner who truly loves you should love you all the time no matter the situation. If your relationship is on and off, then it's time to leave because something is wrong. Don't go back and fix the relationship because you're better off not feeling dizzy and hurt, and there's still a lot waiting for you to find them.
Step 6. Find out if you have opposite life goals or not
If you see yourself as a marine biologist who wants to explore the world and your partner wants to be a teacher and live in Texas close to his family for the rest of his life, then you're in trouble. If you don't want to have kids and he wants to have seven, then you're in trouble. If your dreams and outlook on the future don't align – and you need to figure out your next move soon – it may be time to say goodbye.
If you are a teenager, then yes, your life goals may change and you have time to think about them. But if you need to start planning your future now and have nothing in common with him, then maybe it's time to rethink your relationship
Step 7. Find out if one of you is unfaithful – over and over again
Cheating is never a good sign, whether you have or are currently having an affair because you are not happy with your relationship. Even if you learn to forgive each other, if you do this over and over again, chances are that your partner has been hurt so badly that your relationship can't recover. Maybe this is a way of sending a message to your partner that your relationship is not compatible.
Step 8. Realize that you are living apart
This is something difficult. You may have loved each other very much in school or college, but now you are different people with different friends, dreams, and interests. If the only thing you have in common is your past, and that's not enough for you, maybe it's time to move on. This is one of the hardest reasons to end a relationship, because it's nobody's fault, and you two will definitely still have feelings for each other, but that doesn't mean you should be together if you don't fit in right now.
Step 9. Find out if you are hiding a secret from your partner
Any kind of secret or lying, even if you're not having an affair, is a red flag that says there's no trust in your relationship. You shouldn't be hiding anything other than a surprise gift from your partner. This is different from not telling him your last complaint about work because you know this will bore him; but hide the truth that you are doing a job interview in another part of the country because you don't know what you will do if you get the job.
Step 10. Find out if any of you want to try or not
If you used to enjoy romantic picnics, hike mountains, plan good dates, and care for each other when you're sick, but now rarely make the effort to pick up the phone and answer your partner's messages, then maybe you need to put in more effort or end your relationship. If you or your partner is no longer trying, then deep down, you will feel that your relationship is not worth continuing.
Step 11. Find out if you guys started spending time apart or not
Maybe you and your partner have officially broken up. If you spend most of your weekends with friends, visiting your family alone, or staying quiet and doing your own hobbies instead of going out together – think about watching two different televisions in two different rooms – then you may have drifted apart without saying that you were done.. If this is the case, then it's time to end the relationship.
Part 4 of 4: Taking Action
Step 1. Don't end the relationship hot
If a relationship isn't worth fighting for, you'll notice it when you're calm. Plus, ending the relationship out of anger will make ending the argument more difficult. Make sure all entries will and have been thought out carefully before deciding to do so.
Step 2. Try to spend some time apart if you need some time to think about it
Agree not to see each other for a week or two, and be sure to clarify that you are still together and that your relationship will remain exclusive during this time. Don't spend time together, don't talk on the phone, don't text. This trial of separation may help you realize how valuable your relationship is… or how worthless it is. If it's hard to do at first, but you find peace without him in your life, maybe ending the relationship is a good idea.
If you enjoy the first few days but then miss them and feel like your life is incomplete without them, maybe you should try to mend your relationship. Check out the details in How to Make Room for Your Spouse
Step 3. Find out if your relationship is worth fighting for or not
If you've been spending time thinking about whether or not to end your relationship, then you'll see signs that a good relationship might be happening to you too. Here are some signs that say you should struggle with your partner, even if it means you have to make drastic changes:
- There is a basic foundation of shared values and beliefs, especially spiritual and moral values.
- You guys still trust each other; You know your partner is on your side and have confidence that he or she will work with you to build a better home.
- Tough times suddenly come without giving you time to find yourself. Health problems, trauma, finances, regression and addiction depression can come on suddenly and make things worse. Give it time, let things cool down, and be a friend to him until it's all over.
- You are caught in a cycle of negative responses where negative behavior leads to more negative behavior. Break the cycle by controlling your own negative reactions, making peace deals, and giving your partner time to work through their negativity.
- You tend to run away from commitments whenever there are signs of trouble. Take enough time to cool off and try to be friends again. Commit to being friends, remember the things you like about your partner, and be considerate of them. It's a good thing to see that you can overcome this problem, no matter what.
- You've separated, drifted apart, and suddenly find yourself living with someone you don't know. This usually happens because of a feeling of abandonment, so work on fixing it – talk, listen, spend time together and try to find love again.
Tips
- Ask some close friends or family. Find out how they view your relationship. But remember, it's all your decision.
- Write down the pros and cons of your relationship. If there are more cons than pros, your relationship should end.
- It doesn't matter who ends the relationship, just do it. If your friend leaves you just because you can't live up to his expectations and you're always running after him to make yourself perfect, then stop. Say thank you to your friend for making you realize that you need to concentrate on yourself, not on him. Take criticism positively and move on with the sweet old memories.
