Some people may have experienced the unpleasant treatment of a friend who suddenly doesn't want to talk to you anymore and pretends like you don't exist. Feeling neglected is worse than feeling rejected because it makes you feel completely unimportant. However, there are several things you can do to deal with feelings of being ignored.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Understanding the Source of the Problem
Step 1. Identify your current mood and feelings
Try to find out what you are going through and feeling. Determine if your friend is really ignoring you or if this is just your own mind. It's possible that this problem is more because of you and your own feelings these days and not because of your friends.
- Think about whether you have recently experienced a major change or stressful event in your daily life, such as moving house, starting a new school, a breakup, a family member who is sick, or various other events. Stress that you experience in certain aspects of life can trigger stress in other aspects of life. For example, changing schools can sometimes cause feelings of separation from your friends because you don't know anyone at the new school and you can't see them every day, although you can still keep in touch via texting. In this case, the feeling of being ignored may have something to do with what you've been going through lately and how you're responding to it.
- Make sure that what you are going through is a feeling of being neglected. In other words, you have to be able to make sure that the real root of the problem is because you are being completely ignored and not because of the situation you are in on a daily basis.
- Start exercising, keeping a journal, talking to a trusted friend or family member to better understand yourself and recognize your emotions. Basically, you should physically distance yourself from this situation and do different activities. Changing situations and places can change mental states and restore much-needed energy for self-reflection.
Step 2. Try to evaluate how you interact with your friends
Maybe your friend is going through a certain event that affects the friendship. So, he doesn't mean to ignore you, but is just being distracted by his own problems and hasn't been able to give you his attention and time.
- Compare how much the two of you interacted during this time rather than recently. Has it changed drastically? Also compare how often the two of you interact rather than the interactions between your friends and mutual friends or with their own friends. Does he often hang out with other friends, but never invite or talk to you again?
- Consider whether your friend has recently experienced a life-changing event (eg parental divorce, death of a family member, depression, etc.) that could interfere with their closeness with their friends.
- Reflect on the interactions during this time, remembering whether there was any tension between the two of you. Has he ever felt attacked or hurt by your words or actions? Have you ever talked bad things behind his back? Have you ever made a joke or comment that offended him? Maybe you've attacked or hurt his feelings so he's kept his distance for a while.
Step 3. Remember that you cannot control other people's behavior
You can only control yourself and your own actions. You can't force someone to come with you or talk to you. However, you can control how you respond to these problems and take action to resolve them.
No one can live alone. Everyone needs to socialize and make friends to stay healthy and happy. However, many people rely too much on others for affirmations that they are valuable. Instead of acting like this, cultivate a sense of self-worth by evaluating your own behavior. In the end, what matters is how you feel about the actions that were taken. You are the only one who will live life by yourself
Part 2 of 2: Confrontation
Step 1. Arrange a meeting with your friends
Plan ahead how to conduct the confrontation before the meeting. Call your friends and ask them to meet in a safe, distraction-free, and quiet environment so you can chat freely, for example in the cafeteria or in class. Find a neutral place to meet the friend you want to confront. Don't invite him into the house.
Think in advance how you will deal with this friend and what you would like to ask or say to him. Try to anticipate what response he will give. Maybe you can guess exactly what his reaction will be if you know him well enough. That way, you'll be better prepared for this confrontation mentally and emotionally. However, don't dwell on every possible response he might give
Step 2. Ask a question and then listen to your friend's answer
Stop talking so he can explain. Try to understand other people, not just want to be understood. Be specific and give an appropriate example of the behavior you want to discuss, for example by asking, “I know you guys left last Friday. You said you wanted to text me about this plan. Why don't you text me?"
- Listen actively to your friends' explanations. Maintain eye contact, lean towards him, let your arms and legs relax, don't cross them.
- Your friend may give you a surprising response and make you feel relieved! For example, you may find out that he didn't text because he forgot and didn't mean to hurt or do anything bad. Or, because he is too busy at work, he feels bad if he texts too late.
- Your friend's response may be less clear. For example, he could just tell the difficulties of his life. Worst case scenario, he doesn't explain and ignores you on purpose. This may be hard to accept, but later on, you'll feel relieved that you've had the confrontation and that you know the real reason.
Step 3. Explain the matter from your side
Express facts as facts and interpretations as your views and perceptions on the matter. Let your friend know how you feel and how you interpret their actions because of this problem. Speak clearly and use the word “I” so as not to appear blaming others. Sentences with the word “I” can start with: “I feel”, “I feel disappointed about”, and “I am confused about”.
- You could say, "When I didn't text you Friday night, I felt like you didn't want me to come and left me on purpose."
- Tell him honestly how you feel, but remember that being honest about the matter doesn't mean you can be angry with him. Focus on the problem, not the person.
- Be calm and don't let your emotions control you. If you start to get angry, disappointed, and have trouble thinking clearly, stop the discussion immediately and continue at another time. Do not let you say words that cause regret for losing control. Also, if your friend starts to get angry or aggressive, it's best to end the meeting before the situation escalates.
Step 4. Apologize if you did
If you've been ignored for hurting someone else's feelings, apologize right away when it's your turn to speak. Explain carefully why you are apologizing and what you did wrong, not because of his interpretation of your actions. Example:
If you ever tell your friend that he or she chose the wrong place of work and you would never want to work there, don't just say, "I'm sorry you were offended by the comments I made about your job." This can be considered an insincere apology because you're avoiding admitting that something went wrong in the comment itself. What's more, you also assume that he is too weak in the face of attacks. Instead, say something like, “I'm sorry for the comments about your work that have offended and hurt your feelings. I know you are working hard to pay school fees. I've made the mistake of not being able to understand other people's feelings.”
Step 5. Find a solution
Making a mutual agreement is usually the best option because sometimes, what is good for one person is not necessarily good for another. Maybe the two of you just need to make an appointment so you can see each other more often or take notes as a reminder so no one is left out or forgotten. Find the solution that best fits your particular problem and why you were ignored. Example:
- If you're being ignored because your friend is going through some kind of problem, let her deal with her own emotional problems. Let them know by email, text, or phone that you're ready to listen if they want to chat. Don't stress your friend even more by forcing him to go out together. Instead, try calling every now and then to let him know that you're missing him and appreciate the friendship. As the saying goes, 90% of success in life is showing oneself. In this case, be ready to help when your friend is in need.
- If you feel neglected because of your own condition, as described in Part I, share what you are going through. Also talk about how to maintain this friendship while you work through the problem. For example, if you're very busy with helping your mother who is sick and haven't been able to see her for a while, ask if she'd like to stop by the house so you can both be with mom and you'll still have time to meet friends.
Step 6. Continue the friendship or just end it
You may have to make a tough decision, but friends usually grow each other up. So, if your friend says he's ignoring you because there's no match, just end the friendship. If what you're feeling isn't because your friend is trying to improve the situation or the friendship, there's a good chance that he just wants to be friends. While this is a tough life lesson, our group of friends changes over time. The good news is that you can make new friends all over the world!
