Sexual frustration happens to many people, and it can have an impact on their lives and personal relationships. However, you can channel your frustrations through healthy releases such as art and exercise.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Coping With Your Own Frustration
Step 1. Masturbate
Masturbation is often considered a taboo topic, which is reinforced by misinformation and guilt. However, masturbation is a healthy, safe, and productive way to learn to give yourself pleasure. Exploring the body through masturbation can help you better understand what you like, and also help you communicate it with your partner.
- Know that masturbation is natural and healthy stimulation. Studies by the Kinsey Institute show that 90% of men and 64% of women masturbate, but this figure may not be true because so many people are still embarrassed to admit that they are used to masturbating.
- There are many myths about the female orgasm. One of the most common myths is that there is a "right" way to reach orgasm. That assumption is wrong. A woman's body responds to stimuli in different ways. There are women who orgasm from clitoral stimulation, while there are also those who prefer stimulation in other areas. Don't feel guilty if what you like may not be liked by someone else (or vice versa).
- Many people choose to use assistive devices when masturbating. No problem, just healthy and normal. If that's the case, make sure you read the instructions and use a disinfectant cleaner to keep the appliance clean and safe.
- Masturbation will release endorphins, substances that can improve mood naturally. Endorphins can relieve stress and anxiety, which are major causes of sexual frustration. Orgasms can also release dopamine and oxytocin, which can help you relax and sleep better.
- Feel free to experiment with various techniques yourself. Find a comfortable place and learn how your body responds to touch, pressure, penetration, and physical activity.
- If you want to try masturbating, but aren't comfortable doing so for personal, religious, or philosophical reasons, try talking to a therapist who may be able to help you deal with guilt or shame.
Step 2. Don't follow other people's standards
Sometimes, especially for women, sexual frustration results from not being able to “act” properly. Remember, there is no “normal” amount of sex, or a “normal” way to experience sexual pleasure. By ignoring other people's standards, you can focus on yourself and what you and your partner like.
- For example, some women think they don't have an orgasm because their orgasms are more subtle than those shown in movies or pornography. Remember to focus on enjoying how you feel, not comparing yourself to outside ideals or standards.
- Don't think about what other people are doing. Some couples worry that they are not making love at the “normal” frequency, and that is frustrating even though both are enjoying their sex life. Some people may feel that their passions or needs are not “normal”, which makes them dissatisfied for fear of realizing them.
- Avoid judging your or your partner's passions or needs, but remember that all sexual activity must be with the consent of both parties. Activities that endanger or violate the rights of spouses should not be carried out. If you're concerned about an arousal or need that seems unusual, talk to a mental health professional.
- Sexual desires and practices that may seem “unconventional”, such as BDSM, can actually be done in a healthy and respectful way. You can look for instructions or guidelines for carrying out these practices in an ethical manner.
Step 3. Learn to accept yourself
Sexual frustration can come from dissatisfaction with the body you have. It's hard to accept sexual pleasure if you're not happy with yourself. Feelings of unworthiness or unlovedness can also make people avoid relationships. Learning to love and accept yourself for who you are is an important part of relieving sexual frustration.
- According to a survey, 91% of women in the United States are unhappy with their bodies. Women in particular are often bombarded with the "ideal" body image. Reject these unrealistic stereotypes and focus on finding body parts that you like, regardless of their shape.
- Associate with positive people who love and care about you. Friends and loved ones who love and accept you for who you are are very helpful in boosting self-confidence.
- Acknowledge your sexuality. Guilt or resistance to sexuality, whether in terms of desire, orientation, or whatever, can lead to intense frustration. You will be attracted to whoever is of interest to you. Don't let other people judge you or tell you to be different.
- Try to enjoy alone time. Part of learning to accept yourself as you are is seeing yourself as a special person who is fun to spend time with and do activities with. Try a romantic dinner alone. Go to the cinema to watch a romantic movie. Strolling by the beach. Take a good book to the cafe and buy a good drink. Remember that you are valuable and wanted.
Step 4. Take the focus away from the orgasm
Sometimes, people are so fixated on orgasm that they think sex has "failed" if it doesn't climax. This can happen when you masturbate alone or make love with a partner. An exclusive focus on orgasm can turn sex into a task to be completed, not a pleasurable experience. Learn not to focus solely on the orgasm and enjoy the whole experience of making love to reduce your frustration, especially if you find it difficult to climax frequently.
The inability to reach orgasm after stimulation is called “anorgasmia”, and has been experienced by many people, especially women. Sometimes, this condition is caused by physical problems, and sometimes psychological problems. Talk to your doctor about possible causes, and ask what mental health treatments can help
Step 5. Seek professional help
Sometimes, sexual difficulties or frustrations stem from causes you are not aware of. Depression, anxiety, and stress can cause sexual problems. So can a history of violence or a depressed childhood. A therapist, especially one who specializes in sex therapy, can help you explore your sexuality and find out what's causing your frustrations and problems.
- While sex therapists usually work with couples, many also work with individuals. Sex therapy may be provided by psychologists, social workers, doctors, marriage and family therapists, or other counsellors who are specially trained. In America, sex therapists are easy to find, by consulting the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists or the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.
- You can also talk to a counselor or therapist about other aspects of your life that may be affecting your sex life.
- Sex therapists do not have sexual interactions with clients. In fact, therapists are ethically prohibited from making romantic or sexual approaches to clients. If this happens to you, immediately report it to the appropriate authorities.
- Discussing your sexual life with a professional may feel awkward, but you should be able to feel that the therapist is listening to you (and your partner, if you're going alone) without judgment. If you feel that the therapist is not listening or judging, it's a good idea to find another therapist.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a common treatment given to overcome sexual problems. This therapy can help identify and change the way you view yourself and sex that can be causing frustration.
Method 2 of 4: Trying to Overcome Frustration with Your Partner
Step 1. Discuss your needs
It is possible that you and your partner have a mismatch in needs. Few couples share the same passions or needs, and that means you and your partner should talk openly and honestly about each other's needs.
- Discussing sexual needs may be awkward at first, but it's actually great for strengthening bonds.
- Find a talk time that is free from distractions or interruptions. You both need to be able to focus on what the relationship needs, and that won't work if your favorite TV show is on or you're tired after work.
- Use honest and clear terms. Euphemisms, or the use of subtle language to avoid language that is considered taboo or abusive, are a sign that you are uncomfortable talking about your body and needs. Unfortunately, euphemisms can also obscure your intentions so your partner can't understand what you're asking for. Don't be shy about using the right terms when talking about the body and desire. Just use “vagina”, “penis”, or “oral sex” because those are not dirty terms.
- Discussions about needs are not just for married couples. People who are single and new to dating can also start discussing their needs and passions honestly and openly.
- Provide input during sexual activity. The trick is not to judge or pressure your partner. Instead, say, "I love that" or "That's great." Avoid words like “Don't”, but opt for comments like “It's better this way” or “I prefer it this way”. This kind of communication can help your partner understand and meet your needs.
Step 2. Don't blame or judge
When there is a problem in a relationship, people usually tend to blame their partner. However, blaming or judgmental language, such as "You're not giving me what I need" will put your partner on the defensive and shut down effective communication. Instead, try the following techniques for a healthy and productive discussion:
- Use "I" language. This choice of language helps convey that you are talking about needs, not shaming or blaming your partner. For example, “Lately I feel like our sex has become predictable and not as intimate as it used to be. I didn't feel the intimacy I wanted."
- Invite your partner to express their feelings. Make sure this important discussion is not one-way. Making love is a shared experience. So, ask what your partner likes, wants, and feels. For example, “What do you think makes our sex life meaningful?” or “What kind of touch do you like?” Questions like these don't blame or close room for exploration.
- Never manipulate or make your partner feel guilty so he wants to make love. You may feel that this sexual frustration exists because your partner doesn't care about your needs, but the reality may not be that simple. Blaming language like, “If you really loved me, you would _” can harm relationships. Avoid such language. Use “me” language and focus on how you feel. For example, “If I don't _, I don't feel attractive or wanted.”
Step 3. Make time for intimacy
Sex in movies always looks glamorous. It started with an affectionate look, then a few seconds later the clothes were removed and thrown on the floor. In real life, that's not how it works. There must be preparation. Both need to set the time, make an appointment in advance, take a shower, make sure the skin is clean and fragrant, and then the fun part is done. Why is it different in a real relationship? With busyness, sex is unconsciously pushed aside until the need boils over and erupts into anger or frustration. By deliberately making time for love and making out, the tension can be released and you can both get what you need.
- Change routine. If you usually wait until evening to make love with your partner, try another time to make love in the morning or even during lunch time. This is especially helpful if you are tired at night. Remember, there is no right or wrong time to enjoy making love. Whatever is fun, that's what you should be doing.
- Schedule sex. It seems that scheduled sex will kill intimacy, but in fact 80% of married couples schedule time to make love. A schedule not only ensures that you and your partner remember to make time for each other, but it also stimulates the spirit of waiting for something.
Step 4. Don't be afraid to experiment
In a long-term marriage, it's natural that sex life isn't as intense or exciting as it was in the beginning. Comfort and habit are important factors that shape intimacy and commitment, but they can also make sexual interactions predictable or mechanical, and this can lead to high frustration. Talk about ways to bring back eroticism in a relationship. Remember, sex is not just penetration. You can try to be creative and work with your partner to find something else that is fun and fulfilling.
- Doing other sexual activities that you are not used to, such as masturbating together, can revive sex life with your partner.
- You can also try sex toys or aids. This device is very helpful if you or your partner is difficult to reach orgasm.
- Erotic stories and images can also be arousing if both of them like such media. Try to figure out each other's fantasies and create a special experience. However, if one of the parties is uncomfortable with these ways and doesn't enjoy them, don't force your partner to do it.
- Think of erotic activities that you can do together, but that don't involve penetration. It can spice up boredom and add new ways to enjoy intimacy. For example, you could try “sensory focus”. This is a counseling technique that focuses entirely on giving and receiving erotic touches without the goal of achieving orgasm. Here, what matters is the process, not the goal.
- Women can feel satisfied even when not having an orgasm, and feel the pleasure of sex as a way of expressing emotional connection with a partner. Don't let the focus on orgasm keep you from enjoying intimacy.
Step 5. Decide to get aroused
Many people, especially women, need physical stimulation before being attracted to sex. If you delay until the desire to make love presents itself, you may need to wait a while, and that can lead to sexual frustration. Deliberately stimulating yourself and getting ready for sex can reduce that frustration.
- Scheduling sex, as mentioned above, can help in this step. If you know that Sunday night is “date night”, you may be more “excited” and can do various things to arouse your passion.
- The female bee's sexual response cycle is more complicated (in general) than that of the male. Male sexual activity is usually linear (desire, arousal, orgasm), while women experience sexual responses in cycles. Women experience these phases in a different order, or they may not experience any of the phases at all. So, it is very important for women to be physically aroused before they appear.
- This difference in sexual response is no justification for trying to get a woman to make love when she doesn't want to. If he says "no", it means he doesn't. Do not force it.
Step 6. Be prepared to compromise
Sometimes, married couples have different wants or needs. Perhaps one of you has a unique fantasy or passion that the other doesn't like. Maybe one needs more sexual interaction than the other. Part of a healthy and happy sexual relationship is learning to compromise so that both parties' needs can be met and both feel comfortable and valued.
- For example, if your partner has an erotic fantasy that you never imagined, offer to help him masturbate, use words related to that fantasy in bed, or read an erotic story about that fantasy to your partner. However, don't do anything that makes you or your partner uncomfortable.
- There's a myth that women don't want sex as much as men do, but that's not true. In fact, many women desire sex more than men. Most studies show that adult men and women think about sex at the same intensity. Don't assume that you know what your partner wants or needs, ask them directly.
Step 7. Add intimacy in other aspects
Sex is usually considered the main way to express love and intimacy. If you or your partner feel that you are not getting the intimacy you want through sufficient frequency or intensity of sex, the relationship can be dangerous. Look for ways other than sex to increase intimacy. This helps to release the pressure on sex as a way of strengthening the marital bond.
- For example, consider doing a hobby or recreation with your partner. A joint effort to achieve a goal, even if it's just learning to cook a new dish, can develop intimacy and create a common goal.
- Focus on taking the time to express appreciation and love to your partner each day. Try to be as specific as possible so that your words can convey that you really like a certain thing in your partner. For example, “Blue sweaters are my favorite because they make your eyes look more beautiful” or “Thank you for cooking for the kids tonight so I can go to the book club. I'm glad you understand and try to meet my needs."
Step 8. Consider seeing a therapist
Therapy can help you as an individual, and it can also be very helpful for couples. A licensed marriage and family therapist or sex therapist can help you learn how to communicate better with your partner and teach you how to deal with frustration in a healthy and effective way.
Method 3 of 4: Finding Channels to Release Frustration
Step 1. Do physical activity
Any form of frustration (physical or emotional) can be reduced by physical activity. Exercises like kickboxing or self-defense are very effective. Physical activity can fill time, distract from other things, and get your adrenaline pumping with healthy alternatives.
Any exercise is good, even yoga, weightlifting, and standard cardio. Exercise is not only beneficial mentally, but also physically
Step 2. Use art or another relaxing hobby as a release
If you're not very into sports, find an artistic hobby. This activity is very relaxing and calming. In addition, when anxiety is reduced, frustration is reduced. If you don't stress about other aspects of your life, you'll have a much easier time dealing with sexual frustrations.
Consider painting, cooking, doing DIY projects, making candles or pottery, playing a musical instrument, making wood crafts, or any other hobby that interests you and enjoys. At the same time, your talent will grow
Step 3. Use technology
With today's technology, long distance relationships have become easier. If your sexual frustration is caused by your partner living far apart, use Skype, Facetime, or sex message. It's not the same as direct interaction, but it's very helpful.
Some people worry about the idea of phone sex or something. Maybe you need to start slowly. Start small, by saying that you really miss him, and that you want to touch him. See how it develops from there
Method 4 of 4: Considering Other Causes of Frustration
Step 1. Talk to your doctor
Some causes of sexual frustration, such as erectile dysfunction, not being aroused easily, or having difficulty reaching orgasm, may be due to a medical problem. The doctor can suggest treatment options or lifestyle changes that help overcome the difficulty, which in turn will reduce frustration.
- Erectile dysfunction is a common cause of sexual frustration, not only for men, but its effects on wives as well. Heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and certain prescription drugs can hinder a man's ability to achieve and maintain an erection.
- Age is also a common factor that can lead to sexual frustration in both men and women. Sexual dysfunction is more likely to occur in both men and women as they age. Your doctor can help you find treatment options that relieve this problem.
Step 2. Add rest time
Fatigue can lead to sex problems such as erectile dysfunction and difficulty reaching orgasm. Fatigue can affect arousal and performance. You may feel frustrated about wanting to make love, but don't have the energy to do so. Or, you try to make love, but are unable to maintain passion because of exhaustion. Adequate rest can make you refreshed and ready to make love.
Sleep apnea can also be bothersome, especially for men and people who are overweight. If you often wake up in the morning feeling tired and feeling unrefreshed after getting enough sleep, talk to your doctor and ask about treatment options that can help
Step 3. Reduce stress
Stress can have an impact on the ability to enjoy sexual intercourse. If you can't manage your stress, talk to a psychologist or doctor to find a solution. Sexual problems may be a side effect of greater stress.
Try yoga, meditation, and deep breathing exercises to reduce everyday stress
Step 4. Cope with depression
Depression is the main cause behind many cases of sexual dysfunction. If you are depressed, your sex drive may be less than normal, and that can be frustrating for you and/or your partner. Seeking treatment from a mental health professional can help you deal with depression as well as rekindle your sex drive.
- The brain is the largest sexual organ in humans, and it must be able to function properly for your sex life to be healthy and happy. Clinical depression is usually caused by a chemical imbalance that can affect libido and the ability to make love.
- Depression can also lead to feelings of worthlessness or sadness that can make you feel unattractive. If you seek help dealing with depression, that feeling of helplessness can also be overcome so that you will feel more exciting for your partner and naturally excited too.
- Some antidepressant drugs can also interfere with sexual arousal. If you are taking an antidepressant and experience unwanted sexual side effects, talk to your doctor. Never stop taking or change the dose on your own without consulting your doctor.
Step 5. Look for alternative sources of enjoyment
If your sexual frustration is caused by a physical disability, don't despair. Many people with disabilities have a healthy and satisfying sex life.
- Studies show that almost any part of the body can function as an erogenous zone, not just the genitals.
- Use all senses. Remember that sex is not just genital intercourse. Involve the senses of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste in sexual exploration.
- Many people who lose sensation in the genital area can still experience orgasm through stimulation. The difference is that you may experience it in other parts of the body.
- You can also use the tantric sex technique. Tantric sex involves an Eastern philosophy or practice of mindfulness and enjoying the moment. This technique can help you enjoy activities that you can feel without worrying about what you might not be able to achieve. For example, focusing completely on the sensations of an activity or being aware of the flow of your breath can help you to “enjoy the moment.”
Tips
Practice safe sex. Use condoms, birth control pills, and ask about your partner's sexual history and status of sexually transmitted infections
Warning
- Never pressure your partner to make love, or make him feel guilty so he wants to do it. Respect your partner's right to refuse.
- Sex can only be done between two adults who want to be together.
