Have you ever felt so hurt after realizing that your position in a friendship or romantic relationship has been replaced by someone else for no reason? The absence of an explanation from a former friend or partner may make it difficult for you to move on with your life afterward. However, don't worry because time can always heal all wounds. While waiting for the wound to dry, try practicing the tips listed in this article, such as acknowledging your pain, discussing the problem with the parties concerned, and avoiding social media temporarily or even permanently. After that, you should focus more on yourself, maintain positivity, and forge healthier relationships with new people.
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Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Others' Decisions to Leave You
Step 1. Acknowledge your pain
Being a substituted party in a relationship is painful, of course, especially since everyone has a need to feel connected to another person or to a group. More than likely, you will feel sad, confused, stressed, or angry when you see a former friend or partner have moved on with their life with new people. Trying to deny the pain will actually only make you feel more frustrated when you meet them, or hear the latest news about them.
- Mention the negative emotions that come up to acknowledge its existence. Don't judge, justify, or try to change those emotions!
- If you want, try taking slow deep breaths whenever negative emotions start to emerge.
- Remember, your feelings and thoughts won't last forever. Therefore, if the hurt comes back when you think about the actions of those closest to you, try saying, “I do feel hurt, but I know that this feeling won't last forever. I can definitely forget about it and move on with life in a better direction."
- Express your feelings in a special journal so that there are no negative emotions that accumulate and have the potential to explode at any time.
Step 2. Acknowledge your role
Try recalling relationships that made you feel replaced, isolated, or rejected. Chances are, you're partly responsible for some of the trouble, even if they're still guilty of mistreating you. Reflect back on your role in the relationship and consider the possibility of discussing the issues with these people, at least so that you can move on with your life unencumbered by overwhelming question marks.
Seek advice from people who know your problem and can listen to your concerns without judgment. Also find someone who can empathize with you and can help you analyze the problem
Step 3. Discuss the problem
If you want and feel the need, invite the people closest to you to discuss the problem, at least so that you know the reasons behind their decision and can recover faster from the hurt that arises. Focus on analyzing the problem and finding solutions to improve your relationship with them and with others in the future.
- Calm down before approaching them. Identify whether or not there is a feeling of difficulty breathing or tension taking over your body. If so, it's a good idea to postpone the conversation until your body and mind have completely calmed down. If you want, inhale and exhale deeply at least ten times, then say to yourself, “This situation is really difficult. Whatever the outcome, the important thing is that I did my best.”
- Honestly, share how you feel about the situation. For example, "I feel confused" or "I'm angry."
- Express your wants or needs explicitly to them. For example, you might say, “I need to know what's really going on. I've hurt you or done something else wrong, haven't I? Can you explain please?"
- Listen to their explanations and understand their feelings.
- Realize that you may never get that answer, or that they may no longer want to be in touch with you. If it's hard to get them to have a discussion, or if they can't communicate with adults, stop trying.
Step 4. Don't sacrifice your values and principles in life
One natural reaction when faced with a situation like this is to work harder to improve the relationship with a friend or partner. However, before doing so, first consider the things you like, as well as your values and life principles that you believe in. Changing yourself for someone else is not an ideal decision. When you feel like doing it, first ask yourself the following questions:
- Why would I want to be a part of this group of friends or relationships?
- What do I need to change to get back in touch with them?
- Is it worth the change?
Step 5. Accept things that are out of your control
No matter how much you want to blame yourself, don't do it because it's not going to improve your emotions. After all, most likely, the reason behind the decision of those closest to you to stay away has nothing to do with your behavior. Maybe they're not as mature as you, or old enough to realize that their behavior has hurt your feelings.
Remember, every story always has two sides. That's why constantly blaming yourself is an unrealistic reaction and can actually make your hurt worse
Step 6. Avoid social media
The less often you see your ex-spouse or ex-friend on social media, the less information you'll get about their interactions with the people who now occupy your place in their lives. Stop torturing yourself by constantly looking at their photos with that new person!
- Remember, you will only see positive things from their posts on social media. In other words, you won't see the big, detailed picture of their relationship situation with new people online.
- Consider the possibility of hiding their account, unfriending them on social media, or even blocking their account.
- Consider the possibility of temporarily or permanently deactivating your social media accounts so you don't have to come into contact with them online again.
- Don't comment, like or share their posts or photos.
Step 7. Don't be rude or rude
It's normal to feel upset when your position in the relationship is suddenly replaced for no reason, but you don't need to show that annoyance just to get attention, do you? Therefore, don't gossip about people you were close to, spread negative rumors about them, or treat them badly on social media.
Part 2 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Accept yourself as you are
After experiencing rejection or isolation from those you used to be close to, you're more likely to develop a variety of negative emotions, including low self-esteem and the belief that you don't deserve to be in a relationship with anyone. Get rid of that kind of thinking because everyone deserves to have meaningful relationships with other people. Learning to accept yourself isn't easy and it may take some time, but rest assured that you can do it!
- Forgive yourself for all the mistakes that have been made. Everyone makes mistakes, and the only way to fix them is to become a better person in the future. Trust me, this behavior will enrich your future relationships.
- Do not ridicule anyone because this behavior will not help you to move on with your life.
Step 2. Keep thinking and behaving positively
Trust that time will heal your wounds. Also take the positive side, which is that you now have more time to focus on yourself and to forge better relationships with others. The people you used to be so close to seem fine or have even moved on with new people? If so, understand that this behavior actually shows that they are not able to make sense of being alone. Therefore, show that you can actually do the opposite by:
- Focus on your unique qualities and abilities.
- Have a new hobby.
- Increase your exercise routine or do other activities that are no less intense.
- Focus on your academic or work achievements.
Step 3. Interact with rock people
To heal the hurt after you've been replaced in the relationship, try spending time with lots of new people. In fact, reconnecting with other people and finding a new comfort zone can take your mind off the grieving loss of a friend or partner, you know. If you're having trouble finding new people, you can try:
- Volunteer in various organizations.
- Join a new sports club.
- Interact with new people at work or school.
- Work out in the fitness center.
Step 4. Accept the fact that being isolated in a relationship, for whatever reason, is a common thing for many people
No matter how bad the impact of the exile on you, in fact everyone has probably experienced it. Remember, not everyone likes you, and vice versa. Sometimes even the most beautiful relationships can end if the person who once liked you no longer feels that way. By understanding and accepting this reality, you will undoubtedly be able to focus your energy on moving on with your life and forging better relationships in the future.
Part 3 of 3: Building Better Relationships
Step 1. Connect with better people
From now on, make sure you only make friends and romantic relationships with positive people. In particular, look for people who:
- Willing to listen without feeling the need to judge.
- Willing to accept you as you are.
- Be willing to respect your feelings and needs.
- Willing to help you whenever needed.
Step 2. Be a good listener
Pay attention to everything that is happening in the lives of those closest to you, and ask them how they are doing regularly to show you care. Also show that you are always willing to provide support and provide a safe place for your partner and friends.
- Do not give criticism or advice. Focus on listening, without trying to comment, let alone judge. For example, if your sister is complaining about problems in her household, don't try to give advice or even criticize her decision to marry her husband. Instead, just listen to the story and give your support. In particular, avoid critical-sounding phrases, such as, “You should…” or “If I were you, I would…” Instead, try saying, “Be patient, I'm so sorry to hear that.”
- Don't focus on crafting responses while your friend is talking. If you only focus on what you are going to say, is it possible for you to give your full attention to the complaint? That's why you must learn to focus on his words, not on the things you want to say in response to his complaint.
- Ask questions if there's something you don't understand. If your friend or partner's intentions are unclear, don't hesitate to clarify. For example, you might say, “So, you mean _, right? Right, isn't it?"
- Repeat their words in your own language. Repeating what the other person is saying will make them realize that you really care about what they are saying. In addition, your focus will be trained because of it. Therefore, try to repeat short phrases from a series of sentences spoken by the other person at regular intervals. For example, if he says, "I went to the doctor this morning to get a tetanus shot before going to work," you might respond by saying, "Oh, a tetanus shot."
Step 3. Express your opinion
Always remember that your time is as valuable as anyone else's! That's why, you have the same right to refuse someone else's request if you feel you don't have the time, energy, or desire to do so.
- For example, if a friend asks you to help her move house on the weekend, but at the same time you are already making plans for a vacation with your partner, don't hesitate to decline your friend's request by saying, "Sorry, I already have an appointment (name of boyfriend). you) on that day. Maybe you can ask your brother or sister for help?”
- Remember, you also have the right not to provide any explanation. For example, if a friend asks you for help with an academic assignment, you can simply say "no" without accompanying it with an explanation.
Step 4. Commit to every relationship you are in
In every relationship, ensure that all parties involved invest an equal commitment. Plan regular meetings with them, and never walk away from those plans. Remember, regular interaction is an important key to strengthening a relationship.
If you're the only one who's always making plans or struggling to get things going for the meeting, chances are your commitment weighs much more than the other party in the relationship. Remember, the other party involved in the relationship, such as a friend or partner, should also be willing to take the time to plan and/or come up with interesting activity ideas
Step 5. Enjoy your solitude
In fact, your relationship with the people around you will be even stronger if all parties are willing to take a few hours or even a day to work alone and enjoy the moment. By doing so, you won't be tempted to always spend time with new friends or partners, and will be able to give them the personal space they really need. Remember, having difficulty appreciating someone's personal space can drive that person away from you!
- Have a positive hobby, such as reading a book.
- Always make time for activities alone.
- When the moment of solitude arrives, try to fill it with activities that are special, positive, and fun.
Tips
- Understand that all relationships run the risk of ending or fading in intensity over time.
- Be yourself in front of others. In other words, never sacrifice your principles just to get into a relationship or a group.
- Respect other people's feelings and opinions. Remember, no relationship can survive under duress!
