The division of household tasks is often a trigger for disputes between husband and wife. Often, one party feels that they handle the majority of household chores without the help of their partner. This can lead to anger and strife. Having a clear plan before asking your husband for help with housework will help you avoid disputes and especially household chores can be completed efficiently and pleasantly for both parties.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Husband
Step 1. Define things to do
Make a list of weekly jobs and who is working on them now. In order to determine the division of tasks, overcome the problem of husbands who neglect to do household chores. What's more, properly identifying tasks can help both of you see what is included in household chores. Generally this includes:
- Tidy up the whole house
- Laundry (washing, ironing, folding and storing)
- Shopping, including going to shops
- Cooking, washing kitchen furniture
- Paying bills and sorting them out
- Cleaning the garden and taking care of it
- Taking children to places of activities outside of school, medical treatment, etc.
- Taking care of pets, including doing grooming, seeing the vet, feeding, etc.
Step 2. Make an appointment with your husband to discuss household chores
Pick a date after a fun day or weekend––avoid doing it after a fight or when your husband's attention is on something else. Bring a bottle of wine, get away from the kids (and the television), and bring a to-do list.
- Don't mention helping with household chores in times of conflict or tension; You will not get the help you want and deserve.
- Avoid treating your husband like a child or being overly controlling. This will only end in disagreement and nothing will change. Also avoid highlighting your hard work; this will only make you angry and your partner will only admit that you do a lot of things half-heartedly.
Step 3. Start the conversation by telling your husband that you appreciate his efforts to help with household and family matters
Mention the work he has done and tell how much he contributed to helping the family life run well. Then tell him that since you're overdoing your job, you'd be very happy if he'd be willing to help.
- Show him the to-do list so he can see how many household tasks are in writing.
- Convey that his contribution helps you save energy and can give your family the opportunity to work together on household chores instead of waiting for you to complete these tasks alone.
- Avoid yelling at your husband. No one responds well to being shouted at. If you feel scolded, your husband may withdraw.
Step 4. Be assertive
Taking care of the house is a shared responsibility. Don't hesitate to ask for help on tasks that you find overwhelming.
- If your husband refuses, be patient. You have to compromise at first. Pick two or three tasks that you want him to do and start with them.
- Let your husband know if you think some tasks can be done more effectively or quickly with his skills or character.
Part 2 of 3: Dividing Housework
Step 1. Group light, medium, and heavy tasks
Determine the weight of the task based on the time to do it, the level of difficulty, and how often to do it. For example, cleaning the floor is a tough task because it requires you to mop, sweep, polish the floor, etc.
While making a list, think of things that can make the job easier. For example, can the vacuum cleaner be replaced with a more sophisticated one or switch to a better detergent? This would be a proper task for the husband. Make him feel proud because he bought an item that really helped ease the work compared to the old tool
Step 2. Ask your husband to go through the list you made and choose a task to do
Encourage him to choose light tasks and some more complex tasks, so that household chores can be divided equally. If your husband doesn't have the experience or knowledge of doing a somewhat strenuous task, set aside time to teach him.
Step 3. Recognize and learn from each other's strengths
Part of the discussion about the division of labor is to discuss the advantages of each. Some tasks may feel lighter or heavier to one party based on ability and temperament. This is also a good opportunity to talk about each other's strengths so that in the future both of you will feel more comfortable doing household chores in a week.
- Make a list of the jobs you are good at and compare it to your husband's list.
- Make a list of tasks you don't like and hope your husband can do them.
- Solve problems together. If there's a task that you both don't like, discuss strategies for dealing with it easily. Perhaps the task can be done together.
- Set aside time to teach each other specific tasks. If your husband does the dishes differently than you do, ask him to show you. Act like a student and want to see the positive side of doing things differently. It's your turn to teach your husband to do the tasks you're good at. Ask your husband to listen and participate before asking questions or making suggestions.
- Want to hear. Don't interrupt your husband when he shows you how it works. Open minded. Ask your husband to do the same for you.
Step 4. Switch tasks
One of the reasons people dislike household chores is that they are very boring. If there's a task that you both don't like, try taking turns doing it for a few days or weeks. For example, this week you do the dishes and your husband does the clothes, then next week you switch tasks. This method increases the sense of sharing responsibility while avoiding the boredom of doing the same task every day.
Step 5. Give encouragement and recognition for your husband's work
Rest assured that the husband has done the household chores as well as possible. Willing to accept the fact that even if the husband completes his duties in a different way, he can still be able to do it effectively. If there's work you need or want to do in a special way, consider doing it yourself.
Part 3 of 3: Work as a Team and Stay Motivated
Step 1. Tell your husband how you complete a task and when
Don't say that he has to complete the task in a certain way and in a certain time, but explain how it worked for you.
- Avoid giving orders. Try to view this as an opportunity to share your views instead of giving orders to your partner as if they are incompetent or lazy. Instead of saying, "Make sure you do it this way," say, "I love doing it this way. This method gives the best results.”
- Open to suggestions. Use "you" in asking. “Do you have any suggestions for doing it better?” “What do you think if you do it like this?”
Step 2. Set aside one day a week when the two of you can complete household chores together and relax afterwards
Saturday morning can be a good time if there are no other appointments as it is the start of the weekend. Another option is to pick a time that suits you and the two of you can do household chores together.
- Prepare dinner together. This is a great way to talk about your day and you can both try a new recipe once a week.
- Let your husband wash the dishes while you dry them. Or, you do the dishes and your husband puts them in the dryer.
- Play music or podcasts while cleaning the living room. You can do things that create a relaxed or happy atmosphere while working so that the task does not feel boring but becomes an activity that strengthens you and your husband.
- You two are a team. Imagine that you and your husband are a team and household chores are a game that you both have to win. Record team scores. Reward yourself with half an hour watching TV or a glass of wine after completing all the tasks.
Step 3. Make a house cleaning plan in advance
Prepare your husband's mental and mood to be ready to clean the house on the weekend. Do it together and schedule time so the whole family doesn't just clean the house on the weekends. The goal is to get the husband involved. If it's too much, he may not want to do it again. Start small.
- Make a list of tasks and when they need to be completed.
- Plan other activities such as sightseeing or reading for the day so that it doesn't feel boring just doing household chores.
Step 4. Create a reward system
This goes both ways. Try changing tasks and rewards. Whoever cleans the bathroom this week has the right to choose which movie to watch tonight. Those who clean the fridge have the right to get a back massage before going to bed.
Step 5. Get in the habit of thanking each other for each other's efforts in doing a good job
Husband and wife play a role in creating a harmonious home so you both need to express it to each other from time to time. The more you express appreciation for your partner, the more it becomes a good habit.
- Thank your partner by mentioning the task. “Thank you for mopping the kitchen floor. It looks so clean!” This can be done with the tasks he does every week.
- Tell your husband, you really appreciate the thank you.
- Thank each other for doing the extra work. No matter how hard you try, there will be busy weeks in the family and one will do more work than the other. This is part of being a partner in a relationship. Make sure you say thank you when you see your partner doing more to lighten your load. Be willing to do the same.
Step 6. Remind yourself that it takes time to change
Be flexible and patient. It takes time to change old routines and habits, especially if one is used to being relied on to keep the house tidy. It may take a lot of reprimand and persuasion, but keep trying until it becomes a habit in your household. And keep judgment; spouses can make mistakes, and so can you. Remind carefully about the promise of the husband if he does not keep it.
