Maturity is not only seen from age. There are children aged 6 years who are adults, while there are also parents aged 80 who are not adults. Maturity is about how you treat yourself and others. Maturity is a way of thinking and behaving. So if you're tired of childish conversations and fights around you, or want others to respect you more, try some of the techniques below to learn how to be more mature. No matter how old you are, if you are truly an adult, you will always be a mature person to those around you.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Developing Adult Behavior
Step 1. Develop interest
A lack of dynamic, growing interests or hobbies can contribute to your seemingly immature demeanor. Finding something you enjoy and becoming an "expert" in that area can make you appear more mature and experienced. It can also be a topic of conversation with other people, regardless of whether they also like your hobby or not.
- Try to have an active and productive hobby. Marathon watching TV shows may be a lot of fun, but it's not necessarily the best way to spend time. This doesn't mean you can't enjoy movies, TV, and video games, but they shouldn't be the only way to pass the time.
- Hobbies can increase self-esteem and encourage creativity. Hobbies can also stimulate the part of the brain that makes you feel positive and happy.
- There's basically no limit to the types of activities you can do! Buy a camera and learn photography. Try playing an instrument. Learn a new language. Learn beatbox. Create groups of role-playing games such as live-action roleplaying. Make sure that whatever you choose is something you really enjoy, if you don't enjoy it, it becomes a chore, not a hobby.
Step 2. Set goals and work towards achieving them
Part of maturity is the ability to assess your current strengths, determine areas you need to improve, and set goals for the future. Think about the future and take that into consideration when making decisions about your life. After setting clear, achievable and measurable goals, take action to achieve them.
- Setting goals can seem difficult at times, but don't worry! You just need a little time and planning. Try to figure out what you want to improve. For example, maybe you want to start refining your personal resume for college. This can be the basis of your goals.
- First you need to think of a few categories: Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why.
- Who. These are the people involved in achieving your goals. The main character here, of course, is you. However, this category may also include tutors, volunteer coordinators, or counselors.
- What. What do you want to achieve? This step should be as specific as possible. “Preparing for college” is still all too common. Don't start from that vague big goal. Instead, choose a few specific things that will help you achieve your bigger goals, such as “Volunteer” and “Take part in extracurricular activities.”
- When. This is to help know when specific parts of your plan should be implemented. This knowledge will help keep you on track. For example, if you want to volunteer, you need to know that there is a deadline for registration, when the activity takes place, and when you can do it.
- Where. Identifying where you will work to achieve your goals will be very helpful. In the volunteer work example, you could choose to work at an animal shelter.
- How. In this step you identify how you will achieve each stage in the goal. For example, what is the process required to contact an animal shelter so you can work there? How do you get to the animal shelter? How will you balance volunteer work with other responsibilities? You have to think about the answers to all these questions.
- Why. Believe it or not, this is the most important part. You are more likely to achieve a goal if it means a lot to you and you can see that it fits into the “bigger picture”. Know why your goals are important. For example, “I want to volunteer at an animal shelter so I can create a more attractive resume for veterinary medicine.”
Step 3. Know that you can be silly
You don't have to be serious all the time to be mature. Real maturity is knowing who you're dealing with and knowing when it's time to be silly and when it's necessary to be serious. It's a good idea to have a few different levels of silliness so you can properly gauge your attitude.
- Try to set aside time during the day to be silly. You need time to relax your nerves and be silly. Give yourself time each day (eg after school) to have fun by acting crazy.
- Understand that silly behavior is usually inappropriate in formal situations, such as at school, a house of worship, at work, and especially at funerals. You are expected to be considerate and not playful to others. Being silly in a situation like this will usually indicate immaturity.
- However, informal situations like hanging out with friends, or even time with family, are good times to act silly. Silly behavior in situations like this can actually strengthen the bond between one another.
- Set some kind of parameter to judge when you can and shouldn't joke or act silly. Do not use humor or pranks that are malicious or disparaging of others.
Step 4. Respect others
We have to live in this world together with everyone else. If you do an act that intentionally annoys another person, or if you do whatever you want without thinking about the other person's feelings, you will be considered immature. Trying to remember the needs and wants of others around you will help you develop a reputation as a mature and respectful individual.
Respecting other people doesn't mean you have to let them go easy on you. What this means is that you have to listen to other people and treat them the way you want to be treated. If the other person is rude or cruel to you, don't retaliate in the same way. Show that you are a more mature person by walking away
Step 5. Choose mature friends
The friends you have will influence your behavior. Make sure you connect with people who will push you to become a better person, not spend time with people who only make you worse.
Method 2 of 4: Developing Emotional Maturity
Step 1. Don't be a bully, or what is popularly called a bully
Bullying is behavior that often arises from insecurity or low self-esteem. Bullying then becomes a way of asserting power over others. Bullying will have a bad effect on the person who is the victim and also for the person who is the perpetrator. If you become aware that you have been part of the bullying, discuss solutions to stop it with someone you trust, such as a parent or tutor.
- Bullying falls into three basic types: verbal, social, and physical.
- Verbal bullying includes giving bad nicknames, threatening, or making inappropriate comments. Although words do not cause physical harm, they can inflict deep emotional wounds. Pay attention to what you say, and don't say something you don't want others to say to you.
- Social bullying includes damaging a person's social relationships or reputation. Isolating people, spreading rumors, humiliating others, and gossiping are also types of social bullying.
- Physical abuse includes hurting someone (or their property). Any physical violence, including taking or destroying other people's belongings or making violent body movements, is a form of physical abuse.
-
Don't let bullying happen around you. You don't have to be physically involved to stop bullying-it's actually quite dangerous-but there are ways to help create a bullying-free environment. You can try the following methods:
- Set a good example by not bullying others.
- Telling bullies that their behavior isn't funny or cool at all.
- Be kind to victims of bullying.
- Report bullying that occurs to a more responsible person.
- If you think you have a bullying problem, consider talking to a counselor or therapist. Maybe you have deep issues that make you feel the need to belittle or annoy others. Counselors can suggest approaches to developing more positive relationships with others.
Step 2. Avoid gossiping, spreading rumors, and talking about other people behind their backs
Spreading gossip and rumors and stabbed in the back can hurt other people just as badly as if you punched them in the face-it hurts even more. Even if you don't mean anything bad, gossip can still hurt you. Mature people will care about the needs and feelings of others and will not do things that can hurt them.
- Gossip won't make you cool or popular either. Studies show that gossip can make you cool if you're in 5th grade, but for 9th graders or later (the period when you're older), gossipers are generally unwelcome and unpopular.
- Also, stay away from gossip. Speak up if someone is trying to start a gossip near you. Research shows that even if just one person says “I don't like people gossiping about other people”, it can make an impact.
- Sometimes, you can say something that sounds like something about someone and it may even be interpreted as gossip. For example, you might say to a friend, “I love playing with Dewi. He's so cute!” and then someone tells the other person that you said something bad. You cannot control the interpretation or response of others to your words. The only thing you can control is your own words and attitude. Make sure the words you put out are good.
- One of the tests to determine whether something is a rumor or gossip is to ask yourself: If this was about me, would I want this to be heard or known? If the answer is no, don't tell anyone.
Step 3. Be the bigger person if someone is mean to you
If you can ignore it, don't reply; Your silence will tell you that what the person is saying is not good. If it can't be ignored, say that their comment was rude. If he apologizes, forgive; if not, just leave it.
Step 4. Always keep your mind open
Mature people have an open mind. Just because you haven't heard of or tried something, doesn't mean you should reject or give up the possibility. Better think of it as an opportunity to learn something (or someone) new and different.
- Don't judge someone who has different beliefs or habits from yours. It's better to ask questions, such as "Can you explain it to me?" or “Why did you do that?”
- Try to listen more than talk, at least at first. Don't interrupt or say, "But I think---" Let them talk. You don't know that maybe you'll learn something from listening.
- Ask for clarification. If someone says or does something that doesn't seem right, ask for clarification before issuing a scathing judgment. For example, if you feel that someone is insulting your beliefs, take a deep breath and say something like, “I heard you say _. Is it true?" If he replies that that's not what he means, accept the explanation.
- Don't expect the worst from other people. Face every situation knowing that everyone you meet is human, just like you. Maybe they won't try to be mean or hurtful, but they can also make mistakes. Learning to accept others for who they are will help you become more mature.
- There are times when you disagree with the other person. This is not a problem. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree-this is part of maturity.
Step 5. Have confidence
Don't apologize for your uniqueness or idiosyncrasies, even if other people don't like it. As long as your behavior is not antisocial and harmless, you should be free to express your individuality. Mature people have no self-doubt or desire to be someone they are not.
- You can build self-confidence by developing skills and hobbies that are your strengths. You will know that you are capable of achieving anything you want, and as a result you will have skills that you can share with others.
- Beware of criticism from within yourself. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, think about whether you'd say the criticism to a friend. If you don't want to, why should you criticize yourself? Try changing the content of your negative thoughts with other, more useful phrases.
- For example, you may have thought something like this: “Damn! I'm such an idiot at math, I'll never be able to do it." This isn't a useful thought, and one you definitely don't want to tell anyone.
- Rephrase in a thought form that you can work on: “My math isn't great, but I can study hard. Even if I can't get an A, the important thing is that I tried."
Step 6. Be who you really are
The sign of true maturity is being yourself. You can show confidence without coming across as arrogant or conceited. Mature people don't have to look down on others or pretend to be someone else just to feel good about themselves.
- Talk about anything that really interests you. Your interest will show when you really like it.
- When you think negatively about yourself, there is sometimes an urge to overly deny it. For example, if you think something like, "I'm afraid I won't be able to do the test next week." Your first reaction may be to pretend, "I'm not afraid of anything!" Statements like this are not honest with yourself. Acknowledging feelings of fear or weakness is a more mature attitude. Everyone has experienced moments of insecurity. That's very normal.
- Express your feelings clearly. Talking in circles or being passive aggressive are not mature or honest ways to deal with feelings. Don't be afraid to say how you really feel in a way that's still polite and respectful.
- Do what you think is right. Sometimes other people mock or criticize you. But if you stick to your principles, you'll know you're being true to yourself. If the other person doesn't respect it, that's okay, you don't want their opinion either.
Step 7. Accept your personal responsibility
Perhaps the most important part of being a more mature person is taking responsibility for your own words and actions. Remember that whatever happens doesn't just happen to you. You are the representative of your life, and your words and actions have consequences for yourself as well as for others. Admit mistakes. Know that you can't control what other people do, but you can control what you do.
- Take responsibility if something doesn't go as expected. For example, if an essay you're working on gets a bad grade, don't blame the teacher. Think about what actions led to you getting that result. What can you do to get better grades next time?
- Focus less on the fairness of things. In life nothing is always fair. Sometimes you may deserve what you don't get. Mature people will not let injustice get in the way of their path to success.
-
Control what you can. Sometimes there may be a feeling that you have no control over your own life. Some things are true. You can't control whether the manager of a restaurant will hire you, or whether the person you like wants to date you. But there are some things you can control, for example:
- On the job: You can polish and proofread job resumes. You can prepare for the interview in the best possible way. You can dress professionally for the interview. You can come on time. You might end up not getting the job, but you've done everything within your control.
- In relationships: You can be respectful, funny, and kind. You can be yourself when you are around people you like. You can take the plunge and state that you want to be in a relationship with him. These are all things you can control. Even if it doesn't work out later, you will have peace of mind knowing that you are honest and trying your best.
- Don't just accept defeat. Many people prefer to give up because it's easier than trying again. It's much easier to say "I'm a loser" than to say "That approach didn't work, well I'll find another way!" Take responsibility for your choices and no matter what happens, make the choice to keep trying.
Method 3 of 4: Communicating like an Adult
Step 1. Control your anger. Anger is a very strong emotion, but it can be tamed. Don't overreact to little things that don't matter. When your anger has started to flare up, stop for 10 seconds to think about your response before doing or saying anything. This will prevent words you'll regret and help you become a more mature communicator.
- After stopping, ask yourself what is really going on. What's the real problem? Why are you angry? Maybe after that you will realize that you are actually angry about what happened two days ago, not because you have to clean the room.
- Think of possible solutions to solve this problem. Consider several ways to react before choosing one. What will solve it?
- Consider the consequences. This is where many people run into trouble. “Doing what I want” is often the most attractive solution, but does it fix the problem? Or does it make it worse? Think about what each option will look like.
- Choose a solution. After considering the consequences of each option, choose the one that seems best to you. Keep in mind that these options aren't always the easiest or the most fun! This is part of the process of becoming more mature.
- If you have to say something, use a calm voice and give reasonable reasons to justify how you feel. If the other person just wants to argue and doesn't want to listen, walk away from the argument. There's no point in creating conflict.
- If you get angry or feel like you're going overboard, take a deep breath and count from 1 to 10. You need to maintain self-control and not let anger get the better of you.
- If you are really grumpy, other people may like to provoke you. If you can control your anger, they will have no interest in provoking your anger and will start ignoring you.
Step 2. Learn assertive communication techniques
When people want to communicate in an adult way, they use assertive techniques and behaviors. Assertiveness is not the same as arrogance, arrogance, or aggression. Assertive individuals express their feelings and needs clearly, and they listen when others do the same. Arrogant and egotistical people don't care about other people's needs and only focus on getting what they want, and when they want it-no matter if their desires make other people suffer. Learn to stand your ground without being arrogant or aggressive, and you'll definitely feel more mature. Here are some ways to communicate assertively:
-
Use “I” statements-“You” statements make the other person feel blamed and rejected. Keeping the focus on what you are experiencing and feeling will pave the way for mature and successful communication.
For example, don't say "You never listen to me!" To your parents, try using “I” statements such as “I feel like I'm not being heard.” When you say how you “feel” something, other people tend to want to know why
- Know what the other person's needs are too. Life is not only about you. It's good to be clear about your feelings and needs, but remember to always ask the other person's needs. The ability to put the interests of others above one's own is a sign of true maturity.
-
Don't rush to conclusions. If you're not sure what happened to someone, ask! Don't be prejudiced, you don't know the full story.
- For example, if your friend forgot her promise to go shopping with you, don't assume that she forgot because she didn't care or that she was a bitch.
- Instead, use "I" statements and follow them with prompts to get him to share his feelings, such as "I'm so disappointed you didn't go shopping with me. What is it?"
- Offer to collaborate with others. Instead of saying “I want to skateboard,” ask them for input: “What do you all want to do?”
Step 3. Avoid swearing
Most people and cultures expect that mature people will not swear or say harsh words. The habit of swearing can take people by surprise, or even make them feel unappreciated. Swearing can also make people think that you are incompetent or that you can't communicate well. Instead of swearing, try to enrich your vocabulary. Use the new words you learn to express how you feel.
If you swear a lot when you're irritated or accidentally hurt yourself, try making it a creative statement game. Instead of swearing when you hit something on your toe, it's funnier (and more impressive) to say something like "Bitch bitch!"
Step 4. Speak politely and don't raise your voice
If you raise your voice, especially when you're angry, the other person will tend to feel uncomfortable. They may even decide to ignore you altogether. Yelling is a habit for babies, not adults.
Use a calm, even tone of voice when you're angry
Step 5. Pay attention to your body language
Body language can speak like words. For example, crossing your arms over your chest indicates that you are not interested in what the other person is saying. Standing with drooping shoulders conveys that you are not “there” or that you want to be somewhere else. Learn what your body is telling you, and make sure the language matches what you want.
- Let your arms fall casually at your sides, not crossed in front of your chest.
- Stand straight, with chest outstretched and head parallel to the floor.
- Remember that your face can communicate too. Don't roll your eyes or stare at the floor.
Step 6. Discuss mature topics with others
Examples of adult topics are school, news, life experiences, and life lessons you have learned. Of course you can still act silly with friends every now and then. You just have to consider who you are dealing with. You certainly will not discuss the same topic with friends and math teachers.
- Ask a question. One of the signs of maturity is intellectual curiosity. If you're just talking to someone, you won't seem mature. Ask for their input. If someone says something interesting, say "Let's tell you more!"
- Don't pretend to know what you don't know. Sometimes it's hard to admit that you don't know something. After all, you want to look mature and insightful. But pretending you know something and yet showing that you really don't know will only make you look (and feel) stupid. You'd better say, "I haven't read about that. I have to see it later!”
Step 7. Say kind words
If you can't say anything positive, don't say anything. Immature people are constantly criticizing things and looking for other people's weaknesses, and they don't hesitate to hurl hurtful insults at any cost. Sometimes, they justify cruelty by claiming that they are simply "being honest." Mature people choose their words carefully, and they don't hurt other people's feelings in an attempt to be "honest," so remember to keep your word, don't say anything that hurts other people's feelings. Treat others the same way you would like to be treated.
Step 8. Learn to sincerely apologize for your mistakes
Even if you're careful with your speech, there's a chance that you may say the wrong things or accidentally hurt others from time to time. Sometimes we all do stupid things because no one is perfect in this world. Learn to swallow your pride and say, "I'm sorry." A sincere apology after making a mistake shows true maturity.
Step 9. Tell the truth, but with respect
This is a difficult skill to master, but if before you say something you think about whether you want to hear someone else say it to you, it can be very helpful. There is a saying in Buddhism: “If you want to talk, always ask yourself: is this true, is this necessary, is this good.” Think before you speak. People around you will appreciate your honesty, and your considerate attitude will show that you really care about them.
- For example, if your friend asks if the clothes she wears make her look fat, think of the most useful answer. Beauty is very subjective, so giving an opinion about her appearance is not helpful. However, if you tell him that you love him and that he looks just like himself, he will feel the confidence boost he really needs.
- If you don't think the clothes she's wearing are unattractive, there's a wise way to say it if you think it will do any good. For example, you might say, "Actually, I prefer the red one over this one." Comments like that won't judge your friend's body-no one needs to be judged on her body-but will answer the question of whether she looks good.
- Behavioral scientists show that certain types of dishonesty are actually “prosocial,” little lies you tell so that others don't feel hurt or embarrassed. Whether you want to lie like this or not is up to you. But whatever you decide, choose the right way to do it.
Method 4 of 4: Have Politeness
Step 1. Use good manners when interacting with other people
Shake hands with people you meet tightly and firmly, and look them in the eye. If your culture has a different way of welcoming other people, use it politely and appropriately. When meeting new people, try to remember the person's name by repeating it: "Nice to meet you, Wendy." Good manners state that you respect others, which is the behavior of a mature person.
- Throughout the conversation, listen carefully and maintain eye contact. However, don't stare at the other person all the time. Follow the 50/70 rule: make 50% eye contact when you speak, and 70% when you hear him speak.
- Don't fidget or play with anything. Moving around restlessly is a sign that you lack self-confidence. Keep your hands in an open and relaxed position.
- Don't face the other person thinking that you'd rather be somewhere else. Most people can see when you don't care about the interaction, and it will hurt their feelings.
- Don't talk on the phone or text other people when you should be paying attention to the person in front of you. Playing with a cell phone shows a lack of respect on your part.
- When you enter a new situation or a new community, pause and watch how other people behave. You are under no obligation to say what other people can and cannot do. Instead, pay attention and show respect.
Step 2. Observe good cyber etiquette
Using good etiquette online shows that you value your friends, parents and other people you hang out with on the internet. These are signs of maturity. Keep in mind that a lot of what you say on the internet can also be read by people like potential employers, teachers, and the like, so don't say anything that would embarrass or hurt you.
- Avoid harsh or offensive language. Don't overuse the exclamation point. Remember you don't have to face the other person to clarify what you really mean, so make sure you don't misunderstand them.
- Use the shift key. Write capital letters for proper nouns and the beginning of sentences, don't write in all lowercase. Avoid non-standard CASE. Writing like that makes your writing very difficult to read.
- Avoid using ALL CAPS. In cyberspace, using capital letters is the same as shouting. Maybe you can use it on Twitter to state how your soccer team won the championship, but it's not appropriate to use it in a typical email or social media post.
- When sending emails, use a greeting (such as “Hello John”). Starting an email without a greeting is considered rude, especially to someone you don't know well or someone you respect like a teacher. Use a closing, such as “Thank you” or “Sincerely.”
- Double check before emailing or writing anything on social media to make sure you haven't made a mistake. Use complete sentences, and make sure you use proper punctuation at the end of each sentence.
- Don't overuse abbreviations, slang and emoticons. You can use variations like this in a casual message to a friend, but don't use it in an email to your teacher, or in any other situation where you want to sound mature.
-
Remember that the golden rule in cyberspace is the same as the golden rule in the real world. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
If you want other people to be nice to you, you have to be nice to them too. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.
Step 3. Help others
Hold the door for passersby, pick up dropped items, and offer help to anyone in need. Also consider helping out in the community, such as mentoring younger children, tutoring, or working at an animal shelter. When you make other people happy, you will feel happy too. Helping others before yourself is a very mature behavior.
- Helping others can also encourage self-respect. Studies show that when we help others, we feel we have accomplished something and take pride in our actions.
- Helping others doesn't always go both ways. There are times when you help other people and they don't say “thank you” or offer help in return. It's not your burden. Remember that you are helping yourself, not expecting anything from others.
Step 4. Don't try to be the center of attention all the time
If you take over the conversation and only talk about yourself all the time, and don't give other people a chance to talk, you are not showing maturity and respect for others. Showing genuine interest in other people's interests and experiences can make you appear more mature and less self-centered. From listening to other people, you may learn something new and develop a new respect for someone.
Step 5. Accept praise and criticism in a mature manner
If someone compliments you, say "thank you" and that's enough. If someone criticizes you, respond politely and say "OK, I'll think about it." The criticism may not be valid, but a polite response makes you appear mature in the face of it.
- Try not to take criticism to heart. Sometimes other people just try to help but don't convey it well. If you think that's the case, ask them for clarification: “I heard you didn't like the essay I wrote. Can you tell me some specifics so I can fix it?”
- Sometimes, other people's criticism tells more about the person who said it, not you. If the criticism seems unfair or hurtful, remember that they may just want to make themselves feel better by hurting you. Don't let that affect you.
- Accepting criticism gracefully doesn't mean you can't stand up for yourself. If someone is hurting you, say this calmly and politely: “I'm sure you didn't mean to be rude, but your criticism of my clothes sounds hurtful. Next time, please don't comment on my appearance."
Tips
- You have to be kind, understanding and be everyone's friend! Don't just be kind one day, but every time.
- Maturity is something that is hard to come by. But you can't change yourself to be more mature. Instead, try to be yourself and do it well. It's not about who is older and who is younger. If you want to be taken seriously by those around you, think and act the way you want to be heard, but make sure after that step is taken; be confident and stick to your choice. If something untoward happens, try to stay calm and think about the next step, don't blame others, you have taken action and are responsible for it. Be an adult and be responsible.
- Avoid arguments when dealing with conflicts with other people. Instead, try to solve the problem in a calm and rational way. If there is an argument, end it as soon as possible.
- Treat others as you would like to be treated. This is basically the definition of maturity.
- Write down your goals for becoming more mature and plan how you will achieve them. For example, you might decide that you're going to start by being quieter, not talking about yourself all the time. Try for one week and see the results. Even if it's not perfect at first, keep trying.
- Show compassion. Give second chances to people who may not really deserve it. This will make you big-hearted and look mature.
- Know how to look right in various situations. Standing orange hair may indicate your individuality, but if you work in a formal setting, that appearance can lead people to assume you're immature, even if that's not true.
- Try to concentrate on other people's problems too. This will make you appear more mature.
- On time is prime quality!
