Many of us are friends with people who often complain about things against their will. Whether at school, at work, or elsewhere, they are actually drawing energy from you by complaining like this. Unfortunately, negative people are everywhere and hard to avoid. In addition, negative thoughts should be avoided because they can have a bad effect on our lives. The good news is, there are some tips you can use to deal with negative people.
Method 1 of 2: Dealing with Negative People at Certain Times
Step 1. Remember that you don't have to try to please them, solve problems, or find solutions
Indeed, trying to help them is a good thing. However, keep in mind that you may not always succeed. In addition, you are not responsible for this. While dealing with negative people, you must also limit yourself.
- Sometimes, the best thing you can do when dealing with a negative person is to stay positive and ignore the negative thoughts.
- If you give your opinion without being asked, you too will often just be ignored. Wait for them to ask for your opinion.
- Sometimes, a person's negative thoughts are caused by something reasonable. So respect them. You'll only make them more uncomfortable if you tell them they should be happy. While your suggestion may be correct, it will not be helpful.
- Give examples of positive behavior. The best thing you can do sometimes is show positive behavior. Even in a sea of sadness, positive thoughts and behaviors will make an impact.
Step 2. Provide support
When you are dealing with a negative person, listen attentively to their story and help them if they need it. Everyone can have problems or sometimes need help. Do not let you reject a friend who is experiencing difficulties and needs help without thinking.
If you're experiencing emotional exhaustion because your friend keeps talking about negative topics with excessive negative words (I can't, they should, I hate it, etc.), be patient with their negative attitude
Step 3. Don't get involved
When we interact with negative people, we tend to get carried away easily into negative situations. Choosing to avoid does not mean ignoring, but keeping a distance so as not to be emotionally affected.
Negative people tend to exaggerate, focus on the negative, and ignore the positive. Trying to make others aware of his negative attitude will only lead to rejection. Moreover, he was increasingly convinced that everyone was against him. Try to give a neutral answer without supporting or blaming the negative attitude, for example by saying, "Okay" or "I understand."
Step 4. Use the appreciative inquiry technique
If your friend is negative when it comes to certain events or situations, invite them to chat with the appreciative inquiry technique. This technique is done by asking questions so that someone who is negative can see the positive aspects of their experience or want to start looking forward.
- Try asking, "What do you expect after this?" or “What are the positives of this experience?”
- This question will help your friend see a brighter future and find out for yourself how to achieve it.
Step 5. Lead the conversation
If with the appreciative inquiry technique you have not been able to direct the conversation to discuss positive things that are useful, try to direct this conversation little by little so as not to spoil the atmosphere.
For example, you might say, "I understand that you are upset with your co-workers and you must be really overwhelmed. Then, what are your plans to fill the holiday weekend?” or “Wow, it looks like you have a lot of work to do. Then, do you have the latest information to complete your task?”
Step 6. Try to break someone's habit of complaining
The habit of thinking about negative things over and over is the cause of the negative attitudes that can lead to major depression. If you have a friend who is in the habit of complaining, try to find a way to stop him so he can think of something else.
Directing the conversation can be done by directing someone to discuss a more pleasant topic with the same subject, while breaking the habit of thinking about negative things is done by changing the subject of the conversation. If someone is constantly complaining about their relationship with a coworker, talk to them about their favorite TV show, their pet, or any other subject to make the conversation more positive
Step 7. Help your friend see her ability to control the situation
Negative people tend to blame external factors other than themselves. Negative people also tend to have poorer emotional health than those who think differently. Give support to someone who is negative so he can make a plan to deal with negative events.
Talking about negative things is not wrong. Often times, we can identify and resolve problems this way. Give your friend a chance to channel his negative energy constructively. For example, try asking her what she could change to address a problem that was holding her back from doing her job
Step 8. Help your friend accept the negative
In addition to talking about how to deal with negative events, help them accept negative situations. For example, try to imagine your friend being reprimanded for being late for work. At lunch, he complains to you while regretting the circumstances that he has to catch the bus, get blamed by the boss, etc. In a situation like this, you can say:
- "Okay, your boss has reprimanded you and this can't be changed anymore. From now on, show your commitment to your boss to come on time.”
- “How about you ride your bike to work? So, you can come on time because it doesn't depend on the bus schedule and you can leave a bit late.”
- "I know you're upset. If you need help with cleaning up tomorrow morning so you can leave for work on time, please let me know."
Step 9. Define boundaries
Set boundaries for when you will encounter negative people. The negative attitude of others is not your responsibility. Stay away first if they upset you.
- If a coworker has a negative attitude, break the habit by saying that you need to get back to work. Find the right way to say it so it doesn't get any more negative.
- If this negative person is a family member (who lives with you), stay away as often as possible. Go to a bookstore or exercise and don't answer the phone.
Method 2 of 2: Dealing with Negative People for the Long Term
Step 1. Recognize negative people
One way to deal with negative people in the long term is to determine whether they are actually behaving negatively or are just having a lot of trouble.
- Negative people are formed like that because they are always disappointed and hurt. Moreover, they were also angry because of this experience.
- Negative people usually blame external factors instead of themselves. They certainly always view themselves negatively and are very tiring to listen to.
Step 2. Don't teach or advise negative people
Friendships or working relationships with negative people can drain your patience, time, and energy, but don't teach or advise them. Even the most positive people can't necessarily accept criticism, let alone negative people. They will only use this as evidence that you are against them, rather than seeing it as useful feedback.
While "venting your heart out" can make you feel more relieved, it won't solve the problem. If you want to talk about negative people, find someone you can trust in a support group without them knowing
Step 3. Take action, don't just respond
One way that you can help yourself and negative people is to do things that make them happy without being triggered by certain situations or conversations. Negative people will always view life negatively because they feel rejected by others. So you can change it by showing acceptance.
- Do positive things without being triggered by negative situations. Because of their negative mindset, negative people will usually take support from others for granted. This will greatly affect the way they interact.
- For example, if you sometimes try to avoid a friend who is being negative when she keeps complaining about negative situations, try calling her and asking her to have fun when she's in a good mood.
Step 4. Send an SMS containing a positive message so that your friend can focus his attention again on positive things
Reminisce about funny or fun times together. Compliment him if he does things you think are good. This method can remind your friend that there are people who appreciate him and he can also bring positive things into other people's lives.
For example, “Your essay is excellent. I am truly amazed by the success of your research.”
Step 5. Do fun things without a plan
Try taking her out to a meal, watching a movie, or going for a walk together. This activity is a way of affirming something positive to negative people without teaching them how to behave that usually only results in rejection.
Step 6. Invite him to hang out with the group
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a negative person (especially if he or she is also a member of a group) is to organize a group event to distract the negative thoughts from the large number of people around. However, make sure that your other friends don't form their own group to talk about this negative person.
This is especially helpful if each member of the group is willing to empathize with this negative person and work together to help him or her overcome the negative behavior
Step 7. Take responsibility for your own happiness
As a social being, your happiness usually depends on the quality of your relationships with other people. After all, you are the only person responsible for your own positive experiences and happiness.
- In order to be a happy person under any circumstances, you must be able to control your emotional response, rather than trying to control the situation. For example, when dealing with a negative friend, you can allow him to drain your energy or remind yourself to stay positive before and after dealing with him.
- Controlling emotional responses is like exercising muscles. You can practice controlling your emotions in response to external situations, such as when dealing with negative people.
Step 8. Identify this person's role in your life
In the end, the best way to deal with negative people is sometimes when you have to cut ties with them. Sometimes, being with him is no longer a happy and enjoyable relationship because his negative behavior has really irritated you.
- Consider the pros and cons before breaking up with someone. This may be difficult to do if he is a member of the group. It's even more difficult if he or she is your co-worker or boss.
- Be honest about what you get out of a relationship with this negative person. Don't get too attached to this “past” relationship, if it has been negative for the past few months or years.
Step 9. Stay away from this negative person
If you can't break free from it, the only way is to dodge. Remember that you have to take care of yourself. You don't owe him time and energy, especially if this person continues to drain him by being negative.
- Remember that there are people who behave negatively for various reasons, such as feeling insecure, low self-esteem, past violence, feeling frustrated with life, lack of self-confidence, etc.
- These people have difficulty seeing the positive side and positive consequences in their lives. They have to change their own way of thinking.
- Do not respond to negative comments. If you don't fulfill a negative person's desire for attention, he will quit because he's not getting what he wants.
- Try to be polite to him, don't be rude, and always be patient.
- Don't let the negative behavior of others make you pessimistic. Remember that you are responsible for your own happiness above all else.
- Someone who has a negative attitude will always experience depression. If someone's negative attitude has turned into behavior that is hurtful to themselves or others, encourage them to seek professional help immediately.
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