There may be a moment when your friend feels upset and disappointed because something happened to him (and something like this will happen someday). Maybe he broke up with his girlfriend, lost his job, was abandoned by a loved one, and so on. Regardless of the situation, you need to be a good friend and provide support. You can also find out what's wrong, listen and talk to him, and calm him down in a number of other ways.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Calming her down
Step 1. Stay calm
He may feel very upset and disappointed, but you can't help him effectively if you're hysterical and panicking yourself. Take a deep breath once or twice. Remind yourself that you are there for him.
Step 2. Make sure it is in a comfortable and safe place
Find a place where he can let out all his hurt, annoyance, confusion, and negative emotions.
- Choose a place that's empty (or visited by a few people) so that your friend doesn't have to worry if anyone sees her upset, and you two don't annoy other people with the conversation being discussed. You can go into another room or go outside, for example.
- If necessary, find a safe place where your friend can release their emotions without hurting or damaging anything. You may need to go into a room that doesn't have a lot of furniture or go to an open space outside the house.
- If you're talking to her over the phone, ask if she's in a place where she feels safe and comfortable. If not (and if possible), pick him up and take him somewhere else.
Step 3. Let him cry, nag, and talk for as long as he needs
As long as he doesn't hurt himself or damage things around him, let him express his emotions. Your friends need your presence at times like these.
- If necessary, give him the space to safely release any perceived physical tension.
- Try not to ask him to stop crying or screaming, unless his emotions seem to be running high.
- If you're talking to him over the phone, just listen to his story and wait for him to finish expressing his emotions. Every now and then, you can say, "Yeah, I'm still listening" to let him know that you're still in touch with him.
Step 4. Pay attention to his body language
Sometimes, someone says that they are fine, but their body language reflects something else. Some physical clues can signal the stress and anxiety he is feeling. His body language tells you that you need to calm him down before he can tell you what happened.
- Sometimes, the body language shown is very obvious. For example, notice whether he is crying or not. Is he sweating or shaking? Does he throw fists or walk back and forth in the room?
- On the other hand, the body language shown may not be obvious. Does the body appear tense or stiff? Are his hands clenched? Is his mouth tightly closed and his jaw tense? Did his eyes look red and puffy as if he had just cried?
Part 2 of 4: Finding Out the Problem
Step 1. Make sure there are no distractions
That way, you can listen to it carefully, without being distracted or having to focus on something else.
- It will be difficult for your friend to tell you what happened if there are too many distractions or distractions for both of you.
- Try to visit a quiet place if you are in a crowded place.
- Turn off electronic devices or at least turn on silent mode. A cell phone that rings and vibrates every few seconds is sure to interrupt your conversation.
Step 2. Give him your full attention
Show that at this moment, nothing is more important to you than listening to the story.
- Clear your mind so you don't think about other things that can distract you. Focus on listening to his story, and understanding what he's saying.
- Use body language to show that he has your attention. Turn your body towards him. Besides, look into his eyes.
- Make it clear that he has your full attention. You could say, for example, "I will pay close attention to your story and be there for you."
Step 3. Find out what makes him upset and disappointed
Calmly ask what happened to him. For example, you could say, “I want to know what's upsetting and hurting you. Please tell me what happened.” You can also say, “What's wrong? What happened?"
Step 4. Don't force her to tell the story
Forcing him will only make him suppress his feelings. In addition, your coercion can also make him feel annoyed or even more disappointed.
- Reassure him that you're willing to be there when he's ready to talk, and build trust in him.
- Try saying, for example, “Don't force it. I'm here for you. You can talk whenever you're ready."
- Sit quietly until he is ready to talk.
- He may also start the meeting with small talk while mustering up the courage to tell what happened.
Step 5. Be patient
He may not tell you what's going on right away, but if you give him time, he'll eventually open up and reveal what's bothering him or her.
Part 3 of 4: Listening and Talking
Step 1. Be a good listener
There's a good chance he needs to talk about what happened (or is still) happening and how he feels about it. When he opens up, let him talk about his situation and feelings.
- Listen to what he has to say, and the way he tells his story. Oftentimes, the way someone tells you can give you clues, as can the story they share.
- Try not to interrupt or make him feel rushed. Sometimes it's hard for someone to talk about something that upsets and upsets them.
- Think about what he's telling you, not the response you need to give to his story.
Step 2. Ask questions for clarity
If you don't understand something, ask him to explain further or repeat what he said in a sensitive way.
- That way, you can really understand what makes your friend upset and disappointed.
- You can say, “Ah, so…. That is right?" or "Just a minute. So like that?"
- Your question also shows that you really listen and care about the story.
Step 3. Correct the bad questions he asks about himself
For example, if he says “I am worthless” or “I don't deserve happiness”, change the question to, “Of course you deserve happiness!” and/or “You are a valuable person. See how many people love and care for you. I love you too and care about you."
Step 4. Don't take the problem lightly
Talking about similar or worse situations, reminding him that something worse is happening than what happened to him, or that some people are going through more painful things is not a good thing to do. That doesn't help anything and just makes things worse.
- Sayings like that can make your friend feel that you don't really understand or care about their situation.
- Underestimating the problem makes you sound like you think it's a "whiny" thing. In addition, it also seems to give the impression that he is upset or disappointed over trivial things.
- Instead of trivializing the problem, try saying, “I understand that you are upset” or “I understand why you are upset.”
Step 5. Don't try to solve the problem
Refrain from telling him what you would do in a similar situation, except in a pinch or if he asks you for help. Often times, a person just wants to be heard by others.
Step 6. Suggest professional help
If he's been the victim of violence or crime, let him know that you want to contact the authorities so he can get proper help.
- If he doesn't want it, don't force him. Your coercion will only make him more upset and sad. For now, let the situation be.
- Refrain from doing anything that could interfere with or damage evidence of the incident (eg deleting text messages from the perpetrator, taking a shower, etc.).
- If he seems calmer, push him back to see the authorities. Let him know that there are professionals who can protect him (if necessary) and help him deal with any problems that arise.
- You could say, “I think we need to report this to [the police, doctors, or other authorities]. They can help you in this matter. How about we report together?”
Part 4 of 4: Providing Peace in Other Ways
Step 1. Feel free to cheer him up
Provide him with appropriate verbal and physical support. Show affection and let him cry if he wants to.
- First, make sure he feels comfortable making physical contact. You can say, "Can I hug you?" or "Can I hug you?"
- Physical contact is very soothing, but ask if he feels comfortable to cuddle, cuddle while lying down, or get some other touch before doing so.
- Physical contact can make a person feel calmer, but if he doesn't want it, don't make contact.
Step 2. Pray or meditate
Sometimes, simply sitting quietly, either to pray or meditate, can calm people down and give them peace of mind.
Step 3. Release the restrained physical energy
Doing active activities that require physical exertion can help your friend release negative physical energy. Activities like this can calm him down or distract him from the problem at hand for a moment.
- For example, take him for a walk, jog, swim, or bike.
- Do yoga, tai chi, or simple stretches.
Step 4. Distract the attention
Sometimes, the only thing that can be done is to prevent him from thinking about something that is bothering him.
- Get him to do something he likes (or just take him somewhere he likes). Go to an ice cream parlor or watch a movie at the cinema.
- Involve her in a specific project (eg sorting clothes for donation or gardening).
- Find something funny (eg a funny meme or video clip) to lighten the mood.
Tips
- Give in and listen to the story instead of trying to solve the problem right away.
- Don't tell anyone else's story, unless he or she has given permission. If you tell someone's personal secrets to someone else, they will not believe you anymore. Remember that from the start your friends saw you as someone they could trust to share their feelings and concerns!
Warning
- If your friend has been the victim of crime or violence, you may need to make the decision to report their case.
- Contact the appropriate authorities or professionals if your friend seriously wants to injure himself or others.
