It is not easy to persuade the mother because as the only person in authority, a mother must have made her own decisions. In order to convince your mother of something, prepare your argument beforehand, then present it in a mature manner and in polite words. By showing that you have considered this carefully and that you have a plan in place to deal with what may be worrying your mother, you will be able to influence her so that she will understand your way of thinking.
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Part 1 of 3: Preparing a Plan
Step 1. Take time to prepare yourself
You will have a difficult conversation but it is very easy to turn into an argument if you are not careful. To prevent this from happening, think carefully about how you will argue with your mother without fighting. Don't be impulsive! Think about it and take the time to structure your request so that it is more likely to win your mother's heart.
- If what you want has a time limit, like buying concert tickets or asking permission to go to a party, start planning ahead of time.
- You should also ask permission before the deadline, just in case your mother says "no." The first answer is not always the final answer because there are times when you can still change your mother's decision, but if there is still time.
Step 2. Write down the reason for your request
The most obvious answer, of course, is “Because I want to!” but this excuse will not convince your mother. Try to think about what benefits you will get beyond just a sense of pleasure.
- For example, it may be the first time your favorite band has come to your city in the last five years. If you miss it, you may be missing out on this opportunity for years to come.
- This experience can strengthen your friendship with friends. You will be lonely and sad if among your close friends you are the only one who is not allowed to come to the birthday party.
- Can you describe what you want as an opportunity to learn? For example, "Bringing my own vehicle to school will teach me to be independent. I need to be able to be independent to get up early and prepare myself on time, without having to be asked again by my mother."
Step 3. Prepare detailed reasons that you think you deserve
Your mother may have to deal with day-to-day problems that you never understood such as work, bills, finding a ride, providing food, washing, and providing for her children. When your mother hears another request, she may be provoked to immediately say "no" because your mother has too much to do. To prevent this, share all the things you've done yourself. Why do you deserve what you want? For example:
- You've managed to get good grades so far, or maybe you've been working hard to improve on a subject that was difficult for you.
- You've been doing your homework every day without complaining.
- You haven't made a request in a long time.
Step 4. Offer something that makes your mother happy
Parents usually try to promise their children something to be nice, starting from pocket money to a trip to the zoo. Why don't you use the same strategy with your mother? After explaining why you're making the request and giving reasons why you deserve what you're asking for, move on to offering your mother something, for example:
- Keeping your sibling on two weekends in a row so your parents can go out alone.
- Doing extra work at home. Make specific offers and think about what tasks your mother enjoys the most. If your mom's back hurts from having to vacuum, offer to do this work for you.
- If your mom doesn't like cleaning the cat litter box, tell her that you'll be doing this job from now on.
- If the item you want is expensive, offer your willingness to try to pay for it yourself to the best of your ability.
- Clean some or all of your home.
- Tidy up the home page.
- Cleaning and/or washing the car.
- Cooking food.
- Wash dishes and glasses.
- Taking trash outside and/or recycling.
- Washing clothes.
- Remember that the more specific you are, the more believable your promises will be. The promise of “be a good son” doesn't sound convincing so your mother won't comply with your request. But clear and detailed promises will lead to different results.
Step 5. Make a prediction and answer what your mother is worried about
Try to put yourself in your mother's shoes, what could be the reason that your mother said no? Even if you think your mother's excuses are unfair, by taking notes and finding ways to deal with them, you can increase your chances of getting what you want. This method may require some compromise on your part, so be prepared to give in a bit. For example:
- Your mother objected to having friends of a different gender at the party; say that your mother can accompany you if she wants.
- Your mother is too tired to take you to the amusement park this weekend; Tell him that you will do all the housework the night before so he can rest and sleep well. Maybe you have to do the laundry, cook, clean the house, or whatever else your mom has to do.
- Your mother is worried that if she allows you to drive your own vehicle, you will lie about where you are; say that you will call your mother from your friend's landline or work phone so she can check the number of incoming calls that match the place you say.
Part 2 of 3: Presenting Your Argument
Step 1. Choose the right time
Timing is everything when it comes to having an important conversation. If you ask your mom when she needs to concentrate on something else, or when she's in a bad mood after a long day at work, you probably won't succeed.
- Pay close attention to your mother, find times when she is relaxed and relaxed, but not in a state of wanting to be alone.
- Try not to disturb your mother when she wants to be alone for a night's rest, but don't disturb her in the middle of a busy day either. Find the right time, when your mother is relaxed and relaxed.
Step 2. Provide all the information your mother wants to know
You know that you want to ask for something that your mother will not fulfill. Give your mother all the information she needs to answer any doubts and calm her down. For example:
- If you ask for a cell phone, say that your mother can determine how much money you can spend on this phone, or whether you can ask to be paid in full.
- If you're asking permission to go to a party, say where it is, who will be attending, and which adults will be accompanying you. Provide the phone number of the adult who will be accompanying you during the party so that your mother can speak to them directly as this will make your parents feel more at ease.
- If you ask permission to go on a date, tell them all about your male/female friends. Also say that you want your mom to meet the friend you're going out with before she decides.
Step 3. Ask what the real reason is that your mother did not fulfill your wishes
Sometimes, parents just give answers as “parents” instead of answering the truth. We've all heard the answer: "Because I said so." A vague "no" is much more difficult to argue with than a "no" coming from a person of authority: I am your mother and you must obey me. Don't argue about this! But if your mother explains the real reason in detail, you can easily argue with the logical argument.
- Use a curious tone, don't try to defend yourself. It makes a huge difference if you scream "WHY?" to your mother and ask “But please explain to me specifically what problem you are having in this? I'm just curious, and maybe there's something I can do to make Mom feel more at ease.”
- Try to understand your mother when she speaks. Your mother has a lot of life experience and she loves you very much, so maybe she wants to do what she thinks is best for you. You don't have to agree with your mother's opinion, but you do have to respect her.
Step 4. Ask what condition your mother wants
By making a request and asking if your mother wants to change the rules and boundaries of what you want, you are showing respect for her authority. Your mother will appreciate you knowing that she is being thoughtful and wants the best for you.
- “What do you want me to do so that I can get what I want?”
- You have submitted your offer. If it still doesn't work, try another method that might work better, letting your mother decide.
- Be open and willing to compromise.
Step 5. Ask for a delay if your mother immediately says "no
Even if your mom says “no,” it doesn't mean the conversation is over. Instead of crying or getting angry, show your mom that you can be mature.
- “Okay, Mom, right now I'm saying no. If the decision is final, I'll respect it, but can you wait a week to make a decision? If I behave well during the next week, maybe you will change your mind.”
- "I'm not asking you to change your decision. I only ask that you understand and see that I have worked hard to get what I want.”
Step 6. Make a decision
The next time you ask for something but it doesn't really matter if you don't get it, maybe you should forget about it if your mom doesn't agree. If you always exaggerate every request, your mom will get tired of always arguing with you, and will say no to anything.
- Be smart in determining whether or not you need to sue your mother. Save your arguments for the things that really matter.
- If your desire to go to the movies with friends this weekend isn't a priority, maybe you can insist on something more important, like getting a cell phone or learning to drive.
Part 3 of 3: Maintaining Respect
Step 1. Try to stay calm
If your mother looks as though she's about to say no, you may notice signs of anger and disappointment: your skin is starting to feel hot, your heart is beating faster, your voice is getting louder and louder.
- While you may feel how you feel, you must know that in order to win an argument, you must be able to control your emotions.
- Try to keep your voice calm and even. If you notice that your voice is getting louder or your pitch is getting higher, take deep breaths to relieve the tension that builds up in your throat if you're feeling down.
- Balance between logical arguments and your feelings. This discussion should focus more on the arguments you've made earlier than your current feelings.
- If you're worried about throwing a tantrum or crying, show a mature attitude by asking your mom if you can calm down for a while.
- You might say, “Mom, I think I'm too tired to talk about this, and I won't be able to finish it by crying or screaming. But I really want to continue this conversation. I just need a break to cool down. Do you agree?”
Step 2. Choose your words carefully
Words can go a long way in conveying your argument to your mother. It would be very different if you said “You never let me do what I wanted” and “I would be very happy and grateful if you let me do it.” You can use sentences like:
- 'May I…'
- 'Can I…'
- 'I would be very happy if I could…'
- 'I would really be helped by… if I could…'
- 'I would really appreciate…'
Step 3. Don't bother your mother
In any argument, no matter how polite and civilized, you may feel an urge to keep demanding, even if your mother is talking. This is very disrespectful, and it's as if you think you are more worthy of speaking than your mother.
- Remember that in any conversation with your mother, she is the one with the power. If you misunderstand your mother, you have no chance of getting anything you want.
- Control the urge to belittle your mother, even if you want to say nice things.
- Wait until your mother has finished giving her opinion. Don't be silent, but listen and try to understand what he is saying.
- The better you listen, the better you will be able to refute your mother's opinion right away. This method will be more effective than just stating your opinion without any basis from your own point of view.
- In order to prove to your mother how seriously you are trying to understand her point of view, say "connecting words" such as "okay," "yes," "oh yes," and so on when your mother is speaking to show that you are actively paying attention to what she is saying. he said.
Step 4. Use body language that shows attention
In order to persuade your mother, use all the skills you have, and nonverbal communication is a very effective way of persuading someone.
- Make eye contact because it's a way to show that you're really paying attention, and don't let your attention drift to other things that seem more important.
- Don't cross your arms and legs. Many people think that crossed arms and legs are a sign that you are closing in on yourself or trying to get away. You must show a willingness to understand what your mother is saying.
- Nod your head when your mother expresses her opinion. Just like the words "connection," this way shows that you are paying attention to what he is saying.
Step 5. Be honest with your mother
Every time you get caught lying to your mom, it's going to be even more difficult the next time you want to persuade her in any way. Remember your goals, be honest and be honest with your mother in everything, even if you know your mother will be unhappy. You can already anticipate what your mother is worried about and make a plan for dealing with it as you prepare for this conversation. If you mean well, you have nothing to hide.
