Relationships that have been broken up rarely continue on good terms. Even if you really want to avoid it, you will still run into your ex on occasion. It may be difficult for you to interact with people you used to be very close to, but there are things you can do to make it less painful.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Meeting Ex-lover in a Social Sphere
Step 1. Be patient
You and your ex have been in a relationship emotionally and physically in the past, so don't expect the two of you to start a new relationship right away.
Don't hang out with your ex just yet, especially for some time after the relationship has ended. Experts recommend waiting at least eight weeks without any contact with your ex. Meeting your ex shortly after breaking up can make it harder for both of you to get over each other
Step 2. Treat your ex like a friend
Try to be friendly and respectful without showing too much closeness.
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Keep interactions light. Especially if the two of you haven't seen each other in a while, try not to bring up old hot issues.
- You: Hi, Dave. Did you watch the game last night?
- Him: I watched it, they need new management.
- You: The second pitcher played well. Maybe he should be the first pitcher.
- Him: Yes, I do not understand the choice.
- You: Nice to meet you. I hope their team can reach the league at the end of the season.
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If your ex starts a topic that you both might argue with, try to change the subject to something else that won't cause an argument between you and him.
- Him: Hi, Melanie. Have you tried the fried dumplings?
- You: Yes, those dumplings remind me of your mama's dumplings.
- Him: How do you know? You've never visited my mother.
- You: I think we both really like your mama's cooking.
- Him: Agreed!
Step 3. Avoid alcohol
Both of your emotions may be on the rise. If you and your ex drink alcohol, it will be more difficult for both of you to hold back, and the chances for both of you to say things you will regret will be greater.
Step 4. Disconnect with your ex-girlfriend online
Unfriend him on Facebook, and avoid him on all kinds of social media. Yes, it's very tempting to see your ex-boyfriend online - you'll want to know if he's suffering without you, if he's already dating someone else, or something else. Research shows that it is better if you avoid the urge to do so.
- This habit of browsing can lead to obsessions, leading to a psychological condition known as "interpersonal electronic surveillance," which we usually call Facebook stalking.
- These habits are also bad for your emotional health. Just like meeting your ex in person, interacting with them online can make your anxieties last longer.
- If you still want to keep up with your ex on social media, remember that all you see is the best side of her life. Don't think that you're suffering more than your ex just because he doesn't show it on social media.
Step 5. Tread carefully while maintaining a friendly relationship with him
Most people want to stay friends after a romantic breakup, and that makes sense-on the one hand you love spending time with him, and he was once a big part of your social life. Why don't you stick with your old habits, such as watching a baseball game together, calling him to vent about your boss at work, or asking for his jacket when you're cold? There are many reasons why you can continue to maintain a friendship with him.
- Maintain physical and emotional distance to avoid ambiguity. The habit of flirting and touching can be the thing that can lead to confusion for both of you.
- Limit your interactions with him. You don't have to tell how you're doing several times a day, or even once a day. It's okay to want to be friends with him, but he doesn't have to be the first person you call for every good news and bad news you have.
- It's not recommended that you pursue a friendship with your ex to try to get it back. If you want to get back into a romantic relationship and he doesn't want to, it would be best if you cut contact with him completely.
Step 6. Don't let your relationship affect special occasions
In social circles that may intersect, you and your ex-lover are more likely to see each other on special occasions, such as birthdays, graduations, and also weddings, which may happen in the next few years. Prepare yourself to face the unavoidable.
- Don't ignore each other at big events, but don't sit next to your ex. If you're not on completely amicable terms with him, there's a good chance the two of you will bicker at the event you're attending. Also, don't answer all the questions that have to do with whether you and your ex are getting back together.
- Choose small events to attend. The two of you could be going to a fun friend's event, but if the event continues with a romantic dinner, it may not be good for either of you. No one wants to miss a fun event, but it's better to avoid it than to cause a big fight.
Part 2 of 4: Meeting Ex-Girlfriend at Work or School
Step 1. Make sure that you always show professionalism
Try to keep relationship issues separate from your career and education matters. Under ideal conditions, you've probably behaved professionally all along, as long as you don't try to start a conversation about your past with him. Don't let your career or education collapse because of the relationships you had in the past.
- If meeting your ex makes you emotional, consider changing your routine so you don't see him. Try taking breaks at different times, and come up with a secret plan for you to work on.
- Imagine that your boss is always watching you interact with your ex. It will provide more motivation for you to maintain professionalism.
Step 2. Talk about the problem directly
If your ex-boyfriend has never shown professionalism at work or school, then starts discussing relationship issues with you, ask him to postpone it until later, or choose to respond only to professional communications. If that's absolutely impossible, make sure that you talk about it in a private place or by phone or personal email (not a work phone).
- You: Have you prepared a report for your boss?
- Him: Yes, but before I talk about that, I want to know when you can return all my things.
- You: Can we talk about that later?
- Him: I really really need it.
- You: Okay, call or email me after work later to plan that, okay.
Step 3. Find someone to mediate with
If you're afraid of being stuck alone with your ex while heating up lunch, consider taking a coworker with you. The two of you should be more likely to get stuck together in a larger group.
Part 3 of 4: Meeting the New Spouse of Ex-lover
Step 1. Let you meet her new lover naturally
When you hear that your ex has a new partner, don't be afraid to check it out online. At the same time, accept the fact that you will still see them someday. Whether it's a planned meeting or a coincidence, do it with confidence.
- Face the situation head on. You may not want to, but it's better to meet them in person than to pretend not to see and hide in a shop while you're out and about. You WILL survive the situation, and once you do, you will feel more confident about moving on
- Know that self-confidence can sometimes be built on outward appearances. If you know you're about to meet your ex and their new partner, wear clothes that make you feel most comfortable and confident. That way, you will feel more relaxed and comfortable from the inside.
Step 2. Show friendliness, but not by pretending
You can show some politeness without pretending you're on a regular trip, which may give you a fake impression.
- You: Hi, Kate. Nice to meet you.
- Him: Hi, Rachel. I've heard from you a lot.
- You: How long have you lived in Chicago?
- Him: I moved here for college.
- You: Where did you live before?
- Him: Northwestern.
- You: Me too, I wonder if we used to be classmates.
Step 3. Show your sympathy
Be aware that gatherings like this are awkward for everyone. Maybe your ex doesn't intend to hurt you by moving on with his life. Now, his partner may feel that you are a comparison to him in terms of appearance, career, personality, and so on. Everyone naturally wants to go through this kind of interaction as calmly-and as quickly as possible, and that way, you all feel on the same side.
Step 4. Learn from your reactions
It may be difficult when you see your ex with a new partner, but it can be a good guide for you to recover from the situation at hand. This is very useful, especially when you are assessing whether you are ready to date again.
Part 4 of 4: Taking Care of Children with Ex-Spouse
Step 1. Form an open, direct, and communicative relationship with your ex
Know that you both have to interact with each other, and probably quite often. A broken relationship becomes even more complicated when it involves children. More and more people's emotions are at stake, and you may not be able to avoid your partner the way you want. Research has shown that taking care of children together even though they are no longer together is the best choice for children.
- Raising children together involves time sharing and decision making, which requires both of you to maintain open and regular communication.
- If it's too difficult for the two of you to communicate openly and directly, consider handing each other notebooks that contain important information when your child spends time with you.
Step 2. Show respect
As you make plans to raise children, try to stay friendly with your ex. Cheering, calling your ex-spouse by name, and other forms of conflict can negatively affect your child, as well as damage your child's relationship with your ex.
- You: John, I know this is hard, but I want you to let me know when you want to pick up the kids.
- Him: Don't be fussy, okay, I'll pick them up after work later.
- You: I know, I'm impressed. But, I have something to do tonight.
- Him: Okay, I'll pick them up at six.
Step 3. Don't interact with a loud and abusive ex
Do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and your children.
