Many people know what it's like to be frustrated. Frustration can be self-inflicted, for example when you don't achieve your goals. However, other people can also cause frustration, for example because they don't fulfill what you want or need. There are various ways to deal with frustration. In addition to figuring out the cause, use appropriate techniques to select different emotional responses.
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Method 1 of 3: Coping With Acute Frustration
Step 1. Find the things that trigger frustration
A trigger is an environmental condition that causes you to react impulsively and disproportionately to the trigger. Apart from certain triggers, frustration can be caused by a variety of other things.
- Are you frustrated if you have to wait around doing nothing? For example, say you're frustrated when you're stuck in a traffic jam or waiting in line at the bank.
- Are you frustrated when other people don't fulfill your wishes or interrupt your work? Let's say you're frustrated that you've received a message or email that's disappointing.
- Are you frustrated when you face difficulties? For example, you may get annoyed when you have to complete a difficult task.
Step 2. Avoid frustration triggers as much as possible
In order to avoid triggers as often as possible, pay attention to when frustration usually strikes by figuring out what's bothering you. Frustration usually appears as an impulsive reaction. So, try to figure out the triggers so you can control yourself so you don't react impulsively.
- For example, before starting work, turn off your cell phone ring so you don't get distracted or leave your seat for a short break when facing a difficult task once you realize that the constant build-up of frustration is fueling your frustration.
- If your frustration triggers are unavoidable, realize that your frustration stems from a mindset that you can choose to either allow yourself to experience the frustration or replace it with another emotional reaction, even if this is a difficult option. When you start to get frustrated, take time to think, instead of reacting to it impulsively.
Step 3. Practice breathing techniques to deal with stress
Breathing calmly and regularly will change the chemical compounds of the brain so that thinking activities are controlled by the neocortex, which is an area in the brain that allows humans to think logically, not by the amygdala which triggers the 'fight or flight' reaction. By breathing consciously while focusing, you can prevent impulsive actions or harsh words. So, breathe deeply in a calm and regular manner. Instead of venting anger or frustration, try to calm yourself down by taking deep breaths. Inhale for a count of 4 then exhale for a count of 4. Do it over and over again until you feel calm.
Step 4. Set your expectations of others
Accept the fact that a person can be irrational, selfish, unfair, and inconsistent. Remember that the only person you can control is yourself because you can't control other people's behavior.
- Accept the limitations of others. For example, your best friend is always late. Don't expect him to come on time because you can't change other people, but you can decide whether to invite him or not. If lateness frustrates you, don't involve him in activities that demand punctuality.
- Don't depend on other people. To overcome feelings of helplessness, work on achieving what you think is important. Ask yourself if you're frustrated that a wish isn't being fulfilled, but can you actually do it yourself easily? For example, you might be upset that your roommate doesn't want to take out the trash according to the agreement. As a solution, you're better off doing it yourself rather than saying hurtful words. After that, ask him to do another task.
- Don't demand perfection from others. You may get frustrated when other people don't exhibit consistent behavior, but this is human because humans are not robots or computers. Even if you're disappointed, the ability to accept the fact that everyone can make mistakes (including yourself) plays an important role when socializing.
Step 5. Be in control when interacting with others
Frustration is a cause of stress that causes the body to produce adrenaline and other neurochemicals that react with each other so that you behave impulsively, even aggressively. To avoid yelling, being rude, or insulting other people, try to calm yourself down and be aware of what's going on. Don't react impulsively or withdraw so you don't control and put people down or vice versa. To find out how you would respond to a frustrating situation, answer the following questions:
- Are all my perceptions always correct? Are there still things I don't understand?
- Are events happening today as important to me tomorrow? Next week? Next year?
- Can I express my opinion without being rude?
- Do I want to provide information?
- Is it as important for me to understand the problem objectively as it is for me to think about my reaction or my desire to be the one who is always "right"?
- Do I care about other people's wishes? Can we work together?
Step 6. Think of frustration as "delayed success," rather than "failure."
Your perspective determines your reactions and emotions. If you perceive problems as obstacles that can be overcome, you will quickly realize that you can handle frustration.
For example, you're saving to buy a new car, but your existing car needs to be repaired using some of that savings. Instead of immediately concluding that you can't have a new car in time, remind yourself that plans are only delayed and the problem will be resolved within 1-2 months
Method 2 of 3: Coping With Frustration When Living Everyday
Step 1. Set short-term to long-term goals in terms of education, training, work, and personal life
Start by thinking about what you want the most and then determine the most achievable target. Begin and/or continue by developing a plan that will lead you to self-actualization through fulfilling your interests and needs. For example:
- After planning to attend training or education, you must act/start to move. Register for courses and then continue your education for 4 years at a university that supports achieving your goals.
- Saving to buy a new car in cash can be a solution. However, you will need to use some of your savings to maintain your existing car. Instead of thinking that your savings won't be enough to buy a new car, tell yourself that your savings will reach the amount you need in just the next 1-2 months.
- Trying to achieve your dream of living a certain standard of living helps you overcome feelings of inferiority. In addition, enjoying a useful hobby overcomes prolonged frustration. If you don't have time to enjoy your hobbies because you prefer to work, do pragmatic activities (practical and useful), such as learning to make bread, soap, sewing clothes, etc. You will reap the benefits that can be applied in everyday life by mastering one or more of these skills.
Step 2. Unlock insights
Work on dealing with frustration by motivating yourself to let go of feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and disappointment. Work on improving your skills as a way to relieve frustration. "Trying" means using one's ability to do something, while "feeling helpless" indicates an inability to improve the situation. Determine what you are capable of doing right now even though it seems trivial and then implement it with real action. Washing clothes, changing clothes, or cooking dinner may not seem like the best solution to a problem, but they are still beneficial because, according to the way the brain works, each success can give rise to new hope.
Step 3. Spend time with supportive people
Share your frustration with a friend who will listen wholeheartedly and won't judge you. If you don't have a close friend to talk to, find other ways to deal with frustration, such as finding work or socializing. Interacting with other people is a useful way to improve your mood. Even if the problem is obvious, discussing it with others can reveal hidden root causes, such as feelings of inferiority or anxiety. Consult a mentor or professional counselor to resolve it.
Step 4. Respect yourself
Frustration is a source of tension and anxiety that can damage mood, sleep patterns, and physical health. Pay more attention to yourself, especially by taking care of your health, so that you feel more relaxed and able to eliminate the negative emotions that arise from frustration. Taking a warm bath, taking a leisurely walk in the park, baking bread, or reading a favorite book is much better than grumbling or cursing at other people. Activities that make you feel calm and comfortable are beneficial in changing the body's chemical levels from a tense and uncontrollable state to being calm and focused.
Step 5. Record all the successes you've had
Often times, frustration makes many people feel worthless or insignificant, but they don't realize this. Try to overcome it by recording all the successes that have been achieved, including daily tasks that are completed well. You may feel inferior if you have trouble remembering past successes. Ask a friend or family member to tell of a good moment that made you feel happy or proud that you achieved success.
Step 6. Exercise regularly to reduce stress
Physical activity can help relieve tension and stress caused by frustration, especially if you exercise in the right environment. As much as possible, get used to walking, jogging, or other sports in the open. If you're not used to regular exercise, practice as much as you can so that you feel refreshed instead of tired.
If you don't have time to exercise while working on a frustrating task, take time to take a short break and take deep breaths or meditate
Step 7. Don't procrastinate
Try to realize the goals you want to achieve so you don't become apathetic or lose motivation. Designate fun and meaningful activities, instead of letting your goals slip because you're used to procrastination. If you experience this, break the cycle of the problem by following these tips.
- Avoid unnecessary distractions. Whether you're easily distracted or choose to distract yourself to delay completing a task, try to focus your attention. Turn off cell phones, other electronic devices, or the internet, unless needed at work. Remove unneeded items from the workspace.
- Set realistic daily, weekly, monthly, semi-annual, and annual goals with short, hourly deadlines so you can reward yourself when you reach your goals.
- Successfully overcoming discomfort or completing a difficult task will strengthen your motivation so that you can say, "From now on, I will strive to achieve my dreams." Look for other positive reasons to keep yourself motivated, for example by giving yourself a reward (a healthy snack, enjoying useful entertainment, or some other reward) if you are able to meet the deadlines set in your daily schedule.
Step 8. Do different activities
If you're frustrated by personal activities or routine tasks, create a new schedule so you can do your job, activity, task, or hobby well. To deal with frustration at work, discuss more effective ways to streamline the work process, discuss with your boss about being transferred, or propose changes to your work schedule.
- Complete tasks one by one. Don't work on several tasks at the same time so that it becomes difficult for you to focus on the activity at hand. You may think you can do it well, but it makes the task harder to do and easier to avoid. If you're frustrated by a pile of tasks, take turns doing one at a time. Don't solve them all at once.
- When facing a very tight deadline, take turns completing tasks so that you don't get frustrated and are able to complete all tasks well. Alternate 30-60 minutes of tasks and set aside a 5-minute break each time you switch from one task to another.
- If work is causing you severe stress and frustration, consider taking a vacation, taking a sabbatical, or looking for a new job.
Step 9. Set the right expectations
People who hope that life will be fine, trouble free, and can achieve anything without trying will be very frustrated and disappointed. Important aspects of life, such as work, education, romantic relationships, mastering a new skill, all take time and effort. If things seem good at first, don't be disappointed if things change because life isn't as easy as you think.
- Don't compare yourself to artists in the media. When watching a movie or TV show, the plot is clear and the ending is easy to conclude. The cast looks youthful, kind, and glamorous, but the truth is, life isn't always like this. You will find it difficult to form an objective perspective on other people if you access the media too often.
- Ask others about the difficulties they are having. Friends, relatives, and co-workers can reflect true reality because the difficulties they face in work, education, personal relationships, and family life have much in common with the problems you are experiencing. Talking about their goals in life, their successes, the obstacles they face and how to overcome them helps you understand that other people face the same problems. Thus, you are able to accept reality with a clear mind.
Step 10. Be aware of negative behavior
Often times, frustration triggers thoughts and behaviors that make things worse. Remind yourself when this negative thing happens so that you can quickly address it using the suggestions given above. Frustration can trigger a variety of negative behaviors or thoughts, for example:
- Thinking about things that you think should have happened or wishing the life you've been through is going the way you expected.
- Spending hours just doing activities that are not fun or useful, such as watching TV shows that are not interesting.
- Sitting daydreaming.
Step 11. Be persistent
Practice diligently. In addition to strengthening mentally, exercise is useful for forming "muscle memory". If you practice regularly, your hands can move automatically like an airplane driven by a computer program. A trained subconscious and an instant reaction mind is able to decide what to do and when to act based on experience. In order to set goals, you need to use your skills, talents and knowledge to gain experience that matches your skills.
Method 3 of 3: Coping With Frustration When Being in a Relationship or Friendship
Step 1. Don't talk when you're angry
Expressions that arise from negative emotions are not beneficial for a relationship. If you are frequently upset or angry with someone, it may be more beneficial for the two of you to have a calm discussion. Don't interact with him when you can't calm down.
Step 2. Discuss the problems one by one
Start the discussion by discussing the first issue, such as his annoying actions or behavior. Focus the conversation on this topic to completion. Discuss the causes and the behavior you expect, but don't divert the conversation by discussing another problem if the first problem doesn't have a solution.
Before discussing, make an agreement that the two of you will focus on discussing one issue at a time
Step 3. Give him the opportunity to provide feedback
Let him talk without being interrupted and listen carefully to what he has to say so that he feels cared for. Instead of reacting impulsively, think about the response you are going to give. If you find it difficult, silently say what he is saying to keep you focused. Turn your face and body towards the other person.
For example, if you're having an argument, don't interrupt when he's talking. Let him talk to the end before responding. Think carefully about every word you want to say, instead of just going along with your emotions
Step 4. Recite what you heard in your own words
This shows the interlocutor that you understand what he is saying, gives him a chance to consider what he's saying, and removes ambiguity during the discussion. At times, this step is very challenging because it is difficult to listen to the other person speaking, instead of thinking about what you are going to say.
For example, after he says that you never make time for him, repeat what he said and then ask, "Is it true that you said I never made time for you?" That way, he can hear the complaints he conveys to you
Step 5. Be honest and respectful
Be honest about your feelings, point out what needs to be changed, and ask him to give you an honest opinion. Do not insult other people or say words that hurt feelings. Use sentences that begin with the word "I" to describe how you feel. Don't start a sentence with "you" because it seems accusatory.
- Don't be passive-aggressive by covering up true emotions or putting other people down without them knowing.
- Do not speak harshly, insult, let alone joke during a discussion.
Step 6. Don't use absolutes when talking to other people
The words 'always', 'everyone', 'no one', and 'never' are absolute words. The other person will get defensive by refuting what you're saying that's not true, so the two of you can't come to an agreement.
For example, instead of saying, "You never move the trash outside!", you might say, "You did move the trash outside, but it wasn't as agreed."
Step 7. Discuss the solution with a friend
Work on a compromise that is satisfactory to both of you. Write down alternative solutions. You don't have to decide on the best solution the first time you have a discussion. If needed, make an agreement that the solution is only temporary. Then, set a schedule for the next discussion to discuss whether or not the solution is appropriate.
For example, if you're frustrated that your friend hasn't paid off your debt, suggest a payment schedule, instead of being upset that you didn't receive the money all at once
Step 8. Appreciate the effort
Thank him for wanting to work on changing his behavior. If you support his business, even if it's a small change and not what you expected, he will be motivated to keep improving.
Using the example of a friend borrowing money, tell him that you really appreciate his willingness to agree on a payment schedule, even if he agrees to discuss and discuss it again when he is ready to make a payment agreement. You can establish long-term cooperation by appreciating his efforts
Tips
- If you're having trouble pinpointing the cause of your frustration, discuss this with a trusted friend, mentor, counselor or therapist.
- If you want to throw a tantrum, cover your face with a pillow and scream. If this doesn't help, take a course on how to control your anger or talk to someone close to you.
- As much as possible, focus on the things that make you feel happy.
