Everyone gets angry. However, in the US, one in five people have problems managing their anger. A person's anger may make him explode in front of another person and scream, curse, hit, or torture another person. This type of outburst is the most destructive and severe of anger. This anger also hurts self and others, in physical, emotional, and social ways. If you're having trouble holding yourself back from angry outbursts, practice dealing with difficult situations. This is the best way to have a quieter life.
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Part 1 of 5: Taking Immediate Steps to Resist Outbursts of Anger
Step 1. Watch for physical signs
When your body is under stress, you may start to experience some physical signs. Here are some examples:
- The jaw tightens and the muscles tighten.
- Head or stomach pain.
- Heart beating fast.
- You sweat (even on the palms).
- Reddened face.
- Body or hands shaking.
- you are dizzy.
Step 2. Watch for emotional signs
Anger is usually accompanied by a flood of other emotions. After all, the amygdala, the part of the brain that functions as the emotional center, will relay the best possible signals to deal with the threat and ensure that you will survive. Because of this, you will face so many other related emotions. All of these feelings can sound alarms to trigger a response that makes you face or run from a problem. In addition to anger, some of the emotions you may feel include:
- Annoyed
- Sadness
- Depression
- Guilty feeling
- Hatred
- Worry
- Defensive attitude
Step 3. Count to ten
If you're feeling angry and experiencing the symptoms listed above, tell yourself that you don't have to react right away. Counting can help suppress feelings. It may seem silly, but it can actually be distracting long enough for you to relax. Resist the reaction and give yourself time to work through your feelings.
Step 4. Try to breathe deeply
Give yourself space. If possible, stay away from crowds and go to the bathroom, near stairs, or outdoors while doing this. This will help you feel comfortable while taking deep breaths to calm yourself down.
- Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, then exhale for a count of four as well.
- Make sure you breathe through your diaphragm instead of your chest. When you do it right, your stomach will swell (feel it with your hands).
- Do as needed until you start to feel calmer.
Step 5. Repeat a soothing word or phrase
Try saying something to yourself, such as “Calm down,” “Relax,” or “Take it easy.” Repeat these phrases many times until your anger dissipates.
Step 6. Look for mood swings
If your blood starts to boil, pull over. Take a walk. Take a deep breath. If you can get yourself out of an angry situation, do it. By staying away from the thing or person that triggers your anger, you can calm yourself more easily.
Step 7. Try a progressive muscle relaxation technique
This technique is a tense process and relaxes the whole body in several stages. By consciously tightening your muscles, you can release the tension that has accumulated in your body. Here's a preview of this method:
- Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four more, and exhale for a count of four as well. Keep pulling it deep.
- Start with the muscles in the head and face. Tighten as many muscles as possible in your face, head, mouth, and neck, then hold for two seconds before relaxing.
- Then, continue down the body. Tighten and relax the shoulders, arms, back (only if you don't have back problems), hands, stomach, calves, feet, and fingers.
- Now, wiggle these toes and feel the relaxation from them towards the head.
- Take a few more deep breaths and enjoy the feeling of relaxation.
Step 8. Find something cute to enjoy
If you can laugh, your body's chemical reactions will change. Use your brain and imagination to imagine all sorts of silly situations that can make you laugh, especially if the humor isn't mean or sarcastic.
- For example, you are in a situation where the boss is angry about something. Instead of responding in disgust, get rid of your anger by imagining his head shaped like a fish and him screaming through his thick-lipped mouth. However, don't laugh or smile while you are having a conversation with him. This can make things worse.
- You can even use this method if you often can't control your emotions. Using something to trigger laughter will help you stay calm. Then, you can use other methods more effectively, such as solving problems, to find solutions to the situation at hand.
Part 2 of 5: Identifying the Causes of Anger
Step 1. Think about what else is going on in your life
We may feel angry when we lack control, both physically and emotionally. These common occurrences have the potential to raise a person's emotional level:
- Physical discomfort: feeling tired, hungry, or in pain, can make people angry and want to nag.
- Going through the bereavement process: anger is part of this process.
- Dissatisfaction in sexual life, or cheating partner.
- Disrespectful or disrespectful behavior of others.
- Coping with addiction and withdrawal.
- Medical reasons, such as hormonal fluctuations and illness.
- Having a mental disorder: anger can be a symptom of many of these disorders.
- Being in an unfair situation, for example under an oppressive government regime, or facing discrimination.
- Exposure to abusive situations, such as being bullied or humiliated.
- Stress due to everyday life, for example having to meet a deadline, trying to deal with traffic, dealing with a disappointing end result, or failing to meet goals/expectations.
- Loss of money or income, for example because of being robbed or facing financial problems.
Step 2. Assess your anger
Assessing anger can help you become aware of the type of event that triggered it, as well as the level of the anger. Some events may be just a little offensive, while others may make you feel like exploding. You don't really need an official anger rating scale. Make your own, for example on a scale of 1 to 10, or 0 to 100. Use whatever method works for you.
Keep track of how often your anger escalates, by writing the assessment in a journal
Step 3. Create a journal
An anger journal will help you to notice the things that make you angry, as well as the severity. You should also take note of the surrounding and environmental events that trigger your anger or occur when you are angry. Pay attention to how you react when you are angry, and how other people react to that anger. When recording in the journal, observe the following:
- What triggers your anger?
- Rate the anger that occurs.
- What thoughts come to mind when you are angry?
- How do you react? How do other people react to you?
- What was your mood right before the anger occurred?
- What symptoms of anger do you feel in your body?
- Do you want to leave, take action, for example by slamming the door or hitting someone/something, or do you say something sarcastic?
- How did you feel right after the incident happened?
- How do you feel a few hours after getting angry?
- Is the situation resolved?
- Keeping up to date with all this information will help you learn about the situation and triggers for anger. Then, avoid all of these things if possible. Apart from that, you can also predict when these situations might occur if they are unavoidable.
Step 4. Identify triggers for anger
A trigger is something that happens or you experience that involves an emotion or memory. Some common triggers include:
- Unable to control the actions of others.
- Others let you down by not meeting expectations.
- Unable to control daily events, such as traffic conditions or things that hinder personal development.
- Someone is trying to manipulate or take advantage of you.
- Angry at yourself for making a mistake.
- Feeling hungry, tired, or stressed.
Part 3 of 5: Developing Strategies for Coping With Anger
Step 1. Create an anger management plan
Following a plan will help you control your anger. The key here is to first take control of the body's response. Afterward, work on resolving what's bothering you and why. Once you get the hang of it, express yourself assertively to make sure you channel your anger in a productive way. You need a lot of practice and patience to deal with your feelings in a new, constructive way.
Define a specific group of actions when you feel angry. For example, after admitting that you feel angry, get out of the house for five minutes. Take a deep breath and repeat a calming phrase to yourself. This process will help you defuse your anger
Step 2. Avoid the "don't do it half-measures" thinking
When a person is angry, he or she may think, “Everything is ruined,” or “I could never do that”. This type of thinking will lead to black-and-white understanding because the person will consider the problems that occur as the end of the world. Avoid absolute words and phrases. Stop thinking of things as something that “always” or “never” happens.
Instead, think: “This situation frustrates me, but there is a way out.”
Step 3. Avoid situations that make you angry
Often, you can avoid angry outbursts by staying away from the triggering situation. For example, if you are often angry about traffic conditions in the morning, try going to work/school at a different time, or by taking public transport. If you're often angry about missing lunch sessions, set yourself up for eating on time.
Step 4. Let go of all grudges
When you continue to harbor feelings of disdain for someone, your anger will persist and become difficult to control. Accept other people as they are. Focus on how you would handle a situation, not how someone else would deal with it. Letting go of your grudge will also help you focus your energy on more positive things.
Step 5. Try exercising
Exercise can help relieve anger. For both children and adults, research shows that exercise helps regulate mood and control emotions. Try exercising when you're angry, or do it every day to let your aggression out.
Step 6. Reset your emotions by sleeping at night
Quality sleep helps people to regulate their emotions. These emotions will be more difficult to control when we are not getting enough sleep. One study showed that several consecutive nights of disturbed sleep increased negative feelings and anger in teenage girls.
If you have trouble sleeping consistently, see a doctor
Step 7. Try meditating
Meditation has been shown to be effective in regulating emotions. The effect is more lasting in the amygdala (the emotional center in the brain that regulates the stress response to stressful or threatening events). Start by taking deep breaths. You can also combine it by imagining things. Try the following exercises:
- As you inhale, imagine a golden white light that makes you relaxed and happy. Imagine this light spreading into the lungs and the rest of the body. As you exhale, let out dark, cloudy colors, which represent other feelings of anger and stress.
- If you have trouble meditating, don't worry. Meditation is a combination of deep breathing exercises, imagination and mental tasks. If you have trouble sitting still for long periods of time or feel uncomfortable, just start by taking deep breaths. In this way, the body will still be helped to calm down.
Step 8. Don't despair if you fail
When we try something, we will not always succeed perfectly. This principle is especially true when you are trying to learn new ways to deal with anger. The best method for managing recurring anger that explodes or reacts passively-aggressively is to think about what isn't effective. All of this is part of the learning process. Once you're able to detect what's not working, adjust your actions to deal with the same triggers in the future.
More importantly, hang on! Be happy for the smallest achievements, because they bring you one step closer to achieving your main goal, which is overcoming anger
Part 4 of 5: Expressing Anger Healthily
Step 1. Communicate decisively
Assertive communication emphasizes on all parties in the conversation to have a conversation to express an important need. To do so, state the facts without making accusations,
For example, you might say: “I'm sad and angry that it seems that you underestimated my project while laughing while I was giving a presentation. I don't know what's going on, but you don't seem to notice or take my work seriously. Maybe I misunderstood. Can we talk and try to work it out?”
Step 2. Be respectful
Use the words please and thank you to be polite and show that you respect the other person. Make requests and not demands. To win respect, give it first. Then, develop cooperation and two-way appreciation. When you're angry, the opposite happens, namely, people will turn away from you because of passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive communication.
You can start communicating in this way: “If you have time, could you…” or “I would be very helpful if you… Thank you, I really appreciate it!”
Step 3. Communicate clearly
If you go around in circles, or make general, non-specific statements, everyone involved will be frustrated. Address your communications directly to the people involved. Make sure you bring it in the form of a request.
- For example, if a coworker is talking very loudly on the phone and you're having trouble concentrating, make a request like this: “I have a request. Can you turn down the volume while talking on the phone? I had a hard time concentrating because of it. I will be very helpful. Thank you".
- However, if you say, "I'm really having a hard time getting work done because the office is noisy" to everyone in the room, that's not specific. In addition, your coworkers may feel isolated, and problems that occur will not be resolved.
Step 4. Express your feelings well
When you're self-determining, show real emotions, such as hurt, and stay away from judgmental statements.
- For example, here's an example of a less assertive way of expressing yourself: "I feel like you're an insensitive boring person." This is a judgmental statement (and the judgment is pretty bad too).
- Instead, say things that offend you: "I feel you are insensitive to my feelings, when you read the newspaper instead of listening to what I have to say."
Step 5. Prioritize problem solving
Once you are able to identify the triggers of anger, slow down the anger and deal with the thoughts that make you angry. Then, shift focus to solving the problem. This way, you're doing everything you can to solve the problem, determine how you feel about a situation, and express your feelings in the most productive way possible.
- For example, you may be angry because your child is getting a bad report card. To avoid outbursts of anger, try to solve the problem. This way, you can process the situation better.
- Cope with your emotions by taking a few minutes and taking deep breaths. Once your mind is clearer, start looking for solutions. Strategize to talk about your child's grades. Emphasize that you love and support them. Also think about solutions, such as hiring a tutor or enrolling them in a course.
- Accept the fact that sometimes there is no solution to a problem you are facing. This is normal. Not everything in life can be handled neatly. Life is much more chaotic. You can't control it, but you can control your personal reactions to life.
Part 5 of 5: Getting Professional Help
Step 1. Follow an anger management program
Fortunately, these programs have proven to be quite successful. Some of the most effective ones help you understand anger, offer short-term strategies for dealing with it, and help build useful skills.
There are many anger management program options. For example, there are those available to youth, executives, police officers, and other human populations who may experience different types of anger for different reasons
Step 2. Try following therapy
Therapy is a great way to find new ways to deal with and express anger. You can bring a personal anger journal with you to therapy sessions.
- The therapist will likely use relaxation techniques to help you calm yourself when you're angry. It will also help you deal with the thoughts that trigger your anger and come up with new ways of looking at the situation. The therapist also teaches emotional adaptation skills as well as assertive communication exercises.
- You may choose to see a psychotherapist, who specializes in human history to solve many of today's problems, such as coping with childhood abuse or neglect, or going through tragic events. This may be very useful for easing the anger that has arisen as a result of past events.
- You may be able to try an email consultation service on the Psychologist Practice website, or if you live in the US, find a therapist in your area using the American Psychologist Association's Psychologist Locator.
Step 3. Ask your doctor about treatment
Anger is usually part of a different disorder, such as bipolar, depression, or anxiety. Drug therapy for anger will depend on the conditions that make it occur. Taking drugs can also relieve anger.
- For example, if anger co-occurs with depression, you can deal with it, along with other symptoms of depression, by taking antidepressants. If irritability occurs as part of generalized anxiety disorder, take a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), such as Lexapro or Prozac. These medications can help reduce it.
- Every drug has side effects. For example, lithium. Although used to treat bipolar disorder, these drugs often cause kidney complications. Knowing the possible side effects can help you monitor complications. Discuss all these possibilities openly with your doctor.
- Make sure you also discuss all addiction issues with him. Don't add another addiction if you're having trouble quitting alcohol. Discuss openly with your doctor to help him determine the best medication for anger and other possible symptoms.
