Is there a friend you keep calling on the phone, but never pick up? So, is he really that busy or is he actually avoiding you? The fear of being avoided will of course cause anxiety, hurt, and awkwardness in you. However, before taking any action, try to analyze the situation rationally to identify the correctness of your assumptions. Once you know the real situation, try using the various social interaction techniques listed in this article to improve the relationship between the two of you!
Step
Part 1 of 3: Assessing the Situation
Step 1. Check your phone history
Are all your phone calls not being picked up by him? What is the ratio of the phone being picked up and not being picked up? Also observe the duration, time and frequency of calling you, as well as whether or not he has called you back. If everything seems odd to you, try to think about why. Maybe his credit or internet quota is limited so he can't call you or use his cellphone too often.
Step 2. Think about whether you called him at the right time
Consider how busy your friends are. If you already know him well and know his routine, think about an activity he might be doing right now. Maybe he's in a meeting or driving somewhere so he can't pick up the phone. It's also possible that he was asleep or resting for a while. Has he ever mentioned an event he wanted to attend but wasn't part of his routine? Another possibility is that the ringtone of the phone is muted or the battery of the phone is dead. Don't rush to conclusions! It's possible that he does have a good reason to ignore your calls.
Step 3. Consider your relationship status
Has something recently happened that made things awkward between the two of you? Does he possibly have another reason to avoid your phone instead of being busy? Think about his behavior towards you recently. If he looks cold or feels distant, there may be something wrong with him avoiding your phone.
Be careful. Again, do not rush to conclusions because your judgment may be biased. Therefore, consider asking a third person who can be more objective
Step 4. Call him back at a different time
Choose a time that seems likely to allow him to pick up your phone. When making a call, let the ringtone sound for at least a minute. Chances are, the phone is out of reach or in another room. Don't necessarily hold negative assumptions about it!
Part 2 of 3: Checking the Correctness of Your Theory
Step 1. Call your friends from different phones
If he doesn't pick up either, try calling him again. If he still doesn't answer, leave a message with a brief explanation of why you called him, and ask him to call you back later. Unless the situation is very urgent, resist the temptation to keep calling him until he picks up your phone. Believe me, this behavior is very disturbing and considered rude by many people.
Want to leave a voice message? Make sure the message is short, straightforward, and spoken at a slow pace. Also state your name and phone number. If you call him on a telephone that is used a lot (such as a landline), also explain who you are talking to clearly and calmly. This method is especially important if the person is someone who is not closely related to you, or your business partner
Step 2. Call your mutual friends to ask about their interaction history with people you find difficult to contact
Chances are, your mutual friend knows that he or she is avoiding your calls or is really busy with other activities that makes it difficult to pick up the phone. In addition, your mutual friends may also be able to offer opinions to validate or disprove your suspicions.
Step 3. Ask someone else to call your friend
If you don't pick up the phone, ask someone else to call your friend shortly after. If he answers the person's phone but ignores yours, chances are he's avoiding you.
- If the person is closely related to you, try to explain the current situation. Chances are, he or she can help explain to your friend that you've also been trying to call them but haven't gotten a response.
- Make sure you choose people with high social intelligence. In other words, choose people who are good at interacting, able to handle difficult social situations, and even able to help you both reconcile. A person with high social intelligence is able to better assess the situation and give you the advice you need.
Step 4. Use another line of communication
It's possible that your friend has lost their phone or prefers to text instead of communicating over the phone. If the two of you are close enough, you should know his preferred method of communication. For example, try contacting him via social media that he uses frequently.
Step 5. Try to evaluate the relationship between the two of you
Is he or she an important close friend or relative to you? Are there any recent events that could explain the reasons behind his behavior? Have you two had a fight recently or did you do something that might offend him?
- If the answer to all of the above questions is “no”, it means there is nothing to worry about. In other words, ignore the problem and busy yourself with something else. If absolutely necessary, you can also try to contact him through other communication channels. If his behavior that seems like avoiding your phone is still annoying, try reducing the number of calls to protect your feelings from hurt feelings.
- If he's such an important person that you want to have a good relationship with him, then try harder to improve the situation!
Step 6. Change your behavior
If you feel like you've made a mistake or you already know the specific reasons behind the behavior, try showing your regret or stop doing the thing that upsets him. In particular, pay more attention to your behavior on the phone! For example, if your friend doesn't like to gossip, don't ask her to gossip about other people when she calls. Or, if you recently hurt her feelings, apologize immediately in person or by letter.
After your relationship improves, surely he will no longer avoid you
Step 7. Talk to him directly
If changing your behavior doesn't necessarily improve the situation between the two of you, try having a face-to-face discussion with him. Invite him to meet in his spare time, and make sure you both have enough time to chat. Explain your confusion regarding his recent behavior of frequently ignoring your phone.
Part 3 of 3: Confronting Your Friends
Step 1. Speak in a calm and friendly tone
Don't use an accusatory tone of voice, especially if he's already angry! If you are too aggressive in the confrontation, your relationship will only get worse after that. Remember, it's not really your choice of words, but the tone of voice that you use.
Step 2. Be straightforward
Ask straightforwardly why he's avoiding your calls. Also ask if there's anything he'd like to complain about or if you've made a mistake. Include a specific example of how much time you spent on the phone. After that, listen to the explanation patiently and don't interrupt. Explain your point of view in the situation, but don't accuse her or put the blame on her. Remember, you want to find a solution, not busy blaming the other party!.
Don't insult him! Be polite to show you care about the problem, and that the negative situation has actually frustrated you
Step 3. Solve all the problems it mentions
Whatever problem he is complaining about, try to discuss it in order to come up with a relevant solution. Show your willingness and seriousness to improve the situation between the two of you! When looking for a solution, try to empathize with his perspective, and be willing to do whatever you think will improve the relationship.
Step 4. Continue living
In the future, agree to discuss all issues that arise instead of avoiding each other. Trust me, avoiding the problem will only make the situation worse, not better. Therefore, accept the fact that sometimes, life can get busier than usual or friendships can turn distant over time. Find other ways to maintain interaction if your friend has trouble communicating as often as they used to on the phone.
Tips
- Don't overuse other means of communication (like email, text messages, etc.) either!
- Some people prefer to have face-to-face interactions or communicate via text messages instead of talking over the phone. Therefore, try to balance your preferences with his.
