Narcissists (who love themselves excessively) are difficult people to deal with. Their thoughts are only limited to being seen as people who are not real and their world is only limited to themselves and ignores the outside environment. There are many things that can cause a person to have a narcissistic personality and there are many forms of narcissism. However, there are some exercises you can implement when dealing with a narcissist.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Narcissists in the Long-Term
Step 1. Learn how to identify a narcissist
Before identifying, keep in mind that many people have a tendency to be narcissistic but are not automatically narcissists. By learning what makes someone a narcissist, you will be better able to avoid them and be able to deal with the narcissistic people who are already present in your life.
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Narcissists lack empathy.
This is a big indicator that a person is more than just self-obsessed. Narcissists cannot understand other people's point of view and cannot feel what other people feel. They only do it to help themselves. For example: there is an employee who gets a big promotion in his office. Instead of congratulating the narcissist, the narcissist turns his attention to him by saying that he should be the one getting the promotion or telling him something good that happened to him.
- Narcissists also have little or no understanding of their actions. They feel the need to be admired constantly, feel they deserve the best treatment, and don't want to accept the complaints raised by the people in their lives.
- To find out if you are dealing with a narcissist or not, ask some of these questions. Do people who are suspected of being narcissistic act as if the world is only centered on them? Do they feel like they need to be complimented before paying attention to you? If you disagree with him, is he trying to ignore you? Do you feel belittled? Does your conversation with him always turn to talk about the narcissist? If the answer to these questions is "yes," you may be dealing with a narcissist.
Step 2. Identify your needs
If you need someone who can give each other support and understanding, then it's best to limit yourself to a narcissist. On the other hand, if the narcissist in your life is an attractive or passionate person and you're not looking for additional support, your friendship or relationship can work for the time being.
- Make sure you don't put yourself in danger by staying in touch with a narcissist. This is especially true if you have a close relationship with them (such as a spouse or parent), because you will spend more time with them.
- If you feel tired of fulfilling their wishes (they need constant vindication, praise, attention, and patience), then you need to rethink your relationship with them. If you are being mistreated by them (manipulated, constantly belittled, treated as if you have no self-respect) then you need to get rid of them immediately, because they are dangerous to your health.
Step 3. Accept their flaws
If this person is really important to you, then you need to accept his narcissism. Stop asking questions, asking for support, or attention that narcissists can't afford. If you beg for something from the narcissist, you will get nothing and only feel more frustrated and disappointed. It will only destroy your relationship.
For example, if you know that your friend Bob is a narcissist, don't keep trying to talk to him about your problem, because he won't be able to empathize and will turn the conversation back to talking about him
Step 4. Affirm your self-worth in various ways
Affirm your self-worth in various ways. Ideally, self-esteem is formed from within and not dependent on external support. But for most people, self-esteem grows stronger when others acknowledge their existence by valuing them as individuals. Don't ask a narcissist for this kind of support, because he won't be able to provide it.
- Understand that even if you entrust your problem with the person, he or she will not be able to appreciate the substance of the problem you are talking about. They use their knowledge as a tool to manipulate you. So be careful if you say something to a narcissist.
- Remember, the narcissist's motto is "I come first". When dealing with them, you must act according to their motto.
Step 5. Have compassion
This is easier said than done, but remember: Behind all the self-confidence that is evident in the narcissist, deep down, there is a lack of self-confidence that requires the approval of others to conquer. In addition, a narcissistic person does not have a full life because he ignores all existing emotions.
- This doesn't mean letting them do what they want. You have to remember that a narcissist is an ordinary person who has become someone who cannot relate to other people. This often happens because their parents also have a narcissistic character.
- It should also be remembered that narcissists have no understanding of unconditional love. Everything they do is always aimed at satisfying themselves, which seems to be the only way to live.
- Having compassion may help if you remember this negative behavior is a manifestation of self-hatred and feelings of inferiority in narcissists.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with Narcissists in the Short Term
Step 1. Avoid mind games
Many narcissists use mind games to force you to stay on the defensive and strengthen their position. The best way to deal with it is to recognize the game and stop playing. To deal with a narcissist, you have to get your ego out of the way.
- Get out of the “blame game”. In the narcissist's mind, he never feels guilty, which means he needs someone to blame for his failures. In this case, it means you. Instead of trying to argue or explain the fault or get emotionally involved, you need to set boundaries. You have to keep an eye on what he's doing, so you can say (in an innocent tone) "Hey Dan, here's the inventory count, we really need some more paper."
- Narcissistic people tend to be excellent liars. If you remember something very different about them (especially if they made a mistake) look no further. Don't try to argue with it, unless you have absolute empirical evidence that you're right. Even then, narcissists will behave in such a way that things turn around making them look good.
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The most important thing is to cultivate the attitude to ignore his behavior. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, abusive speech and actions and lies will follow. Don't respond. It's like a game of catching something. It's just that you don't have to catch the ball and throw it again. Let the ball (insults, mind games, etc.) and pass you by.
Deal with a Narcissist Step 5 - Be prepared to fail to live up to their expectations. You will never be able to become the person they expect you to be, that is, someone who is able to give them their full attention.
- Don't take their criticism to heart. The trick is to always remember that the criticism comes from a very unstable view. Don't even try to argue with your kindness because they won't be able to listen.
- If they're constantly belittling you (whether it's a spouse, parent, or boss), find someone you trust to talk about what they have to say (a trusted friend, counselor, etc.). If you can, take a break from the narcissist to recuperate.
Step 2. Listen a lot
If you have to relate to a narcissist, then the best way to deal with it is to listen. A narcissist will demand your attention and ears and will get angry or cold if you ignore them. Everything has limits, and if the narcissist in your life demands your attention when you can't, don't give up. If you plan to make friends or develop a relationship with a narcissist, you must be prepared to listen to this person sincerely.
If your thoughts are scattered, ask them for clarification as early as possible, so that you can get back into the conversation. For example, you might say “I was thinking about the X you just told me about and I didn't hear what you just said. Can you repeat?"
Step 3. Be as sincere as possible when praising
The narcissist in your life may have strengths that you admire. Praise the advantages often. This will appear more sincere, so that you are liked by the narcissist. It will also always serve as a constant reminder to you of why you keep in touch with this person.
- For example, if the narcissist is a good writer, make sure you reveal that. Say things like “You're really good at coming up with ideas. I like the way you express your ideas clearly.” They will recognize your honesty and make less effort to attack you.
- If you really want to understand his great works, you can say something like “You are better at writing than I am. I've never stopped learning to express ideas so they can be clearer." You position them against you (and the world) so that they feel happier. Don't do this when you start to believe that they can do things better than you.
- Give frequent compliments on the qualities they are most proud of. Narcissists need recognition and attention from others. They will love the compliment and appreciate the relationship with you. However, they are still trying to find a way to humiliate and control you, because of the insecurity that lies deep in their hearts. The method is very subtle and sophisticated, so be careful.
Step 4. Smile and nod
If the narcissist in your life is someone you can't avoid and you don't feel able to compliment them, then the next step is to be silent. There is no benefit to be gained from the narcissist by keeping his mouth shut. However, by disagreeing with this person, you are giving the impression of passive approval.
Since narcissists demand constant attention, smiling and nodding is the best one can give without having to engage in further interaction. This method works with narcissists who are impossible to avoid and relate to in your life (such as coworkers or friends you're not very close with)
Step 5. Convince the narcissist that what you want works for him
If you need something from a narcissist, then the best way to get it is to package the request convincingly that there's an advantage to be had if he or she helps you.
- For example, if you want to convince your girlfriend to go to a restaurant with you and her narcissism is centered on her social standing, say something, “I heard that's the best restaurant to go to if you want to connect with all the influential people in the community.
- As another example, if you want to see an exhibition with your boyfriend and his narcissism is centered on intelligence, you could say something like, "He said this exhibition would interest intelligent people who can think quickly."
Step 6. Deliver constructive criticism in a gentle way
Narcissists don't want to accept open criticism. He may think that you are jealous or angry and will eventually lower your opinion. Don't insult the narcissist, even if it's tempting to do so. Express criticism in such a way that the narcissist believes he still has power.
For example, if you need to remind a narcissistic client to pay you, remind them gently by asking for a reminder of the agreed payment period rather than outright saying that the payment is late
Part 3 of 3: Providing Counseling
Step 1. Consider counseling
Sometimes, especially if the narcissist is someone you love (spouse, parent, or child), you might consider counseling. This is very difficult to do, because a narcissist is very difficult to convince if there is something wrong with him.
The best time to give counseling is after something that has profoundly changed the life of the narcissist (such as getting sick, losing a job, etc.) in which things that satisfy his or her ego have been destroyed or lost
Step 2. Seek professional help
You need a neutral and experienced party, because during counseling something emotional and angry can happen. A professional can also help you plan counseling and give advice on what kind of counseling to do.
- A professional will discuss various therapeutic options that you can try to convince the narcissist to take it. Psychotherapy and group therapy both have their advantages and have been shown to help narcissists manage their personalities and build the ability to see others as individuals who are just as important as themselves.
- Seek and seek advice from trusted people in your community about who to recommend professionals. Make sure you get the right professional to do this task.
Step 3. Find 4 to 5 people who can help
These people must be people who are close to the narcissist or who have been hurt but are willing to help the narcissist.
Make sure these people don't warn the narcissist beforehand and don't spread rumors about what happened
Step 4. Plan counseling
You certainly do not want to do counseling suddenly. You need to plan where and when the counseling will take place and what you will say and do. Professionals in this regard can provide the counseling assistance you are looking for.
- You need to make a number of talking points. These are the main points you will make during counselling. The points could be how the narcissist's problems have hurt the family (give specific examples) and why you are providing counseling (the narcissist has acted violently or stopped helping the family. Again, you need to be specific).
- You need to anticipate the consequences of their actions that may resist counselling. The consequence is that the narcissist may cut ties with you or refuse to participate in activities that are not important to him or her. This will give you control over them to change.
Step 5. Explain how the narcissist hurt himself
Using compassion during counseling is very important because the reason you're giving counseling is because she has the opportunity to become a better person.
Use "I" statements. “I feel neglected when you constantly steer the conversation so it comes back to you,” or “I feel like you constantly expect me to be there during emotional times, but on the other hand, you don't provide me with emotional support.” Again, use specific examples of when they hurt you
Tips
You can't win arguing with these kinds of people, even if you win…You actually lose. The best advice is to keep things clear and keep conversations to a minimum
Warning
- Remember, if you do counseling, it doesn't mean the narcissist will do what really needs to be done to get better. It is possible that therapy for narcissists may fail, so be prepared for the results.
- Taking care of your mental health is important when dealing with a narcissist. If your quality of life is diminishing because of them, you need to stay away even if the narcissist is a parent, partner, or boss.
