The death of a parent may be the most difficult thing you have to face in life. While you'll never completely "forget" it, there are many ways you can follow to honor your parents' memories while moving on. What's important is that you have to give yourself time to accept that he's gone and not push yourself to be patient if it's really hard (or takes a long time) for you to accept his departure. Remember that there is no time limit for feeling sad and, in the end, you can move on and feel better when you're ready.
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Part 1 of 3: Accepting the Feelings That Appear
Step 1. Face and move past the sadness, without rushing to feel “steadfast”
Don't force yourself to be tough and set a time limit to get over the loss. People in the Victorian era mourned death for two to four years. While you don't have to grieve that long, don't expect that you will be able to return to feeling better and going back to your normal activities (without a shadow of sadness) in a few weeks, a month, or as long as you "feel" needed. Instead, try to be patient and let go of any expectations you have for yourself (in this case, hope for a speedy recovery).
Remember that experiencing grief is a process. You may be grieving for a very long time, though hopefully you won't have to grieve that long. Live it and try to get back strong without having to push yourself and rush
Step 2. Accept that your parents want you to continue living
While it's natural to feel depressed, remember that your parents love you and don't want their departure to ruin your life forever. While recovering from the pain of loss, try to do things that you enjoy doing again. Of course, this is easier said than done, but it doesn't mean that you should forget the fact that your parents will be happy when you are happy. This also doesn't mean you have to ignore or hide all negative feelings that arise, but try to make an effort to get back to enjoying the little things as much as possible.
If you really feel "devastated" due to the departure of your parents and can't immediately carry on with your normal activities as usual, don't let memories of your parents make you feel guilty because you haven't been able to get up from the sadness
Step 3. Remember your parents
They will always be a big part of life, no matter what, even when they are gone. Write down your memories with them because as you move on, you must never forget those moments together. You just need to know that they will never leave a space in your heart. Enjoy the memories that are with them, without having to force yourself to remember every little thing that ever happened. Just do what you can.
- You can chat with people who know your parents to keep memories of them alive. You can also tell stories about them to people who don't know them, from time to time.
- You can also ask other family members or relatives about your parents so you can understand all their life experiences. This can deepen your relationship with your parents, and make your memories of them more vivid and colorful.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
Try to be nicer to yourself than usual. Take more time to relax, try constructive distractions, and stop criticizing yourself at this point. While you may feel too sad and overwhelmed to take care of yourself, it's important that you don't spend seven to eight hours, eat three meals a day, and exercise (at least) 30 minutes each day. There may be a need for energy after mourning the loss of a parent. By maintaining a healthy body, you will not easily feel lethargic.
Sleeping and eating will not make you completely forget your parents. However, both can make it easier for you to move on while facing and accepting their departure
Step 5. Identify the triggers that exist
It's important that you recognize when you are most upset and know that you need additional support. For example, if you lost your father, you may need to spend more time with loved ones on Father's Day; if you've lost your mom, you may feel upset or sad when you do certain activities (eg shopping) that you normally do with her. By knowing the things that can irritate you, you can prepare yourself not to feel alone when these things arise or happen.
Step 6. Don't rely too much on the five stages of grief
It is true that there are five stages in grief: denial, anger, offering, depression, and acceptance. However, that doesn't mean that you have to go through all of these stages in order to truly face and rise above grief. You may feel angry or depressed at first, then deny your feelings, or try to "bargain" the situation after feeling depressed, and there's nothing wrong with not following the sequence of steps. Everyone experiences and lives sadness in their own way and at their own time.
Step 7. Don't make big decisions for now
The death of your parents may make you realize that your marriage was a lie, that your career was meaningless, or that you should leave everything behind and move to the village to become a farmer. While sometimes things may be right, you shouldn't make an impulsive decision or action until you're fully prepared to make a rational decision. Major life changes may not help you bounce back from your sadness quickly and, in fact, may push you to do something you'll eventually regret.
Part 2 of 3: Getting Support
Step 1. Talk to a close friend
No one should be left alone when they are grieving. When you are facing the death of a parent, you may want to be alone and curl up in bed. It's okay if you need to be alone for a while, but in the end you should still try to meet other friends. That way, you can get back to socializing, stop thinking too much about your sadness, and have someone to help you deal with the feelings that arise. Try to meet friends who care about you, rather than just shut up and shut yourself off from them.
- Keep in mind that your friends may also feel lost, and don't know what to do or tell you. Try to appreciate their efforts to entertain you.
- This doesn't mean that you have to have fun at a nightclub or go to your acquaintance's 30th birthday party. If you're not ready, you don't have to go out with a lot of people.
Step 2. Talk to other family members
One of the best ways to find support after experiencing the loss of a parent is to talk to other family members. If you've lost a parent (e.g. mom or dad), but still have another, spend as much time as you can with them. He will also be grieving and may need your support. While being with other family members can make you feel pain because it reminds you of a loved one, it's far better than dealing with the pain alone.
Chatting or talking about your parents can also reduce the hurt you feel. At first, you may not be ready to talk about your parents. However, after some time, you will feel more comfortable talking about it
Step 3. Try asking a grief counselor for help
Some therapists and counselors specifically treat and assist people who are dealing with loss. If you feel that your grief is really trapping you and preventing you from getting up and moving on with your life, you need to contact someone for help. Talking to your friends and family members can be a big help. However, sometimes the perspective and help of someone you're not attached to (and who doesn't know your background) can help you take a new approach to life. While therapy isn't for everyone to follow, that doesn't mean you should view this approach with skepticism.
The counselor can suggest several new approaches to dealing with the bereavement. While there is no magic solution that will instantly change everything, having a few different opinions can help you find the right path
Step 4. Join a support group
There are many support groups for people who are suffering from the loss of a parent. You may feel that your friends or, even, your parents and other family members can only make empty comments because they don't really understand how you feel. Don't be embarrassed when you need outside help, and seek out a support group in your city or area. You can meet people who can help you get up and move on with your life.
Step 5. Find peace of mind by following religious teachings
If you're a religious person, try spending more time at an organization or place of worship that fits your religion, such as a church, monastery, or mosque, so you can get a bigger picture of what's going on. In addition, it also helps you feel calmer when going through a sad situation. The religious organizations that are followed usually hold many activities, ranging from eating together to social services that can be followed. Try to show your activeness in the organization and spend time with like-minded people, and try to do more good.
Step 6. Try having a pet
As silly as it sounds, no one says that a kitten can (and will) replace a mother or father figure. However, taking care of your pet can make you feel better and needed, and less lonely. In addition, pets can also bring a lot of happiness. If you're feeling particularly lonely (especially if you've previously talked about raising animals like cats or dogs), try visiting an animal shelter in your city and bringing a puppy or kitten home to pet.
Part 3 of 3: Back to Life As Usual
Step 1. Change your routine
Once you've tried to return to your normal activities, try changing or mixing up your daily routine. If you do the same things you used to do before, there's a good chance you'll still be mourning the loss of your parents at times. Therefore, find ways to change your schedule or daily routine, such as visiting a new coffee shop to do homework, or taking the time you used to call your mom by practicing yoga. However, this does not mean that you should avoid anything that reminds you of your parents. Changes in your daily schedule can make you rise from sadness more quickly.
Try something completely new to you. If you want to change your routine, try doing new things like taking a painting class you've always wanted to take, visiting a coffee shop with a neighbor you've never been to, or even watching a television show you've never watched before. Pamper yourself. The things you do don't have to be activities that can develop your mind and body;
Step 2. Do the things you used to love
While it's a good thing to change your routine, it's important that you stick to the activities you enjoy if you want to feel "whole" again. Don't deny yourself the things you enjoy (eg painting, writing poetry, or working in a soup kitchen) just because you feel too sad to go back to them. Sooner or later, you will find happiness (even a little) in doing the things you love.
If you're not ready to do the activities your parents used to do, such as exploring nature or running together, try getting a friend to do them if you really want to get back to them
Step 3. Avoid consuming alcoholic beverages for a while
Grieving times are not a good time to drink a lot of alcohol and dance at the club with friends. While both may seem to make you forget the problem for a while, alcohol is a depressant that, in fact, can make you feel worse (either right then or the next day). If you want, you can enjoy a drink or two, but don't try to change your state of mind by drinking too much alcohol. Also, if you want to take prescription medications to manage your existing pain, try talking to your doctor first to see if this is the right thing to do.
Step 4. Keep yourself busy (but don't be too busy)
Fill your daily schedule with a variety of meaningful activities. Try to visit your friends at least a few times a day, and engage in social activities as often as possible. Also, make sure you leave the house (at least) twice a day for any purpose. It's also important that you spend time working or studying at school, exercising, and doing the things that matter to you. If there's an exciting event or event coming up, mark the date on your calendar so there's an activity or event you can look forward to. A busy and active life can make you feel better, even when you need to motivate yourself to stay strong.
This doesn't mean that you have to force yourself to be active all day long, until you don't have time to sit down and think about your late parents. Instead of that, make sure you spend a little time alone in your schedule. It's important that you take some time to yourself and think about some things (including the sad ones), as long as you don't actually spend all your time alone
Step 5. Take time to do relaxing activities
It's important to focus on calming things as you go through the grieving period. This is a time for you to pamper yourself a bit and take the time to do things that make you feel better (even just a little). There are a few things you can try:
- Write down your thoughts in a journal. By writing every day, you can stay in touch with the thoughts at hand.
- Try doing yoga or meditation. Both activities can help you focus your mind and body.
- Make time for activities outside the home. Get out of your regular coffee shop and read outdoors. A little fresh air and sunlight can have a good long-term impact.
- Reread your favorite novels and find peace by reading them.
- Listen to soothing music. Try not to listen to music that is too loud.
- Go for a walk around where you live. Exercise while staying connected to your thoughts.
Step 6. Be patient with yourself
As you start enjoying life again, make sure you don't put too much pressure on yourself. It may take months or years to recover from grief and return to the person you were before. Of course, it's important that you don't rush back into that person. As long as you have goals and want to achieve your future, it doesn't matter if you have to live life or take small steps towards a future without your parents present. You have to realize that while you will never get over the loss, you will eventually develop or have a new relationship with it.
Do not push yourself. Listen to your thoughts and your heart. If you're not ready to make a big change or step, then don't rush. This is better than pushing or pushing yourself too much and, in the end, you end up feeling more and more exhausted. The most important thing you should know is that things will get better, although it may take a long time
Tips
- Readings about how others deal with times of grief can help you find your own way. Ask those around you, read memoirs about the death of a loved one, or ask for help from religious leaders (eg priest or clergyman).
- Look at photos or things your parents like to remember. Listen to her favorite band or singer and try to talk about it, without hiding your feelings.
- Take note of the memories you have with them. These notes are the key to seeing or recalling the past. That way, you can cherish the memories of them.
