Having a close relationship with someone can foster an obsessive nature in you; whatever you are willing to do to be able to see his face and hold his hand all the time. If you can't meet him, your mind will be filled with negative thoughts that can really ruin your day. Being too immersed in a relationship won't do you any good. It could be that your partner will be frightened after realizing that your love has transformed into a form of obsession. It is feared that this fear will slowly keep him away from you. Surely you don't want to experience that, do you? Don't worry, it's never too late to fix it. A well-known Indonesian writer, Dewi Lestari, once wrote this line in her short story, "No matter how beautiful the engraved letter is, can it be meaningful if there is no pause?" You agree? Read on to find out how to maintain balance and build a healthy distance in a relationship.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Doing It for Yourself
Step 1. Recognize your obsession
One form of obsession is when you constantly want to be by your partner's side and are reluctant to be apart for a moment. You justify this thought because in your mind, your partner doesn't mind and needs you just as much. As a result, you feel the need to constantly interfere with your partner's private life; You often give advice, opinions, support, even make changes without being asked. In some cases, obsession is a reflection of envy; secretly you wish you could have a similar personality to your loved one and feel like you could 'absorb' his personality if you were always around him.
Step 2. Recognize your feelings
Someone who keeps an excessive obsession with their relationship with their partner often feels tired, tense, and uncomfortable while on a date. Have you ever felt it? In addition to being too focused on the quantity of date time rather than the quality, this kind of feeling can also arise because your mind is too full of your partner.
- Obsessive nature is prone to emerge early in a relationship. Everything feels interesting, fun, and the feeling of being attracted to a partner seems endless. Don't worry, you're not the only one who feels this way. Instead of busy feeling guilty, you should focus on dealing with it in a healthy way. It could be that your obsession is rooted in fear and insecurity in your relationship, or in your love and admiration for your partner too much. Whatever the reason, believe me, you can beat it!
- Ask yourself why you feel so attached to your partner. After reflecting on it, you may or may not find the answer. If you need help, it never hurts to see a psychologist or therapist who can help overcome your obsessive tendencies.
Step 3. After realizing that you are obsessed with your partner, immediately pull the brakes
'Pulling the brakes' is an attempt to balance the routine in your relationship, so it doesn't mean you need to stop seeing your partner. Find ways to reduce the quantity of togetherness while maximizing its quality.
Step 4. Don't neglect your hobbies and friends
The key to a healthy relationship is balance. No matter how intimate your relationship with your partner is, a healthy distance is still needed to maintain the sanity of each party. Spending time apart will help you find your identity as an individual. In addition, you will also build a new image in the eyes of your partner that they have never seen before. Reunite with friends and family, or take up a hobby that has been neglected for a long time. This is a simple way to show your partner that you are attractive and confident (even if you may not feel that way). Encourage your partner to do the same: ask him to meet his friends or pursue a hobby while you do the same separately.
Step 5. Set aside some time for yourself
Visit your friends and family, take an art class, or engage in any activity that interests you. Do that even if you have to stay away from your partner for a while. A good partner will support you in whatever you are passionate about. It can even be a measure of your partner's ability to be apart from you––if your partner feels angry or objected, it could be that he or she feels too attached to you. You will not be able to live life to the fullest if you are only busy thinking about your partner. Give yourself space to grow, taste new experiences, and meet new people. This is not a selfish act. By doing so, you and your partner will also build a wall of trust that is very useful for the future of your relationship. Learn to be a better person, not only for yourself, but for your partner as well.
Step 6. Find yourself and find out what is special about you
Do the things you are good at. If you don't know it already, take the time to try everything. If you're feeling insecure, insecure, or filled with fear in your relationship with your partner, try to do something that can 'pay off'. It's the feeling of successfully 'making something out' that can sometimes help overcome negative thoughts; indirectly, you will be aware that your life and achievements do not depend on your partner. Find confidence in yourself, don't look for it from a partner. Explore the field that you are good at, do things that can get you recognition from others, and be the best in that field.
Step 7. Learn to distance yourself
Your partner is not yours, and vice versa. Obsessions tend to push you to think that your partner is all yours. This thought is followed by the notion that your partner cannot survive without you (and that assumption is entirely in your head!). Learning to distance yourself trains you to let go without fear of losing. Put all your worries aside. Rest assured, there is nothing wrong with taking a step back and stopping making all the decisions for your partner. By doing this, your energy can actually be saved if at any time your partner really needs your support and presence.
Method 2 of 3: Doing It for Your Spouse
Step 1. Make room for your partner
If he wants to meet his friends, never stop him. Don't even beg to join. Show that you sincerely want him to have fun. If necessary, fake your enthusiasm and show it on your face. From time to time, you may feel the need to spend time alone with your partner and be reluctant to allow him to go out with someone else. If that's what you feel, never force your partner to spend time with you. He'll actually withdraw even more because he's worried that your attitude will last forever, making it difficult for him to see his friends again. Give your partner the freedom to spend time with friends and family. This will actually strengthen your relationship with your partner in the future.
Step 2. Encourage your partner to pursue hobbies and interests
One of the keys to lasting relationships: partners need to be made aware that your presence will not threaten their interests. By doing this, you are showing that your togetherness is important, but that each other's hobbies and interests are equally important. It would be so much better if you could––and would––find interesting things to do while you were spending time apart. Make sure you do it sincerely. Don't say A in front, but feel B behind; such a manipulative attitude will benefit no one.
Step 3. Do things your partner likes
Show that you are willing to put his interests above your own. By doing so, he'll realize that you're not a selfish, obsessive person: you're not forcing him to dive into your interests and you're not jealous of his hobbies and interests. Even if you only do it occasionally, you're already showing some respect for your partner's choice. This also shows that you are able to overcome any differences that arise in the future. Start by doing simple things like helping him find books, restaurants, or art galleries––anything that interests him––then give your partner the space and time to enjoy them without your distractions.
Step 4. Know when it's time to back off
Understand your partner's body language so you know when he or she is feeling bored, bored, or constrained by your company. Some indicators you need to consider: reluctant to look at you when talking, reluctant to hug or touch you, even reluctant to meet you. Verbally, you may hear him sigh, grumble, or sneer when you say you want to spend time together. Don't think about the worst, but don't ignore the signs either. Ask what went wrong and be prepared to hear the answer. Listen carefully to the partner's explanation, also observe what is not conveyed. If your partner needs to get away from you for a while, there's no need to feel threatened. Instead, give a positive response and show a willingness to find a solution.
- Don't dig too deep. There's no need to ask too many questions; if you sound offensive, your partner will be lazy to respond.
- Listen to your heart and instincts. Almost certainly, your partner's attitude is caused by boredom and embarrassment from spending too much time with you. Don't play dumb; dare to face the real problem. That's much fairer for you and your partner.
- If your partner moves away from you, don't force yourself to close the distance. If this happens, the desire to constantly meet or communicate with your partner is definitely there. Ignore the wish! Trust your partner and leave him alone for a while.
Step 5. Be honest and ask your partner to pause
Tell them that you need to stop having sex for a few hours or a few days. Also let him know that he can get back to you whenever he feels ready. During this time, do other activities to fill your free time. If you really feel the need to communicate but your partner isn't ready to do it, talk to a trusted friend or relative. This will at least help you realize that you are overreacting.
Step 6. Trust your partner
If a crisis of trust is at the root of your obsession, there is nothing you can do to reduce the obsession. If you experience a crisis of trust, get over it before it can have a negative effect on you and your relationship. Someone may have betrayed your trust in the past. But remember, your partner is not that person! Keeping assumptions will only blind you that the portion of good people still outnumbers traitors. Trust is something that is priceless. Most people will actually take good care of it and as much as possible restore that trust. If you don't trust your partner, then the problem you are experiencing is much bigger than an obsession. It's best to leave your relationship for a while and focus on healing yourself first.
Method 3 of 3: Doing It For Both Of You
Step 1. Don't rush into action
Marriage is not something that can be decided after one or two dates. Don't act rashly, avoid overly serious topics like the number of children or the color of the dress you want to wear at the wedding. Also avoid the habit of giving a code to your partner that you want to be proposed or married immediately. For the sake of the sanity of your relationship with your partner, live your relationship first without excessive expectations. Maybe your relationship will last forever. But even if that doesn't happen, at least you have lived a happy relationship without being chased by certain expectations or targets.
Choose gifts wisely and deliver them with care. Giving gifts at the beginning of a relationship can be interpreted as a binding rope that holds you back. If you receive a gift that is too expensive, your partner may even feel uncomfortable and (unconsciously) feel attached to you. Don't give gifts that can embarrass your partner
Step 2. Don't contact your partner all the time
If you're constantly calling, texting, or asking your partner to report, how is your partner different from a prison inmate? Calling at any time is a natural thing to do. But if you do it too often, you may be considered not to have other more important things to do. Such people will actually look less attractive in the eyes of their partners. Most likely, your partner will avoid it because they are reluctant to take responsibility for your self-esteem crisis. Turn off your phone, avoid email and all the messaging apps you use to contact her, and find other activities that keep you busy like napping, taking an afternoon walk, visiting friends and family, or exercising.
Step 3. Never stalk your partner
A crisis of trust combined with obsession can lead you to stalk your partner. More than likely, this kind of behavior will be the peak of your partner's disgust with you. In addition to making your partner feel threatened, you can also end up in prison. Don't follow your partner wherever he or she goes; it shows that you don't believe it. For most relationships, stalking is like a ticking time bomb.
Step 4. Set a time for a 'reunion' after some time apart
This trick is simple but very effective. After asking for a break in the relationship, arrange a time to reconnect with your partner. For example, if in the morning you and your partner decide to get together with friends, set aside the evening for dinner together. You can also invite your partner to do activities together the next day. In this way, you and your partner both have time to 'get out' for a while without worrying about losing each other.
Make sure that your desire for separate activities doesn't end in a fight. Remember, this topic is quite sensitive, especially if your partner feels this is your attempt to break it off. Explain that your sole purpose for proposing this idea is for the two of you to get out of boredom and come back as better individuals afterward
Step 5. Determine the duration of the date
This you need to do so that your date is not focused on quantity, but quality. Instead of just meeting for no apparent purpose, fill your date with fun activities. This method can help restore balance in the relationship. For example, if you want to start dating in the afternoon, ask your partner to drive you home after dinner. This is a clear sign that you have something else to do at night. A short time will make you and your partner focus more on the quality of the date. In addition, you and your partner also have the freedom to do other things after the date. If the specified date time is considered too short, you can also discuss with your partner and determine a longer date in the future. By determining the duration of the date, instead of feeling trapped in dating activities, you and your partner will be impatiently waiting for the next date opportunity.
Tips
- Remember, the most important thing in a relationship is quality, not quantity. Therefore, use the date wisely. Ask yourself, is it better to spend 8 boring hours or 2 really fun hours with your partner?
- Be wary of a partner who doesn't mind your obsessive nature. Maybe he's looking for a way to control you and get your constant attention. A spoiled and obsessive attitude is not a sign of a healthy and balanced relationship.
- Keeping a diary can help evaluate your obsessive nature. Instead of just writing down what you're going through, write down how you feel. Try to find the reason you feel it. Insecurity sometimes drives a person to behave obsessively, spoiled, and annoying. If you have a fear of losing in your mind, try writing it down in a diary. Find the worst that could happen while continuing to hope for the best. Write down the best solution if your relationship starts to run into trouble––this will build your awareness that no problem can't be solved; Even if the worst happens, tomorrow will still exist. Avoid focusing on your partner's attitude––focus on your own. Find your biggest fear. Afraid of being alone? Or afraid of rejection? Keeping a diary will help you dive into your thoughts and feelings. Express whatever you feel without fear of being viewed negatively by others. Reread what you wrote. Do all your worries feel right? What is the solution to all your fears? What do you need to do to become more confident? Keep your diary in a hidden place, making sure your partner can't find it.
- Never steal your partner's belongings! Apart from that it's not a commendable act, sooner or later he'll figure it out and look at you differently afterwards.
- Don't pretend to be jealous. Even if you're really jealous, try not to show it. Don't let your partner think you don't trust them. Give your partner some space for himself.
- Don't stick to your partner all the time. Sooner or later, he'll feel like you have nothing better to do. Worse still, he may feel like you don't trust him.
Warning
- If you and your partner live close together but he or she rarely sees you, then your concerns are justified. He seems to be keeping his distance from you. The best option is to leave it. You deserve someone who doesn't make you an option.
- Don't consciously make yourself a stopover only when he's not busy.
- Your partner likes hanging out with his friends late into the night and you think he's gone too far? Remember: love cannot be forced. If you and your partner aren't meant to be together, no amount of anger will make your relationship work.
- Setting a curfew for your partner or requiring him to call you all the time is an overkill. You certainly know that time flies very fast when you are hanging out with the people closest to you. Losing time is a natural thing to happen. You are not his mother; asking him to call you all the time when he's having fun will only piss him off. Instead of doing that, encourage your partner to have fun. Give him a chance to recharge and make him look forward to seeing you again afterward.
- Don't make excuses to meet him. If you are with your friends and at the same time know where your partner is, don't say, "Let's go there!". This kind of attitude shows that you are a spoiled person and can't stay away from him for a second.
