No matter what age or stage in your life, facing death is always difficult. Death is an unavoidable part of life. However, that doesn't mean you can't learn from death and control your feelings of grief. Although the process is difficult, learning how to deal with death will make you a stronger and happier person in the long run.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Facing the Death of a Loved One
Step 1. Recognize that feelings of grief are natural
Don't be discouraged or upset with yourself, or worry that you won't be able to move on with your life. After the death of someone we love, it is natural to feel sad, upset, and lost. You don't have to tell yourself to "forget it" or move on. Instead, accept the feeling as a natural response to death -- this step will make it easier for you to deal with your grief over time. Common emotions include:
- Denying death
- Shaken or numb emotionally
- Trying to bargain or reasoning ways to save the deceased.
- Regret for things that have happened while that person was alive.
- Depression
- Anger
Step 2. Allow yourself to let your feelings out
When you first learn about the death of a loved one, you will feel sick. Instead of avoiding these feelings, you should try to let them out in whatever way feels natural. Crying, silent contemplation, or the desire to talk about the death are encouraged if you need to. Don't refuse to cry because you think crying "looks weak." If you want to cry, let yourself cry.
Don't feel like you have to grieve in some way. This process is personal and you have to accept all the feelings and expressions that feel right for you
Step 3. Pack your memories in positive impressions
It's all too easy to let the negative emotions of death overwhelm us and wash away fond memories of someone while he or she was alive. Think of the funny and unique qualities of your loved one and share them with others. Celebrate the achievements and life of the deceased during life, find good things in difficult times.
- Many studies have shown that the way we think about our grief affects how we feel in the next one to two years, so feeling positive now will help you stay positive in the future.
- "Recovering from grief is not a process of forgetting, but a process of remembering with less pain and more joy." -- Marie Jose Dhaese
Step 4. Give yourself time to process the loss
Often our reaction to tragedy is to cut back on free time -- work more hours, go more often and sleep late. This is an attempt to "bury" feelings of grief, that is, to keep yourself busy to avoid feeling unpleasant or sad. However, accepting death takes time.
Resist the urge to use drugs and alcohol in the face of death. These substances not only hinder your ability to control yourself, but can also cause other physical and mental problems
Step 5. Talk about your feelings with loved ones
You are not alone in this grief, and sharing your thoughts, memories and emotions with others can help everyone understand what happened. Closing yourself off from others not only hinders your ability to cope with death, it also creates a gulf between people when they really need each other the most. Even though it's hard to talk, there are several ways to start the conversation:
- Bring up your favorite memories of the deceased.
- Plan a funeral, burial or other ritual together.
- Acknowledge when you need someone to vent your anger or sadness.
Step 6. Express your emotions in the form of art or writing
Even if you just jot down your thoughts in a journal, finding ways to express your thoughts will help you deal with those feelings. By writing down or casting thoughts through art, you make your thoughts real and easier to control.
Step 7. Take care of your health when grieving
There is a strong connection between our physical and mental health, and caring for one will always benefit the other. Continue to eat right, exercise and get enough sleep, even if you feel lethargic or uncomfortable.
Step 8. Find a support group (support group)
Finding other people who understand your inner hurt can be a valuable tool to help learn about your feelings and deal with death. Know that you are not the only person experiencing this kind of emotional trauma and know that by doing a simple internet search for "Death Support Groups" in your area can help find a group near you.
- There are special groups for different types of death -- groups for those who have lost a spouse or parent, groups for those dealing with cancer, etc.
- The United States Department of Health has a detailed list of various support groups and how to contact them on their support group website.
Step 9. Talk to a psychiatrist if you are experiencing extreme feelings of sadness or grief
There are trained professionals who can help you deal with the death of a loved one, especially if you feel as though you are unable to function normally or have lost the will to live.
Guidance from counselors, school therapists, and mental health professionals can provide guidance and support as you work through the death of a loved one
Step 10. Manage your grief on your own time frame
There is no "right" amount of time to deal with grief -- sometimes it takes a month, sometimes it takes more than a year. When someone you love dies, no one knows how it will affect you, so don't try to push yourself to feel better quickly. Over time, you will learn how to accept death in your own way.
The "stages of grieving" are just clues to the feelings that are common after the death of someone we love. These stages are not a series of obligations that must be fulfilled by a grieving person before they can move on with life
Method 2 of 3: Coping With Deadly Disease
Step 1. Discuss available treatment and support options with your doctor
Regardless of whether you or a loved one gets a fatal diagnosis, you should consult with your doctor about hospice (end care) and palliative (treating an incurable disease) treatment options. You should get information about the timeline of the diagnosis and what you can do to ensure your safety and comfort.
Step 2. Tell loved ones when you're ready
This is often very difficult, so take it slow and think about what you want to say beforehand. Telling one person first is often helpful; such as a trusted friend or loved one, and ask him or her to help support you while you tell others. If you find it difficult to discuss this issue with friends and family, consider starting with a counselor or support group first.
Everyone will have different reactions to this news, from anger to sadness, but understand that this is all because they love and care about you
Step 3. Find a support group of patients going through a similar problem
Finding other people who understand your suffering can be a valuable tool to help you learn about your feelings and deal with death. Know that you are not alone on this journey and that others will provide advice and insights that you may find useful.
- There are often special groups for different types of death -- groups for those who have lost a spouse or parent, groups for those with cancer, etc.
- The United States Department of Health has a detailed list of various support groups and how to contact them on their support group website.
Step 4. View your life in smaller, more manageable parts
Don't try to deal with your entire prognosis at once, always think about how to manage the last year of your life. Instead, think of small goals to achieve over the course of a week or month, and enjoy each moment to the fullest. Don't feel like you have to do everything at once.
Step 5. Enjoy your life to the fullest
Spend your days doing the things you love. Talk to people you care about and spend time with family. Even on days when you feel weak and tired, find activities that make you happy.
- Ask your friends or family to help you travel if you feel weak.
- Talk to your doctor about pain control if you're in too much pain to be able to enjoy life.
Step 6. Plan your death
Make sure your will has been updated and you have explained the last wishes to family, loved ones and doctors. While it's obvious you should do this when you feel ready, not putting your life in order before you die can make it difficult for loved ones when you're gone.
Step 7. If someone you love suffers from a terminal illness, give them love and support
While you may feel as though you can heal them or treat their illness, the best thing you can do for a friend who is suffering from a terminal illness is to be by their side. Take him to a medical check-up schedule, help with homework and be there to talk to him.
Don't try to be a "hero". You are there to support your friend, but be aware that there are limits to what you can do
Method 3 of 3: Teaching Children About Death
Step 1. Recognize that children of different ages deal with death in different ways
Very young children, such as those of preschool age, may struggle to understand death and view it instead as a temporary separation. On the other hand, high school age children, can understand about the death certificate and its causes.
- Some younger children may generalize death to understand it. For example, after witnessing the events of September 11, some younger children may attribute death to walking up to a skyscraper.
- Let your child lead the conversation about the death, as they will ask questions that are important to them and help you determine what tone and language of delivery to use.
Step 2. Talk about death with your children
Death is often a foreign concept, especially to young children. The idea that your loved one will no longer be around forever must be learned and parents can provide love and support as children learn to deal with death. Even though these conversations are difficult, you need to be yourself and be there for your child.
- Answer questions with simple and honest answers, not with tropes like "lost" or "fly".
- Be honest -- minimizing negative emotions will only confuse your child later and make him lose confidence in you.
Step 3. Tell the children about the death of a loved one in simple and clear language
Don't whisper, make up stories, or wait to tell them when the time is right.
A trusted loved one should tell a child about death whenever possible so that the child feels protected
Step 4. Encourage the child to open up to you
Just like adults, children can have difficulty expressing themselves or knowing when to speak. Don't forget to encourage them to share their feelings, but respect their wishes if they choose to remain silent or feel uncomfortable -- feeling depressed will only confuse them more and make it harder for them to understand their grief.
Step 5. Help them to cement positive memories
Talk to your child about the good memories they had with the deceased, look at photos from happy times, try to stay positive. While this step is difficult when you are also experiencing feelings of grief yourself, it can help everyone deal with the negative emotions that arise.
Step 6. Let your children take part in the funeral rituals
Allowing children to read poetry at funerals, help pick flowers, or tell stories about loved ones makes them part of the family's grieving process. They feel as if they have control over their feelings and can contribute to the memory of the deceased in a meaningful way.
Step 7. Be yourself when you're grieving
While parents should always be supportive of their children, they will also follow your example. If you refuse to show emotions, cry or talk about the death of a loved one, chances are your child will do the same.
Step 8. Know when your child needs further help
While most children can learn to cope with death over time, there are cases when death hits a child deeply and advice from a mental health professional may be needed. Watch for the following symptoms:
- Difficulty performing basic activities
- Bedwetting suddenly
- Unrelenting irritability, mood swings, or sadness.
- Low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence
- Sudden displays of stimulating or sexual behavior.
Tips
- Know that those who have died want you to continue to be happy.
- Remember that you can shed tears. You may feel sad/angry.
- Remember every special or happy time you shared with the deceased.
- Know that those who have died still love and watch over you, protecting you from above.
- Know that the deceased is at peace now. Painless.
- Gather loved ones around you.
- Remember that time will lessen your pain and sorrow.
- Blaming yourself or others won't help.
- Do meditation or pray.
