Sometimes it's hard to feel heard, whether you're attending a meeting at work, with your partner, or trying to share your opinion with others. This feels even more real, especially to women who may often be under pressure (or threats) of being labeled “talkative” or “sassy” when trying to voice an opinion. While there's no specific recipe for getting other people to listen to you, there are things you can do to increase the likelihood that your opinion will be heard.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Starting from Yourself
Step 1. Think of an ideal picture of what you want from other people
Before interacting with other people, it's a good idea to know what that person wants (in this case, to feel heard) and what it means to you. This way, you will know when it was achieved.
- For example, if you want to be heard more at work, think about what the ideal “listened” image would look like. Would you like to be able to share more opinions? Make a request that you've been afraid to say? Or something else?
- Set smaller, but clearer goals so you can break one big goal (in this case, being heard by others) into small, easy-to-reach steps.
Step 2. Try to communicate assertively
Some people hesitate to communicate assertively because they don't want to be seen as arrogant. However, assertive communication actually refers to the ability to express one's own opinions and needs, while still respecting others. This kind of communication shows collaboration, not arrogance, and is not complicated, and not condescending to others. You can practice some assertive techniques that help you communicate more clearly with others:
- Use statements with the pronoun "I" (or "I"). With a statement or sentence like this, you can communicate clearly and decisively, without seeming to blame others. For example, if your boyfriend keeps forgetting about the dates he made, you could say, "I'm actually offended that you forgot our dates. I feel that I am not your priority.” After that, you can ask the other person to share how they feel about the problem or issue by saying “Would you like to talk about this?” or "What's really going on?"
- Say no. For some people, saying no is a very difficult thing. However, it's important to realize that being polite doesn't necessarily mean that you're only agreeing to things you don't really want, just to get common ground or agreement from both parties. Try asking for time to think before making a decision. You can also let the other person know about other things or responsibilities you need to complete by saying, for example, "Usually I can help you, but this week I have a very busy schedule and I need time to rest." Remember that you also have obligations to yourself.
- Communicate as clearly as possible. Sometimes you feel like you're not being heard because you don't speak clearly enough that the other person can't understand what you're saying well. For example, if you want the kids to come home or visit for the holidays, you might be conveying your wishes indirectly by saying, "Wouldn't it be great when we could all get together for Christmas?" Your children may not interpret the greeting as a request. However, if you say, for example, “I feel that it is important for us to be together on Christmas Day. I want you to come,” You have managed to convey your needs clearly and sincerely, without appearing demanding or arrogant. You can't control other people's actions with your words, but at least you tried.
- Apologize when the situation is right, but don't overdo it. Take responsibility when you make mistakes and try to be a better person in the future. However, repeated and excessive apologies can make you appear doubtful and anxious. Show an honest, sincere, uncomplicated apology.
Step 3. Practice from the start
If you're just trying to be firm with yourself, it may feel challenging and scary. Therefore, practice communicating assertively from the start so that you can do it more easily with other people. You can try it yourself, or ask a friend to practice with you (via role play). You don't need to memorize texts or dialogues, but practice how to say things (and give responses to certain things) to make you feel more confident. Confidence is an important aspect of being heard, especially in the business world.
- Practice in front of a mirror. Pay attention to your expression or appearance when speaking. Try to make eye contact with yourself when speaking. It's okay if you have doubts about yourself. However, if those doubts are keeping you from being able to say something important, you may need to take steps to boost your confidence. For example, if you have pimples on your face, try using a face wash product that suits your skin type. If you feel uncomfortable or satisfied with how your body looks, try wearing clothes that accentuate your strengths. While it may not help much, if your self-confidence increases, you will feel more confident about taking action.
- Record videos as you practice and study the recordings. The way you say things sometimes matters more than what you say.
Step 4. Pay attention to the body language shown
Body language that reflects confidence will show your control over yourself, as well as confidence in your contribution. When you can display confidence, others are likely to see it and feel confident in you. If your body language doesn't reflect your confidence, other people won't be interested in what you have to say. In addition, research also shows that you will not feel confident to express your opinion.
- Define your “personal space” by mastering it as much as possible. Don't put your feet in a chair, fold your arms in your lap, or cross your legs (or ankles). Make sure your feet stay on the floor when sitting, and stand with your feet apart, shoulder-width apart. However, you shouldn't fill your “personal space” more than you need or take up someone else's space (this reflects aggression, not assertiveness). Just show that you are confident so others will be encouraged to listen to what you have to say.
- Reflect open body language. Do not fold your arms across your chest or cross your legs when standing or sitting. Do not hold the bag in front of your body, or tuck your hands into your pockets. Gestures like this indicate that you feel uncomfortable or uninterested in the situation at hand.
- Stand tall and strong. You shouldn't stand rigidly, but make sure you don't put weight on one leg and transfer it to the other, or tilt your body back and forth. Stand comfortably and straighten your shoulders, and puff out your chest.
- Show eye contact. Eye contact is an important aspect of communicating with other people. Show and maintain eye contact with the other person for 4-5 seconds. Try to maintain eye contact for 50% of your turn to speak, and 70% of your turn to listen.
Step 5. Pay attention to the style of speech or linguistic elements you reflect in your speech
Style of speech refers to the way you say something, and includes tone of voice, speed of speech, volume, pause, word choice, and other aspects of rhetoric. Your speaking style also affects whether people are willing to listen to you or not.
- Try not to speak too fast (or too slowly). If you speak too fast, people may not understand well, or feel that you are nervous. On the other hand, if you speak too slowly, people will get impatient or assume that you don't have confidence in (or believe in) what you're saying. Try to speak at a steady (unchanging) pace.
- Cultural differences and social environments may play a distinct role in communication. For example, in Indonesia, the people of Solo are famous for their soft and slow speech. Someone from Solo might feel overwhelmed by the speed of speech of someone from Jakarta (in this case, Betawi). On the other hand, someone from Jakarta may feel uncomfortable with the speed of speech of Solo people who tend to be slow. However, it should be noted that not all people of Solo (or people of Jakarta) exhibit this style of speech.
- Women tend to be taught to focus on linguistic aspects/habits involving social relationships (or relationship formation), while men tend to be taught to focus on matters involving status and directness. When these aspects/habits are shown, people from different backgrounds may misinterpret the meaning behind the spoken words.
- Pay attention to speakers or prominent figures, such as Mario Teguh, Ridwan Kamil, or Deddy Corbuzier. Although they have different speaking styles, the styles they use are effective in conveying messages. They can change the volume and speed of speech to match the point or idea they want to convey. They also put pauses in certain sections so that important opinions or information can be digested by the listeners. By watching speeches or performances by such great speakers, you can capture their skills to apply in your own life.
Step 6. Find another “container” to express your opinion
Not everyone can be sociable and confident, even after practice. However, in this technological era, there are many ways you can follow so that your voice or opinion can be heard. Try blogging, posting a journal on social media, writing a letter to the editor of a local newspaper, or even keeping a personal journal. Sometimes, the most important thing to do first is to have an opinion.
Step 7. Be an active listener
One of the keys to having your opinion heard is knowing how to listen to other people. In addition to helping you find people who will genuinely listen to what you have to say, those who feel or believe that you heard what they have to say will be more interested in hearing what you have to say in the future. There are several listening techniques you can follow:
- Keep your phone or music player away when you are talking to other people. Don't glance around the room. Give full attention to the other person.
- Ask for clarification if necessary. Every now and then, you might say, for example, “Hey, wait a minute! So, _. That is right?" Speech like this will give the other person an opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings, without making him feel attacked.
- Draw conclusions. Try to connect the information you get from the conversation. For example, you could close the meeting by saying, “So, based on today's meeting, we can say that we need _ and _. Does anyone else have anything to add?"
- Use “supportive” aspects. You can give the other person “little encouragements” to keep talking, such as a nod, a simple word (e.g. “Ah, yes”), or a question (e.g. “Ah, so what?”).
- Don't respond while the other person is still talking. Listen carefully to what he has to say, then give your opinion after he's finished speaking.
Method 2 of 4: to be Listened at Work
Step 1. Adjust your communication style with the other person or listener
An important thing to do to have your voice heard, especially in the workplace, is to make sure you speak in the most effective way for the listener. Always consider who you're talking to if you want the other person to listen.
- Consider how other people talk. Find out if your co-worker speaks quickly to get his idea across, or if he speaks slowly while considering a lot of things.
- If you speak quickly to someone who is used to speaking slowly, there's a good chance they won't understand what you're saying, no matter how brilliant your opinion is. You need to set a speech rate that matches the speed of the other person's speech.
Step 2. Get to know your coworkers
This step is part of adjusting the style of communicating with the other person. Even so, you still need to know how to talk effectively with coworkers. If you want your co-workers to hear you, you have to speak in a way/level of language appropriate to their way/level. To do this, of course, you need to know the method/level of language they use first.
- Find out what makes your opinion interesting and fits the point of view of colleagues. If they have a blog, try reading the posted blog posts. If they write articles for magazines that are relevant to your field, read those articles. You need to explore and understand their ideas.
- Find out what topics they are interested in or are interested in. In order to be heard effectively, you need to direct your opinions to what the majority of your coworkers are interested in. For example, if you know that your co-workers are very interested in saving the environment, you can try showing them how to save the environment.
-
Pay attention to how other people communicate. Know and understand how your opinions, opinions, and comments can be heard by colleagues. Observe the movement of communication and how other people's opinions are heard. Aspects such as these may differ from culture to culture, workplace to workplace, and individual to individual.
- Pay attention to the behavior of other coworkers in meetings, interactions, and other activities at work. For example, you may notice that your boss cannot understand the “code” or indirect directions, and can instead respond to or understand the direct approach.
- Notice everyone is different. Think about why your cousin could make grandma understand something? Or, why would an intern from the accounting section get the boss's attention, while you can't?
- Understand the cultural differences that exist. Sometimes, the difference is not so obvious. In other situations, the difference is obvious. The work culture in Canada may be different from the work culture in Indonesia.
Step 3. Don't belittle your own opinion or idea
Maybe this is reflected subconsciously through the way you communicate, but too often reflecting regret or demeaning your own opinion in the language you use can actually be detrimental to you. Try to imagine if someone passed you in the hallway and said, for example, “Sorry if I bothered you. Do you have a minute to hear my opinion?” Will you be sure of what he will say? Confidence is an important aspect of convincing others that your ideas or opinions are valuable, especially in the workplace.
- Use the assertive communication techniques described in this article to help convey your ideas/opinions with confidence.
- When you show confidence, you don't necessarily want to be pushy or arrogant. You can still acknowledge and accept the contributions of others and show respect for the time of others, without degrading your own role. For example, you could say, “Hey! I think I have a great idea for this project! Do you have a minute to talk about it?” Sayings like this show that you still value the importance of other people's time, without appearing "guilty" for sharing your opinion.
Step 4. Have a good knowledge of the topic or subject being discussed
Do not let you just come up with an idea at a meeting, without knowing what is being discussed. Make sure you know what will be discussed at the meeting or at work.
The right way to talk (without appearing pretentious) and be heard during a meeting or discussion is to prepare topics and opinions about what will be discussed in advance. In this way, you will have a “stepping stone” to express your opinion, especially if you often feel reluctant to speak up
Step 5. Choose the most appropriate way of expressing your opinion/feeling
Use the way you are best at expressing your opinion when discussing something or explaining a situation at work, while keeping the audience in mind. If you are good at making presentations using PowerPoint, use presentations as a medium for expressing opinions.
- Everyone learns and absorbs information in a different way. You can test or find out whether your colleagues or anyone present at the meeting is classified as a person who is more effective for visual, kinetic, or auditory learning.
- Combining informational delivery styles can also be a way to ensure listeners can keep up with your explanations. For example, you can prepare PowerPoint presentations, handouts, and discussions about the information/opinions you convey.
Step 6. Be the first to speak in the discussion
In general, the first person to contribute to the discussion will be heard more often than the people who speak later. If you have an opinion, say it right from the start. If you procrastinate, there's a good chance that you won't be able to speak up and will find it difficult to follow the discussion properly.
- Of course, you can't just express your opinion unless someone has asked a question or asked for advice. Things like that can make you seem arrogant.
- Things like this need the right moment. Some people find short breaks to be "awkward" moments, while others just need a break to gather thoughts or ideas. Try to estimate the exact duration of the break, then share your opinion.
Step 7. Ask questions
Oftentimes, people are so focused on expressing their opinion that they forget that asking questions is also important and, sometimes, even better than simply conveying an idea. Questions can clarify problems or encourage others to think in a different perspective or way.
- For example, if people are discussing the best way to make the most of your work day, ask what your boss wants, problem areas, and so on.
- Prepare questions early on, even if you don't end up using them in the end. This will make you more prepared and have a clearer mind/image on the issues being discussed.
Step 8. Engage the audience
Make sure the method of conveying the idea that is followed is clear and concise. Otherwise, the ideas or opinions you convey will only enter the listener's right ear, and out of the left ear.
- You can use certain techniques to keep the other person's attention, such as using interesting imagery, telling illustrative anecdotes, and reiterating other things that have already been discussed/happened.
- Make eye contact when speaking, even when you are facing a larger audience. Look around the room and make eye contact with different people. At the end of the sentence, keep your head up (not down) and keep your eyes focused on the listener.
Step 9. Don't expect anyone to ask your opinion
This applies to all aspects of life, especially in the world of work. Sometimes, people are too busy pitching their own ideas to not ask about yours. They assume that if you have an idea, you should come up with it yourself (without being asked).
- You need to make a real effort to be heard and make suggestions. Otherwise, you will certainly not be heard by others. It may take some time for you to feel comfortable speaking in front of large groups of people, but the more you do it, the better you will become at speaking.
- This may seem difficult, especially for women who are taught from the start to be “polite” and consider the needs of others, even when they have to sacrifice their own needs.
Method 3 of 4: to be Listened in Relationship
Step 1. Choose the right time
One of the things that need to be done to make sure you can be heard by your partner is choosing the right time and place. This is important to think about, especially if you need to talk about complicated/difficult matters.
- You need to choose a closed moment, and not an open moment (eg at a public event). When there is a problem in the relationship, communication will not work out conducive if you discuss it with your partner in front of the whole family on Christmas Eve.
- Also, when both of you are feeling upset or angry (e.g. during a long road trip), your partner will likely not listen to your voice or complaints effectively.
Step 2. Know what you want to convey from the start
While you don't have to write down all of your points, it's a good idea to know what you're trying to say. This is important to remember, especially if you are shy or tend to have a hard time thinking and speaking face-to-face.
- Bullet points set up from the start help you stay on top of the conversation (and get it right). With these points, you can remember things that need to be discussed.
- Ask yourself questions, such as “What kind of solution do I expect?” or “Is there another way I can get my opinion heard?”
Step 3. See if your partner is open to hearing opinions
While this has to do with picking the right time and place, it's important that you know if he's willing/open to listen to you. Otherwise, what you say or the manner in which you follow it will have no effect. When he is not listening to anything, he will not listen and understand what you are saying.
- His body language shows a lot. If he moves away or looks away, doesn't make eye contact, or folds his arms across his chest, it's possible he's on the defensive or doesn't want to listen to you.
- It will be very difficult for you to get him to listen to what you have to say when he is being aggressive or angry. In this case, it's a good idea to stay away from him as much as possible.
Step 4. Make sure the body language you show is supportive to talking to your partner
When you want to be heard by your partner, make sure your body language shows that willingness. Do your best so that the conversation doesn't end by paying attention to the message your own body language conveys.
- If you can, sit next to him when you want him to hear what you have to say. Make sure that there is a large enough distance between you and your partner so that he or she doesn't feel “crowded”, but close enough so that there is a connection between the two of you.
- As much as possible maintain a neutral tone of voice and body language. Don't fold your arms across your chest or make a fist. Make sure your chest is also kept wide open (not hunched over).
- Maintain eye contact with your partner. Eye contact helps you guess how he's feeling, as well as see if he's still willing to listen. In addition, eye contact can also maintain the relationship between the two of you.
Step 5. Set the right situation to speak
In order to be heard, you need to involve your partner in the conversation, without stopping them from speaking. If you don't give him the opportunity to get involved from the start, there's a good chance he won't listen to what you have to say. What you need to do is share your opinion through live chats, not accuse or blame him.
- For example, you could say, "Actually I'm having a problem, and I was wondering if you could help me." After that, you can continue the conversation by explaining that you need help taking care of the children.
- As a second example, you could say, for example, "Actually I'm confused. I would be happy if you would help me understand this matter.” Afterward, explain that you feel like there is a gap between the two of you, and that you want to try to bridge that distance.
Step 6. Show your "fragile" side, not anger
Often anger masks deeper, more sensitive emotions, such as fear or hurt. When you show anger right away, you're closing off a successful conversation/discussion instead of opening it up.
- Even though it's harder (and scary) to express, your fragile side makes you more listened to by your partner. However, this means that you need to share the hurt you feel in a wiser way.
- This shows the importance of using sentences with the pronoun "I". With this sentence, you can explain why you feel hurt or angry. For example, saying something like "I feel offended when you forget to take your clothes from the laundry because I feel like you don't think my recital is more important than going home and resting" is better and more revealing than, for example, "You always forget to do your homework. It seems you don't care about my recital!"
Step 7. Make sure you are willing to listen to the other person
Conversations (and opportunities to be heard) don't happen in one direction. If you don't want to listen to your partner, you can't expect them to listen to you. It can be hard to hear things about yourself or your relationship that you don't agree with, but if you want your partner to hear you, you have to be willing to listen to what they have to say.
- Listen to what other people have to say. If you don't listen to his explanations (eg, "I forgot to get my clothes from the laundry because I'm so depressed about our son's declining grades at school"), you won't be listening to him either.
- When he is talking, try to listen actively. If you feel confused or too "lost" in your own thoughts, ask him to repeat what he said. Look him in the eye when he's talking and pay attention to what he's saying instead of just focusing on what you want to say later.
Step 8. Build a sense of humor
Important conversations, trying to get the other person to listen to you, and being open when you feel hurt or angry are all very difficult things to do and leave you emotionally “tired.” However, if you can take a humorous approach, you can get through it well (and get the desired result).
Usually, people tend to be more open to listening when you can bring out the humorous side of the situation rather than pouring out emotions (especially overreacting)
Step 9. Accept that sometimes your partner doesn't want to listen to anyone
Remember that other people don't always want to listen to you (and in fact they are). Even if you've tried and taken the "right" steps, sometimes your efforts won't have any effect. Let's say you've managed the situation, picked the right time, and showed a neutral side (not anger). Unfortunately, sometimes people are not ready to listen to your opinion or what you have to say (in fact, there are people who will never be ready to listen to what other people have to say).
If he often can't (or doesn't want to) listen to what you have to say, try to rethink whether your current relationship is worth staying in
Method 4 of 4: to be heard by others in different social settings
Step 1. Consider whether or not you really need to talk
In order to be heard by others, you need to speak at the right time. This means, you don't have to talk all the time. Remember that quantity and quality are not always directly proportional.
- Sometimes, what other people need is a good listener. Being someone who listens is sometimes very important.
- Build an attitude or habit to express something that is really important to say only. People will be more interested in listening to you if they know that what you have to say is interesting.
Step 2. Know when you shouldn't talk
You don't have to talk to anyone, and all the time. At certain times or places, people may be more open to listening to you (or vice versa). By knowing the right place or situation, you have the opportunity to be heard, both now and in the future.
- For example, someone taking a night flight may be less interested in your chat than someone waiting in line to see a concert that you both enjoy.
- Also, you may notice someone on the bus listening to music through headphones while looking out the window. The person may not be interested in hearing stories about your Ferrari car sales business.
- People who are willing to talk can even lose their "concentration" after chatting for a long time. If you've been talking for more than 40 seconds without stopping, maybe it's time for you to stop talking and give the other person a chance to talk.
Step 3. Let the other person know if all you want is to express annoyance or emotion
In life, sometimes there are moments when a person just needs to be listened to with compassion while expressing his emotions about the injustice he has experienced. However, some people may be more interested in providing a solution than simply listening to your concerns.
- There are many people who are happy to sympathize or listen when they know that is exactly what you need. If they feel they have to come up with a solution, they may not talk much and be reluctant to listen to your story.
- In addition, ask your friends if they need someone to help with their problems, or if they just want to be heard when they have a problem.
Tips
- Remember that speaking out loud (or yelling) doesn't necessarily mean that you can be heard by other people. In fact, the louder you speak (or the more often you speak), the more likely other people are to be reluctant to listen to what you have to say (whereas they may have wanted to listen before).
- If you are a shy person, try to imagine the other person wearing only their underwear! Even though it sounds ridiculous, many people use this kind of imagination to dare to speak.
