Your boyfriend was usually very excited to see you, but now you feel that your boyfriend is always angry with you or doesn't seem to notice you. Maybe he's not responding to your texts anymore, or he's spent the whole night at a party talking to everyone but you. Either way, if you feel neglected by your boyfriend, you will feel hurt, frustrated, and even angry. It may be tempting to ignore him too, try to make him jealous, or even break up with him, but the healthiest way to deal with a girlfriend who ignores you is to address the issue head-on.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Think carefully
Step 1. Give him space
While your boyfriend may be angry with you, he could be going through a tough time that has nothing to do with you. Whatever the reason, if you receive negative feelings from your boyfriend, don't force him to talk about them. Give him time to calm down. That way, you can also have time to rethink your feelings.
Step 2. Ask yourself if he is completely ignoring you
Has your boyfriend's behavior really changed towards you? Could it be that you are feeling depressed or worried about something, and you imagine that your boyfriend's behavior is getting worse than usual?
- It may be that he's always been a little cold to you, but the longer you're in a relationship with him, you'll begin to realize that you don't like his behavior.
- Have you been through difficult circumstances recently? Maybe you're asking for more attention from your current boyfriend, and he's having a hard time fulfilling your desires so he's distancing himself from you.
Step 3. Consider the possibility that your boyfriend is depressed
He may be ignoring you because he's struggling with his depression so he doesn't realize he's been ignoring you.
- Signs of depression include: difficulty concentrating and making decisions; feeling tired; feelings of helplessness, and/or feelings of worthlessness; insomnia or sleeping too much; feeling irritated; loss of interest in pleasurable activities such as sex or dating; overeating or loss of appetite; excessive worry; suicidal thoughts and/or destructive behavior.
- If you think your boyfriend is depressed, there are things you can do to help him.
Step 4. Avoid the temptation to ignore it again
While the temptation to ignore your boyfriend or make him jealous is really strong, it's not healthy or productive to do so. In addition, if your boyfriend is depressed or struggling with a difficult personal issue, ignoring him will only make things worse, and could really destroy your relationship.
- The "rubber band theory" suggests that you can make someone want you by staying away from them. This may work for some people in the short term, but it is not the type of behavior that builds healthy relationships.
- One positive piece of advice you can take from the “Elastic Band Theory” is that partners in a relationship need space to do personal things, otherwise they will bore each other or start belittling each other. Don't neglect your boyfriend, but make sure you have another life outside of your relationship with him.
Step 5. Take care of yourself
Try not to feel that your boyfriend's behavior is affecting how you feel. Remind yourself that he can't "make" you feel things, and remember that you have a choice: You can choose to recognize that you're angry, but don't let anger stop you from enjoying life.
Do things that make you feel good: visit your friends, go to the gym, start a hobby (for example, playing guitar, making movies, or hiking)
Part 2 of 3: Talking About Problems
Step 1. Plan a date to talk one-on-one
If your boyfriend completely ignores you, you may not be able to reach him on the phone or meet him in person. If you know he can still receive messages from you, try sending him a message expressing your concern and asking him to meet and talk to you.
-
For example: “You haven't been replying to my texts lately. I'm hurt to see your behavior and I'm confused are you still happy dating me? Can we meet to talk about this?"
If you know his schedule, you can suggest days and times when he's not busy, which can make it easier for you to ask him out
Step 2. Send an email or private message
Skip this step if your boyfriend texts or texts you back. If you can't reach her via text or phone, but you know she's okay (for example, you know she's playing with her friends, or posting something on social media), try sending a message expressing your feelings and concerns to her. Facebook inbox or to an email address.
- If you choose to send an e-mail or private message, be careful about your writing style. Draw up a draft, then reread the draft you made after a good night's sleep. Make sure the message doesn't sound malicious or harassing.
-
Be specific. Provide concrete examples of your boyfriend's behavior and your feelings. Be sure to express it in words that don't sound like accusations:
“When we were at the party on Saturday, you kept talking to other people. We don't even talk at all, and you leave without saying goodbye even though we're sitting across from each other in the same room. When you're like that, I'm heartbroken. I don't know what I did wrong. I'm worried about you, and I'm worried about our relationship. I want to meet you in person to talk about this. Or, if you don't want to meet me, that's okay via email too.”
- Before sending the email, try to feel how your boyfriend felt when he read the message one more time. Think about how your message will sound to your boyfriend's ears, and how he will react. Then, edit the message to make sure you're sharing your thoughts and feelings in the most effective way. If he understands your position and doesn't feel threatened, he will most likely respond to your message.
Step 3. Use body language that shows empathy
If you manage to meet him in person and talk to him, use body language that conveys empathy. This will show him that you want to understand his point of view on the matter, and will encourage him to open up.
Body language that shows empathy includes: looking at the other person in an open position (for example: not crossing your arms, bowing, or looking away), nodding and using eye contact to signal that you are listening to what he is saying, and making soothing sounds to show that You understand what he's saying without interrupting
Step 4. Express your thoughts and feelings using nonviolent communication
In nonviolent communication, you focus on personal thoughts and feelings rather than accusing the other person of doing the wrong thing.
- Arrange your words in the following order: observations, feelings, needs, and requests.
- For example: “For the past few weeks you haven't answered my calls and our plans have failed twice. I'm afraid you're no longer interested in dating me."
Step 5. Ask about him
Once you've shared your feelings, let him know that you're open to communicating, and encourage him to share his feelings too.
For example: “For the past few weeks you haven't answered my calls and our plans have failed twice. I'm afraid you're no longer interested in dating me. I want us to talk about our relationship. If our relationship isn't the problem, I want you to tell me what really happened."
Step 6. Ask him what he needs
If he admits that he's unhappy about something, ask him what he needs/what you can do. He may want to be alone, or he may want you to do something you don't-it could be something as simple as hugging him more often or telling him he's really pretty.
-
If he wants to be alone, don't panic. Again, it could be that this problem is actually a personal matter that has nothing to do with you.
- Ask him how much time he needs. If he says he doesn't know, suggest a time you feel is appropriate-maybe a week. Support your boyfriend. Ask what you can do to help-for example, call your boyfriend at the weekend to reconfirm.
- If you decide to give each other some alone time, make sure you both know exactly what this means. For some, making time could mean calling twice a week. For others, that time could mean a whole week without communication. Clarifying what "give time" means to you will make timing easier.
- Realize that you DO NOT HAVE to give him what he needs. If you're not comfortable with something he wants, you can say it. Both of you will be able to compromise. In the end, you both have to respect each other's needs and boundaries.
Step 7. Be an active listener
When he is talking, listen actively to what he is saying. This includes showing empathetic body language (opening up, nodding, and making soothing sounds) and showing that you understand him by repeating what he's saying or asking him to clarify. If you feel hurt by something he said, tell him, but try to tell him in a way that won't be confrontational.
-
For example: “Thank you for being open to me. When you said I was too spoiled, I felt sad and confused. I really like playing with you, but I also like doing my own thing. I wonder why you can say I'm spoiled. Maybe I can change."
If he can give you a specific example, even if you don't agree with it, it can help you understand what he wants from your relationship. Knowing what he wants will give you clarity about your ability or willingness to fulfill your boyfriend's demands
- Don't roll your eyes or interrupt when he's talking. Let him vent before you respond. His words may sound hurtful; You may not agree to it, but let him get it out of the way first.
Part 3 of 3: Finding the Solution
Step 1. Make possible solutions together
When you have discussed the problem at hand, work together to determine a solution.
-
If he says he's ignoring you because he's uncomfortable with the attention you're giving him, ask for specific examples of what you do and make him feel that way.
Maybe he doesn't like it when you call him three times a day: at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Maybe you both agree to texts at breakfast and a quick call after dinner each day
Step 2. Don't force a solution
Sometimes it's better to take a break when emotions are running high, and come back to the argument at another time, especially if you've been fighting for several hours.
If you feel like the conversation is going round and round and getting nothing out of it, this might be a good time to take a break. Maybe you won't be able to see each other for two days, and you might want to get it over with right now. That desire is perfectly normal, but the conversation you're having will do nothing if you're both so tired of arguing that it's hard to think straight
Step 3. Understand that one solution is to break up
Chances are, if you're worried about a situation where your boyfriend is ignoring you, you'll want to keep the relationship going. If the problem at hand doesn't stem from your perception or something personal he's dealing with, and if he's completely ignoring you because he's mad at you, you should reconsider whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to see you. hurt rather than say the difficulties and problems.
Tips
- If you find that your boyfriend is often ignoring you and this has been happening in a pattern, you might want to consider whether the relationship is worth keeping. You may be in a relationship that is restrictive and manipulative.
- Keep in mind that he may be in a difficult situation that has nothing to do with you. He may be avoiding you because he doesn't know how to talk to you or anyone else about his problems. Try not to get angry until you hear the whole story.
