No matter how close the relationship, quarrels and disagreements between two friendly people are small pebbles that cannot be avoided. No need to worry; After all, the fact is that humans can never avoid problems. If you and your best friend truly love and care for each other, sooner or later no matter how big the problem will surely find a way out. Try, be patient, and let time heal everything.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Getting to the Root of the Problem
Step 1. Understand the problem
Before looking for a solution, try to understand root of the problem first. Consider the following possibilities:
Step 2. If you and your friend are really fighting, try to remember how the situation developed from your point of view
What triggered your emotions at that time? Did the tension in the relationship actually escalate because of your response? If so, what is the chronology? Try to remember events that you think were triggers and consider your friend's perspective as well. Sharpen your empathy by trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes; also consider the possibility of misunderstanding between the two of you.
If it turns out that your anger is causing the problem, apologize immediately (if you really feel guilty) and explain that you didn't mean to hurt her. Sometimes, a seemingly simple matter can escalate in an instant just because one of the parties throws a harsh scorn. If you feel you did or said something that crossed your line, apologize immediately to show that you're willing to admit your mistake and discuss the root cause with him
Step 3. If the two of you aren't really fighting but you feel shunned by him, try to remember the last interaction the two of you had
Did you say or do anything that could potentially offend him? Do you touch on a sensitive topic without considering the impact on your best friend? To get to the root of the problem, try asking someone who knows both of you well; but be careful, don't let the discussion turn into an arena for gossiping or talking about negative things about your best friend, okay! Remember, your goal is to find the root of the problem; if the method still doesn't work for you, it's best to talk to your friend directly.
Step 4. If you are the angry party, take a moment to be alone
Sit down and try to think about what really makes you angry. Is there a problem that has been bothering you lately? Do your friends make negative comments that you take personally? Are you having a bad day? If the answers to any of these questions indicate that your anger is insignificant, do your best to forgive the situation.
Part 2 of 4: Finding Solutions
Step 1. After understanding the problem, try to find the right solution
First, identify the problem from your perspective and think about what changes you could (or think you should) make; understand that this is the first step that needs to be taken to reach a compromise. After that, think about what you think your best friend needs to do. But remember, friendships and trust that were broken in general will not be easy to rebuild.
- If the situation is one-sided (in other words, the fault lies 100% with you or your best friend), it's likely that the change will only need to be made by one party. However, always remember that there are times when problems that occur are the result of misunderstandings. In other words, the party who is considered "guilty" actually does not mean to hurt anyone's heart. If that's the case, you and your friend can make an agreement not to take things too personally at a later date. You both can also agree not to be overly sensitive, paranoid, etc. Most likely, such a situation would occur if the two sides had opposite personalities; For this reason, in the future the first party must try to be more sensitive to the feelings of the second party, while the second party must learn not to take things too personally. Although it seems complicated, it is actually the dynamics that will strengthen your friendship!
- Agree that going forward, both parties should feel treated fairly and equally in the relationship. Don't think of your friendship as a competition you have to win! Remember, that kind of mindset will not help you resolve conflicts; instead, the negative thought patterns that have taken over you will actually reduce your chances of making up with your dearest friend.
Part 3 of 4: Troubleshooting
Step 1. Invite your friends to communicate
Send a message explaining that you've reflected on the situation and feel the need to get to the root of the problem in a private discussion. Say that you want to sit down with him for a mature discussion and understand his point of view; remember, this is an important step that must be taken before the reconciliation process takes place.
Choose the right time. If possible, try to find a time and location where you can apologize privately. If you can't see him face to face, try getting him to talk over the phone. Remember, don't apologize via text message if you don't really have to
Step 2. Think as hard as you can about the mistakes you may have made and be prepared to apologize
This is the best way to show that you really want to make up with him.
- Use "I" and put the blame on your shoulders. Don't apologize in an accusing or blaming tone. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry if you were bothered by my words," try saying, "I'm sorry I upset you by saying (words that hurt him)". The first sentence puts the blame on his shoulders, while the second sentence (which you should say) puts the blame on your shoulders.
- Don't mention a series of far-fetched reasons. Express your point of view using "I" words, but don't give the impression that you're trying to avoid mistakes. For example, you could say, "I felt threatened when you auditioned for the same role," instead of "How come you keep taking on that role? You know I really want to be Sherina!".
- Show your sincerity. Only apologize if you really feel guilty. If you don't, chances are that your best friend will notice your fake. If you're still feeling angry, take a moment to calm down and wait until you feel really guilty before apologizing.
Step 3. Allow your friend to vent
Most likely, he is still angry with you. If that's the case, let him express his feelings and then reiterate your apology. Also ask if there is anything you can do to improve the situation.
Step 4. Offer a conciliatory discourse
You can offer peace discourse in the form of a hug or a simple gift. Whatever the form, make sure the offer shows your sincerity and emphasizes its value in your eyes. Some ideas worth trying:
- Write a letter explaining why the two of you became friends.
- Bake his favorite cookie.
- Offer the help he needs.
- Invite him to do fun activities together.
- Record yourself singing a song for him. For example, you can replace the lyrics of your favorite song with something silly about your best friend. There's no need to think too hard; after all the purpose of the song is to make you both laugh and make up again.
Part 4 of 4: Turning Things Back
Step 1. Restore the situation as soon as possible
Do not constantly lament or bring up the problem that occurred. Instead, try as hard as you can to get back into your normal routine; in other words, treat your best friend as if the two of you had never clashed before. To restore trust in each other, both of you first need to forgive each other first.
Step 2. Know when it's time to move on
If you've tried to sincerely apologize, show an intention to improve the relationship, or seek help but all of these actions aren't appreciated by your best friend, then maybe you really need to end the relationship. Trust me, someone who can't appreciate your efforts to fix the problem is not a good friend for you.
Keep yourself open to him. Don't use this situation to bring up all the negative things your best friend has ever done or you could lose her forever. Instead, show your regret at the end of your friendship; Also show that you're willing to be friends with him again whenever he feels ready
Tips
- Don't say words you don't want to say. Always try to control your words and actions.
- Think before you speak. Remember, what has been said can never be taken back. Don't make the situation worse by saying negative words!
- Don't be the only one who always apologizes! If the real fault lies with your friend but he's never willing to apologize, ask him to do it calmly and politely.
- Sometimes, the situation between the two of you doesn't improve overnight. Do not worry; let time heal everything.
- Don't be afraid to be yourself. If you want to cry, cry! Trust me, crying is a very powerful way to release your emotions and make you feel better afterward.
- Sometimes, you need to let him be alone for a day or two to forget and forgive the situation.
- Don't humble yourself in front of him. In other words, don't make him feel superior and in control of you.
- Don't always grant your best friend's wishes. Chances are, he's even pretending to be angry just to get you to apologize to him in public.
- Take advantage of the existence of social media to apologize to your friends.
- If the problem is at school, try asking the school counselor for help to reconcile the two of you.
Warning
- Don't let anger get to you. Think before you speak if you don't want to make the situation worse.
- If your friend gets angry or jealous easily, make sure you don't mention her flaws and escalate the situation. Be careful with the words you say.
- Don't accuse your friend of being "too sensitive" if you're the one who hurt her. Be careful, these accusations can make him even more hurt and hate you.
- Don't hold a grudge against anyone. Trust me, it will only hurt and frustrate you. Don't make plans for revenge that have the potential to make things worse.
