Regardless of our age, it will always hurt if we are abandoned by a group of friends who were always close to us. Although everyone has experienced rejection at some point in their life, being abandoned by a friend can make us feel sad and lonely. There are several things you can do to deal with this feeling of abandonment, from understanding the reasons behind the feeling of being left behind, encouraging yourself to get out of it, and telling your feelings directly to friends who left you. Your feelings are just as important as everyone else's. So, keep reading this article to find out more about how to deal with feelings of being abandoned by a friend.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Understanding Your Feelings
Step 1. You have to understand why being abandoned by a friend hurts
These feelings are generally caused by being ostracized or rejected by a group of people whom you hope will like and accept your existence. You may feel this way because you are ostracized or ignored by a group of friends or colleagues at work. It's perfectly natural to feel hurt because we are ostracized or rejected, because we all need a place in our social lives. Humans are social creatures; we feel sad and hurt when social needs are not met. Although the feeling of being rejected is a natural reaction, in fact it still hurts. So it's important that you have a plan for dealing with rejection like this.
- Recent studies have shown that the human brain processes pain caused by rejection in the same way that it processes physical pain, such as the pain of a broken arm.
- Social rejection can stimulate feelings of anger, anxiety, depression, sadness, and envy.
- Experts also point out that rejection by a group of people we don't even like still hurts us!
Step 2. Remember, rejection is only a small part of your life picture
Everyone feels left out at some point in their life. Unless you no longer love your partner, or you angered those closest to you for some reason, being left out in a social context is not a recurring occurrence in life. You can put your mind at ease by understanding that your recent social rejection is only a temporary occurrence; So don't be discouraged forever.
Step 3. Be realistic
Sometimes, we feel left out, when in fact there is no strong reason behind the emergence of these feelings. In order to determine how you feel, it is important that you are realistic about the situation. This means that you have to look at the situation you are facing from various perspectives and consider all aspects involved in it, including from yourself, other people related to this problem, as well as your environment. So that you can be more realistic in dealing with problems, it will help you if you do the following things:
- Look for evidence that confirms that you were abandoned. Is this evidence strong enough to support your feelings of pain?
- Ask yourself, is there any other reason behind a certain person's behavior that makes you feel left out? It could be that they are actually thinking about something else, or they need to go somewhere soon.
- Is your perception of this problem based solely on inner emotions, or on actual events?
- Ask a third party, i.e. someone who is not related to your problem, if your estimate of this problem is quite correct.
- Assume that the other person has good intentions towards you, at least until you have evidence to suggest otherwise.
Method 2 of 4: Getting Better
Step 1. Move on from the problem once you have assessed and accepted your feelings
Do activities that can improve your mood. Just fixating on what happened and how it affected how you feel doesn't solve the problem at all; on the other hand, your feelings will only get worse. Focus on doing other activities immediately. For example, you can look at the situation in a positive light by trying to write down 3 things you are grateful for; or, you can do something else that you enjoy to distract from the problem. For example:
If you feel stuck alone at home while your friends are having fun outside in your absence, do something to pamper yourself like bathing in a tub filled with foam, accompanied by a scented candle and your favorite book. Or, you can go for a walk or run and enjoy music from your iPod. You can also go downtown and do some shopping, or wander around the shops there on your own. Whatever the activity, do something that makes you happy
Step 2. Calm yourself by taking deep breaths
Accepting rejection is very upsetting, and as a result you may find yourself struggling with those feelings and feeling stressed about them. Studies show that taking a few minutes to practice breathing can reduce stress on the mind and calm the heart.
- To start this exercise, take slow deep breaths while counting to a count of 5. Then, hold your breath for another 5 counts. After that, exhale slowly for a count of 5. Follow the instructions for this exercise, then alternate with two normal breaths. After that, repeat the inhale again for a count of 5.
- You can also do yoga, meditation, or tai chi to calm your mind.
Step 3. You can encourage yourself to get out of the pressure of a rejection by saying positive things to yourself
Feelings of abandonment can make you sad and negative about yourself. Encouraging yourself with positive words can help you fight negative thoughts that grow and make you feel better. When you feel left out, take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and say something that will cheer you up. In addition to saying something you believe in, you can also say something you want to believe about yourself. Some examples of positive reinforcement include:
- “I am a fun and interesting person.”
- “I am a good friend.”
- "Everyone likes me."
- "Everyone loves spending time with me."
Step 4. Take good care of yourself
Doing this can make you feel loved instead of rejected. Taking care of yourself can refer to many different forms of activity, as everyone can feel pampered in different ways. Some examples include cooking a nice meal for yourself, taking a long bath in a tub filled with foam, doing a project you love, or watching your favorite movie. In addition, make sure you also take good care of your body. By taking care of your body, you send a signal to your brain that you deserve to be treated well. Therefore, make sure you spend enough time to meet the needs of yourself to exercise, eat, and sleep.
- Try to do 30 minutes of exercise every day.
- Eat healthy foods that are nutritionally balanced such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and foods that contain low-fat protein.
- Get eight hours of sleep every night.
Method 3 of 4: Dealing with Problem Situations
Step 1. You have to accept your feelings
When rejection occurs, we may try to ignore the feelings that arise so that we don't feel hurt by them. Instead of trying to ignore feelings, let them flow for a while. If you're in a lot of pain and you want to cry, do it. Accepting feelings can help you bounce back and better deal with feelings of rejection.
- Take the time to find out the reasons behind your feelings of abandonment, how they affect you, and why they might affect you. For example, “I feel left out because all my friends go to parties on the weekends without asking me. I feel sad and betrayed; they make me think they don't really like me."
- Write down your feelings in a diary. If you don't like writing, you can draw or play music to show how you feel. Doing this can help you deepen and accept your feelings, and deal with them.
Step 2. Consider telling someone about your problem
Talking to a supportive friend or family member will help you express your emotions so that you feel better. You'll also find comfort in the fact that there are other people who actually care about you, apart from friends who make you feel left out and ignored. If you decide to share your problem with someone, choose someone who is supportive and willing to listen to your story. Choosing people who are unsupportive and ignore your feelings will only make your feelings worse.
Step 3. Share your feelings with the friend who left you
Another very important thing to do if you want to deal with feelings of abandonment by a friend is to tell them how you feel and ask for an explanation as to why they left you. Let them know that you feel left out, and explain the events and reasons why you want them to include you in their plans. It's important to remember that you should ask the reason politely. Don't immediately assume that they are all wrong because they have left you. Subtly phrased questions can make for a good dialogue. You can say like this:
- "I was so sad when I found out that you all went rollerblading last Saturday, and you didn't take me. I know I was tired on Saturday night, but I was ready to go on Saturday. As soon as X told me you guys when I went out, I just found out that I wasn't invited to join. I feel very left out. What's the reason you didn't think about asking me out?"
- "I had a great time at the party we went to last week but I felt left out when you and X talked to yourself and left me. The guy I just met had absolutely no interest in talking to me and I couldn't find the two of you anywhere. when I looked for you guys. I felt so left out; I didn't know anyone at the party yesterday. You probably didn't realize I wanted to be with you guys instead of having to talk to a guy I just met. Did you know I was alone the whole party?"
Step 4. Listen to answers from your friends openly
They may be surprised that you feel left out, and say that the reason they didn't invite you to participate in their activities was because of a recent illness/you just broke up with your partner/you went to a relative's house/you don't have money/supervision parents, or whatever. Take this opportunity to straighten out any assumptions that keep them from including you in their activities.
Be honest with yourself. Have you ever done something that made a friend want to leave you? For example, have you recently been too demanding, pushy, or ignoring their feelings? It's possible that you may be with them so much that they leave you in search of space and quiet. If so, take responsibility for apologizing to them, and be determined to make a change
Method 4 of 4: Rise from Problems
Step 1. Make the other person feel involved
Sometimes, the best way to deal with feelings of being ignored in the middle of a conversation or at an event, is to make the other person feel welcome and involve them. In this way, the focus of the problem will shift away from the uncomfortable feelings and hurt feelings you feel because of the situation, so that you can change the unpleasant experience. You can also try to get other people involved by doing the following:
- Smile at others and say hi to them
- Start a conversation
- Ask about people and try to get to know them better
- Be a good listener
- Be friendly and understanding
- Show genuine interest when you're listening to someone else talk
Step 2. Make a plan of activities you want to do together with friends
If you feel that part of the reason why they didn't ask you to participate in the previous plan is because of your own situation (e.g. tight study schedule, long working hours, homework responsibilities, sports or hobby commitments, etc.), make a plan of activities together that you can do in between your activities. Initiative efforts to plan activities and resolve problems through a middle ground will surely be appreciated.
- If your busy schedule is getting in the way of you and a friend's activities, ask a friend to do errands together or join you in doing something you do every day, such as going to the gym together.
- Do your best to make plans with friends. But you have to know when it's a good time to stop asking him to do something. If your friend rejects your plans several times, they may not want to continue their friendship with you. Don't keep pushing if your friend always refuses or often cancels your plans at the last minute.
Step 3. Decide if you want to make friends with new people
If you continue to be left out, you'll have to accept the fact that these people aren't reliable as friends, and you may need to make new friends. Make the decision to find people who can appreciate and care about you. As hard as it is, making new friends is a much easier decision than having to be around people who keep putting you down and treating you badly. You deserve much better friends.
You might consider volunteering or joining a society in your area to meet people who share your interests. Or, visit local events that interest you. Hanging out with people who share your interests and passions ensures that you meet people you certainly have in common, so you can start new friendships
Tips
- If a group of close friends start to leave you and treat you with hatred out of the blue, find out if someone has been talking bad things behind your back. Find a good friend and ask him what they say about you. Oftentimes, one bad person can destroy a person's entire social life with just a single rumor. This gossip could be a lie, a lie you don't have to worry about because you didn't even think about doing it. If this is the case, find out who the person who told the lie was. Spread the truth and track down who the liar is and the reasons behind his actions. Sometimes, this action is not influenced by what you do, but because the person is jealous of you.
- If you're constantly left out and you don't have friends or other acquaintances to hang out with and a place to talk to, go for counseling. A certified counselor can help you build a good relationship that can support you, as well as understand some of the factors that may be preventing you from doing so. Sometimes, we need an outsider's point of view to understand our problems.
- If your friends keep leaving you, they don't deserve to be your best friend.
- Get up from feeling sad and focus only on the people who would deserve to be your friends. Or, do something you enjoy to take your mind off the problem.
Warning
- There are some people who decide to just walk away from you as a way of breaking the friendship for no apparent reason, because they are too cautious or afraid to tell the truth. Don't get too hung up on these kinds of people. Indeed, many people choose to end a friendship just by walking away, rather than trying to solve the problem by dealing directly with the person concerned. Not all friendships last long, and most importantly, you accept the fact that you are just not right for each other. So don't blame yourself for breaking up a friendship or getting discouraged. You may have grown up and have different goals than your friends.
- Don't bring up religion when you're talking to people you don't really know, or people whose religion is different from yours. Only talk about the topic in casual friendly conversation, with people whose point of view is almost the same as yours.
