When a teenager finds himself pregnant and about to have a child, the situation becomes very difficult for everyone involved. It is important for everyone to realize that pregnancy can be managed, as long as the decisions made have been carefully thought out. The best thing to do is to think through all the possible options and discuss them with someone who can help. Whether you're going to be a mom in your teens, or you have a teen who's pregnant, there are coping methods you can put into practice to help you get through this difficult time.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Handling Your Own Teen Pregnancy
Step 1. Visit a pregnancy care clinic
Such clinics provide services related to pregnancy, such as pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, information about pregnancy, sex education, and post-abortion support. Clinics usually keep the patient's identity confidential and can help you plan.
Do an internet search to find such a clinic in your area of residence
Step 2. Confirm pregnancy once you feel the signs of pregnancy
Home pregnancy tests are very accurate, but it is best to confirm pregnancy with a doctor. Make an appointment with a gynecologist to do tests at the doctor's office. Your doctor will also tell you how long your pregnancy is, and what options are available.
Pregnancy care clinics may offer a free/cheap pregnancy test to confirm your pregnancy
Step 3. Tell your parents
Telling your parents is probably one of the hardest things to do after finding out you're pregnant. The prospect looks really scary because you don't know how they will react when they hear the news. Don't let this fear keep you from telling them. The sooner they find out, the better. The best way to do this is to be direct and honest. Here are some ways to start a conversation:
“Father, Mother, I want to talk about something important. I'm pregnant and I need help." After you break the news, answer all the questions they ask honestly
Step 4. Be prepared for a variety of reactions
When your parents hear the news, you will face their spontaneous reactions. If your parents have a negative reaction, remember that it's normal. They may get angry or react emotionally at first, but over time, they will handle it better.
Remember, they will hear this news for the first time, right in front of you. They didn't get a chance to prepare themselves for their initial reaction
Step 5. Build a support system
Enlist the support of a parent, family member, or student counselor at the school. It can be very difficult to share information like this, but it's important to tell those closest to you as soon as possible. No matter what decision you make for the future of this pregnancy, enlist the help of others to resolve this issue.
Step 6. Tell the baby's father
Don't think that you have to shoulder the responsibility of the pregnancy alone. It is important to involve the baby's father and parents. Whether you decide to continue the pregnancy or not, you can get emotional, or financial help from the father.
Step 7. Do your research to find out what options you have
Once you find out that you are pregnant, decide how you will handle the pregnancy. Sit down and have a serious conversation with the baby's father and the people who are helping you. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each method. In the end, the decision is yours, and don't let anyone pressure you.
- If you decide you won't be able to raise the child, you should ask your doctor or counselor for help with what the next steps are, whether it's a possible adoption or an abortion.
- Abortion must be done during a certain gestational age. Your doctor will tell you if abortion is the right choice if you decide that's what you want. Be aware that abortion can be a traumatic experience. In addition, in some countries abortion is considered illegal. Ask someone to come along so you have emotional support or you can seek counseling to help with the decision.
- If adoption is your preferred option, remember that the baby's father must give his consent. Look for information about adoption agencies that can help you through the process
Step 8. Ask for advice
There are many decisions to be made regarding the arrival of this new baby, and the most sensible course of action is to listen to the experiences of someone who has gone through the same thing. Ask trusted adults, nurses, and midwives for opinions and listen to what they have to say. Ask them about the various birthing options, their costs, and what you will face. This information will help you decide what is best for you.
Method 2 of 3: Being a Supportive Parent for a Pregnant Teen
Step 1. Remember that it's natural to feel shaken
You will feel various emotions when you find out that your teenage daughter is pregnant. Your mind will be filled with difficulties that your family has to deal with and that can be scary. Go ahead if you want to be angry, but don't do it in front of your daughter.
Contact a family member or friend who can help you deal with the initial shock of hearing the news. Ask them to help you talk to your daughter
Step 2. Show your support
Even if you feel angry and irritated, remember that your daughter may feel very scared and alone. He just needs you by his side even more during these difficult times. You should try to stay relaxed, both emotionally and physically, during this period of pregnancy for the sake of your daughter's health. Try not to embarrass your daughter about being pregnant. It won't change what happened, and will only make the situation worse. Here are some things you can say to your daughter after hearing the news:
- "Now tell us when you found out, and who the baby's father is, so we can think about what to do next."
- "I need time to think about my next steps."
- "We will think together what to do. Everything will be fine."
Step 3. Ask your daughter what she would like to do
You may want to intervene and make decisions as an adult, but you should listen and respect your daughter's wishes. It's important to make your daughter feel comfortable with her decision. You can still support him, even if you don't agree with his choice.
- Ask your daughter, “What does your little heart say?” or “What is the most comfortable option for you?”
- Find a counselor who can help you and your daughter make decisions together. The presence of a counselor can facilitate the conversation so that it continues in a constructive manner without biased perspectives.
Step 4. Give your daughter some advice and help her explore all the options
While you shouldn't insist on personal views, guide your daughter to access available resources and service centers. It is important that you help your beloved daughter make the best decisions, without too much influence on what she decides.
Study all the possible options and scenarios, while identifying the advantages and disadvantages of each for your daughter. That way, your opinion will be heard while also giving your daughter the opportunity to get all the information she needs before making her own decision
Step 5. Focus on the future
Hearing the news that your teenage daughter is pregnant can be devastating. You may wonder why this is happening, or be terrified about the consequences. It is important for you to remember that having a baby is a beautiful experience, and pregnancy is nothing to be ashamed of. Even though all of this is unexpected, and brings a lot of trouble, you should concentrate on the future and not dwell on the past.
Teenagers make mistakes and need to learn from those mistakes. At this crucial point, your daughter needs your support and guidance more than usual
Step 6. Teach your daughter skills to be independent
While you may still need to provide financial, emotional support, and good parenting advice, you should also teach them to be independent adults. Don't always be the one making doctor's appointments, preparing dinner, or doing the laundry. Make sure your daughter is ready to take care of not only herself, but the baby as well.
Let your daughter make her next doctor's appointment, and have her read a book about babies to help her prepare for motherhood
Step 7. Understand your position and role in your daughter's life
When the baby is born, you may instinctively want to act as the parent. However, it is important that you maintain the role of grandparent, and allow your daughter to act as the primary caregiver. Your daughter must learn to rely on herself.
Step 8. Demonstrate an active role in your daughter's medical care during pregnancy
You have to make sure she gets prenatal care to ensure a healthy delivery and baby.
- Accompany your daughter during her regular prenatal checkups and provide her with support throughout this journey.
- Make sure your daughter starts taking prenatal vitamins once you find out about her pregnancy.
Step 9. Consider adoption options with your daughter
If your daughter decides not to raise her baby, and wants to put her up for adoption, help her through the process. Remember that the baby is her responsibility, and the most important thing you can do is support her decision. She still has to go through the pregnancy, and must stay physically and emotionally healthy.
- Adoption may be a good option for teens who are not ready to raise children.
- Seek support for your daughter, who can help her through the emotional and distressing adoption process.
Step 10. Support your daughter during the abortion process
If she decides abortion is the best option for her, it's important that you stay by her side. Abortion can be a traumatic experience, not only during the procedure, but also after. Your daughter will need your love and support. However, first make sure the law in your country legalizes the abortion process.
Be sure to talk to your daughter after the procedure, to make sure she's okay
Step 11. Find support for yourself
You may not be able to support your daughter if you don't have the appropriate support. Find someone you can talk to, and who can offer advice so you can think clearly when helping your daughters and grandchildren.
You could talk to a friend, family member, or maybe a therapist. Just find someone you can trust and with whom you can open up
Method 3 of 3: Planning for the Future
Step 1. In developed countries, the government provides programs that can provide assistance to pay for medical expenses, food and everything related to babies
Unfortunately, such a program does not yet exist in Indonesia. So, you have to bear the costs yourself during pregnancy and childbirth.
However, you can try contacting the RSCM Integrated Crisis Center (PKT), which provides services for medical, psychological, and legal issues to Temporary Shelter Houses
Step 2. Don't feel obligated to get married
Having a baby doesn't mean you have to marry the baby's father. Before making a decision to live with him, or get married, talk to his family and ask for their opinion. They will help you make the best decision for you and your baby.
- Children raised in a loveless and hateful marriage can be dangerous for their emotional development.
- You and the father can decide to raise the baby together, without getting married. This is called co-parenting, and it allows both of you to design a system that meets both you and your baby's needs.
Step 3. Set goals for your future
Dreams you once had for the future may have to be put on hold, or change a little, but not go away. The dream should remain a goal that you must strive for. Whether you're trying to continue your education, get a job, or attend a vocational school, talk to your parents and see how your future plans are now.
Complete your high school education. Having an education will help you become independent and allow you to support your child
Step 4. Be prepared for change
If you decide to raise your child, understand how your life will change. You must prepare yourself financially, mentally, and socially for a newborn. You will experience many new changes to learn, such as child care, and will have to take responsibility for them. The Integrated Crisis Center can help you plan for the future. So when the baby is born, you are ready.
- The CCP will tell you how much time you have to spend with your baby, and how much you have to spend on baby care each week.
- The more comprehensive the plan you make for the baby, the better it will be for both of you.
Step 5. Receive emotional support
If you decide to raise the child, consider seeing a therapist, who will help you through this time. Whatever your choice, whether to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption, you may experience great emotional loss. It is important to understand that you will be going through some tough times for a while, but with help and support, you will be able to get through all of this.
Tips
- If the baby's father doesn't want to be involved, you can still ask him to provide child support.
- Consider and study all the available options. Think about the advantages and disadvantages of all the options and choose the one that works best for you.
- If you are asked to be the father of the baby in the case of a teenage pregnancy, make sure you clear all doubts and undergo a DNA test before including your name on the child's birth certificate. In Indonesia, a child born out of wedlock has a civil relationship with his mother and his mother's family and with a man who can be proven to be the father (eg by DNA testing or a valid written statement). To include the father's name in the birth certificate of a child out of wedlock, a court order is required as a form of recognition of the child by the father. According to the regulations, the father must provide support for the child until he is an adult and able to take care of himself. So even if you're sure it's your baby, it doesn't hurt to have a DNA test to be sure.
- You can find support groups for young mothers online.
