Shyness is not a bad trait. However, being shy can make you less talkative or uncomfortable in social situations. Start taking small steps to feel more confident when talking to new people and when taking part in group conversations. Shyness doesn't have to stop you from having friends and a good social life. It takes time to become a more open person. You have to take your fears and negative thoughts slowly and step outside your comfort zone to practice your social skills.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Talking to New People
Step 1. Practice starting a conversation
It may be difficult for you to strike up a conversation with a stranger. However, the awkwardness will lessen if you prepare well. Prepare a few conversation starters before going to a social event so you have something to talk about.
- If you're going to a party, you might say something like, “The food was great. Have you tried _ yet?” or “How do you know _?”
- You can give a compliment. “Wow, your shirt is beautiful. Where did you buy it?”
- If you're going to a meeting place for people who share your interests, make it a topic of conversation, then ask questions. You might say, “I also like playing video games. What's your favorite game?"
Step 2. Practice what you are going to say
Write down what you want to say and practice it in front of a mirror or out loud. This exercise will help make the conversation feel more natural when you have to say it in actual situations. However, even if you practice, things may not go as planned and that's okay.
- After practicing and trying to practice it in actual situations, you can make adjustments based on experience.
- The exercises you do should lead to the challenges you will face. If you're going to a new school, conversation exercises may have to focus on lessons, school notes, or a new project or exam. If you're going to a party, conversational exercises may need to focus on the music, compliments, and the food served.
Step 3. Focus on the other person
Shyness may make you think about yourself when interacting with other people. You may be worried about the person's opinion of you or what to say next. Instead of thinking about yourself and how you feel, focus on what the other person is saying or what's going on around you.
- Being a good listener can help you focus on the other person. Make eye contact, nod your head occasionally, and smile.
- You can make comments like “yes,” “he uh”, or “mmmhmmm” throughout the conversation.
- Pay attention to her behavior, tone of voice, body language, facial expressions, and how she interacts with other people. Use empathy to try to get a feel for what he or she is talking about. This step also helps you become more involved in the conversation and better able to respond properly.
Step 4. Make small contributions while engaging in group conversations
It may be easier to just sit back and watch the conversation take place than to take part in the conversation. This situation will be even more difficult if the group is made up of people who know each other, while you are an outsider. If that's the case, try to stay involved in the conversation and make small comments like:
- "Yes, I agree."
- "That's crazy."
- "I've heard of it too."
- Come along and laugh if they laugh, don't be silent.
- Those little comments can also prepare you to start contributing more to the conversation as you feel more comfortable.
Step 5. Ask open-ended questions
An open-ended question is one that demands more than a “yes” or “no” answer. These kinds of questions will keep the conversation going and will allow you to get to know the other person better. Most people like to talk about themselves. So, the burden will be lifted from your shoulders.
- For example, instead of saying, “Do you have pets?” You can say, "What kind of animal do you like?"
- Instead of saying, “Do you have any plans for this weekend?” say, “What are you looking forward to this weekend?”
Step 6. Take part in the conversation early
When you are involved in a group situation and want to talk more, try to take part in the conversation in the first 10 minutes. If you jump into the conversation early, you're less likely to lock your mouth or lose your nerve. You also don't have to make too big a contribution to the conversation.
You can simply agree with someone's statement or ask a question
Method 2 of 4: Be a Good Speaker
Step 1. Make small interactions
Develop skills by having small interactions with other people. Taking small steps will increase your confidence in your abilities. With small interactions, it shouldn't be a problem if the conversation ends awkwardly.
- Smile at the people you meet on the street.
- Start a conversation with the cashier, waitress, salesperson, delivery man, or postman.
- Give someone a sincere compliment.
- Ask questions that are informal. When you're at the cashier, you might say, "Are there many customers today?"
Step 2. Keep up to date with the information
Stay up to date with the latest information such as news, sports, entertainment and television. This step allows you to participate in whatever conversation is going on around you. It is not necessary to have in-depth knowledge of all topics, just enough so that you can comment and provide opinions.
- Visit some news or popular culture sites that you can quickly read every day to keep up with what's going on.
- You can also read the newspaper or watch a news show once a day for up-to-date information.
Step 3. Continue the conversation to the next topic
When someone is talking, he or she will usually give you a hint about another topic you can discuss. If you listen well, you can find other ways to move the conversation to the next topic.
- For example, if someone says, "Yesterday I went to dinner with Jaka." Based on that sentence, you can ask about the restaurant, other activities of the day, and Jaka.
- You can also relate each answer to the question to personal experience. You can discuss any restaurants you've been to or new ones you'd like to try.
Step 4. Show open and friendly body language
Make good eye contact and stand up straight. Speak with confidence: project your voice so the other person can hear it well, don't speak too fast, and speak in a friendly, welcoming tone. These little tips can help others understand you better, and help you feel more successful and socially heard.
Step 5. Practice as often as possible
Being a good interlocutor is a skill that can be developed. The more you practice, the better your skills will be. You will be less nervous in social situations, and being an active conversationalist will feel more natural.
Method 3 of 4: Overcoming Shyness
Step 1. Select the area you want to repair
You may feel shy in some situations and feel more comfortable speaking up in others. Select the area you want to improve. Do you want to be an active speaker at work? Do you want to talk to new people? Does your voice suddenly disappear in a group conversation?
For example, if you're trying to talk more actively at work, you might be able to set a goal to give your opinion in a meeting or have a small chat with 2 coworkers each day
Step 2. Recognize negative thought patterns
There are many negative thought patterns that can cause you to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable in social circles. Even though these thoughts are unwarranted, they can make you feel insecure and less confident. Negative thoughts that usually run through your head include:
- You are a strange and/or unlikable person.
- People will constantly judge you.
- People will reject you if you make a mistake.
- You are defined by what people think of you.
- Experiencing rejection is the worst thing that can happen to you.
- Your opinion is not important.
- You should always say the right thing.
Step 3. Speak aloud when you are alone
Shy people may spend time dwelling on their own thoughts. You may have a lot of thoughts that you don't share with others, and are used to keeping quiet. You have to train your mind to actually say what's on your mind out loud.
- Whenever you are truly alone (eg in the bathroom, in the bedroom, in the car) say every thought that crosses your mind.
- Talk to yourself for at least 5 minutes every day out loud.
- It may seem strange at first, but the more you do it, the more you will get used to it.
Step 4. Face your fears gradually
You may be embarrassed by fear of rejection or appearing stupid or silly in certain situations. Fear cannot be conquered overnight. It takes time and practice. Set overall goals and take small steps to reach those goals. Start with the step that has the least amount of stress and slowly increase it. For example, if you are afraid to talk to new people in a group, here are steps you can take:
- Smile and make eye contact with some people.
- Ask questions like, “How did you find out about this event?” or “Have you been here before?” to someone.
- Find a group of people who seem friendly and join them. Listen to the ongoing conversation and make a few comments if you like.
- Join the group again, but this time take part in the conversation.
- Don't move on to the next step until you've had a positive experience from the previous situation. For example, you won't ask someone a question until you smile at a few people and they smile back at you.
Step 5. Get out of your comfort zone
Shy people tend to do the same activities over and over and hang out with the same groups of people. Put yourself in new situations to get out of your comfort zone. One of the best ways to do this is to volunteer or join a club that interests you.
- If you volunteer or join a particular club, you already have something in common with other club members. It will be easier for you to talk to them.
- Trying new things will also give you new topics to talk about with other people.
Step 6. Be patient
You won't go from shy to talkative in an instant. It's important that you have realistic expectations and be kind to yourself. Try to make progress every day. If you smile at one person on Monday, try smiling at two on Tuesday. By doing it consistently, you will make progress.
- Sometimes you may make mistakes or feel silly. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Everyone can make mistakes.
- Keep in mind that some people may not have the opportunity to talk to you or they may simply be rude people. Don't be offended if you don't succeed.
Method 4 of 4: Achieving Success in Social Situations
Step 1. Attend group activities
Try to join group activities that allow you to be around people who share your interests. Shared interests automatically give you connections with those around you. That way, you don't have to worry too much about what to talk about.
- Don't turn down a friend's invitation to take you to a different place, whether you're excited to attend the event or not. Once you're there, you might end up enjoying it instead.
- Group activities you can try include school clubs, sports teams, or volunteering in your community.
Step 2. Arrive early
You may be tempted to arrive late so you can blend in with the crowd. However, this action is not profitable. Arriving early gives you the opportunity to adjust to your surroundings and make yourself comfortable. If you know the person hosting the event, ask if he or she needs help with event preparation. You will feel more comfortable because you have a busy life.
- Once people start to arrive, you feel comfortable.
- For example, if the party starts at 7 PM, show up at 6:45 PM.
Step 3. Give yourself a chance to rest
You may be overwhelmed or exhausted when socializing with other people. This is a natural thing. If possible, set a time limit for how long you will be at the party. Maybe you're planning to go to a party for an hour and interact with people.
- If you can't get away, try spending 10-15 minutes alone in the bathroom or somewhere quiet.
- You will feel refreshed after spending time alone.
