Feeling hurt when ignored is a very natural emotional reaction. However, always remember that in many cases, what is seen is not necessarily able to represent the situation as a whole. That's why, don't hesitate to communicate your frustration to the other person to find out where the misunderstanding is.
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Method 1 of 4: Troubleshooting
Step 1. Don't jump to conclusions right away
The frustration of being ignored can lead you to easily jump to the worst possible conclusions. However, do your best to dispel the notion that the negative behavior is conscious and purposeful. Instead, consider other possible reasons, such as:
- Maybe his focus is being distracted by some things, such as problems at work or at home.
- It's possible that you've annoyed him without realizing it.
- It's possible that he doesn't feel right with you so he prefers to spend his time with someone else.
- It's possible that he's keeping a secret from you (like a surprise party), and is afraid to reveal it while chatting with you.
- Maybe he's nervous around you for some reason (like liking you or being intimidated by your presence).
- Maybe he really has a hard time socializing with those around him so he treats everyone that way.
Step 2. Reflect on your recent behavior
For some people, this method is very difficult to implement, mainly because humans often find it difficult to admit their mistakes, even just realizing that their behavior has hurt others. To make the process of self-reflection easier, try taking a deep breath and evaluating your interactions with the person in question recently. Was the interaction between the two of you filled with tension? Could it be that you had hurt his feelings?
- Say sorry if you feel guilty. Even if the person isn't showing positive behavior either, stay positive by admitting mistakes and apologizing.
- Practice various meditation techniques to ease your self-reflection process.
- If you're having trouble viewing the situation objectively, try asking for an external perspective from a third party who also knows the problem.
Step 3. Invite the person to have a one-on-one chat
Sometimes, the best way to find the root of the problem is to communicate it directly to the person concerned. For example, you can send the person an email or letter asking for a chat, along with the time and location.
- Find a time that is convenient, comfortable, and free of distractions for both parties to communicate.
- A one-on-one meeting can help both of you to work out issues, if any, without the embarrassment of an attempted confrontation in a public place.
- If you're really nervous or worried that things aren't going well, try asking a third party (such as a close friend of yours, a counselor, or an authority figure) to mediate.
Step 4. Show a positive attitude
If he notices your efforts, he's more likely to be motivated to talk to you again. In other words, don't show a negative or rude attitude so that the distance between the two of you doesn't increase.
Step 5. Describe how you feel using “I” speech
In particular, saying "I" is able to express your feelings without judging the other person. Some examples are:
- "Lately, when we're out together, you seem to be just talking to Serena and I'm just a listener. I feel neglected because of that."
- "It seems like you've been playing games lately, with your sister. I'm happy, because your relationship is fine, but sometimes I feel like I'm not being considered. I hope we can spend more time together."
- "Honey, lately you seem to always be out with your friends until late at night, right after work. I miss you and want to spend more time with you, here."
- "Are you mad at me? It seems you haven't picked up the phone in the last two weeks and replied to my messages, have you?"
Step 6. Listen to the response
Chances are, he doesn't even notice that you've been left out. Or, he may be facing a problem that you are not aware of. Whatever the reason, be willing to accept the reason he gives, as long as it sounds plausible.
Step 7. Be willing to compromise if the proposed solution sounds realistic
Communicate adjustments you can both make to improve the quality of the relationship. Feel free to share all your complaints honestly and make various agreements that can help both of you to improve the relationship situation in the future.
- "If I also read the same book as you, does that mean the three of us have the same interests to talk about? If so, I want to do it. The book also looks fun."
- "So you said earlier that you play with my brothers more because they're the ones who invite you to play games, and if I want to spend time with you, I have to say and you'll do. I see, right?"
- "I didn't realize it was exhausting you emotionally. Maybe we could set aside two nights a week for a date together, and I'll try to go out with my friends more often so I don't feel lonely anymore. What do you think?"
- "I can't change my sexual orientation. If you object to my identity as gay, that's your problem, and I don't think we need to spend time together anymore."
Step 8. Know when it's time to let go
If he seems reluctant to discuss the situation with you, or if he responds aggressively like constantly yelling or accusing you, end the conversation and walk away from him. Do the same thing if the time doesn't feel right. Don't worry, you can bring up the topic again at a more appropriate time, really. At the same time, try to re-evaluate whether or not the relationship is worth it.
- "Your focus seems to be a bit distracted, right now. Shall we postpone our conversation until tonight?"
- "I'd really like to have a closer relationship with you. But, if that's not your priority, I guess we'll just end this conversation."
- "Looks like we should end our conversation first, huh. I don't want to fight with you."
- "I'll go if you start making fun of me like that."
- "We'll talk about it later, when we're both calm."
Method 2 of 4: Knowing the Right Time to Move On
Step 1. Don't take the neglect personally
Almost everyone has been neglected at some point in their life. Take control of the situation by pointing out that the other person's neglect and negative behavior isn't working for you. Make that the problem, not yours.
Realize and accept the fact that not everyone likes you. In fact, even the most kind and popular people in the world may still have enemies, you know
Step 2. Focus on the path you need to take, rather than the walls that pop up in the middle of the process
Although it's not easy, try to focus on your personal goals. By doing so, surely the opinions and actions of others can no longer influence you. In particular, think of them as a wall of shadows that is there, but doesn't really have the potential to interfere with your journey.
Step 3. Ignore the person concerned
If he no longer wants to be with you for various reasons, why should you force yourself to stay in his life? If you ignore him too, it's possible that sooner or later he will notice the changing situation in your relationship. In addition, doing so will make you look "not possessive" in the friendship. Therefore, even if your heart feels very sore because of it, keep trying it because the solution is actually quite effective if carried out consistently.
Step 4. Give space and time to people who ignore you
In fact, some people just need space from the people around them. As unfair as it may seem, some people won't hesitate to ignore others just because they want to. Maybe your friend is too. Even if you feel put in a difficult position, be patient.
Step 5. Don't force changes
Remember, you can't always turn someone who wants to be rude into something more polite. Sometimes it's better to let him explore his own needs instead of putting all kinds of demands on him.
Method 3 of 4: Building Confidence
Step 1. Establish healthy personal boundaries with other people
For those of you who are not used to doing it, making personal boundaries with other people is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. However, understand that doing so is very beneficial for your mental health and relationship situation.
- Define boundaries clearly and convey the consequences for them if they are violated.
- For example, if your partner ignores you and keeps playing on your phone when you go to lunch together, try saying something like, “I feel ignored and unappreciated when you're constantly on the phone. If you really don't want to spend some quality time with me, just let me know, so I can make other plans at lunchtime."
- If those closest to you are unfamiliar with your boundaries, they are more likely to show disappointment, surprise, or even anger at the outset. However, if they really care about you, sooner or later those boundaries should be appreciated.
Step 2. Make a list of your strengths, accomplishments, and things you admire about yourself
If possible and necessary, enlist the help of a trusted relative to arrange it. After that, keep the list in a safe place and reread it whenever negative emotions start to kick in.
If you want, collect positive things that other people have said or written about you
Step 3. Keep yourself clean
Take good care of yourself! In particular, pay attention to your hairdo, nail length, and the condition of your teeth because these are the three that are most visible from the outside.
Step 4. Clean your living space
In fact, you will be surprised to learn how much impact a clean living area has on one's mental health! Focus on the room you live in the most. If necessary, ask the closest people to help rearrange the furniture in it.
Step 5. Have a hobby
Engage in various interesting activities such as painting, making music, poetry, or dancing. Improving your artistic ability is effective in enriching self-expression and strengthening your self-control over the things that happen in life, you know. As a result, your interaction patterns with other people will be more positive over time.
Step 6. Contribute to society
Participate as a volunteer in various community events to fill the day with positive experiences. Believe me, making changes, no matter how small, can improve the way you see yourself!
Step 7. Take time to manage your feelings
Most likely, feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem will emerge post-abandonment. To get rid of it, try as much as you can to separate emotions from the reality of the situation which, while not easy, especially since you are a human with feelings, can actually help you to look at the situation from an objective point of view. If you want, put your feelings into writing to clear your mind.
Step 8. Seek expert help, if needed
If the abandonment is too difficult for you, don't hesitate to ask a trusted therapist or school counselor for advice and help. If you're still in school, try seeing a school counselor for a free therapy session first.
Method 4 of 4: Building Stronger and Meaningful Friendships
Step 1. Make new and meaningful friends
If a friend ignores you and has a hard time appreciating you, it may be time for you to make a new friend. In particular, look for friends who are supportive and share your interests, rather than friends who constantly put you down or ignore your existence.
- If you're having trouble finding someone to make friends with, try joining a community or organization that accommodates people with similar interests.
- If you have a friend who constantly ignores, belittles, or violates your personal boundaries, don't hesitate to distance yourself from them or even end the relationship.
Step 2. Keep the friends and relatives you love and still have
Even though a friend has ignored you, it doesn't mean that other friends do too, right? If the situation feels awkward because you've been considered "away" after being friends with someone who has abandoned you, tell them your whole heart honestly.
Do activities that you and they have enjoyed in the past
Step 3. Open yourself up to others
Feel free to share your fears, weaknesses, and insecurities with those closest to you. Basically, showing weakness in front of others, such as telling a difficult past, is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. However, when you have succeeded in doing it, surely your personal relationship with that person will be even stronger! In fact, you can encourage him to do the same afterward.
Step 4. Open multiple lines of communication for closest friends
The more lines of communication you open, the better the impact on your friendship with them. Today, maximizing yourself in all communication channels is almost impossible to do. However, there's nothing wrong with checking social media applications and cellphones regularly, just in case someone nearby contacts you.
Step 5. Make sense of each interaction that occurs
There's nothing wrong, you know, calling your friends for no meaningful reason. For example, you could simply ask her for advice on something or tell an interesting event that has just happened.
Step 6. Be there for your friends
If a friend is having a problem, don't hesitate to make time for them. Remember, reciprocity in a friendship relationship is an important factor for maintaining a lasting relationship. If at the same time you already have plans with other parties, try to rearrange your schedule or convey to the parties concerned that there is an urgent matter that you cannot stay.
