Being ignored by friends, spouse, or relatives is certainly very unpleasant. Even if you're encouraged to keep in touch until a response, it's actually wiser to back off. Continue with the daily routine while the person processes their feelings. Most likely he will not ignore you forever. Once the situation calms down, try to arrange a face-to-face meeting to discuss the problem and together find a solution that works for both parties.
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Part 1 of 2: Making Space
Step 1. Try to think of a reason he ignores you
Depending on the situation, the reasons might be obvious. If you've had a big fight with your wife, for example, you probably already know why she's shut up about you. However, if you don't know what the problem is, think about whether you might have done something wrong that made him angry.
- For example, if a friend ignores you, it may be because you are gossiping about him behind his back. Whatever you say he can hear from someone.
- If you don't include someone in your plans or don't return their calls or messages, they could be offended.
Tip:
In some cases, you may not have done anything wrong. If the person ignoring you is the opposite sex you like, it's probably best to just forget about him or her. You deserve someone with a better attitude.
Step 2. Let him calm down
Whatever your reason for being ignored, the worst thing to do right now is to continue to undermine it. Don't text, call repeatedly, or keep asking questions for clarification. Give him time to process his own feelings and how, or whether, he wants to contact you.
- One message or one call is fine, but don't send consecutive messages like, "Why did you shut me up?", "What did I do wrong?", or "Please talk!" These messages will not only irritate her more, but also make you seem desperate.
- It's hard to just ignore the problem and not solve it as soon as possible. However, you cannot control other people. So, it's best to give him some space to himself.
Step 3. Divert your attention to work, school, or hobbies
It takes a lot of time and energy trying to figure out why you're being ignored or obsessed with the fact that he's ignoring you. However, it is not productive and will only make you suffer. Continue daily routines and activities. Concentrating on work or school is a productive way of not dwelling on these problems.
Enjoy your free time doing something you love, whether it's fishing, baking, playing ball, woodworking, writing poetry, swimming, knitting, or practicing coding
Step 4. Spend time with other people who love you
It's painful to be ignored by someone important in your life, but chances are he or she isn't the only one to be with you. Call friends and family, and invite them to meet. Take this time to strengthen your relationship and enjoy quality time with them.
Make sure your emotional needs are met, especially when you're having trouble in an important relationship
Step 5. Think about how you would react to this kind of behavior beforehand
If he's been quiet about you before and you're doing whatever it takes to get him to talk, he probably wants you to do it again.
This is one reason why you shouldn't beg for his attention. It's possible that he just kept quiet just to wait for your response. This kind of reaction shows him that he will get what he wants by ignoring you, which is not healthy
Part 2 of 2: Live Talk
Step 1. Call him to ask to meet in person
If you care about him and want to resolve the conflict, then you need to act. Talking in person is better than texting or calling because you can see each other's facial expressions and determine how sincere each other's words and actions are.
- You can arrange a meeting via message or phone. Try saying, “I know you're mad, and I want us to talk. Can I meet you at the coffee shop tomorrow Saturday at 10 am?”
- Choose a neutral place so that no one is "excellent at home".
Tip:
He may not respond to your request or refuse to meet. If this is the case, there is nothing more you can do. If you're open to talking to him about the matter at a later time, let him know so he can contact you when he's ready.
Step 2. Ask him why he is ignoring you
After he agrees to speak, immediately discuss the problem. Even if you can already guess, ask him to explain from his point of view. You may not think the real problem or why he thinks ignoring you is the right way to deal with the problem.
Step 3. Listen carefully to what he has to say
Don't get defensive or think about rebuttals while he's still talking. It's hard, especially if he accuses you or thinks you're wrong. However, try to listen, understand what he means, and try to see the situation from his point of view.
- Use body language to signal you're listening by looking him in the eye and nodding when you understand or agree.
- Don't be afraid to ask questions if you need clarification. You can also repeat what he says to make sure you understand.
Step 4. Apologize if you are wrong
If you've done something that made him angry or hurt, you should also be held accountable. Put your ego aside so you can recognize your mistake and apologize sincerely. If his feelings are acknowledged, the relationship will be repaired.
Say, “Sorry I didn't invite you yesterday, Yan. Now I know that I hurt your feelings."
Step 5. Tell the story from your side
After he has voiced his grievances and feels heard, explain how this conflict has affected you. Share your point of view without blaming him. Use "I" language to frame your feelings and don't forget to tell them how you feel when they are ignored.
For example, “I was sad and worried when you didn't want to talk. This friendship is precious to me and I want to make things right.”
Step 6. Find a compromise or solution together, if possible
At this point, perhaps you can judge whether the relationship can be repaired or not. In some cases, an apology will suffice. In other cases, it takes time and determination to mend the relationship. Together, think about what steps should be taken.
- Each party can propose solutions and compromises to determine the most appropriate.
- Promises are easy, but hard to keep them. Make sure you're willing to work on rebuilding trust, if that's the source of the problem.
Step 7. Accept that the relationship is not worth saving
If he ignores you in order to force you to do something he wants (or not to do something he doesn't want), then he's manipulating you. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you notice that a friend or family member often engages in this behavior, especially after you confront him, your life may be better off without him.
