You may get frustrated when someone you care about is sad. If your friend, lover or sister is very angry, agitated or sad, you may need to know how to help them calm down. Learn how to calm a girl down by relaxing her, offering support or talking about her.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Helping Her Relax
Step 1. Breathe deeply with it
When you notice he's having a hard time calming down on his own, lead him to do breathing exercises that enhance his natural relaxation response. To practice deep breathing:
- Find a quiet, comfortable location where the two of you can sit undisturbed. Sit up straight on a pillow or use a chair for support. Relax your shoulders and place your hands on your thighs.
- Both of you should place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of four to eight. Hold your breath for a moment, for a count of one to two. Then exhale through your mouth, watching your hands come down along with your stomach for the same count as the previous inhale. The hands on the chest usually move very little.
- Repeat the inhalation and exhalation process for five to ten minutes, or until he becomes more relaxed.
Step 2. Perform progressive muscle relaxation
Another technique you can try to calm and relax is progressive muscle relaxation. This exercise helps you become aware of the areas of your body that are under stress and know what it feels like to relax in these tense areas.
- Sit comfortably on a chair or sofa. Start with deep breathing for a few minutes to stimulate a sense of calm.
- Start at the feet and move up. Be aware of how your feet feel. Take a few seconds to become aware of this feeling. Then, gradually tense your leg muscles until they feel very tense. Hold for a count of 10. Release the tension, watch how the tension dissipates easily. Stay in this state for a count of 10 while continuing to breathe deeply.
- Slowly work your way up your entire body, contracting and releasing each muscle group.
Step 3. Exercise
The intensity of exercise may not immediately come to mind when you think of ways to help calm someone down. However, physical activity is an excellent way to relieve stress and promote a positive mood. Exercising produces feel-good chemicals in the brain called endorphins that tend to make you feel more energetic and optimistic about life.
If you know he's had a tough day, take him to a shared gym class like Zumba to exercise and form social connections. Other ideas include running, walking, yoga, playing basketball, swimming and climbing hills/mountains
Step 4. Do a guided imagination exercise together
Guided imagination or visualization is another approach that encourages the body's natural relaxation response. This practice can be done by listening to voice recordings or following videos on YouTube. Here's how it works:
- Find a quiet, quiet place to listen to a guided visualization exercise or choose to use your own mind. The idea is to start with deep breathing. Then, start visualizing a place that makes each of you feel safe or happy, like grandma's house, a local lake, or an exotic beach.
- Use at least three of your five senses to imagine this place. Don't just stop at how the place looks in your mind. Also think about how the place smells (like freshly baked cake or flowers) or taste (like chocolate chips or salty air). Dive deeper and deeper into a state of relaxation as you enjoy the sensations and surroundings of that special place.
Step 5. Listen to relaxing music
Research has proven that classical music is very effective in producing a calming state of mind. However, this really depends on the girl, maybe she just wants to forget about her problems for a moment and wants to dance to the beat of the drums. Or he may want to show sympathy by listening to songs that describe his feelings.
It doesn't matter what kind of music is used, as long as it's relaxing
Method 2 of 3: Become a Source of Support
Step 1. Avoid saying "calm down first"
When he's upset and yells loudly, it's not recommended that you say "calm down first." While calming him may be your focus, those two words actually have the power to irritate him even more. In addition, saying this will make him think that you are belittling and belittling his feelings.
Instead, try something like this: "I know you're upset/frustrated/anxious… is there anything I can do for you?" or "I don't understand what you're saying. Let's take a deep breath first and then we'll start again."
Step 2. Offer to help
If you see that he is burdened with something that makes him sad, ask what you can do to relieve the burden, even if only temporarily. Maybe he wants you to help him with a project at school or with homework. He may even just want to go out to lunch or take a walk to the park with you.
Step 3. Make him smile
One way to make him forget about what's pressing him is to change his perspective. Do something to make her smile. Tell jokes or watch funny videos or movies together. Spend the money and buy her a book or a new pair of earrings she's been craving for a long time.
Step 4. Offer physical touch
The human touch has tremendous calming properties. Since touch is the oldest and most basic form of communication for humans, most people respond to touch. Physical touch in the form of hugs, caresses and pats on the back, or holding hands can provide a sense of comfort that words alone may not provide. Physical touch has been shown to reduce stress, improve health and improve mood.
Ask him if it's okay, then give him a hug, a pat on the back or shoulder, or hold his hand. A seemingly trivial physical connection with you may be exactly what he needs to calm down
Method 3 of 3: Talking About the Problem
Step 1. Wait until he is ready
When we see that our loved ones are in trouble or in pain, we immediately want to improve the situation. Overcome the urge to "fix" the problem or urge him to talk about it. The best case scenario is simply being there. When he's ready to talk, he'll talk.
Step 2. Listen actively
The best listeners don't listen to answer, they listen to understand. Active listening is the process of focusing your attention on the meaning of his words and responding so that you can reach a common understanding. Active listening includes four main principles:
- Try to understand before being understood. You must gather information about what he said before you can give him an adequate response.
- Don't be judgmental. Refrain from expressing any judgment about the situation. Demonstrate unconditional positive thoughts and emotional intelligence. You can be by his side, talking and supporting him without agreeing to everything he says.
- Give it your full attention. Make eye contact at a level that is comfortable for you, usually about 70% of the time you listen (about 50% when you do the talking). Turn off your phone. Face him with arms and legs folded.
- Make good use of silent conditions. Sit quietly even if you really want to interrupt. He may have opened up an important secret that had never been revealed due to being interrupted prematurely. Respond by nodding, smiling or saying short words like "Hey" or "So what?" to let him know that you are listening.
Step 3. Acknowledge her feelings
Chances are if he's feeling immersed in stress or emotion, he probably just wants to feel heard and accepted. When people we care about are upset, it may be too easy for us to ignore the core of their feelings in order to work things out. When he's calmed down a bit, ask him to explain his feelings to you without taking the situation lightly or offering unsolicited advice. A statement of acknowledgment that can help can be:
- "Oh, that sounds awful."
- "So sorry for the difficult situation you are in."
- "I understand why you're upset. That doesn't sound fair."
Step 4. Help him solve the problem
Only after actively listening and acknowledging his feelings can you move on to the problem-solving stage. And still you should always only try to help him if he's openly asking for your help. Besides, your task is done. If he asks for advice or help to solve a problem, solve it together.
- Define the problem clearly. Then, ask him what the ideal end result would be like. Once you know the goal, design a list of possible solutions that can meet that goal. Read each solution orally and weigh the pros and cons of each. Let him make the final decision. Remember, you are there to be a source of support, not to take over his life.
- If the problem is too big for you to help alone, offer to talk to her parents, other adults, school counselor or professional counselor.
Tips
- If he really wants to be left alone, give him space. But keep in mind that he may need someone to talk to later so let him know you're there if he needs you.
- Be sincere and honest.
- Pay attention to every detail of his words. Don't "daydream" when he's expressing your feelings, because he may ask you what you think about something or how you would react to his situation. Not actively listening can make him feel like you don't care.
- Embrace him affectionately when he cries and tell him that you want to know what happened to him and how you can help him.
Warning
- Don't try to talk to him about the problem yourself. Give him some time, genuinely comfort him but don't try to get him to tell you what's really going on.
- Don't tell him to calm down or relax literally. Calm him down without telling him verbally as that will only irritate him more.
- Don't insult him.
