Boys… geez! To mothers (and even some fathers), the teenage boy was incomprehensible. Often they seem to live in their own world or their moods can change quickly like a pregnant woman. What are they really going through? Please read the following guide, either from part 1 below or directly to a more specific specific section as listed above.
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Part 1 of 3: Understanding Young Men as Parents
Step 1. Remember that a boy's hormones affect his communication skills
Try to remember when you were in love, when being in touch with "he" left you intoxicated for hours, or even days. Such was the frenzy of the teenage boy's mind all day and seven days a week. His life is changing from "Doraemon" to "Fast and Furious" and he is trying to understand it, which is why he doesn't talk much.
In the past his life was all about games, friends, and maybe basketball practice, but now he has to worry about grades in school, sports, games, self-image, friends, the thrill of new experiences, and finding a girlfriend. In essence, his life became more complicated. If he doesn't talk much and isn't communicative (but everything else is fine), then he's trying to work things out. He's not being mad at you or having a rebellious period, but he's just getting used to all the things that fill his mind like the ocean and the storm
Step 2. Let him try to be "cool."
It's a bit sad, but there are times in life when everyone realizes that the outside world is real and that in order to catch up with the wheel of life he has to run along. The young man will desperately seek approval from his peers; she needs acknowledgment that she lives up to the standards of her pals who are not as clear as she really is. You may find this pointless, but to him it's not and he won't understand even if you explain. Rather than lecturing him about the shortcomings of the social system, he should be directed (subtly and unconsciously) on a more productive and safe path.
Be one of those people who introduces her to the world, helps her develop her personality and be "cool" in the truest sense of the word. Introducing them to your own world is a great start. Introduce him to some of your friends and let him see a glimpse of adult life. Show him various sports, arts and expressions, outdoor activities, food, hobbies, characters and places. When he starts to form a self-image, it might be a good idea to get inspired by you rather than just copying Nobita, James Bond, or Batman
Step 3. Don't ignore her feelings
If your son happens to tell a story about a cute girl at school, don't look at him like a naive, clueless kid (even though he really is). Maybe you know it won't last long, but your child doesn't. Perhaps he would only realize this ten years later. Whatever the feeling, show that at least you understand. Remember that you were in the same position before.
Realize that in the process of growing up, your son is bound to make mistakes. An attitude that overprotects him from mistakes will only prolong the process which is inevitable. Support him so he can dive into his feelings; give him advice about girlfriends (or boyfriends), talk about sex too (including pornography issues), and be a pillar to support him. He may be reluctant to have fun with you, but you should be ready to help him when he falls
Step 4. Realize that he will also find out about sexuality
Most likely, your Son will dabble in pornography. According to research, more than 70% of teenage boys often visit pornographic sites and 90% have seen such things at least once, and usually while searching the internet for PR data. Do not panic. This is still normal.
Even though it's natural to happen, it doesn't mean you let it continue. Start a conversation about this topic, let him know that what he sees is unrealistic, and try to give him an idea of what the real situation will be like. Make him aware of reality and don't let the internet and his peers plunge him into a perception of the world that is impossible for him to get
Step 5. Help him to know what it means to be an adult
If you treat him at home like an adult, then he won't be hungry for recognition from you, - or from his friends hopefully. You can expect more from him as long as it helps him reach that standard. Involve him in planning, problem solving, and other "mature" matters.
Reward the success! The little things - like allowing him to have a little booze or coffee after dinner or giving him a voice to choose a family vacation destination - count as gifts. In terms of vacation, also ask why he wants to go somewhere
Step 6. Help him become a "real man"
There will most likely be a time when your son considers himself an adult. Maybe at that time he thought it was okay to talk dirty, talk to you in a different tone, and demand more freedom. Follow the game first. If he wants to be considered an adult, he must also be given more responsibility. He may be freer as long as he can bear the burden.
If more responsibilities at home aren't enough, ask him to try a part-time job. Or you can give him more work at home, and of course his grades should still be good. If he manages to handle everything well, great! If not, then he shouldn't be given more freedom either
Step 7. Meet his friends
It would be very difficult to enforce a "No Secrets" policy. Demanding you be informed about all his affairs at home will only make him lazy to go home. Instead of investigating him while he evades, it's better to immerse yourself in his world by meeting his friends. Just say you let them play in the house (it's part of your clever plan!) and then take a look at all their friends one by one. If there are certain friends that you think are good and some are not, you can do everything you can to point them to the right friends.
Get involved in school activities. This is the easiest way to see his school environment, when he is not at home. You can see who is hanging out with him and try to identify the parents of the children as well. They must be going through the same thing
Step 8. Understand that young men are blind to see danger
Remember in the movie "Lion King" there is a scene where Simba says, "I laugh in the face of danger!" It could be that your child thinks the same. And the analogy is also quite appropriate. Whatever is prohibited (whether Simba is forbidden to go to elephant graves like in "Lion King" or your child is prohibited from having wild parties at home), your child will surely want it more and can't see the danger. To counteract this, encourage him to be brave, but not reckless.
Try to encourage him towards physical activities that are reasonable at risk. Allow him mountain biking (mountain biking), wrestling, off-road biking, camping (really in the woods), or sports parkour
Step 9. Set an example and be open
Even if you are considered his enemy, that is not the reason you are also hostile to him. If you use your cell phone at the dinner table, you are allowing it to do the same. Even though the world is expanding far, you are still the number one role model.
- He is involved in your life and vice versa you must also be a part of his life. Let him talk even though it's late at night. Make time to eat, watch TV, or do any activity together. It may feel like he's ignoring you, but he's actually watching you. He's looking at your behavior as an example of how to be an adult -- that's what he really wants to be.
- Have an in-depth conversation. Your child is going through so much and he doesn't understand it. Ask him what's going on in his body, if he feels an emotion he can't understand, and if he notices that his mindset is changing. While it may not be a good answer, at least you've got him started thinking about those things, trying to open lines of communication, and making him understand that it's all normal.
Step 10. Know what to watch out for and what is still reasonable
If your son suddenly wants to dye his hair blue, that's a bit of a hassle, but it's not the end of the world. His mental state is still normal. Just remember when you were a teenager, maybe you wanted to do something weird; Maybe you want to imitate your idol's clothing style? It's the same thing but with the modern version of the package only. However, if your son is showing negative signs that are out of character, you should step in. Watch out for the following signs:
- Extreme weight gain or loss
- Trouble sleeping
- Drastic change in character
- His friends suddenly changed
- Keep skipping school
- Decreasing value
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Joking or talking about suicide
If any of the above occurs, try contacting the nearest counselor or psychologist. This is a symptom of a bigger problem. If only the usual "A" drops to "B-", it's still acceptable, but if it drops to "C" and "D" respectively, and your child is often caught playing truant every certain day and instead "hanging out" at school. McDonald's, there could be a serious problem behind all this
Part 2 of 3: Understanding Teen Boys as Boyfriends
Step 1. Understand that boys don't show as much emotion as girls
In our society, many boys are raised with the assumption that emotions are for women only. Even if they feel it, they won't show it. So if he looks flat, it doesn't mean he's heartless. You also don't get annoyed because he looks like that, remember that he processes his feelings in a different way.
Research shows that young men also process feelings more slowly. If the girl wants to talk about a problem the next day, the boy may not be ready. The young man may want to discuss the matter after a few days or a week. That's how his brain works
Step 2. Recognize that the teen may feel trapped in a phase that is going awry
Adolescent girls usually develop faster than boys so it seems as if the girls are a few years older. That's why many girls look taller and more mature, while boys are still like kids. The teenage boy is most likely well aware of this and therefore feels uncomfortable.
In this phase, the sound is getting heavier and breaking! Her body has also changed, acne may appear, and she has to face her friends at school. Maybe he lacks the confidence to interact with you
Step 3. Don't be afraid to express your feelings
Don't just give a "code", the boy won't notice! Chances are he'll appreciate your frankness more. Women often speak with gestures, that is, trying to convey something without actually saying it. However, for the male teenage brain, you better be clear. He can't read your mind!
Often girls see a situation from a completely different angle that they can get upset for no apparent reason. If you're trying to explain why you're upset, but he doesn't understand, try to see it from his point of view. Building a relationship requires compromise
Step 4. Accept him as he is
If he's chattering about sports, just listen. If he's upset, help cheer him up. He is in the process of becoming a man and finding what he is passionate about. You can be a part of it! If he wants to open up to you, that's great! Think about how you can be involved in his life.
Maybe his interests could suddenly change. While he wanted to be a doctor, suddenly he wanted to be a famous musician. Maybe your desires are still changing, right? It's just that, you should direct that no matter what changes, he is still someone you deserve to love
Step 5. Understand that every teenage boy is different
Don't equate all teenage boys with your ex. There are men who are willing to sail the ocean for you, but there are also those who just forget to call. So if you have been hurt by one man, don't be hostile to all of them.
There are also teenage boys who are much more mature than their peers. Immature boys tend to think only of themselves. There is research that says that deep and meaningful relationships are very difficult to get before the age of 17 years. If you're not yet 17, lower your expectations for your relationship. It's just a matter of maturity
Step 6. Remember that teenage boys can act differently when friends are around
If you're alone, he can be very sweet and romantic. But then came his group of friends and then BOOM!. Suddenly your boyfriend becomes icy cold. Maybe he wants to look calm alias cool in front of his friends. It's not your fault, it's more of the problem. Don't forget this important thing!
She needs time to hang out with her male friends. And you also need time to hang out with your daughter's friends! He needs to express his masculine side as he transitions from teenager to adult. So in the meantime, you also need to grow older. Teenage boys can seem very selfish at times, but he's trying, so give him a chance
Step 7. Understand that it's normal for teenage boys to think about sex
When a boy reaches a certain age, he will think about sex. His body was undergoing changes that he couldn't control and his thoughts were all over the place. If he seems unable to focus, this may be the cause.
Don't be coaxed into having sex until you're absolutely sure. This problem can be avoided by setting clear boundaries. He can take care of himself, it's not your job to take care of him. Don't feel guilty about setting your goals. If he doesn't want to understand, then he doesn't deserve it
Step 8. Keep the lines of communication open
Ask about his hobbies and interests. Maybe he wants you to come along or maybe not, whichever doesn't matter. You have your own life, right? But if it turns out that you are also interested and have the ability in what he likes, dare yourself to speak up and join in. Don't be afraid to beat it!
If you two fight, there may be times when he stays away from you. If he insists he doesn't want to initiate communication, maybe you should say hello first. It's not your obligation to always give in, but for a relationship to last, it takes effort. Always being open and honest with each other is the best way to maintain a relationship
Part 3 of 3: Understanding Young Men as Teachers
Step 1. Understand that his brain is still developing
Accidents are the leading cause of youth death. According to research, this is because the adolescent brain has not yet fully formed the parts that process logic and safety. So if a group of teenagers act like early humans, this is the cause. They don't realize what they are doing is dangerous.
The only thing you can do in a difficult situation is to make him remember it as a lesson. Since the brain is still developing, you can influence the traits it develops. State clearly what the consequences of his actions are and explain clearly. Just a hint will not be understood by teenagers
Step 2. Turn life experiences into learning opportunities
Teenage boys don't like being lectured the most. They're too busy playing iPads, talking about sports, seeing girls and trying to look cool. If you see an incident that isn't really school-related, don't ignore it. Think about how to make it part of the lesson. Is there a way that you can teach them more about something and enrich their life experience?
This also applies to negative things. When you get an erection, breakouts, or whatever is common with teenage boys, you can turn it into a learning opportunity (but don't embarrass him). Show him that all of this is normal. Not necessarily he got this knowledge at home
Step 3. Ask the parents in-depth questions
If a student is behaving oddly, you should ask their parents. Maybe by talking to his parents you will understand. During this time, the personality of the teenager was shaped by his parents. Contact parents for information about the child.
If it's still unclear why the teenager behaved this way, ask his parents for their opinion. From there you can decide the next step, which is to decide whether or not counseling is needed
Step 4. Realize that usually they are trying to prove something
When in class, most of them probably want to prove they're too cool to go to school and maybe they want to mark their territory by scribbling on their desks. During sports lessons, they will want to be selected in the first team to look great. For students who are not popular, they will likely try to show that it doesn't matter that they are unpopular (or even that their idiosyncrasies are a hallmark).
It's better to go with the flow than against the current. If you see that some young men care deeply about their self-image, use that momentum to build self-confidence. They will be more cooperative if they are lured by something in trying
Step 5. Identify what kind of pressure he is facing
It is easy to see how much society demands on young women. Being a young woman is not good. But sadly, being a teenage boy isn't any easier, and it's often not realized. They were forced to become "grown men," but what is today's definition of a "grown man"? Breadwinner? Not always. Tough and not talk much? No. Aggressive? Do not let! So what should young men do?
All these young men are in the process of maturation, a process that is not clear to them. This can be scary. When the opportunity arises, do your best to support him so that he feels accepted in society. How can he be useful? How can he get himself directly involved in helping? Where can he see real results? Can he set goals and targets?
Step 6. Observe their social order
Don't think that only young women have a social order. Boys also form groups, although their forms may differ. If you can see the hierarchy, you can take advantage of their role. You can also help students who are not popular.
This hierarchy means a lot to them because it really determines their life today. When you realize this, it will be easier to predict their reaction and what to expect. In fact, you can be a little "fun", try to annoy the class leader a little and make the weaker win, sometimes this can make the class atmosphere more lively
Step 7. Watch for changes
There will be athletic, extroverted boys; will be given any number of millions will remain mediocre. All of that is fair. However, if you see a sudden drastic change, this is something to watch out for. If you see an indication like this, it may mean that the teenager is facing a pretty serious problem, more than just losing an online game or getting scolded by his parents. Chances are you need to step in.
