Speaking skills can help you succeed in your career, social relationships, as well as your love life. Just like any other skill, speaking effectively with others also requires practice and confidence. There are several ways you can use it so you can start and continue interesting conversations more comfortably.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Starting the Conversation
Step 1. Talk to new people
Sometimes, the hardest part of trying to talk to someone else is figuring out how to start a conversation. This becomes even more difficult if you want to talk to someone you've only met once. To start a conversation with new people, try to find some common ground.
- For example, in line at a coffee shop, you could ask the person in line in front of you to say, “What's so good here? I've never tried the specialty drinks."
- You can also comment on the situation. Try saying, "The weather's nice, isn't it?" If the person you're talking to responds in a friendly tone, you can move on to a more specific comment.
- Another way is to comment about the person you want to talk to. You can say, “Your bag is beautiful, I like it.”
Step 2. Choose the right people to approach
Look for someone who is not busy and who has a friendly expression. For example, if you're standing in line and someone makes eye contact with you, smile and ask an open-ended question. Avoid talking to people who are chatting with other people or are busy working on something.
- At a party, the best place to start a conversation is near a food table or bar. Both places provide natural conversational materials, such as, “Have you tried this vegetable?”, or “Can I have a bottle of this open, please?”
- If you find it difficult to blend in at parties, head to the kitchen. The kitchen is usually a gathering place, you can join in by helping make drinks or organizing snacks.
- The same rules apply when you decide when it's a good time to chat with a coworker. Wait until he's not talking to anyone else. Lunch breaks are an ideal time to start a conversation.
Step 3. Approach people you know
Maybe you want to chat with someone you already know, but don't know how to start. One effective approach is to ask him something about him. Questions are a great way to start a conversation.
- If you want to chat with colleagues in the cafeteria, you can start with a question. Try saying, “How was your weekend? The weather yesterday was good, you out?”
- Maybe you want to get to know your new neighbors better. When you see him leave the house, say, “Have you adjusted to the environment here? If you want to know a decent place to eat, I have a recommendation.”
Step 4. Start with a simple greeting
There's no need to think of great opening words to start chatting. You can start with a simple greeting like, “Hi” or “How are you?”. The other person will usually respond and continue the conversation.
- You can make simple statements about yourself. If you've just finished exercising at the gym, say to people near you, "Wow, I'm going to be sore tomorrow."
- By saying something simple, you have started the conversation, but let the other person help you start it. Prefixes like these also lift the pressure to find smart words to say.
Step 5. Avoid sharing personal information
When trying to start a conversation, it's important to remember that you shouldn't make the other person feel awkward. There are many people who have a tendency to chatter when small talk. This can lead to a common social problem, namely the inability to refrain from telling too much about yourself.
- It's best not to share personal information, unless the person you're speaking to is someone you know well. For example, don't try to tell your gynecologist about the results of your exam as an attempt to start a conversation with a casual acquaintance.
- Usually, strangers feel uncomfortable when they hear personal information. The cashier at the convenience store may not want to hear about your daughter's performance at school. When initiating a conversation, stay away from sensitive subjects.
Step 6. Know when it's a good time to chat
Silence can be awkward at times. Maybe you have a natural tendency to chat in silence. However, there are times when silence is the best option.
- If you're feeling bored on the plane, you might want to cheer yourself up by having a chat with the person next to you. But if he doesn't give you an open gesture, find other ways to cheer yourself up.
- If he avoids eye contact, it's a sign he doesn't want to chat. People who are reading or putting headphones in their ears may also prefer to be quiet.
Part 2 of 3: Continuing the Dialogue
Step 1. Ask a question
Once you've successfully started a conversation, there are a few things you can do to keep it going. Asking questions or requests is one way of continuing the dialogue. Try asking the other person for simple help.
- For example, if you pick up your child at school, you can talk to another mother, “Tomorrow the kids are coming home early, what time is it? I forgot."
- You can ask colleagues for suggestions. Consider this, “Bud, your Powerpoints are always great. Can I ask for the tips?
Step 2. Continue with open-ended questions
Asking questions is a great way to continue the conversation. However, open-ended questions are key to ensuring the conversation flows. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer.
- Instead of saying, “How was your vacation to Bali?”, try saying, “Last week you went on vacation to Bali, right. What were you doing there?” This will lead to the story.
- Keep asking questions after the first response. If the other person says, “We're going to the beach,” you can say, “Oh, which beach? What other beaches are good besides Kuta? Kuta is too crowded in my opinion.”
- You can also turn compliments into questions. For example, “I really like your clothes. Where do you usually shop?”
Step 3. Do it sincerely
Don't try to force the conversation. Instead, try to talk about something that really interests you. If you're faking it, it's usually obvious.
- When attending a party, start a conversation with people who share your interests. For example, “Den, he said you just bought a new motorcycle. I've been wanting to try trail for a long time.”
- While watching your daughter's basketball game, try talking to other parents about the new coach. For example, “I think Heni can fit into the extra training schedule now. What about Meli?"
Step 4. Avoid forbidden topics
After chatting for a while, you may feel more comfortable with the way the conversation is going. But you should still try to keep the conversation flowing smoothly. Part of speaking skills is knowing how to avoid topics that would make the other person uncomfortable.
- You may have heard advice to avoid talking about politics or religion at social events. You should heed this advice when you are in a different group of people.
- Don't bore the other person. For example, don't give a long, detailed summary of your favorite TV show or cat. Give the other person a chance to participate in the conversation.
- Use the right tone of voice. In general, small talk should be fun. After all, you are trying to get other people to like you. And naturally, we are attracted to positive people. When in doubt, try to find a fun topic.
- For example, “Wow, it's been raining a lot lately. Although it is difficult to go anywhere, but at least the weather is not as hot as yesterday's dry season."
- You can show sympathy in uncomfortable situations. But try to stay positive. For example, “It's too bad we have to work late tonight. Want to eat after this? I know a good place."
Step 5. Change the topic
In conversations that last longer than a few minutes, you may be discussing more than one topic. Be prepared to talk about other things that are different from your original question when starting a conversation. To prepare yourself, it's a good idea to pay attention to the latest events and pop culture. That way, you will always be able to give your opinion on the topic.
- For example, “Have you seen the film that was nominated for this year's best picture Oscar? I love Spotlight.”
- Get ready to move on to a new topic. Try saying something like, “Oh, your story reminds me of my vacation in Papua. Have you been there?" This tactic will help keep the conversation flowing naturally.
Step 6. Invite more people
The more people involved in the conversation, the less pressure you will feel. Try to involve other people in your conversation. For example, if you are eating in the office cafeteria, greet a coworker who is looking for a seat. Say, "Hey, Lusi, come sit with me and Tomy."
- You can also do it in social situations. Say you are chatting with an acquaintance at a party. If you see someone else standing alone nearby, engage them in a chat. Say, “Wow, these prawns are delicious. Have you tried it?”
- Inviting other people into conversation is not only polite, but also keeps the conversation flowing. The more people involved, the more there is to talk about.
Step 7. Be a good listener
Listening is as important as speaking. To master speaking skills, you must practice active listening. You can verbally demonstrate that you are listening and engaged.
- Try to make neutral comments, such as “Interesting.” You can also say, “So?” to encourage the interlocutor to continue the story.
- You can use the echo method to show that you are listening. Say, “Wow, being able to travel around Europe is such a cool thing to me.”
Part 3 of 3: Using Positive Body Language
Step 1. Smile
When you're chatting, body language is just as important as the words you speak. One of the most effective ways to communicate is to smile. It's a great way to connect with people you don't know very well.
- Smile at someone at the park where you take your pet dog for a walk. If your dog plays with other dogs, smile at the owner. This makes you seem approachable.
- Smiling is also an effective way to show support. If a coworker comes to your desk to tell you something, smiling will show that you're interested in what he has to say.
Step 2. Make eye contact
When talking to someone, it's important that you look them in the eye. It shows that you are engaged in the conversation. Eye contact also indicates that you are listening and appreciate what he has to say.
- Eye contact also helps you gauge the other person's reaction. A person's eyes reflect their emotions, such as boredom, anger, or affection.
- Don't stare. You don't need to focus completely on the other person's eyes. Every now and then, you can take a reasonable look at your surroundings.
Step 3. Nod your head
A small nod is one of the most effective nonverbal cues you can use. Nodding your head can indicate many things. For example, by nodding your head, you show you understand what the other person is saying.
- Nodding your head also shows that you agree. Nodding your head is also a way to show support for the other person's words.
- Don't nod incessantly. Constant nodding of your head is the opposite of the sincerity of your gesture.
Step 4. Build confidence
Body language can also reflect nervousness or anxiety. Talking to other people can be scary at times, especially for shy people. One of the best ways to increase your confidence when speaking is to prepare several scenarios. For example, if you're meeting new people at a party, have a topic of conversation ready.
- For example, if you're invited to a birthday party that involves a game of bowling, prepare a funny anecdote about your story of joining a bowling league.
- Practice your skills. Challenge yourself to chat with new people every day. You can approach people on the street or at school. Practice your ability to start and continue conversations.
- Confidence is key when approaching the opposite sex. Once you've found a good opening, try telling it to someone you like.
- For example, “The music in this gym always makes me want to dance. You know a good place to listen to live music around here?” Don't forget, accompany it with a smile and eye contact.
Tips
- Make a list of opening words in your head.
- Don't be afraid of new situations. Trying something new will help you meet new people and practice speaking skills.
