Almost everyone understands what it means to love another person and is able to recognize the feelings that arise in the form of intense desire, admiration, and emotional attraction to another person. During this time, we have come a long way to learn how to love others well. But what about our ability to love ourselves? Many of us do not understand this term because it still feels foreign to them. The ability to love oneself is a combination of self-acceptance, self-control (as opposed to self-obsession), self-awareness, kindness, and self-respect. Loving yourself includes two things, understanding and action. In order to love yourself, you must first understand the idea that you are worthy of self-respect and worthy of kindness. After that, you should take action that shows that you love yourself, are able to treat yourself with love and care. In short, self-love is feeling positive about yourself in action.
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Method 1 of 4: Improving Your View of Yourself
Step 1. Get rid of your negative beliefs about yourself
Many people have a hard time getting rid of negative thoughts about themselves. These negative thoughts usually come from other people we respect and from people whose love and acceptance we need.
Step 2. Don't demand perfection
There are people who cannot accept themselves because they feel there are things that are not perfect in them. If you've always wanted to be the perfect person and often feel negative because you think you have flaws, try the following three ways. Start by breaking the habit of thinking about perfection, focus on trying to achieve your goals, and keep trying.
By shifting your focus from the end result (which can be judged by the term “perfection”) to the effort to support the accomplishment of a task (which is harder to measure as “perfect”), you will be able to better appreciate your own hard work
Step 3. Get rid of your negative point of view
The habit of focusing only on the negative things in life is a bad habit. Excessively focused attention on negative things or unpleasant events will make those events feel disproportionately important. If you often complain that everything you experience feels unpleasant, try to find evidence that contradicts your opinion. It's unlikely that anything you're going through is really that bad.
Step 4. Never put yourself down
Humiliating yourself means lowering your dignity from a human being to a certain aspect that you don't like yourself.
- The statement “I'm a failure” because I was fired from a job is neither correct nor fair to you. Instead, make a self-help statement, "I recently lost my job, but I can take advantage of this experience and find a new job soon."
- The statement "I'm so stupid" is also untrue and not constructive. You feel stupid maybe because you don't know something. Instead, think, “I don't know how to do home repairs. I'd better take a course and learn about it so I can do it in the future.”
Step 5. Don't assume the worst will happen
It's easy to make assumptions that the worst outcome will happen in every situation. However, you can avoid the habit of generalizing or exaggerating that accompanies the assumption that the worst will happen. The trick is to change your mindset so you can think realistically and correctly.
Step 6. Improve your mindset
If you notice that you are thinking negatively about yourself, acknowledge how you are feeling, find out what is causing these feelings, and make a new statement consciously by changing your mindset to become more positive.
- For example, if you forgot to send an important email about work, you might think, “What an idiot! Why am I even able to do this?”
- Break this habit and think, “Right now I feel really stupid for forgetting to send an email. When I was little, my father used to say that I was stupid. It's my father's words, not my own that I'm thinking about.” After that, think to yourself, “I was a good employee who made mistakes as a human being and next time I'll send myself a reminder. For now, I will send the email apologizing for being late.”
Method 2 of 4: Practice Loving Yourself
Step 1. Make a list to note all your positive traits and reflect on these positive traits every day
This may be difficult for people who are used to thinking negatively about themselves, but try to find one positive thing about yourself and add it to this list once a week. Every night, try to reflect on all the positive qualities on the list.
- Make a list by writing down specific positive things. Don't use generic adjectives to describe yourself. Write down actions or traits that describe specifically who you are and what you've done.
- For example, instead of writing "I'm kind," try writing "When a friend is having a problem, I give a small, helpful gift to show that I care about her. This makes me feel kind."
- As you read and reflect, remember that every statement on this list-even if it doesn't seem important-is a reason that you deserve respect and love.
Step 2. Give yourself time as a gift
Don't feel guilty because you spent time thinking and reflecting on yourself and your life. You have to give yourself time and allow yourself to love yourself. By doing this, you will be able to spend more quality time helping others.
Step 3. Celebrate and gift yourself
This is the really fun part of practicing self-love: giving yourself gifts! If you achieve an important achievement, celebrate it with dinner at your favorite fine dining restaurant. Remember all the hard work you put in every day and find excuses to give yourself a nice treat. Buy a book or video game that you enjoy. Play your favorite TV show or movie. Go on vacation alone or enjoy comfortable relaxation.
Step 4. Prepare a plan for dealing with problems or negative attitudes
Try to figure out what things might be getting in the way of your efforts to love yourself and figure out how to deal with them. Realize that you can't control the words and actions of others, but you can control your own responses and reactions.
- Perhaps you will hear negative comments from certain people, perhaps your mother or your boss, who ensnared you in a negative situation. If this keeps happening, try to find out why.
- Determine how you will deal with negative thoughts. Maybe you need to take time to meditate or practice breathing. Acknowledge your feelings and change negative reactions using positive reminders of your kindness.
Step 5. Ask a therapist for help
Exploring negative thoughts and identifying emotional triggers can bring back feelings or memories about past events that you had a hard time dealing with.
- A therapist experienced in dealing with painful problems in the past can guide you during your healing period. That way, you won't have to go through this painful experience again.
- A therapist's practice room can be a great place to learn to deal with negative thoughts productively and recognize your positive qualities.
Step 6. Repeat positive affirmations every day
Try to find positive thoughts that make you feel better and repeat them every day. This method will feel awkward or awkward at first, but it will instill positive thoughts so that you begin to believe in it, even if you didn't believe it at first.
- A good positive affirmation so you can love yourself is: "I'm perfect, I'm a person of value, and I respect, trust, and love myself."
- If you don't find affirmations helping, try seeing a therapist who can help you in other ways.
Step 7. Do activities that make you feel good
Think of things that make you feel good physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Do whatever makes you feel good in various ways, perhaps by exercising, meditating, and keeping a journal to jot down the positives. Make a schedule of routine activities that can give you pleasure and run well.
Step 8. Reflect on the effects of practicing self-love
When you spend time loving and respecting yourself, you will feel the benefits in your life. See if you feel more energized or would like to meet other people. You will also feel more responsible for every decision you make and more in control of your life.
Method 3 of 4: Practicing Loving-Kindness Meditation
Step 1. Learn about loving-kindness meditation
Loving-kindness meditation is a way of meditating that makes you love yourself and others more. In addition, this meditation can also be a tool that makes you more able to love yourself.
Step 2. Apply the principles of loving-kindness meditation
This meditation trains us to love unconditionally or unconditionally and enables you to love without judging (yourself and others).
Judgment of ourselves or others will usually cause sadness in relationships with others or in our own minds. Learning to love without judging means learning to love without being selfish
Step 3. Breathe deeply
Start by taking long, slow, deep breaths. Sit comfortably in a chair and allow your chest to fill with air while expanding your diaphragm. Then exhale slowly until it runs out.
Step 4. Support yourself with positive affirmations
While continuing to breathe deeply, start repeating the following affirmations:
- I hope I can achieve my goals, live happily and peacefully.
- May I be able to love others with all my heart.
- I wish myself and my family to be protected from harm.
- I wish for a healthy and prosperous life for myself, my family, and my friends.
- I hope I can forgive myself and others.
Step 5. Identify the negative response that comes with positive affirmations
If you have negative thoughts when you say positive affirmations, think about who triggered these negative thoughts. Remember who it is difficult for you to love unconditionally. Repeat these affirmations again while thinking about them.
Step 6. Think of someone who makes you feel positive
Repeat these positive affirmations while imagining the person who makes you feel positive.
Step 7. Think of someone who makes you feel neutral
Repeat these positive affirmations while imagining the person who makes you feel neutral.
Step 8. Let the positivity of these affirmations fill you completely
Repeat this affirmation again without thinking of anyone. Focus only on the positives of these affirmations. Let positive feelings fill you and spread positive feelings from within you throughout the earth.
Step 9. Repeat the loving-kindness mantra as a closing
Once you have spread positive feelings in all directions, repeat the following mantra: “May all human beings live a happy, happy and healthy life”. Repeat this affirmation five times until you feel these words reverberate in your body and then spread them throughout the universe.
Method 4 of 4: Understanding the Meaning of Loving Yourself
Step 1. Recognize the problems that can arise from not being able to love yourself
Lack of self-love can lead you to make self-defeating decisions. This condition is usually the same as the lack of a sense of worth that causes self-sabotage consciously or unconsciously and makes a person unable to meet the most basic needs of life.
- Lack of self-love can lead to dependency problems for other people's approval. People often ignore their own needs just to get the approval of others.
- Lack of self-love can also prevent emotional recovery from occurring. A study has shown that people who like to blame themselves and ignore themselves get less good results in undergoing psychotherapy.
Step 2. Recognize how important childhood experiences can be on your ability to love yourself
The relationship between parents and children influences the formation of lifelong character. Children whose physical, emotional, and mental needs are not met will have lifelong problems with feelings of worth.
- Negative messages received in childhood, especially messages that are repeated, usually will be embedded in a person's mind and affect the way he sees himself in everyday life.
- For example, a child who is nicknamed “stupid” or “boring” will think of himself as stupid or boring as an adult, even though it has been proven otherwise (e.g. he has lots of friends, likes to make other people laugh, or lives a fun lifestyle).
Step 3. Find out how parents can cultivate feelings of worth in their children
Parents can apply some of the following advice to improve their child's self-esteem:
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Listen to your child in order to cultivate the feeling that he or she is a person of value.
Parents often ignore their child who likes to talk and does not listen well to what he has to say. However, if you really want to listen to your child and interact with him while answering questions or responding to what he has to say, he will feel that you appreciate what he has to say
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Educate children without using aggressive means (not hitting, yelling, or humiliating) to stabilize their inner feelings of worth.
For example, if your child hits another child, you can pull him aside and say calmly that he shouldn't hit another child because it will hurt him. If necessary, you can take your child to rest for a while to cool down before he returns to playing
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Provide warmth, affection, support, and appreciation to children without judgment so that they feel worthy of love and acceptance.
If your child says he's sad because of something that seems silly to you (such as the sunset), don't ignore his feelings. Acknowledge how she feels by saying, "I understand that you are sad because the sun has set." Then try to explain why this situation cannot be changed by saying, “The sun must set every night because the earth rotates and there are people in other parts of the world who need sunlight too. Now we have a chance to rest so that tomorrow morning we can feel fresh again.” After that, hug your child and provide physical affection so that he feels comfortable. He'll also feel that you can empathize with him, even if you can't change things
Step 4. Know the effect other people's comments have on your ability to love yourself
You will definitely face negativity in your daily life. The ability to love yourself cannot be trained by locking yourself in a room without the influence of other people's negative comments and attitudes. Therefore, you must learn to deal with negative attitudes from your partner, your boss, or even people you meet on the street.
