For many people, the loss of a grandmother also means the loss of a family member who played an important role in their life. If your grandmother recently passed away, you may feel a variety of emotions. Losing a loved one can be confusing and scary. Your grandmother was probably the first person in your life to die. Therefore, your feelings may be mixed. Death is a natural part of life, and we have to face it. Learn how to face reality, get support, and move on with life after grandma's death.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Accepting the Truth
Step 1. Feel the emotion
Accepting reality is much easier if you don't fight or hold back your feelings. There is no right or wrong way of mourning, and there is no time limit for mourning. Try to feel the anger, sadness, confusion, or loneliness coming. Over time, you will recover and feel better.
Some grandchildren may miss their grandmother greatly because of the closeness and length of the relationship, the reason for the grandmother's death, or the reactions of other family members. Make sure the adult is showing genuine sadness, and allowing the child or teen to cry or feel sadness
Step 2. Take time to remember what you learned from your grandmother and understand the wisdom behind her death
Keep a journal if it helps. Remember the sweet memories you had with him, and the influence he had on your life. Ask other people to tell you about Grandma's life, to make you feel relieved that it turns out that her life is surrounded by family, filled with love, and filled with interesting experiences.
Step 3. Attend the funeral procession to accept the fact that your grandmother died, and to offer support to other family members
- If you are a minor, you may not be allowed to attend the funeral procession, depending on your age and parents. If you want to attend a funeral procession, ask your parents for permission.
- After asking permission, parents will explain what activities are involved in the funeral procession, and determine whether you are strong enough to attend. Parents should realize that by attending a funeral, you can accept reality and have a sweet memory of your grandmother's life.
Step 4. Make a memory book or box
Making a book or memory box can help you digest your feelings about your grandmother's death. Choose a photo/object that reminds you of your grandmother, such as a recipe, lyrics to a favorite song, or a story about her life. Then, decorate the book or box according to taste.
If you haven't been allowed to attend the funeral procession, creating a memory book or box can help you come to terms with reality. However, remembering memories and talking about them with someone will help you accept reality, even if you attended the funeral procession
Step 5. Understand grandma's death
Ask questions to understand the reason for death. You may be able to come to terms with knowing that your grandmother is now free from suffering. Depending on your age, your ability to understand death will vary.
- 5-6 year olds generally think literally, so saying "Grandma is sleeping" will make them feel afraid that death will happen to them while they are asleep as well. Parents should reassure their children that they are not responsible for death because some children think death comes because of something they did. For example, they may think that grandma died because they didn't visit her often.
- Children aged 9 years and over and teenagers generally can understand that death is the end of life, and that everyone will die at some point.
Method 2 of 3: Getting Support
Step 1. Spend time with your family
The grieving process will take longer if you close yourself off from other people. Remember that there are still people living around you, and that they feel lost too. Ignore the urge to withdraw or appear strong, then seek help from the bereaved family.
Step 2. Follow religious orders
If you are religious, read a verse that warns you that everything will be fine. Following a religious ritual will further help you accept reality, connect with others, and give you hope for the future.
- Research shows that people with strong spiritual beliefs generally mourn less because they are enlightened about life and death in religion.
- If you're not religious, secular activities like tidying up grandma's belongings or visiting her grave regularly can help you accept reality and feel comfortable.
Step 3. Join a support group
A death support group can help you and your family come to terms with the loss. In the group, you can hear and share stories with other members who are also mourning. A support group can help you survive and deal with grief during the days/months after your grandmother's death.
Step 4. Visit a counselor with experience in the bereavement process
If you are constantly feeling down and unable to move, you may need to seek professional help. Counselors who are experienced in dealing with the bereavement process will help you deal effectively with your grandmother's death.
Method 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Relive sweet memories
The best way to feel calm after the loss of a loved one is to remember the sweet memories together, such as laughter, jokes, and other memories. It can also help to read or revisit the book/memory box periodically so you don't forget your grandma.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
During mourning, you may forget about your own needs by crying all day. Try to get out of the house to get some fresh air. Eat a balanced diet, and try to exercise a few times a week. Maintaining a healthy body and soul is part of taking care of yourself. Get a massage, take a scented oil bath, meditate, write in a diary, or read for a few hours.
Step 3. Help other family members
Helping others will help you process and deal with your sadness. Try holding the hands of your parents and other family members. Remember that one of your parents lost his mother, which can be hard. Remind your parents and family that you love them, and offer them little things that are nice, like lighting the stove or making tea.
Step 4. Apply some aspects of grandma's life in your life
Knowing that grandma lives in your memories will be very comforting. Remember grandma by living her hobbies/habits. If your grandmother is good at sewing, try learning to sew, or make cakes/cooks with family recipes while you cook.
Step 5. Know that you deserve to be happy
You may feel guilty about having fun after grandma's death, and find it disrespectful. However, having fun is not illegal. Your grandmother has lived a happy life, and she wants you to be happy too. The process of mourning may feel dark and endless, but feel free to deal with it by having fun with friends or family.
Tips
- If you feel that you can't go straight to work/school after grandma's death, don't go. You may need time to mourn and re-energize, and asking permission is perfectly normal (even recommended) in this situation.
- Feeling sad, angry, and disappointed is an important part of the mental recovery process. Sadness is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of a strong emotional connection.
- If you're feeling really sad, angry, or anxious, talk to someone you trust. Letting go of your feelings can help you feel better, and someone you trust can help calm your feelings.
