The death of a grandparent is one of the toughest events to face. The reality may be even more difficult because this is the first time you are abandoned by the person you love. Although the grief in your heart won't go away on its own, you can try to accept your feelings and learn to cope with the loss of someone near and dear to you by talking about it, receiving family support, and living life again. Memories of your deceased grandparents will always be with you, and you will always be able to honor their memories. If you want to know how to deal with the death of a loved one or grandparent, start by reading Step 1 below.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Accepting Feelings
Step 1. Grieve as long as you need
Don't listen to people who say that grief has a deadline. There are people who are able to get back up in a very short time after a loved one leaves, but you shouldn't feel bad for yourself because it took longer. What's most important right now is that you have time to fully process your feelings, not force yourself to get up quickly and suppress the real feelings.
- Know that there is no clear line that defines grief by "rising up", and rising does not mean forgetting someone who has left and no longer feels sad. Everyone should get as much time as they need.
- However, if your grandparents have been away for months or years and you're still feeling so deep in grief that it's difficult to carry out your daily functions, consider seeing a professional to help you get back on your feet.
Step 2. Get your emotions out
Another way to accept your feelings is to cry, scream, get angry, or do whatever you have to do to get them out. Don't hold back your tears or suppress your emotions because that will make it harder for you to work through your grief in the long run. You may be hesitant to show emotions, especially if your parents or grandparents need your support, but there comes a time when you have to express those feelings, whether with friends, other family members, or alone.
- Crying can be very therapeutically helpful. However, don't feel guilty or confused if you're not a crybaby and can't shed a tear when you're really sad.
- This is also a good time to write down your feelings in a diary. You can share your feelings in a more organized and calm way.
Step 3. Keep your grandparents in your heart and memory
Don't think that there will come a time when you will stop thinking about him completely. You can always remember him in your heart and memory. Allow yourself to remember the good times, conversations, and trips you've had with him. Then, if you've had an argument or had a bad time, it's okay to remember that too. Remembering does not mean just remembering the good times and forgetting the bad times, but remembering him completely.
- Write down everything you remember about him. That way, you can still remember him in your heart.
- Look at your photo with him to feel calm.
Step 4. Know what your triggers are
There are times or places that make it difficult for you to cope with his passing. There may be certain places you should stay away from for a while until you're ready to visit them again, like the lake where you fished with grandpa or the shop for ice cream with grandma. Maybe Eid or Christmas is a very difficult time because on those days you usually gather with him. If you know what triggers your grief, you can avoid it or seek extra support if you can't.
- This doesn't mean you have to stop completely doing all the things you used to do with him. You just need time to avoid the activity until you are more prepared and calm.
- Unfortunately, some things like holidays will always be more difficult. However, with the passage of time and with the support of your family, you can enjoy that special day again while thinking of him at the same time.
Step 5. Be supportive and get support from other family members
One of the best ways to accept feelings is to talk about the loss with other family members. Your parents may really need support and you need to be there for them. If your grandpa dies and grandma is still alive, you should also accompany grandma in these difficult times. You can share your feelings while still supporting him, and don't feel forced to always be strong. Remember that the most important thing here is that you must always be there.
Don't be afraid to express your feelings. It's better for you to gather with your family than to lock yourself in your room alone. Even if they don't ask for company, they will certainly appreciate your presence
Step 6. Don't neglect yourself
One of the things to remember when facing the death of a beloved grandparent is to remember to take care of yourself. Make sure you get enough rest, but don't curl up all day in bed, and eat three healthy meals a day, and make time to get out and socialize. Taking care of your family is important, but don't sacrifice yourself in the process. Bathing regularly and maintaining good personal hygiene will also make you feel in control. Even if you can't calm down yet, a healthy routine can have a big impact.
- Even if you're feeling really messed up, taking a shower and putting on clean clothes can make you feel better than spending the day in bed undressed.
- Adequate rest can help control emotions. If you're tired from not getting enough sleep or feeling lethargic from sleeping too much, grief will be more difficult to deal with.
Part 2 of 3: Honoring the Memories of Beloved Grandpa or Grandma
Step 1. Know more about him
Once your parents or other family members are ready, don't be shy about asking questions about anything you didn't know about your grandparents when you were alive. Talk about where he grew up, what his job was like, what stories you've never heard of him, or any details that you remember when you think of him. Most grandchildren tend to remember their grandparents as old people, not people with interesting stories and backgrounds, especially if they left when the grandchildren were very young. If you can fully understand him as a person, you will feel more in control of the situation.
If your parents are ready to talk, ask what it was like growing up in the same house as grandparents and also about childhood memories
Step 2. Write down a story that your grandparents used to tell you
While not everyone enjoys reminiscing about their lives, there are many who enjoy telling stories of their childhood, work, hometown, or world. Gather your family members and find out how many stories they can remember from grandparents. Writing down all of these stories can help you understand him fully and is a memory worth remembering forever.
You can give the notebook to other family members so they can add stories they remember. This doesn't guarantee that you will fully understand him, but you will be entertained by remembering the story
Step 3. Look at the photos that describe his life
Even if your grandparents don't have a Facebook account that tracks their life from birth to closing their eyes, a family album can help you find peace and understand what she was like when she was alive. There may not be many photos left, but you can observe every photo and his memories. Look at the photo album with other family members who can provide context for each photo, and feel happy to see the fact that he is living an interesting and happy life.
- If the old photos aren't in the album, but are piled up in a box, you can start a project to organize them and create a photo album in chronological order to honor his memory.
- No doubt, this project will bring many tears. Make sure you are prepared before doing so.
Step 4. Collect all the mementos he gave you
Take out any precious gifts, photos, sweaters, books, jewelry, or other keepsakes he gave you. If the keepsake is wearable, wear it for some time. If not, display it proudly. Don't think that you have to get rid of all those things or put them out of sight to "forget" him. You can keep him close to your heart and cherish his memories.
If he has something special from him, such as a pendant, doll, or letter, you can take it with you or wear it to entertain yourself. While they may seem silly and symbolic, these mementos can help with grief
Step 5. Visit his grave if you are ready
If you feel that visiting his grave will help with grief and having a quiet chat with him, you should go there when you feel ready, with your family or alone. For younger readers who haven't been to a cemetery before, talk to your parents and see if the time is right. For readers who are mature and feel that this visit will help honor his memory, don't hesitate if you are ready.
Bringing flowers or anything that is culturally and religiously appropriate can strengthen respect for him
Step 6. Talk to other people who have also lost their grandparents
You can remember your grandparents by talking to people who have experienced the same loss. If you feel that other family members are too emotional to talk, you can turn to a friend who has been through the same thing and can help you through this difficult time. Even though no grieving process is exactly the same, the person you are talking to will make you realize that you are not alone.
Part 3 of 3: Rise to Move On
Step 1. Know that you won't really "forget"
Don't assume that there is a negative connotation to the term "forgetting" or that it means that you will be able to shake off thoughts of him and move on with a happy life. That is, he will always be in your heart, but there is no pain that holds you back from moving on.
Moving on is not the same as being unfaithful to your beloved grandparents. Think of this step as a positive development that will help you live a healthy life
Step 2. Change your routine
One of the things you can do if you're feeling down in the dumps is to give your life a little variety. If you do things in exactly the same way as when your beloved grandparents were still around, you'll have a harder time moving on with your life. You can spend more time with friends and family, take up a new hobby, or find a love of volunteering or reading that you didn't know about before.
You don't have to make drastic changes or make big decisions when you're grieving, but a few small changes here and there can bring a new and positive rhythm
Step 3. Enjoy more time with family
Another way to feel more comforted and move on with life is to enjoy the company of close family members. The death of someone in the family will bring those left behind closer, and you should take this opportunity to enjoy time with the people you care about and make more family-oriented plans. This can help you through the grieving process and also provide comfort and stability.
Maybe you don't come home to your parents often or aren't the type to talk to your parents on the phone several times a week. Try to increase communication with family and feel how your strength increases in this difficult time
Step 4. Do again what you used to often do with your beloved grandparents
Even if you want to avoid activities that you often do with him, such as walking in a protected forest, baking cookies, or watching football, after a while these activities will feel natural and actually make you happy. Don't avoid activities you love forever, or your sadness will never go away. When you feel ready, start doing the activity again alone or with family or friends.
Even though now it doesn't feel the same as before, this is one way to remember being together with him
Step 5. Get extra help if you need it
If after a few months you are still grieving and your grief is as intense as the first day he passed away, you may need to seek extra help. You can see a counselor, get into group therapy, or talk to your doctor if none of these seem to be working. There's no shame in admitting that you need extra help getting through this difficult time, and any steps you take to move on with your life will be worth it.
Step 6. Remember that he wants you to enjoy life
While this advice may sound cliché when you're drowning in grief, in the end it doesn't get any more true than this. He loves you very much and wants you to live a happy and meaningful life while reminiscing about all the happy moments with him. You may be sad right now or feel guilty about feeling a little joy, but the best step you can take is to enjoy life while keeping him in good memory.
His influence in your life will continue to be felt after he is gone. The best thing you can do for yourself and those around you is to continue to enjoy life by keeping him in your heart and memory
Tips
- Your parents will understand if you suddenly cry because you miss your grandparents, and they may even cry with you.
- On their birthday, you might be able to sing a happy birthday song silently or display their favorite object on your computer screen.
- Tell the bereaved grandparents or parents that you love them so they know.
- On his birthday, sing a little birthday song or put his favorite photo or thing as a computer icon/background.
- Cry if you want to vent your sadness, but never forget him.
- Don't be discouraged if everyone is up and you're still sad. The process through grief is different for each person. Know that he loves you and the rest of the family too.
- If your grandparents are old, and you understand that they are going to pass away, say goodnight and tell them that you love them every night before bed or any time of the day. That way, you know they died by knowing your affection.
- If your grandparents lived in a nursing home, visit them as often as possible before they die.
- If you're crying at work or school, ask your teacher or boss for permission to calm down.
