After the death of a loved one, following manners may be the last thing you want to do. However, repaying the kindness of others in sad and difficult times is an important thing in life. Sending a simple, short thank you note is not only basic etiquette, but also a sympathetic way to express your appreciation to those involved in the life of a deceased loved one.
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Method 1 of 3: Setting Up Equipment
Step 1. Make a list of people you want to thank
A possible list includes the director and staff of the funeral home, as well as those who deliver flowers, prepare meals, or help arrange funerals. Be sure to send a thank you note to the person carrying out the funeral. If someone expressed deep feelings for you at a funeral, don't hesitate to add that person to the list as well.
- You will need to have a notebook and pen ready to write down each person's name and contribution. You may be overwhelmed with trying to remember on your own. You can delegate this work to other family members, but make sure they get the first and last names of the people who helped and what they gave or did for the funeral.
- The people on the list are: coffins, funeral parlors, musicians, those who made donations (food, memorials, or flowers), and those who helped you with concrete actions with funeral arrangements (for example, contacting the funeral home). or babysit your child).
- Note that you don't have to send a thank you note to everyone who attended the funeral. Only those who have done most of the funeral care or assistance need to be thanked. Everyone can be given a verbal thank you at the funeral.
Step 2. Choose between card or paper
There is a wide selection of thank you card designs. Choose a card that looks elegant and simple. Or, if you prefer, you can buy pretty paper and write completely by hand. Design, word choice and card/paper are ultimately purely personal choices.
Usually, you should avoid sending emails or e-cards in lieu of a handwritten thank you, as they can seem stiff
Step 3. Choose a blank thank you card so you have space to write
Regardless of the type of greeting card you choose, look for a blank card or one with some writing on it. This way, you have space to write and your thank you will be clear.
Step 4. Keep it simple
While manners are important, don't stress over this thank you. This is an example that good intentions are important. Don't worry about sending the wrong type of card or choosing bad paper. You are grieving and this is a simple way to thank those who helped you during a difficult time.
Method 2 of 3: Choosing What to Say
Step 1. Say it from the heart
Let others know how much it means when they are there for you when needed and their contribution means a lot to you. There are various ways to go about word choice on a thank you card and it all depends on what the other person is doing for you and your loved ones. You might just write two sentences to thank them for thinking of you at this time of great loss in your life and let them know how much it means to you.
If you are close to the person you were thanked for, feel free to include an anecdote or personal story from the life of the deceased, if you share with anyone who was thanked. Making a special thank-you note is always a nice touch, but don't feel obligated to do this
Step 2. Be specific
In a thank you note, specify what person or group you were thanked for who contributed after a loved one died. Whether it's a gift of food, flowers, or a memorial in honor, state what you're grateful for and show that their care means a lot to you.
- Start your thank you in general and be more specific. For example, a good start would be to say something general, such as “Thank you for your kindness during this difficult time” or “Our family appreciates your support during this difficult time.
- Then you can describe specifically how they can help you. After thanking them for their kindness, for example if they delivered food, you might say something like “The food you sent us was so delicious it was one less worry. We really appreciate it.” The key is to be grateful for their specific contributions.
Step 3. Do not specify the amount of money
If you're writing a thank-you note to someone who gave a monetary donation in honor of a loved one, thank them for their donation, but don't say how much money they gave. Just say you thank them for their kindness in honoring the death of a loved one.
A good expression for a monetary donation might be something like “Thank you for your kindness in this time of grief. Donations in honor of (the late name) mean a lot to us." This way you express appreciation without mentioning how much money they gave
Step 4. Don't feel obligated to write long, detailed remarks
Two or three sentences are enough to express your gratitude. The act of taking the time to send individual thanks shows how much you are grateful. You don't have to feel obligated to write long paragraphs to express your gratitude.
Sign the greeting card with your own name or “Family (name of the deceased).”
Method 3 of 3: Sending Greetings
Step 1. Try sending a greeting card within two weeks
General rules of etiquette dictate that you need to send a thank-you note within two weeks of the funeral. Your friends and loved ones know you're grieving, so if you take longer to send your greetings, don't worry. A late thank you is better than no thank you at all.
Step 2. Ask for help if you need it
If the possibility of thanking a large number of people after the death of a loved one overwhelms you, don't hesitate to ask someone around for help. Even if you have to ask someone to the post office or buy stamps or envelopes, delegate the work to a close friend or family member.
Step 3. Remember, thank you is not an obligation
In the end, don't feel bad if you can't handle the thank you business. While these greetings are an important component of good manners, during times of mourning, manners can take second place during mourning. So if you can't emotionally handle the thank-you thing, don't beat yourself up for not getting it done.
