Ah, the art of persuasion. Very simple, but very difficult. The human mind is surprisingly malleable and easy to manipulate, if you know what you want and what you do. Make your argument as persuasive as possible by following the steps below.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Persuade by Action
Step 1. Find the right time
People are most persuasive as soon as they thank you. You're most persuasive after being thanked, so what's the perfect time to ask for help? As soon as someone thanks you.
To increase your chances of getting what you want, try starting a little work for them. People tend to be more compliant when they see you've done a little. Say your partner says, "Thanks for the food, honey. It's delicious." You say, "You're welcome. I just started doing the dishes-can you continue?"
Step 2. Give encouragement
There are three types of encouragement that you should have. If you know who you're dealing with, you'll know which ones are most effective:
- Economy. Let them know that they may have missed a great opportunity to make money, or that they could earn money by meeting your expectations.
- Moral. Let the person know that by helping you, they will somehow improve the world around them. If they felt like a good person, how could they refuse?
- Social. Let them know that "everyone else does it." This will be even more effective if you can name some of their friends.
Step 3. Give them something first
You know those people at the mall who try to give you lotion samples whether you avoid them like the plague or not? It's not just to make you try their product and love it-it's to make you feel a little guilty so you end up buying something. You can do it too, just in a slightly slicker way than they are!
Say your child is raising funds for a school event. You promise to get funds from your peers. A few hours before approaching Marie with a proposal, you deliver your daughter's cake at her table. After that, you will win easily
Step 4. Let them think that “they” came up with the idea
Planting an idea in someone's head is one of the most difficult things to do when it comes to persuading, but it's also one of the most effective. Instead of saying what you want outright, you should just go round and round on the topic for a bit. In time, with the right moves, they will come up with their own ideas.
Let's use the same example: You want to get money from a coworker for your daughter's fundraiser, but you don't want to ask in person. Instead, you start a conversation about charity and how amazing it can be to help people. You mentioned that you donated part of your tax return last year to a favorite charity. Then, mention in passing that your daughter is fundraising right now. If done right, your partner will probably volunteer
Step 5. Pay attention to what they want
The fact is that everyone is different. Some people will respond to an economic boost, some people will respond to a moral boost, and some people don't respond to anything. To persuade, listen to them. Pay attention to what they want. If you can offer them something they really want, you win.
Let's say you're having a hard time getting leave approval from your boss. Lately work has been very busy. You hear the boss say how much he hopes the company will be represented at the congress series next summer. You interrupt with the fact that you will gladly leave and will bear some of the cost yourself. This way, he gets something, and so do you
Part 2 of 3: Persuade with Words
Step 1. Talk about what they will be missing
People are more easily persuaded when they are faced with loss, not gain. Think about this: let's say someone comes to you and says you are going to lose your favorite shirt. You will be a little surprised. On the other hand, they say that you will get a new favorite shirt. Not convincing, right? We are attached to what we already have, even if what we get is the same.
This idea has been well researched. There is even a recent study, a group of entrepreneurs were presented with a proposal for an IT project. Twice as many of them approve the proposal if the company is predicted to lose $500,000 if the proposal is not accepted, compared to the scenario predicting that the project will bring in a profit of $500,000
Step 2. Take advantage of their past actions
Humans feel the need to remain consistent in their past actions. If they believe they are good people and remember that example of kindness, they will continue to strive to be good people. Therefore, people are more likely to be persuaded to act in a certain way if they have acted that way before. Know who you are dealing with – who has ever done what you wanted?
The more you get to know the people around you, the better your abilities will be. Back to the example of helping your daughter raise funds. You know that your friend Nguyen donated to Henry's children's fundraiser last season. Maybe he'd like to donate to your daughter too?
Step 3. Let them know that everyone else is doing it
Have you heard of the Asch conformity study? A group of people were in one room, among them there was only one person who didn't know what was happening. They were all shown a series of lines, some very short, some quite long. The group in the study all agreed that the shortest lines were the longest-and that one clueless participant almost always agreed. In short, humans will adapt under pressure. If everyone does it, they want to do it too.
Tell anyone you're talking to that tons of people have done it-including people they know, like, and respect. That's the driving force-if they respect the person who did it, they're less likely to question those people's judgment
Step 4. Use “we”
The use of "we" immediately provides a sense of commonality and support. If someone told you, "You need this product to look prettier. You need this product to succeed in life and get people to like you," you would be a little skeptical and maybe even a little offended. Using "you" makes someone feel alienated, and that's the last thing you want.
Instead, imagine someone trying to persuade you to do something saying, "We all need this product to look more beautiful. If everyone used this product, we would all be successful in life and everyone would like us." Sounds less personal and a little fun, right?
Step 5. Ask for a kilo when you only want an inch
Think back to when you used to whine to your mom or dad for the biggest and most luxurious Christmas present you can get. You don't get it, but maybe you do get close. Your parents feel like they've compromised with you-both parties don't get 100%. Now imagine that the second item is exactly what you want! They had absolutely no idea that the gift was not a compromise.
For example, you actually just want to go out to dinner and a movie with your partner, but he is always busy. You start asking and asking about the holidays, over the weekend. After a series of nos, you say, "…then how about just dinner and a movie?" He'll see you "back off" (or he thinks so!) and will likely give up
Step 6. Talk about counter arguments
While it may seem counterintuitive, your argument will be more persuasive if you also talk about the opposite side. This shows that you know what you're talking about, have weighed the pros and cons, and still believe what you say.
Say you're trying to convince someone that Pepsi is better than Coke. "It tastes great and the cans are great!", that's all right and okay, but imagine if you said, "Sure, Coke drinks a lot, but in more countries-it doesn't make it better, it just gets more widespread." Which is more logical and convincing?
Step 7. Rely on ethos, pathos, and logos
Aristotle said there are three ways to persuade people: through ethos, pathos, and logos. Let's break down all three:
- Ethos. This is credibility. For example, Hanes uses Michael Jordan. If Hanes is good enough for MJ, then good enough for you.
- Pathos. Pathos is about emotions. You know those ads full of sad puppies and kittens? It's to touch your heartstrings so you adopt one tail.
- logos. It's about logic and common sense. If you invest five million rupiah now, you will get ten million rupiah later, for example.
Part 3 of 3: Persuade with Attitude
Step 1. Make them laugh
This is social skill 101: make people laugh and they'll like you more. They will be happy, they will associate you with joy, and they will be much easier to persuade. People love to feel good - if you give them that, they'll probably give you what you want too.
Also lead them to talk about something they really like. This topic is sure to excite them, if you seem interested in the same topic, you'll be much more connected too
Step 2. Get them to agree with you
Recent research shows that "yes" is a very powerful persuasive word. It turns out that humans like to stay consistent. Make them say "yes" and they will want to keep saying "yes". They will be in a positive and open mood if you manage to get them to agree in the first place.
Continue to speak in the affirmative. Talk about the things they like, the topics you agree on, and all the things that make them say "yes" and never say "no." Then, when you ask important questions, they won't want to break the pattern they've formed
Step 3. Do it continuously
Have you ever met a boy or girl who begged for your number? You say no, you say no, you say no, then finally give in and say yes. While this may not be the most subtle tactic, it definitely works! If you get a "no" at first, don't give up. People who are persistent will definitely get results.
Just make sure you don't get too intrusive. Asking and asking and asking can make some people even angrier. Pause on the frequency of your requests so they don't sound overwhelming or annoying
Step 4. Have positive expectations from them
Most people tend to meet challenges, or what others expect of them. If your parents don't care about your grades and think you're going to fail, chances are you're not a star student. If your parents only expected good grades and bad grades weren't even thought of, chances are you're smart. The same goes for everyone in your life!
This applies to your children, employees or friends. You give what you will get back. To get people to act the way you want them to, expect that from them. In most cases, they will want to keep you happy and avoid conflict
Step 5. Make something seem urgent
Emphasizing to someone that they don't have long to act can encourage them to act. You can emphasize that the product you are selling is rare or that you will find someone else who will. This emphasizes the need that says they must act now. Either true or not!
Say you are managing a team and giving them a deadline of 3 weeks, when the project should actually be completed in 3 months. In 3 weeks, give them a 2-week extension for their “good job.” They thank you and feel great relief-and they may even meet your 5-week goal
Step 6. Just be confident
Even if you have to pretend. It turns out that humans prefer arrogance over skill-which is why the football fans on TV who make wrong predictions still have jobs. The more you act like you know what you're talking about, the more credible your impression will be. The more credible your impression, the more trustworthy you will be.
- If the listener doesn't agree, speak quickly. Speak more slowly if they agree. Research shows that if they disagree, speaking quickly doesn't give them time to form a rebuttal. If they do agree, speak slowly, so they can digest every word, thus more persuasive.
- Make sure your body language and eye contact are consistent with your words. If your voice sounds enthusiastic and lively but your body limp like mushy noodles, the other person will not be convinced. Confidence is verbal, yes, but it's also defined physically.
Tips
- Be mature about it all-if after trying all the possibilities, they still say “no” firmly-just forget it, find something else you want.
- Say, "Okay-I understand and agree," or something similar to this, if you're told that you certainly can't get what you want. Your maturity will surprise the interlocutor-perhaps so surprised that he will do it for you!
Warning
- Don't go overboard-you'll just annoy everyone and convince them that you don't deserve what you want.
- Never, DON'T steal money to buy something they say you can't have.
